Plains of Passage (105 page)

Then, in a flat area of fine dry soil surrounded by wool pads, he made a mark with the bone knife. Suddenly, Ayla understood what the bone implement was. The Mamutoi had used a similar tool to make marks in the dirt, to keep track of scores and gambling counts, to plan hunting strategies, and as a storytelling knife, drawing pictures as illustrations. As Losaduna continued making marks, Ayla realized he was using the knife to help tell a story, but not one meant simply to entertain. He told it in the chanting singsong that he had used to make his plea, drawing birds to emphasize and reinforce the points he wanted to stress. Ayla soon realized that the story was an allegorical retelling of the attack on Madenia, using birds as the characters.

The young woman was definitely responding now, identifying with the young female bird he was telling about, and suddenly, with a loud sob, she began to cry. With the flat side of the drawing knife, the One Who Served the Mother wiped out the whole scene.

“It is gone! It never happened,” he said, then drew only a picture of the young bird. “She is whole again, just as she was in the beginning. With the help of the Mother, that’s what will happen to you, Madenia. It will be gone, as though it never happened.”

A minty aroma with a familiar pungency that Ayla couldn’t quite place began to fill the steamy tent. Losaduna checked the steaming water on the coal, then dipped out a cupful. “Drink this,” he said.

Madenia was caught off guard, and before she could think, or object, she downed the liquid. He scooped out another cup for Ayla and took one for himself. Then he got up and led them to the pool.

Losaduna moved into the steaming water slowly, but without hesitation. Madenia followed him and, without thinking, Ayla followed her. But when she put her foot in the water, she yanked it out again. It was hot! This water is nearly hot enough to cook with, she thought. Only by great concentration of will did she force herself to put her foot back in the water, but she stood there for some time before she could make herself take another step. Ayla had often bathed or swum in the cold waters of rivers, streams, and pools, even water so cold she broke through a film of ice, and she had washed with water warmed by a fire, but she had never stepped into hot water before.

Though Losaduna led them into the pool slowly, to allow them to get used to the heat, it took Ayla much longer to reach the stone seats. But as she went in deeper, she felt a soothing warmth penetrate. When she sat down, and the water reached her chin, she began to relax. It wasn’t so bad, once you got used to it, she thought. The heat felt good, in fact.

Once they were settled and accustomed to the water, Losaduna instructed Ayla to hold her breath and dip her head under the water. When she came up, smiling, he told Madenia to do the same. Then he submerged himself and led them out of the pool.

He walked to the draped entrance and picked up a wooden bowl that was just inside. Mounded in the bowl was a thick, pale yellowish material that resembled heavy foam. Losaduna put the bowl down in an area that was paved with close-fitting flat stones. He dipped in, took a handful of the foam, and smoothed it over his body, telling Ayla to do the same to Madenia and then herself, and not to forget their hair.

The man chanted without words while he rubbed himself with the soft slippery stuff, but Ayla had the feeling that his chanting was not so much ritual as an expression of enjoyment. She was feeling a little lightheaded, and she wondered if it might be from the decoction they had drunk.

When they were through, and had used all of the sudsy foam, Losaduna picked up the wooden bowl, walked to the pool and filled it with water, then walked back to the stone-paved area and poured it over himself, rinsing the foam away. He poured two more bowlfuls of water on himself, then brought more and poured it over Madenia,
and then Ayla. The water ran off away from the pool and between the cracks of the paving stones. Then the One Who Served the Mother led them back to the hot pool, chanting wordlessly again.

As they sat and soaked, almost floating in the mineralized water, Ayla felt completely relaxed. The hot pool reminded her of the Mamutoi sweat baths, but was, perhaps, even better. When Losaduna decided they had had enough, he reached down into the deep end of the pool and removed a wooden stopper. As the water began to run out of the deep outlet trench, the man began to shout, which shocked her for a moment.

“Evil spirits, go! Cleansing waters of the Mother, take away all traces of the touch of Charoli and all of his men. Impurities, run out with the water, leave this place. When this water is gone, Madenia will be cleansed, purified. The powers of the Mother have made her as she was before!” They walked out of the water.

Not stopping for their clothes, Losaduna led them out. They were so warm from the hot water that the cold wind and the freezing ground on their bare skin felt refreshing. The few people who were out ignored them or turned their heads aside as they passed. With an unpleasant feeling, Ayla was suddenly reminded of another time when people looked directly at her but refused to see her. But this wasn’t like being cursed by the Clan. She could tell that the people really did see them. They just affected not to, more as a courtesy than a curse. The walk cooled them down quickly, and by the time they reached the ceremonial shelter, they were happy to find soft dry blankets to wrap themselves in and hot mint tea.

Ayla looked at her hands curved around the cup. They were wrinkled, but absolutely clean! When she began to comb her hair with an implement with several teeth made of bone, she noticed that her hair squeaked when she pulled it through her fingers.

“What was that soft, slippery foam?” she asked. “It cleans like soaproot, but much more thoroughly.”

“Solandia makes it,” Losaduna said. “It has something to do with wood ashes and fat, but you’ll have to ask her.”

When she finished her own, Ayla began to comb Madenia’s hair. “How do you make the water so hot?”

The man smiled. “That’s a Gift of the Mother to the Losadunai. There are several hot springs in this region. Some are used by anyone, any time, but some are more sacred. We consider this one to be the center, the one from which the others come, so it is the most sacred of all. It makes this Cave especially honored. That’s why it’s so hard for anyone to leave, but our cave is getting so crowded that a group of
young people are thinking of founding a new Cave. There is a place downstream and across the river they would like, but that’s flathead territory, or very close to it, so they haven’t decided what they will do.”

Ayla nodded, feeling so warm and relaxed that she didn’t want to move. She noticed that Madenia was more relaxed, too, not as stiff and withdrawn. “What a wonderful Gift that heated water is!” Ayla said.

“It’s important that we learn to appreciate all the Mother’s Gifts,” the man said, “but especially her Gift of Pleasure.”

Madenia stiffened. “Her Gift is a lie! It is no pleasure, only pain!” It was the first time she had actually spoken. “No matter how I begged them, they wouldn’t stop. They just laughed, and when one got through, another started! I wanted to die,” she said, then heaved a sob.

Ayla got up, went over to the girl, and held her. “It was my first time, and they wouldn’t stop! They wouldn’t stop,” Madenia cried over and over. “No man will ever touch me again!”

“You have a right to be angry. You have a right to cry. It was a terrible thing they did to you. I know how you feel,” Ayla said.

The young woman pulled away. “How do you know how I feel?” she said, full of bitterness and anger.

“Once it was pain and humiliation for me, too,” Ayla said.

The young woman looked surprised, but Losaduna nodded, as though he suddenly understood something.

“Madenia,” Ayla said gently, “when I was near your age, a little younger I think, but not long after I started my moon time, I was forced, too. It was my first time. I didn’t know it was meant for Pleasure. For me it was only pain.”

“But only one man?” Madenia said.

“Only one man, but he demanded it of me many times after that, and I hated it!” Ayla said, surprised herself at the anger she still felt.

“Many times? Even after being forced the first time? Why didn’t someone stop him?” Madenia said.

“They believed it was his right. They thought I was wrong for feeling such anger and hatred, and they didn’t understand why I should feel pain. I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. After a while, I felt no pain, but no Pleasure either. It was not done for Pleasure. It was done to humiliate me, and I never stopped hating it. But … I stopped caring. Something wonderful happened, and no matter what he did, I thought about something else, something happy, and I ignored him. When he couldn’t make me feel anything, not even anger, I think he felt humiliated, and he finally stopped. But I didn’t ever want a man to touch me again.”

“No man will ever touch me again!” Madenia said.

“All men are not like Charoli and his band, Madenia. Some are like
Jondalar. He was the one who taught me the joy and the Pleasure of the Mother’s Gift, and I promise you, it is a wonderful Gift. Give yourself a chance to meet a man like Jondalar, and you will learn the joy, too.”

Madenia shook her head. “No! No! It is terrible!”

“I know it was terrible. Even the best Gifts can be misused, and the good turned to evil. But someday you will want to be a mother, and you will never be a mother, Madenia, if you don’t share the Mother’s Gift with a man,” Ayla said.

Madenia was crying, her face wet with tears. “Don’t say that. I don’t want to hear that.”

“I know you don’t, but it’s true. Don’t let Charoli spoil the good for you. Don’t let him take away your chance to be a mother. Have your First Rites so you can learn that it doesn’t have to be terrible. I finally learned, though there was no gathering and no ceremony to celebrate it. The Mother found a way to give me that joy She sent me Jondalar. The Gift is more than Pleasures, Madenia, much more, if it is shared with caring, and love. If the pain I had the first time was the price I had to pay, I would gladly pay it many times for the love I have known. You have suffered so much, maybe the Mother will give you someone special, too, if you give Her a chance. Just think about it, Madenia. Don’t say no until you think about it.”

   Ayla woke up feeling more rested and refreshed than she could ever remember. She smiled lazily to herself and reached for Jondalar, but he was up and gone already. She felt a moment of disappointment, then remembered that he had awakened her to remind her that he was going hunting with Laduni and some of the hunters, and to ask her again if she wanted to join them. She had declined the same offer made the evening before because she had other plans for the day, and she had stayed in bed enjoying the rare luxury of snuggling back into the warm furs.

This time she decided to get up. She stretched and ran her hands through her hair, delighting in the silky softness of it. Solandia had promised to tell her how to make the foamy lather that made her feel so clean and her hair so soft.

Breakfast was the same food they’d eaten ever since they arrived, a broth with reconstituted pieces of a dried freshwater fish, netted earlier in the year from the Great Mother River.

Jondalar had told her that the Cave was low on supplies, which was why they were going hunting, though it wasn’t meat or fish that most people craved. They weren’t starving, or even lacking food—they had enough to eat—but it was so close to the end of winter that the variety was limited. Everyone was tired of dried meat and dried fish. Even
fresh meat would be a change, though it wouldn’t satisfy completely. They were hungry for the greens and shoots of vegetables, and new fruits, the first products of spring. Ayla had made a foray into the area around the cave, but the Losadunai had been out all season and it was picked clean. They still had a reasonable supply of fat left, which kept them from protein starvation and supplied enough calories to keep them healthy, though it was usually added to the soups that were made for later meals.

The feast that was to be part of the Mother Ceremony the next day would be a limited one. Ayla had already decided to contribute the last of her salt, and some other herbs to season and add flavor as well as valuable nutrients; the vitamins and minerals their bodies needed, which was the primary cause of the cravings. Solandia had shown her the small supply of fermented beverages, mostly birch beer, that she said would make the occasion festive.

The woman would also be using some of her stored fat to make a new batch of soap. When Ayla voiced her concern that they would be using necessary food, Solandia said Losaduna liked to use it for ceremonies, and she claimed their soap supply was almost exhausted. While the older woman tended to her children and got everything ready, Ayla went out with Wolf to check on Whinney and Racer and spend some time with them.

Solandia went to the large opening of the cave to tell Ayla she was ready, but she stood at the mouth for a while and watched the visitor. Ayla had just returned from a gallop across the field and was laughing and playing with the animals. It occurred to the older woman, from the way Ayla behaved toward them, that the animals were like her children.

Some of the youngsters of the Cave were watching, too, including a couple of her own. They were shouting and calling to Wolf, who looked back at Ayla, obviously eager to join them but waiting for her approval. Ayla saw the woman standing at the mouth of the cave and hurried to her.

“I was hoping Wolf could keep the baby entertained,” Solandia said. “Verdegia and Madenia are coming over to help, but the process takes concentration.”

“Oh, Mother!” the eldest girl, Dosalia, said. She was one who had been trying to entice the wolf to come. “The baby always gets to play with him.”

“Well, if you want to watch the baby instead…”

The girl frowned; then she smiled. “Can we take him outside? It’s not blowing, and I’ll dress him warm.”

“I guess you can,” Solandia said.

Ayla looked down at the wolf who was looking up at her expectantly. “Watch the baby, Wolf,” she said. He yipped, seemingly in response.