Plain Pursuit (29 page)

“Wait, Carley,” Samuel said. She turned around to see Samuel’s eyes locked with Esther’s.

“What?” she asked.

Esther nodded her head, and Samuel glanced toward Carley. “I will go to Noah’s clinic.”

“Are you a plumber? And how will you get there?” Carley crossed her arms across her chest.

“I am handy in that area. And it is a Saturday, which will make it
hatt
to find help. Barbie Beiler just brought Lillian to the hospital, but she said she was heading back to Paradise soon. I will ask her to take me.”

Carley took a few steps back into the room. “A friend of his, Dana, is there right now with a glass repairman. I don’t know how long she’ll be there.” She dug in her purse for the other key to the clinic. Thankfully, Noah had given her two, one of which she had given to Dana. “Here’s the key.” She pushed it in his direction, skeptical that he would actually take it and go. But he did.

Once he left the room, Carley took a seat in the chair next to the bed. Esther was still standing.

“I will go sit with David a spell,” Esther said. “You will call for me if there is change, no?”

“Of course.”

Carley just wanted to sit quietly for a while with Noah.

The place Samuel remembered to be Stonewall Insurance now had a new glass window with the name Stoltzfus Clinic.

“I can come back in about an hour to pick you up, Samuel,” Barbie offered as Samuel got out of the car. “Are you going back to the hospital tonight?”

“No. Lillian is staying tonight. I can walk home from here.
Danki
, though.”

Barbie waved and left. As Samuel put the key in the lock, he couldn’t help but think how convenient it would be to have a clinic so close to home. All the community could travel by buggy, and some—such as himself—were actually close enough to walk.

But it was Noah’s clinic. And his mind was all messed up where Noah was concerned. He had been praying hard about it. He had harbored so much anger toward his brother over the years, it was hard to get things straight in his head.

Samuel had never gone up against the bishop before. He knew Bishop Ebersol would have words with the elders about the matter. But Noah’s kidney had saved his son’s life. And Noah was in a coma. It was just a terrible mess. Tonight he would look for Noah’s letter again. During these troubled times, it seemed more important than ever to find it.

Samuel blew out a breath and waved his hand in front of his face.
“Schtinkich!”
Then he clamped his nose and made his way toward the horrible smell, glad to see a supply of tools in the hallway. He picked up the square box and headed to the source of the problem—the bathroom in the back of the building.

Carley was sitting by Noah’s side watching the news when Lillian walked in later that afternoon.

“I miss television sometimes,” Lillian said as she entered the room and glanced at the TV suspended from the wall. She took a seat in the other chair by Noah’s bed. “Still nothing?”

“No,” Carley whispered, watching Noah intently.

“I’m glad Samuel went to see if he can find whatever is causing the smell at Noah’s clinic.”

“Me too.” Carley paused. “I was a little surprised he offered.”

“Samuel is a
gut
man. This is all just very confusing for him. But it is right for him to go.” Lillian folded her hands in her lap. “David’s asking about Noah. We just keep telling him that he’s sleeping. We don’t want to lie. But that is the truth, no?”

“I suppose so,” Carley answered. “The doctor came in earlier. They’re stumped.”

“Esther is as confused as Samuel about all this. Noah is her son, but when a shunning occurs—there is just no turning back unless the person shunned redeems himself by rejoining the faith.” Lillian shook her head. “But these are unusual circumstances, to say the least.”

“To say the least,” Carley echoed, her eyes focused on Noah.

“You care about him, don’t you?” Lillian smiled slightly in Carley’s direction.

“I think Noah, too, is a good man.” She pulled her eyes away from Noah and turned toward Lillian. “Do you know that when he moved back here a couple of months ago, he moved his friend’s two daughters here with him? Their mother had been raising the girls on her own following the death of his friend. Then she was killed, leaving a nineteen-year-old and a five-year-old with no one. Noah takes care of both the girls. He even bought them a little house.”

“He does sound like a
gut
man,” Lillian said. “I wish things were different for him and Samuel.”

“So
do I. Maybe after this, things will change.”

Maybe Lillian didn’t think so, because she changed the subject. “Your flight is next week, no?”

“My flight is scheduled for next week, but, Lillian, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay. I want to help you, and I don’t want to leave—”

“You don’t want to leave Noah,” Lillian interrupted.

“I don’t want to leave any of you right now.” Carley rested her head between her hands. “The truth is, being here—helping you and your family, helping with Noah—seems to be helping me get past some of my own troubles. I don’t think I have the kind of connection with God that you have, but I need to find some sort of peace about everything that’s happened over the past six months.”

Lillian’s eyes shone with warmth. “Carley, I can remember feeling the way you do before I came to Lancaster County. In some ways, I think I felt unworthy to open my heart to God. I just didn’t understand or have a relationship with Him. After many misguided attempts to connect, as you say, I realized I had been connected the entire time. Just like a light switch, you can turn it off or on—but the electricity is still live all the time. It’s the same with God. He’s always there. Does that make sense?”

“Funny you would use a comparison with electricity.”

“I guess it is, but it’s the best I could come up with.” Lillian smiled. “Anyone can open their heart to God, accept Him and His will. The Amish don’t have some secret connection with God, any more than a priest or other member of clergy. God is here for all of us. I’m so blessed to be a daughter of the promise.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s when a woman takes a spiritual journey of faith, hope, and love, promising to trust in God. Then she’s a daughter of the promise.”

Carley pondered that for a moment. “I guess I just feel let down by God.”

“Because of your mother?”

“Partly.” Carley turned away from Lillian and looked toward the wall. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to spill about her inability to have children. “And I . . .”

“What, Carley?” Lillian reached across Noah and touched Carley’s hand, which was resting on Noah’s arm.

“I care for Noah,” Carley began, “but staying would never be an option for me, even if things progressed into something more than a friendship.”

“Because of your job? Or maybe because your brother is in Houston?” Lillian pulled her hand away. “Or because of what’s going on between Noah and Samuel? Carley, don’t let that stop you from making decisions that might be best for you—”

“No, no. It’s not that. I like my job, but it’s just a job. And my brother has his own family. Actually, I would like to get away from there—to start fresh. After Dalton and I broke up, I toyed with the idea of moving away. My brother hovers. I love him dearly, but he drives me crazy sometimes.”

“Start fresh here!” Lillian said.

“As much as I would like to, I can’t. Even if Noah might have been harboring thoughts of more than a friendship with me, I just can’t. Oh, Lillian. What if he doesn’t wake up?”

“He will. I know he will, Carley.” She smiled. “And then the two of you will see if something is happening between you.”

Carley shook her head. “It will never happen, Lillian.”

“Don’t say that! Stay! It would be
wunderbaar gut
to have you close by.”

Carley continued to shake her head. “I can’t believe we’re even discussing this while Noah’s lying here in a coma.” She raised her chin a little higher, determined not to cry. “There is nothing more important to Noah than family. He’d do just about anything to be reconciled with his. And he has mentioned on several occasions how much he wants children of his own.”

“Well, it looks as though the family might be moving in the right direction as far as renewing a relationship with Noah.” Lillian grinned. “Then you and Noah can get married and have lots of
boppli
!”

Carley flinched, grabbed her side, and took a deep breath.

Please stop, Lillian.

Lillian had leaned down to tie her shoe, unaware of the color draining from Carley’s face. “And over time, maybe things will be better between my Samuel and Noah. Can’t you just see it, Carley? Our children playing together. There’s nothing more rewarding in life than motherhood.” She tightened the knot on her other shoe.

Carley rose from the chair, walked across the room, and wrapped herself in a hug, keeping her face toward the wall. She stared at the textured white specks in front of her before closing her eyes tightly—as if that would prevent the images in her mind from taking shape.

“We’re so sorry, Carley,”
she recalled the doctor saying six months ago.

“How many children do you want? Samuel and I hope to have lots of children. At least three more, and . . .”

Carley didn’t hear the rest. Her head was pounding. She took a deep breath, attempted to blink back the tears threatening to spill, and grabbed her side again. With effort, she turned to face her friend.

Please, Lillian . . .

But Lillian was preoccupied with pouring herself a cup of water from the tray a nurse had brought them earlier—and still talking, her words cutting into Carley like a jagged piece of wood in her side. “I’m going to pray that you and Noah will fall in love and make a family, and—”

“Stop it! Just stop it!” Carley threw her hands to her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. “Noah and I will never have a family! It doesn’t matter how much I care for him, Lillian!”

She opened her eyes, the tears spilling down her cheeks. Lillian had dropped the small white cup on the floor. Splashes of water covered the orange chair cushion nearby. Carley trembled as she stared into Lillian’s eyes—eyes now glassy with questions. “I can’t have children, Lillian! A family is not in my future. So it doesn’t matter how Noah and I might feel about each other.” Between sobs, she gasped for a breath. “I would never pin him down with someone who couldn’t give him children.” She buried her face in her hands. “Someone incomplete like me.”

Lillian’s arms wrapped around her, and Carley buried her head in Lillian’s shoulder.

“Oh, Carley. I’m so sorry,” Lillian soothed.

Carley heard footsteps but didn’t look up. “Is everything all right in here?” She recognized the day nurse’s voice.

“Everything is fine.” Lillian’s response was curt. Carley heard the footsteps leaving the room.

Gently Lillian eased her away, keeping hold of her arms. “Carley, sweet Carley. You’ve been keeping this all bottled up. You should have told me. You shouldn’t have let me carry on like that. I’m so sorry.” Lillian hung her head.

“No, no,” Carley said, sniffling. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t know. The accident did a lot of internal damage. I’ll—” Her chin trembled and she fought to say the words. “I’ll never know the kind of love you’re talking about. And I’ve wanted children for as long as I can remember.”

Lillian eased Carley into the chair on one side of the bed, then took a seat in her own chair on the other side of the bed, ignoring the spilled water on the cushion. She reached across Noah and grabbed Carley’s hand. “Sometimes God has a plan for us that we can’t foresee.”

“I know, Lillian. And I’m trying to turn my bitterness about the
situation into something else. I pray about it. But I would never saddle a man with an infertile wife, especially someone like Noah who wants a family so badly.” She shook her head. “Dalton already taught me a lesson about that. Love isn’t enough. And I’m not saying I love Noah. I don’t know what I feel. But I know that he just has to wake up. I think he has so much to offer someone.” She looked down and began to cry again.