Plain Proposal (10 page)

He turned, took a few steps toward her.
“Ya?”

Miriam brushed loose strands of hair away from her face, then found Saul’s eyes. “Would you have come and talked to me?”

Saul lifted his eyes to hers. “No.”

Miriam’s heart thudded with disappointment, and she hung her head. A moment later Saul’s hand was gently lifting her chin until her eyes met his again. “I’m not good enough for you, Miriam Raber.” His finger brushed her cheek as he spoke in the raspy whisper that always sent her senses soaring.

She reached up, put her hand on his, then closed her eyes. “I think you are perfect for me, Saul Fisher.”

Saul prayed all the way home. He knew what he was doing was as wrong as it could be, but nothing had ever felt more right to him. Being around Miriam, actually talking to her, getting to know her— it made his heart flip in his chest. But getting too close to her would only hurt them both in the end. And poor Miriam was going into this blind. Saul knew he would leave in August for the
Englisch
world, forgoing baptism and a future here in Paradise. When he visited Pittsburgh a few months ago, he never could have imagined how that trip would change his life. He’d answered the ad for an apprentice chef with little hope of landing his dream job. But soon after his trip and meeting with the owner of the restaurant, the letter came. . .

He’d saved enough money, and his brothers were old enough to fend for themselves. He’d taught them as much as he could. At fifteen and thirteen, Ruben and James both knew how to prepare some basic meals, tend to the fields, and handle the tools in the barn. Ruben was turning out to be a fine carpenter, and now that James was graduated from school, Saul knew he would find his calling too.

He tried to ease his guilt through prayer. It was bad enough that he would be leaving his father and brothers, but now he would be leaving Miriam too. Their feelings for each other would only grow if they dated through the summer, setting them both up for heartache. But he’d worked so hard to save his money, and
Daed
was on the mend. Surely everyone would be all right when he left.

Miriam would go on to find someone who deserved her. She’d been raised to be the perfect Amish
fraa
, and some lucky man would win her heart after Saul was gone. He promised himself that he would not break her heart. They would have fun, enjoy each other, but not get too close. But if that was true, then why couldn’t he stop wishing he could just kiss her, hold her in his arms one time. . .

He pulled up his driveway. Ruben and James were sitting on the front porch, dangling their feet over the side. Ruben had his head in his hands, but James looked up when Saul pulled closer. His brother swiped at his eyes, and Saul knew immediately what was going on. This scene had played out a hundred times, but Saul thought they were past this. He walked across the yard and stood at the edge of the porch. Both his brothers locked eyes with him. Saul waited.

“It’s worse than ever before,” Ruben said as he stifled tears. “Go see for yourself.”

5

M
IRIAM’S MOTHER WAS MORE THAN A LITTLE MAD WHEN
Miriam showed up too late to help with supper.
Mamm
had barely spoken to her, and Miriam was relieved when it was time to head upstairs for bed.

“I hope I didn’t get you in trouble, Miriam. Are you not allowed to date?” Shelby fluffed the pillow behind her.

“
Ya
, I’m allowed to date.” Miriam ran her brush the length of her hair. “I just think
Mamm
would prefer that I date Jesse.” She rolled her eyes.

“Well, I gotta admit, I’m a little confused about that too. Jesse is so hot, and I could tell on our ride home how much he likes you. Your name came up in every conversation.”

Miriam put the brush in the drawer, then got comfy in her bed. “Jesse is very nice, and
ya
, he’s handsome. But Saul. . .” She smiled with recollections of their time alone sitting on the porch at the Zook farm. “He’s just special.”

Shelby sat up, hung her legs over the side of the bed, and faced Miriam. “He does seem nice, but. . .”

Miriam sat up, turned toward Shelby, and crossed her legs beneath her. “What is it?”

Her cousin looked down for a moment, then met eyes with Miriam. “Jesse said Saul is leaving here, that he’s not going to be baptized.” She paused. “And isn’t that what your brother said too?”

Miriam was tired of these rumors. “I don’t know why people are saying that. I’m sure it’s not true.” She leaned back on her palms. “Otherwise he wouldn’t have asked me out on a date for this Saturday night.”

“I take it this will be your first official date with him?” Shelby smiled.

“It will be my first official date with
anyone
.”

Shelby bolted upright. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Mirriam giggled. “You know, you say that a lot. But no, I’m not kidding. I’ve been waiting for Saul.” She wrapped herself in a hug. “He’s the one. I’ve always known that.”

Shelby reached for her pink book and pen on the nightstand. “I just wouldn’t want to see you get hurt.” Her cousin leaned over the side of the bed and reached into her purse. Miriam watched her retrieve a key, then twist it in the tiny lock. She dropped the silver ring that held the key back into her purse.

Miriam lit the lantern. “I won’t get hurt. Saul’s not going anywhere. He belongs here.” She smiled at Shelby as she leaned forward. “Here with
me
.”

“Just be careful. Guys can be total jerks, and just when you think you’ve found the right one, they go and break your heart.” Shelby opened the small book in her lap.

“Not Saul. He won’t break my heart.” Miriam hadn’t always been right about everything, but this was one thing she was sure of. She saw the way he looked into her eyes today. “I’m going to go to sleep. You should too. Tomorrow is Monday, wash day. It always makes for a long day.”

Shelby sighed. “I guess we get up again at four thirty tomorrow?”

“Every day.” Miriam smiled as she rolled onto her side to avoid the soft glow of the lantern.

Shelby pressed the pen to the paper.

Dear Diary,

Today I went fishing with my cousin Miriam and two of her friends. It was the first time that I forgot about Mom and Dad and Tommy for a while. But now, as I try to calm my thoughts and get some sleep, images of the past are all over the place. I miss Tommy so much. And I’m so angry at Mom and Dad for the choices they made—choices that landed me here in Amish Country where I don’t have any friends.

Shelby wiped sweat from her forehead, then turned the battery-operated fan more in her direction. She leaned closer to the breeze and thought about her friends back home.

I guess maybe they weren’t true friends after all. I’m not sure I want or need any friends anymore. But I do like Miriam, even though I don’t want to get too close to her. First of all, she’s different. She’s eighteen years old and she’s just now going on her first date this Saturday night. Weird. Or maybe it’s kind of sweet in a way. I don’t know.

I met a guy. An Amish guy. His name is Jesse, and he is the hottest man I’ve seen in a long time. He seems to like Miriam a lot, but Miriam likes a guy named Saul. So, I don’t know. We’ll see what happens. But Jesse is easy on the eyes and seems so nice. Gotta watch it though—I don’t want to get too close to him either.

Everyone I get close to hurts me. Even God.

Saul closed the door to his father’s room after helping him into bed.
Daed
was snoring the minute his head landed on the pillow and before Saul even had a chance to pull his father’s boots off. His father would wake up in the morning with all his clothes on and know what happened. But no one would mention it. That’s the way it always was. Zeb Fisher was a kind, gentle man when he wasn’t drinking. He loved the Lord, and he loved his sons. Maybe he’d loved their mother and Hannah more. Saul wasn’t sure. But that’s when the drinking started, after the accident, and it had gotten worse every year. Until three months ago.
Daed
just stopped drinking in the evening hours.
What made him start again?

Ruben and James were cleaning up the mess when Saul walked into the den, the smell of red wine hovering in the air around them.

“What set him off this time?” Saul asked as he made his way to a spilled bottle of wine. He picked it up and recognized the brand to be none other than their own. For as long as Saul could remember, his father made his own wine from the muscadine grapes that grew along the back of their property. They grew wild and abundantly, and once Saul had taken a machete to the flourishing vines, hoping to banish them forever. But they came back even fuller the next year, along with
Daed’s
appetite for the drink.

Saul glanced around the room at the toppled coffee table, overturned rocking chair, and slivers of glass surrounding the brick outlay of the fireplace. As he grew closer, he recognized the stems on the broken glasses at his feet. He squatted down and picked up one of his mother’s favorite glasses that had remained housed in her china cabinet until tonight—glasses that she’d never used, a gift from an
Englisch
friend.
Mamm
said they were too fancy, but she kept them displayed so that her friend, Ida, would see them when she came to visit.