Plague of Memory (9 page)

A big, muscular Jorenian female came over to me before I sat down. Like me, she held a tray of the wall food. "My name is Darea Torin. I am Salo's bondmate."

Fasala's ClanMother, I thought as I looked up at her. Like all the other females on the
Sunlace,
she was black-haired and blue-skinned, but she had the same direct, piercing gaze as an experienced hunter. She also wore her hair coiled and knotted in what Reever called a warrior's knot. "I am Jam."

She knew me—Cherijo had written several times of her friendship with this woman—but she showed no surprise at the name I offered. "May I share my meal with you, Healer Jam?"

Fasala had told me that her ClanMother and ClanFather preferred to eat in their quarters, which made Darea's presence and request a little suspicious. Still, the woman seemed not as joyously friendly as some of the other females on this ship, and I had no reason to dine alone.

"Yes." I sat down and regarded my selections. Broth, bread, and some chopped, cooked pretend vegetables. I knew from past experience that I could not stomach anything from the submenu Cherijo had designated "dessert" as the dishes were all too
sweet for my palate. Beverages had also been tricky in the beginning, but through trial and error I had learned which teas would not turn my stomach.

Darea ignored her own selections to watch me tear the bread into chunks.

"You wish to speak with me about something?" I had not bothered with utensils; I always spilled and dropped things when I tried to use them. If my eating with my hands and fingers offended her, she could move to sit with someone else.

Her shoulders lifted slightly. "You do not seem very interested in having conversations."

"My people—the Iisleg—do not indulge in much casual talk. Here on the ship I have had more practice with listening." I tried to think of an interesting topic. "Your mate did a favor for me but refused my offer to couple with him. Did you know that I was made from a man?"

Darea blinked. "We are all made from men and women," she said, very matter-of-fact. "Why would you wish my mate to couple with you?"

"I did not wish it; it was to return the favor. It is the way of my people. I am not like you, though. I came from a man and machines." I dipped a chunk of bread in the broth and sampled it. The unfamiliar taste and spices made me grimace. "Daevena yepa, this is disgusting. Do you care for something called minestrone soup?"

"I do not think so." Darea wrinkled her nose. "It smells odd, and it looks too red and wet."

I liked her better for that. "Excuse me." I went to dispose of the soup and returned. "What is that?" I asked, nodding toward what appeared to be a small
pile of white and blue flower petals and dark brown shoots on her dish.

"C'nabba
and
gnika-la.
They are fresh, not synthetic." She offered me a sample, which tasted a little like the ice plants that grew around the edges of vent shafts. "We grow some foods on the ship, on the hydroponics deck."

"My daughter has spoken of it." I made a mental note of the names, and then something occurred to me. "You do not grow children in machines there, do you?"

"No." Darea smiled. "We reproduce by natural means. What you call coupling. It is our custom to be exclusive to each other as well, so you need not offer to couple with any other crew member who does a favor for you."

I felt as if a huge weight lifted from my neck. "I begin to like your customs, Jorenian."

We continued our meals in silence, but as others came into the galley we became the subject of many speculative looks. No one approached, but many held murmured conversations after spotting us.

"Where do you serve on the ship?" I asked her, mainly to block out the attention being given to us.

"I was a data archivist when I first came to the HouseClan, but now I supervise central processing and technical support." She sipped tea from her server. "It is my responsibility to ensure data and archival integrity at all levels."

Everything on the
Sunlace
depended on data systems, computers, and other related technology. It amazed me that the ensleg would permit a mere woman to oversee it, but this was what Gar
phawayn had insisted they did. "Do you like what you do?"

"It is challenging, but I would not be content with anything else." She met my gaze. "What of your work? My bondmate tells me that you were a battlefield surgeon during the rebellion on Akkabarr."

"I was." She was speaking to me, not Cherijo. She saw me as a real person, not the flesh left behind by the spirit of one she had known. My pleasure at that warmed away some of the coldness in my heart. "Without healers, people die. With healers, some yet die. It is a struggle to be content with such work."

"I doubt you will find any contentment among the Hsktskt." She gazed around us and frowned twice at particular individuals. "Or, soon, my bondmate's HouseClan. Word of what you mean to do has spread quickly."

It was then that I saw her motive for coming to me. Darea was not simply sharing a meal. She was keeping the others away from me.

Salo was fortunate in his choice of women. I was glad he had not pressed me to couple with him.

"I will not endanger the people on this ship," I said. "If need be, I will take a launch and go to Vtaga alone." Given Reever's attitude, that might be the wisest course of action.

"You have become a telepath?" She tried to sound amused, but there was too much worry in her eyes. "Your pardon, Healer. When Salo spoke of your decision, I could only think of Fasala and the other children on board the ship."

"I, too, am tempted to think only of them, as well
as my own child. Yet if there is war, then the Hsktskt will kill many more daughters and sons." All the talk around us had ceased, and the others were listening. I did not bother to murmur as they had. "I saw too much of death during the rebellion on Akkabarr. If I can do nothing else with this life, I will use it to stop another war."

Her white eyes softened. "Then your House will stand with you."

All around us expressions changed, and heads nodded before people went back to eating and conversing in a normal fashion.

"I would ask two favors of you," I said to Salo's mate. "Would you look after my child while I am on Vtaga?"

Darea finally smiled. "Of course I will. Salo and I honor Marel as if she were our own ClanDaughter. How else may I help you?"

My cheeks grew hot and I lowered my voice. "Will you tell me what, exactly, transition is?"

I knew that Reever would become impatient if he were waiting for me, so after Darea explained how transition used different dimensions to move the ship over great distances, I went to confront him. Neither he nor Marel were in our quarters when I arrived, which made my heart grow cold.

He has taken her from me.

I hurried over to the console to make a computer inquiry as to their location, but before I could finish inputting the request, Reever entered and secured the door.

I saw no anger in his expression, but that meant
nothing. Reever did not show his emotions on his face. He came toward me, but as I braced myself he walked past and went to the wall machine. "Marel is spending the night with Garphawayn and Squilyp."

"There is no need." Although I was relieved to know Darea would look after Marel while I was on Vtaga, I disliked having others care for my child when I could. "I will go and fetch her."

"She is asleep by now. You were out all day. You must be tired." He began using the machine to prepare a meal. "Would you prefer hot or cold tea?"

"I am not thirsty." Why was he behaving like this? Why was he not shouting at me? Did the man truly have ice for blood? "I ate in the place where all the crew gathers to share food and conversation."

"It's called the galley." He reprogrammed his selections and filled a server with a murky-looking liquid. That was all he brought from the machine to the table where we ate our meals. "You should go to bed."

"I am not interested in sleeping. Darea said she would care for Marel when we go to Vtaga." I sat across from him. "Did you know there is a giant cat on this ship that walks on two legs and talks?"

"Alunthri." He nodded, but kept his head down, so I couldn't see his expression.

"That beast scared the wits from me when I met it today. I thought I might jump through a wall panel. Reever, I know you are angry with me. I also think you will not beat me for what I have done. We should"—what was the way he always said it?— "discuss this."

"You never liked talking to me," he told the server in his hand, not me. "You always thought I said too much. We shared few interests. You often became bored or impatient with me."

"I have never said or felt such things," I was happy to tell him. Whatever that stupid female had felt, I could not call Reever tedious or dull. "You speak of my former self."

"Yes. Your
former
self." He lifted the server and drank from it. "However much I despise what you have done, Jam, it gives me hope. Cherijo would have made the same choice to go to Vtaga."

He said the last with such venom that I flinched. Not because he despised me, but... "Did you love her, or hate her?"

"I hated myself for not being the man she wanted. For not inspiring enough love in her." Now he looked at me, and there was so much pain in his eyes that a sound escaped me. He ignored it. "She chose another man over me."

"Another?" I felt alarmed.

"He is dead."

Why had Cherijo not written about this? "You are not," I pointed out. "She remained with you, did she not?"

"It doesn't matter. Even dead, he always took first place in her heart."

I would have to discover who this dead man was. "A woman would not love a memory more than a real man."

"I thought what happened to you would at last give me some advantage." He looked at the server as if he couldn't quite recognize what it was. "You
have no memories of him, only me. I took the first place in your heart... or perhaps I have not." He rested his forehead against his fist. "I did not want you to know of him, so I erased everything she wrote about him in her journal files."

That explained the periodic gaps in the data. I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing, but I saw no shame in it. Indeed, I thought his endless obsession with my former self unhealthy. Such fixations had nearly driven Teulon insane, although it had been more understandable in his case. He had lost his bondmate and every member of his House-Clan except his young son.

Discovering Xan had survived the Jado Massacre had given Teulon hope and renewed interest in life. Could not Marel do the same for Reever?

"I am not interested in the dead," I said. "We are together, and even when we do not agree, we suit each other." I glanced at the bedchamber. "If last night did not convince you of this, remember that we also share a daughter. She needs both of us. Can that not be enough for you?"

"For me?" His head came up. "You don't care that I destroyed some of your past?"

It is not my past.
I shook my head. "I might erase the rest of it myself; it would save me much confusion."

He seemed shocked by my words. "You should know how you came to be."

"I know I was made from a man and grown inside a machine instead of a woman's belly. I cannot get sick and I may never die. If there are more unnatural things involved, please, do not tell me of them." He did not respond. "You understand the Hsktskt better than I, Husband. I will need your wisdom when we reach Vtaga. And I.. . care for you. Do not let this become another wall between us."

He was silent for a long time. "If I agree, you must also make a concession."

"Anything."

"When we are among the Hsktskt, you must 1 ten to me and do as I say." Before I could speak, he put his hand over mine.
"I
know this species intimately. I served as a member of the Faction for years. Your death on Akkabarr may have lifted the blood bounty, but there are other dangers. You cannot recognize them, but I will."

I hardly heard the last of what he said, so busy was I trying to absorb the fact that Reever had once belonged to the Hsktskt. Cherijo had said much about him in her journals, but never this. That he had once been a slaver changed everything. "Perhaps it will be better if I summon Teulon."

"No." His hand tightened. "I did not join them. I made a pretense of it. I never enslaved anyone." When I jerked at his hold, his mouth became a thin line. "You will listen to me this time."

I felt a curious paralysis move up my arm. Before I could react, some unseen force rendered my body immobile. I tried to cry out, but something besides myself filled my mind.

J
can do more than read your thoughts, Jarn,
Reever's voice said inside my head. /
can use your mind to control your body.

My heartbeat raced as I tried to escape the invisible force he used to hold me in place. At the same time, I felt Reever's own cool, focused thoughts enclose me as he somehow slowed my pulse and relaxed my knotted muscles.

I had never felt such an invasion, not even when we had coupled. I should have been terrified, or outraged, but his thoughts held me as gently as his arms.
How can you do this?

I don't know. I have never been capable of such a link with anyone else but you.
Reever spoke as if my thoughts were my voice.
It is the bond we have shared since the moment we first saw each o*her. Kiss me.

The paralysis lifted, and I shifted forward, leaning across the table to press my mouth against his.

He took his time enjoying the kiss before immobilizing me again. J
can make you say or do anything I wish.

My lips tingled.
Why have you never done this to me before now?

It is wrong to control another person.
His fingers threaded through my hair.
I'm only demonstrating what I can do. I will not lose you again. It nearly drove me mad when they took you from me the last time.