Pizza Is the Best Breakfast (11 page)

I always tell Mom that I want gummy bears in my lunch instead of carrot sticks, and she says this is not possible because gummy bears are not healthy. But gummy bears taste like fruit and they
are delicious, so I do not know what the big deal is.

I line up behind Anya to hit the playground, and when we are allowed to go outside, I make a beeline for the slide. Three other girls from our class are already waiting at the bottom of the slide's ladder, ready to play our not-allowed game until the lunch aides come out of the cafeteria.

“Let's go, let's go, hurry!” I call. Everyone starts climbing to the top of the slide. The first girl slides down the normal way and plants her feet firmly in the dirt at the bottom. The next girl gets into position at the top, hanging each of her legs off either side of the slide. When she reaches the bottom, she slams into the first girl and they both grunt. And this is why Squash the Lemon is the best recess game ever.

Natalie slides down the same way, and then Anya. I am next.

“Do
not
go fast, Mandy,” Natalie calls back to
me. “I can hardly breathe.” Now, this makes no sense at all, because the whole point of Squash the Lemon is to go fast and squish people. So I start making my way to the top of the ladder so I can give them all the biggest slam they've ever had.

“Ready or not, here I come!” I call from the top of the slide, and I decide to go extra fast just for Natalie.

“Ewww!” I hear behind me. “Ewww!” I turn around and see Dennis and three of his silly boy friends standing at the bottom of the ladder.

“What do you want, Freckle Face?”

“Ewww, I can see your underwear,” Dennis says. “Ewww!”

I was not expecting this.

I quickly feel around the back of my pants, making sure that the band of my underwear is not peeking out the top. It is not.

“Liar!” I yell at Dennis.

“Mandy wears polka-dot underwear,” Dennis says in a singsong voice, and if I were not standing at the top of a slide right now, I promise I would tackle him.

Especially because I'm pretty sure that I
am
wearing polka-dot underwear.

How does he know that?

“Mandy wears polka-dot underwear,” Dennis repeats. “You can see it through her pants.”

All this commotion breaks up the squashing of the lemons at the bottom of the slide, and Anya and the other girls come around to see why Dennis is yelling. Anya looks up at me, and her eyes grow as wide as pancakes. She motions for me to get off the slide, real small so Dennis can't see.

I look down the ladder but decide that the slide itself is my fastest way off. So I shimmy to the bottom, which isn't even very fun because there is no one to squash. Anya is there to meet me.

“You can see your underwear through your pants,” she whispers to me. “I think it's the sun.” Anya hurries me off to stand under the oak tree in the shade, somewhere my polka dots will stay hidden.

And at this moment there are three things that I am furious at: Dennis, Mom, and these awful white pants.

*  *  *

Anya gives me her sweater to wear over my bottom for the rest of recess, and this is another reason why she is my favorite person in the world. When we get back to our classroom, I stuff my lunch box into my cubby and pop right up to Mrs. Spangle's desk before she can say I am not allowed.

“I need to tell you a secret,” I say quietly.

“Not now, Mandy,” Mrs. Spangle says. “It's time for—”

“It's an emergency,” I interrupt her. “Emergency” is the kind of word that gets grown-ups to listen to you. “Broken” and “stain” and “dropped on his head” are also good words for this, I've learned.

“What is it?”

“I need to take off my underwear.” I whisper this sentence real quietly in Mrs. Spangle's ear, and I think I spit on her a little bit.

“What do you mean? Did you have an accident?”

I shake my head. “My mom made me wear these awful white pants, and so everyone can see my underwear.” I say this part super whispery too. “Dennis saw them on the playground.”

“Stand back a second,” Mrs. Spangle says, so I follow her directions and take one step back, because I am very good at listening to Mrs. Spangle's “Follow directions” rule. “Don't worry, I can't see anything.”

“Look harder,” I say, taking another step back, which means I have to talk a little bit louder. “What do you see now?”

“Nope, nothing,” Mrs. Spangle answers. “You're safe.”

I take one more step back, just to make sure. “Are you absolutely positive you can't see my underwear? They're polka dot.” I accidentally say this real loud because I forgot about my super-whispery voice. And who appears at Mrs. Spangle's desk right at this moment but Dennis, and he laughs.

“I promise, Mandy,” Mrs. Spangle says. “Take a seat, please, and get ready for math. Dennis, you too.” Mrs. Spangle gives him a look like he is in trouble, but she does not write his initials on the board, which I think is unfair. If I had laughed about Dennis's underwear, I am absolutely positive I would have gotten my initials on
the board, so I stick my tongue out at him.

“Hey, Natalie,” Dennis says as he sits down. “Did you know Mandy is wearing polka-dot underwear?”

“So?” is all that Natalie answers. And sometimes I am very happy that Natalie is so dull. Because boring people do not care about things like polka-dot underwear.

I sit at my desk, but I keep Anya's sweater tied around my waist for the rest of the afternoon, and Anya does not even complain once that she is cold.

This is why I like Anya almost as much as I like Rainbow Sparkle and almost as much as I like fruity gummy bears. I could eat a gummy bear or twenty right now. Because gummy bears never, ever come in polka dot.

DON'T MISS ANY OF

MANDY BERR'S ADVENTURES!

DON'T WEAR

Polka-Dot Underwear

WITH WHITE PANTS

(AND OTHER LESSONS I'VE LEARNED)

*  *  *

A CAST IS THE

Perfect Accessory

(AND OTHER LESSONS I'VE LEARNED)

*  *  *

NEVER WEAR

Red Lipstick

ON PICTURE DAY

(AND OTHER LESSONS I'VE LEARNED)

An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing Division

1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

This Aladdin hardcover edition March 2015

Text copyright © 2015 by Allison Gutknecht

Illustrations copyright © 2015 by Stevie Lewis

Also available in an Aladdin paperback edition.

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

ALADDIN is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and related logo is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at
www.simonspeakers.com
.

Jacket designed by Jessica Handelman

Jacket illustrations copyright © 2015 by Stevie Lewis

The text of this book was set in Arno Pro.

The illustrations for this book were rendered digitally.

Library of Congress Control Number 2014956143

ISBN 978-1-4814-2962-7 (hc)

ISBN 978-1-4814-2961-0 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-4814-2963-4 (eBook)