Pitch Black (14 page)

“He didn’t take my car.”

“You’re certain? You check the mileage every time you get in and out?”

“No, smart-ass, I don’t check the mileage. But I’ve been keeping the keys with me at night. He didn’t take my car.” Anger crackled around her like a blue-white electric charge. She took a step closer. “If Colin was out there drinking, he was most likely drunk enough to take a tumble off a bridge. I think you need to be looking for the person he was meeting . . . the person with the beer.”

“I am.”

“Get out.”

“Maddie, I—”

“You’re as bad as everyone else in this town! See a kid with a past like Ethan and you assume the worst.” She turned her back to him. “I said leave.”

Didn’t she know what this was doing to him? She had to know he didn’t want Ethan involved in this any more than she did.

He wanted to step close behind her and pull her against his chest. He wanted to assure her that he’d get to the truth and then everything could go back to the way it was.

But he had to shelve what he wanted and do his job.

He turned around and walked out the front door. The click of it closing behind him sounded everlasting and final.

FOR SEVERAL MINUTES
after she’d heard the door close behind Gabe, Madison stood with her eyes closed, trying to put out the fire of her rage.

Tears stung in her eyes, but she would not let them fall—because they were for all the wrong reasons.

Once she banished the trembling of betrayal and her shame over her selfishness, she headed up to Ethan’s room. She didn’t knock.

“All right, Ethan. I’ve known you’re hiding something from me. After what just happened downstairs, I think you’d better let me in on it.”

He was lying on the bed with his back to her. He rolled over and off the bed in one jerky movement. “You think I did something last night! You believe
him
over me!” He thumped his fist against his chest.

As much as she felt like yelling and screaming right along with him, she paused long enough to calm her voice. “No. I don’t believe you were out last night. And I will never believe anyone else over you, as long as I feel I can trust you’re living up to our agreement. We promised not to lie to one another, even if we knew it was going to hurt one of us. And lately, I can’t say I feel you’re doing your part. I don’t think you’ve lied to me outright, but the lies of omission have to stop.”

She waited, watching his shoulders rise and fall with angry bursts of breath. His jaw tensed, locking away anything he might have been thinking about saying.

“Ethan, this can look very bad. If only you hadn’t taken my car that night—”

“I didn’t take it last night!”

She raised a hand. “I know. But think about how this looks to someone who doesn’t know you. You did get caught with my car the other night. Your hat was on that bridge. Because you’re from the city, people here believe you know how to get your hands on things kids aren’t supposed to have. Right now we’re not fighting a battle of what is; we’re fighting against the perception of what could be.”

“Colin had to have had my hat. I swear it wasn’t with my stuff when I got it back.”

She took him by the shoulders and backed him up until the foot of the bed hit the back of his knees and he sat. “You don’t have to convince me. I believe you. But I think there’s more to what went down on that mountain than you’re telling me.”

He looked away.

“Ethan! You have to tell me—no matter what it is. You’re only making it more difficult for yourself and everyone else. Let me help you.”

She sat next to him and tried to kick open that closed door. “It has something to do with Jordan.”

She waited. She would wait as long as it took.

Ethan cracked his knuckles and stared at the floor.

For a long while the only sound was his ragged breathing and that maddening pop of his joints.

Minutes dragged on. Madison forced herself to keep her pleading words inside.

Finally, Ethan got up and walked to the window. He kept his back to her when he said, “He didn’t mean to do it.”

Chapter 13

K
ATE SAT IN THE BLIND-DARKENED ROOM, thinking about how Saturdays used to be. She and Steve had been working so hard to get Jordan to come out of his shell, to fit in better with his peers. Up until she’d gotten together with Steve, she’d been so upset about her and Bobby’s divorce that she hadn’t seen how much her son had retreated from other kids.

Steve had seen it right away, thank goodness.

No matter how busy he’d been, Steve had always made time to do something with Jordan on Saturdays. He’d never let her go along, always saying they were going to do manly things, going off to do some serious male bonding. He’d wanted the time to be special, just the two of them.

Sometimes they had gone up the mountain. Sometimes, when Steve had been coaching, he’d taken Jordan along and tried to make him feel included, teach him the fundamentals. Afterward he’d usually taken Jordan to the sporting goods store, or to get wings at the sports bar on the edge of town.

She wrapped her fingers around the lapels of her chenille robe and pulled it tighter, curling her legs beneath her on the chair.

She tried to push away the dark thoughts that came when she thought about Steve dying like he did. But they were always there and wouldn’t let her alone. How could someone have been so brutal to such a good man? And who? Everybody in town loved Steve. Everybody in town . . .

Stop it!
Todd had told her she had to stop thinking such things.

She turned her thoughts toward tomorrow when she and Todd would go see Jordan. She’d see her baby.

She was ashamed of the relief she’d felt when she’d discovered that Jordan would only be allowed visitors on Sunday during his first weeks at the stress center. That had frightened her a little, not that she couldn’t see him, but that they were talking in terms of weeks and months, not days.

She was a terrible person, to be so relieved not to have the burden of sitting with him every day. But how could she have stood it, sitting there all alone day after day looking at the zombie that had been her little boy?

She did call every day for an update, although she always put it off until the very last minute. It was time to make that call—not that she’d hear anything different. There hadn’t been any improvement since he’d been admitted.

For a long moment, she stared at the cordless phone sitting on the arm of her chair. Maybe she wouldn’t call today. Then she could pretend the news was good. Then she could look forward to seeing him tomorrow.

Just then the phone rang, startling her so much she jumped.

She’d been letting the answering machine pick up all week. All the calls were the same. People offering to bring food that she couldn’t bear to look at, let alone eat. Hearing people talk about what a great guy Steve was and asking her how she was doing made her want to scream. How did they think she was? Her life had just imploded.

On the fourth ring, the machine picked up. When she heard the first words of the message, she snatched up the phone and clicked it on.

“Yes, hello, I’m here.”

“Oh, good. Mrs. McPherson?”

“Yes.”

“This is Carol Bishop at Pleasant Hill Stress Center. I thought you could use a little good news.”

Kate’s heart rocketed into the stratosphere. “Jordan’s talking! I just knew he’d get better. Can I speak to him?”

“I’m afraid our forward progress is a bit more modest than that. Jordan isn’t speaking yet, but he did make eye contact with the therapist today. And he shook his head when he was asked if he wanted orange juice this afternoon.”

Although the giddiness in her chest evaporated like bubbles rising from the surface of a soda, Kate grabbed on to the positive. “Oh, Jordan hates orange juice. This is good news. He’s coming back to himself, isn’t he?”

“It’s certainly a step in the right direction.”

“Maybe when he sees us tomorrow, he’ll be even better.”

“We’re hoping so, Mrs. McPherson. We’re certainly hoping so.”

“Um, will you call his father and let him know? I’d rather not make the call myself.”

“Of course.”

As soon as she disconnected the call, she jumped out of the chair and headed to the shower. She wanted to be ready when Todd got home from work. They were going out to celebrate!

FOR A MOMENT
, Madison stopped breathing. She stared at Ethan’s back and wished she could make this nightmare end. Even though he was finally going to tell her what had happened, she had the feeling that instead of waking up to the light, they were both going to be sucked deeper into darkness.

“Jordan,” she finally said. “You mean Jordan . . . he didn’t mean to kill his stepfather.”

Ethan’s head bowed. He ran both hands through his hair, tugging mercilessly, as though if he pulled hard enough the memory could be removed from his brain.

“Tell me,” she urged, her voice no more than a choked whisper. “Tell me everything.”

Ethan’s knees buckled. He spun as he went down and leaned his back against the wall below the window. The bright afternoon sun shone in, mocking the dark desperation she saw on his face.

She slid off the bed and sat on the floor facing him. “Tell me.”

Keeping his gaze on the floor, he began, “Mr. McP sent me and Jordan to find firewood. He stayed in camp with Colin and J.D. Jordan was complaining that Mr. McP just wanted to get rid of the two of us—that he only brought us along to make Jordan’s mom happy.

“When we came to the waterfall, it was so cool. I mean, it wasn’t like anything I’d ever seen. Jordan sat down and started throwing rocks into the creek while I looked around. When I stood at the bottom of the falls and looked up, I got curious about what it’d look like from the top. It looked like an easy climb, so I said we should go up there.”

Ethan’s face drew into a frown. “If only I hadn’t . . . ” He took a shuddering breath and continued. “Jordan said, no way. It was too dangerous. I tried to talk him into it, but he just got in a pissy mood and told me that if I wanted to climb it to go ahead and break my neck.

“So I went. At first it wasn’t too bad. But the stone was crumbly in places. A couple of times, I had to grab on to some plants to keep from falling. I almost turned back, but I didn’t want him to think he was right.” He paused and looked up at her from beneath his furrowed brow. “Now I wish I hadn’t been so stupid. I should have just given up.

“But I didn’t.” He rubbed both hands over his face. “It took a long time, but I made it to the top. When I got there, Jordan was standing at the bottom looking up at me. I was almost afraid he was going to try to climb up—I mean, if I had trouble, he was sure to fall. So I called down to him and told him not to try, that there were too many loose rocks and I was going to walk around and find another way back. It was too dangerous to climb back down.”

Tears pooled at the corners of his eyes, but Madison didn’t think he noticed as the first one broke free and slid down his cheek. “I wish I’d just gone back down the way I’d come up. I probably could have made it. Even if I’d fallen, it would have been better. . . . ”

She wanted to interrupt. She wanted to assure him that no matter what had happened, she was glad he hadn’t risked his own safety. But he looked as if he’d completely forgotten she was in the room. So she held her tongue and left him to his telling . . .

“It took me a while; I had to walk all the way around. I was almost back to the creek when I heard this weird noise. At first I thought it was an animal. I thought maybe something was hurt, or trying to hurt Jordan. I started running. As I got closer, I could hear Jordan crying.

“Man, I was so scared. But I kept running.

“When I got there, Mr. McP was on the ground . . . oh, God, he was so bloody . . . and Jordan was yelling that it was an accident, over and over again. His hands were bloody and there was blood on his face and his lip was swelling.”

Ethan squeezed his eyes closed, as if he could block out the image.

Then, to her surprise, he crawled across the floor and laid his head in her lap. “I know he didn’t mean to do it, M. I know he didn’t. Maybe Mr. McP was trying to hurt him; maybe that’s why Jordan was so afraid. I shouldn’t have left him alone. If I hadn’t—”

“Shhh.” She felt his hot tears on her leg, spreading as her jeans absorbed them. “Shhh. It wasn’t your fault, Ethan.”

“But I wanted to keep him safe. I promised him I’d keep him safe.”

“It wasn’t your job to keep him safe. It was his parents’ job. None of this was your fault.”

She stroked his hair as he quietly cried. Each one of his tears was like acid eating up her insides. How had he carried all of this around without breaking? It was horrible enough spending the night alone with the body and taking care of Jordan on the mountain. But what he’d been through since . . .

And he hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her.

She’d thought she was doing right by him. She’d thought they were solid. How wrong she’d been.

There wasn’t anything she could say in this moment to make it up to him, no way to excuse her failure as a parent.

Finally, as the light was dying in the sky, he sat up.

“Why did you go to his hospital room in the middle of the night?”

“I thought it was going to be okay. I thought everyone thought it was an accident. But then, when I heard Sheriff Wyatt tell you about the autopsy, I got really scared. All I could think about was getting him away from here. If they took him to the stress center, I wouldn’t be able to help him.”

Ethan looked at her, pleading in his eyes. “You have to understand. It wasn’t his fault. He never would have done anything like that unless he was trying to protect himself. But who’ll believe him? Nobody believes a kid.”

“Oh, Ethan, I wish you’d told me all of this in the first place.”

“I couldn’t. At first all I had to do was keep Jordan from telling anyone, and it would have been okay. Then it started to get so complicated. . . . ”

“What about Colin? Did he play a part in this? Is that one of the complications?” She could barely muster the breath to say the words.

Ethan shrugged, the defeated movement of his shoulders visible in the fading light. “I don’t know how he could have. He wasn’t there until after.”

“And you really have no idea who was getting the beer?”

He shook his head, the reflection of the night-light in the hallway a tiny pinpoint of light in his eyes.

“We need to tell Gabe.”

“What good will it do? Jordan is already more messed up than if he was in prison.”

“Listen to me. This will not go away by ignoring it. Murder investigations don’t ever go away. We’re not doing Jordan any favors by covering it up.”

She put her hand on his arm. “There were extenuating circumstances. If Jordan acted in self-defense he won’t be prosecuted. And just maybe, once the doctors know what happened, they’ll be able to help him more.”

“What if they don’t believe it wasn’t on purpose?”

“From what you’ve told me, I think it’s perfectly logical. Why wouldn’t they believe it?”

The look on his face froze her heart. “Because I’m the one telling it.”