Pistol Fanny's Hank & Delilah (51 page)

“Hank, I’d like you to meet Poppy Scarlett. And I believe you’ve met my baby sister. Ada Lynn.”

Hank looked down at the baby at his feet, smiling up at him. “Your sister?”

“That’s right. We got to them just in time. It wasn’t much longer before all those secrets…”

More girls came tearing through the door. Hank had seen some of them, even though he hadn’t met them formally. The ones he knew were tellers from the banks. Another one leaned her back against the wall and held her nose.

“Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. Please do not bang the phones in such a violent way.”

Another one held her hands up. “It’s a stick up! Please, don’t shoot me!” She fell helplessly into the wall behind her.

A girl who resembled her acted next. She dug in her pocket. Pulled out a handkerchief. “Thank you, Mr. FBI Agent, sir. I’m so distraught. I might…I might pass out.” She waved the hankie.

Freud came over and sniffed the hankie. He took it out of the woman’s hands and stopped in front of Delilah, where he dropped the rag and walked in a circle three times. He sat once, stood, and sat again. Then he fell over, like someone had shot and killed him.

“See, Hank. That’s how Freud tells us if he thinks someone is dirty. Those ole boys who came over to my place, well, they were in cahoots with that devil. Freud knew his smell. They carried it with them. Arson? Thank sweet Jesus Pepsi and the boys were there with their big hoses. Now they’re the ones locked behind bars. By the way, those are my cousins. Bonnie and Connie Hide.”

“You were drugging those people who worked at the banks, weren’t you?” Hank said, more accusation in his tone than intended.

“No, not me. Boom Boom, or Melody, was. She’s our cocktail girl.” Delilah threw her head back and laughed. “Spell taught her everything she knows. The teacher is now the student. She’s even better than him.”

“The payphones? You heard every one of my conversations!”

“It’s the way we communicate. And we use these places for little get-togethers sometimes. We wash our clothes, get all that funk out. You hear all sorts of things in these places, on the payphones. The night before the storm, though, I wasn’t on the phone. I was standing behind you the entire time. I was listening. The note you got. I was trying to tell you I called the babies Ham & Rosie. Then Poppy came out to tell you everything I wanted you to know.” Delilah’s eyes blazed with happiness.

“You are a smart one, darlin’. Real damn smart,” Hank said. “You and all your pretty little sisters. And all of these ladies.”

“Who’s calling me smart?” Gillian/Cheshire Cat strode in, an electronic cigarette bobbing from the side of her mouth. “That’s a first.”

Hazel, Melody, Jo, Kitty and Hennessey came in behind her. Pepsi came not long after, with her sons, Cash and Leroy, and her daughter, Rotunda. The three boys in the back stood against their machines, suddenly on full alert again.

“Mmm,” Gillian moaned, looking them over. “I’ll get to you three later. But for now, can you run, fetch my hamper from my car? If not, my sister Jo here, she’ll have to knock you unconscious. I’d really hate that since all that is in the past, but…”

They took her keys and ran outside.

Poppy laughed. “You have no idea do you, Mr. with a nice smile? Your sweet Delilah Mae is nothin’ but a wild little hurricane.”

Bonnie pretended to hammer, nailing something to the wall. “My Daddy says you done real good, nailing down the most important things in the house. I have to say that I agree. You done better than him. Miss Kitty still won’t marry him!
Yee haw
!”

Lilly Beth and Anthony walked in next. She greeted them all, announcing her name over and over. I’m Lilly Beth Law, she would say to anyone willing to listen. Hank started to sweat again when REO walked through the door. He held on to the faux wooden chair handles and his chest started to blow up and down. He gulped air instead of breathing it. The man stopped for a moment and stared right at Hank, narrowing his eyes.

He nodded. “Next time I call and ask to speak to Delilah, you better put her on the phone. What’s wrong with you? Why’s he so pale? Should I put on my Joker mask?”

“Hank,” Delilah said, sitting next to him, taking his hand. “That’s my Uncle Porter. We call him Older Brother sometimes. He had a twin, my Uncle Paulie. We called him Ham.”

“Listen here, kid,” Porter said. “I didn’t mean you any harm. It’s just that I was outside of that damn bank watching everything unfold and I was supposed to be keeping up to date on the action, you see. And you wouldn’t put her on the phone.”

“No, it’s all right. I’m all right. I apologize for that.” The guy driving the truck on the way to Delilah’s bar, the one that Hank thought was REO’s/Paulie’s ghost, that was him. In the flesh this time. Hank shook his head, shaking some of the old memories free. “This is nothing but just one big family affair.”

Jo/Jellyfish punched him in the arm and then shook her head. Hazel/ZooZoo and Wham Wham went over to the radio and turned the volume up, and bodies started to rock back and forth, everyone starting their wash.

“We’re so glad you could join this little family affair!” Hazel said, smiling and then cursing.

“Yeah, welcome to the family, Toots!” Melody/Boom Boom
yee
hawed. “Even though you sealed the deal in church, this here is where all our little secrets are told. It’s official. We gotta wash him clean and then hang him out to dry…and then he’s ours to brainwash!”

“Hot damn!” The girls all went together.

Delilah squeezed Hank’s hand. “Are you ready to know the rest of the secrets?”

“I don’t know, darlin’. I think I know enough. I just have one question. Paulie?”

Delilah sunk into her seat and started to cry. “Yes. They never spoke of him again. We had no idea… not until you brought those pictures.” She sniffed. “He built the tree house in Tupelo. We were going to hide there for a while. He knew of you and your friends, he even called you Toots. You’ve always held my lucky ticket.”

Hank kissed her cheeks, tasting her salty tears. “I know all the secrets I was meant to. That’s everything, darlin’.”

The girls gathered together and all at once yelled, “Woo hoo, let’s wash!”

Months later Hank & Delilah sat in a crowded audience at Pistol Fanny’s surrounded by family and friends, and people they didn’t know. It was a packed house.

The stage was set, the curtains about to open for the first time. A neon sign above glowed:
Hank & Delilah,
and right below, hanging askew, blinking like it was about to burn out, &
Freud the Gentleman dog.

Hank nodded to Gabriel Roberts and his brother, Michael Roberts, sitting at the table next to them. Their lovely wives sat beside them, along with a group of friends. Gabriel helped produce the play, spreading the word and writing some of the music. He also taught Hank how to play the guitar. Michael built the stage and most of the props. Some said their fingers were magic—Gabriel with a guitar and harmony and Michael with a piano and wood. Gabriel was magic on screen. Michael was ferocious magic inside of a boxing ring.

Hank believed it. They were both a little mad, in different ways, but so were Hank and crew. They got along well.

The show opened to the Dix-Hens doing their rendition of “Fever.” The curtains slowly opened and everything went dark. You could only hear their voices whispering, “
you give me
”… The lights blasted awake, and the girls stood to the right of the stage on a rotating circle. They would sing different songs or different parts of the dialogue from their spot. They were angels who watched over the two lovers about to embark on the miracle of a lifetime. It had that real raw and simple feel that Hank loved so much. The Wild West meets Prohibition.

The stage was created to resemble an old bank. Curly, as Hank, dressed in suit and tie, chewed his gum and kicked pebbles as he walked toward the bank. Turned out, all those years of him following Hank around paid off. He was the perfect understudy, becoming the top actor. He found his niche in this world. The girl he was dating took Pistollette/Delilah’s role, and together they were feverish, burning up the stage with an attraction so strong that the audience had to fan themselves.

Act I played out.

Delilah threw her head back and laughed, along with the audience, when their first encounter was presented for all to see as something fictional. Curly, in character as Hank, screamed, “Heaven Almighty!” When Pistollette ran out of the bank and he ran behind her, Hank reached out and rubbed Delilah’s stomach. Those babies seemed to love the noise, the music around them, and the sound of their mama’s voice. She was just about due. No swollen ankles. Hank kept steady watch.

Delilah would lean over and kiss him occasionally when something on stage caught her attention, or he would squeeze her hand when the part that was being acted out was changed due to the delicate nature of the situation. But they knew the truth. There was always some kind of symbol for those who knew the truth, somewhere on stage, when the line between truth and fiction was tight walked.

After opening night, the news of this new show spread around Nashville like a delicious rumor in a small town. Night after night, they opened to a packed house. Pretty soon, Hollywood came knocking wanting to buy the film rights. Hank and Delilah turned them down. They were fine with their small operation, their home base.

Broadway came calling next, and when a tour was offered, they took it for Curly.

There was only one part of the show that Hank and his Delilah never worked on together. And that was the ending. He asked that it be a surprise. She agreed. Unbeknownst to her, he had written it first, before anything else, on their honeymoon. He had changed it for her.

The entire true story was written. It had Huck & Rosie’s name on it and was safely tucked away, until the right time. The right time being when Hank and Delilah were long gone from this world and the kids were old enough to understand.

The end was set in those old high cotton fields, a bunch of root beer drunk men scrambling around, trying to find their way. A mean ole bunch of women took them hostage, wanting Spell’s secret root beer recipe for their empire. And revenge, because Pistollette and her girls stole their turf money from the banks they robbed. Pistollette and her sisters arrived to save them, and a fight ensued between the two gangs.

The figures on each side looked to the audience like a battle between light and dark ghosts. It was all shadows along the wall. A battle between good and evil, and of course, good prevailed. Hank removed her mask. He took his Delilah’s hand, and as they walked off into the sunset, she started to hum a real sweet song, like no gun battle had ever occurred in the past couple of minutes. Cool, collected, not bothered one bit by the action.

Hank stopped and looked at her real mean like.

“Don’t you like music, Hank?”

“Why yes, I do, Delilah.”

“Why Hank, don’t you like
my
music?”

“Why yes, little darlin’, I do. I love
your
music only.”

“What about my robbing banks, do you mind that? Is that what’s got your craw all twisted?”

Hank slapped his knee. “Why yes, I do! You gotta quit that, you naughty woman. It’s a bandit habit. What’s a poor feller to do when his little woman goes around shootin’ and cavortin’ like that? It’s not right, I tell you, it just ain’t right! It’s got to stop this instant!”

A heated argument ensued, and they went round for round. He accused her of being selfish because he’d been at home worryin’ so much. He hates it, you see! She accused him of being jealous. “A mean ole pig is what you are!” All because he couldn’t stand her success. The fighting stopped for a moment.

Hank smiled “You ready to get married?”

Delilah smiled. “You still want to marry a bank robbin’ lil’ woman who doesn’t give a damn?”

“I wanted to marry you the moment I saw you, darlin’. But here are my rules, take ’em or leave ’em. No more robbin’ anything, darlin’. I can’t have you off doing God knows what any longer. I just
cain’t
do it. You love me for the rest of our lives and no breaking those rules. So what do you say?”

“I’ll take that, Hank. I’ll take one more day for the rest of my life.”

Hank swept her off her feet and swung her around. “All right then, darlin’, let’s go.”

“
Woo hoo
,” she went.

Hank gave a low whistle and Freud the gentlemen dog ran behind, the three of them walking off into the sunset together, splashing in dirty puddles as they went. “Hank & Delilah” (the song) played as the curtain came down.

Hank’s sweet Delilah delighted in this ending. Scowl lines be damned. Scowl lines no more.