Pirate of My Heart: A Novel (22 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

G
ood morning, love,” Dorian murmured as he leaned over his wife who was obviously pretending to be asleep. She smiled, eyes still closed, and snuggled closer to him. “Having trouble waking up?” Dorian wrapped his arms around her before rolling them both over and over, and then completely out of the bed. They landed on the floor with a thud and a squeal from Kendra.

“You sir, are a cad. You did that on purpose!” She sat up, straddling his stomach. “Married a mere two months and you’re already trying to kill me. What’s next, poison? From now on you have to taste everything I eat before I eat it.”

Laughing, Dorian rolled her over so that she was pinned beneath him. “Oh gladly, my lady, and I’ll start by tasting this.” He slowly lowered his head toward her.

Kendra pushed him back with a laugh. “Don’t you have to leave soon? John’s showing you his finished stables today, isn’t he?”

“Aye. But I’m sure he won’t mind waiting.”

Kendra wriggled out from beneath him. Backing away with her hand out, she shook her head. “Victoria will mind, and I’ll not have it my fault that you’re late.”

Dorian rose up off the floor in a sudden move and reached for her.

She shrieked, laughing harder, and jumped out of his reach. “Stop it, knave. We have no time for pillage and plunder and you know it.”

One of Dorian’s brows rose in a wicked-looking question. “I’m a pirate now, am I? That is one of your favorites.”

Kendra squeaked as he dove for her, catching her nightgown in one hand. He hauled her backwards until her back hit his chest. She had the good grace to know she wouldn’t convince him and with a sudden movement, turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I suppose pirates always get their way,” she murmured near his lips.

“Oh, yes, my prize. Always.”

When she finally got Dorian out of the house she looked at the clock in a panic. A quarter past nine and there was so much to do to prepare for his twenty-sixth birthday party that she was throwing for him that evening. She had been planning a surprise dinner party with their closest friends all week. Now they only had a few hours to decorate the house, go over the menu, and help Cook with all the different dishes. She shouldn’t fret though. Faith was a testament to her name and would assure her that all things were possible and pitch in wherever needed. She and Hannah were as excited about Dorian’s birthday as Kendra was. Well, that was close to true. Kendra had a surprise for all of them.

A thrilling hum filled her and tears stung her eyes as she put her hand over her stomach. A baby. What a perfect birthday gift to give her husband. Walking over to her chest at the foot of the bed, she knelt down and opened it. Closing her eyes, she inhaled the familiar lavender and cedar that greeted her from the contents. She lifted out the miniature portraits of her father and mother, wishing they could have met Dorian and what would have been their first grandchild. They would have been so happy for her. Laying them aside, she lifted out her other treasures she had brought from England—a few slim books, her mother’s dragonfly brooch, fine linens for when they had a home of their own, and her first sampler. She smiled at the crooked stitches and could still feel the prick of the needle as she rubbed her finger against her thumb before setting it aside. Near the bottom she withdrew a small bundle wrapped in paper. Her fingers were clumsy with excitement as she untied the ribbon. Folding back the paper, she lifted out a tiny garment. A white christening gown with white satin embroidery and a lace-trimmed bonnet. It had been her christening gown and now it would be her baby’s. It was still in perfect condition and snowy white, being wrapped and always stored in the chest. Yes, this was perfect. She would give it to Dorian as a gift and watch his eyes light up when he understood the meaning. She held it to her, closed her eyes, and imagined his happy, surprised face.
A baby. Thank You, God!

Kendra stood hidden beside a tall Longcase clock in the front drawing room with family and all their close friends, who were hiding behind various pieces of furniture, waiting for Dorian to walk through the door. It had been John’s duty to keep him occupied until six o’clock when they were to have dinner with John and Victoria. No one had mentioned it being Dorian’s birthday, and Kendra didn’t know if he had guessed at the reason behind the dinner or not. Either way, he would not know it was going to be a much larger affair.

A clatter of hoofs sent all the guest diving for cover with muffled giggles and exclamations. Kendra put her hand to her mouth to still the laughter bubbling up inside her and peered around the clock.

The front door opened with a blast of sunshine and fresh air. “Surprise! Happy birthday!” Friends and relatives sprang from their hiding places. Kendra bit down on her lower lip as she watched Dorian’s eyes grow round with shock. He saw her then, gave her a sideways look that was half-accusing, half-laughter, then strode over to her and caught her up to him, giving her a tight squeeze. His smile was brilliant, the one that always melted her heart. “What have you done? I didn’t think you knew it was my birthday.”

“Your mother told me. Are you happy?”

“I’ve never been happier in my life.” His eyes were intent and voice thick with emotion as he said it.

Kendra couldn’t respond, only basked in the perfect moment.

The dinner was a huge success. There was more food than they could eat in three days—veal chops and lamb, duck and monkfish. There were all sorts of colorful garden vegetables—peas, carrots, turnips, and potatoes. Giant bowls of roasted corn on the cob dripping with butter, and platters of corn bread soaked in maple syrup. Gingerbread, apple dumplings, and then, in the center, on a raised dais made from a linen-covered box and crystal vase, sat Dorian’s favorite dessert that Kendra had made herself—spice cake with almond-flavored icing. A meal to rival Christmastime!

After supper the party gathered in the drawing room where Charity played cheerful tunes on the pianoforte, with various guests volunteering to sing. After a time, the men pulled back the furniture to the walls and couples began to twirl and dance about the room. Kendra felt her heart might burst with the happiness of it all.

“May I have this dance, my lady?”

Kendra curtsied and took her husband’s offered hand. He led her to the center of the room and then pulled her in close for a waltz. Her eyes glowed with happiness as Dorian swept her into his arms, circling and turning, his hold so secure she felt she was floating.

“I still can’t believe you’ve done this.” Dorian grinned down at her.

“Oh, there is even more to come. You haven’t even opened your presents yet.”

“Presents too? You’ll spoil me.”

Kendra raised her brows and cocked her head to one side. “I am determined to make you a good wife.”

A small frown creased his forehead but his smile remained intact. “Why would you say that? You have nothing you must prove.”

Kendra looked away, realizing she’d expressed too much of her fears out loud. He seemed so happy—they were so happy—and yet, he had never said those three words, that he loved her. The music came to a halt and everyone swung to a stop around them, breathing deeply, laughing and talking. Kendra took the opportunity to slip away. “I have something to do now. Go and dance with someone else, one of your sisters perhaps?”

Dorian nodded, watching her go, his smile a little stiff.

He was so astute to her every mood. She must be more careful and keep her silly doubts to herself. She hurried over to her mother-in-law. “Hannah, I need to run upstairs and fetch my present for Dorian. Could you round everyone up and direct them into the back sitting room? The children are getting tired and we should have him open his presents soon, don’t you think?”

Hannah laughed, the crinkles around her eyes endearing. “The adults are getting tired, too.” She waved her toward the stairs. “You’ve done a wonderful job, Kendra. He’s never had such a day just for him.”

Kendra leaned over and gave Hannah a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. I will be right back.”

When she came back down she spotted Dorian in a secluded corner, his head bent, seeming in a deep conversation with John. Probably talking about all the improvements he meant to have in the home he was building for them. He would be lost in that conversation for half an hour if she let him. This was a party. She would have to pull him out to join the guests.

She jostled her way through the crowd, stopping beside a high-backed chair where she watched her husband unobserved. He looked so handsome in a waistcoat of dark silver, black breeches, and shining top boots. His jet-black hair lay combed against his tanned neck. She lost her train of thought as she watched him, smiling to herself, but then she became aware of what he was saying.

“I should have never married her, John. She knows too. I can tell she knows. I will have to tell her.”

“You had no choice, man. Just be glad it’s all behind you, or at least it will be, as soon as you tell Kendra.”

Everything inside her stopped at the words. It made no sense . . . and then it made perfect sense. Before she even thought what she was doing, Kendra turned and fled through the crowd. She ran up the stairs and into her bedchamber. Closing the door to their room behind her, she leaned back against it.

He didn’t want her.

He didn’t want to be married to her anymore. He never had.

Despair swept over her in great waves, rolling over her and taking her under. Nothing in her life, not even her beloved father’s death, had prepared her for such complete pain. It was an agony that robbed her breath.

“I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe,” she rasped out to the room, stumbling toward the bed. “God help me, I can’t breathe.” The words kept ringing in her ears over and over until she thought her mind would explode with it. Lies, the last few blissful weeks had all been lies. Why? Why would he marry someone he didn’t love?

He’d never said the words. He never said
I love you
.

He’d only said he’d marry her to keep her safe.

Face it, Kendra.
She felt like shaking herself. He married her to protect her and she had let him, encouraged and led him to that moment. She was as bad as Angelene in her attempt to win him, just more subtle. Oh God, I’ve been manipulating him and now he is stuck in a marriage he doesn’t want and regretting it. This is all my fault.

She fell to her knees and bent her head. “Forgive me. I’ll make it right. I won’t let him sacrifice himself for my selfish mistake.”
Love.
It was time for her to exercise sacrificial love.

Chapter Twenty-Four

T
he early morning air was cold on Kendra’s face as she led the gray-dappled mare through the wooded path and then down a quiet street to Angelene’s house in Yorktown. If Dorian knew she was out riding alone he would be furious, but then it really didn’t matter anymore, did it? She couldn’t fathom what he would feel when he found out she had left. Would he be relieved? Now he wouldn’t have to find a way to get rid of her.

He wouldn’t even know she was gone for several days. Luck had been on her side when she made her plans. Dorian had received an inquiry from a man interested in captaining the
Angelina
and was headed to Williamsburg to speak with him. Kendra hadn’t known he had decided to no longer captain the ship himself and found it puzzling, but her heart was too heavy to really ponder the point. All she knew was that he would be gone for four or five days, giving her the opportunity she’d been waiting for.

She told the Colburn family that she would like to spend some time with Victoria while Dorian was away and she would be staying with her for awhile. Hannah had given her such a frown when she told her that Kendra almost believed she had read her mind, or at the very least knew something was wrong. She hated to deceive her, but there was no other choice. She couldn’t bear to wait until Dorian left her. Just the thought of it brought back the waves of despair and the feeling that she couldn’t catch her breath. No. She couldn’t wait for him to do that to her. She would go home and put her life back together. And Angelene would be glad to help her find the first ship sailing back to England.

Ducking beneath a low branch, she adjusted her seating and kept a steady pace. She rounded a bend in the road and saw the house. There. Last chance to change her mind. She stopped and pulled a letter from her pocket. It was the letter that Dorian had received, the one that told of her inheritance.

Uncle Andrew wasn’t happy about their marriage, that much was clear, but he had included a deed to a cottage and some land in Arundel. Kendra couldn’t remember ever having been there. The letter said it was from her maternal grandmother and had passed down through the eldest daughters for centuries. Andrew assured Dorian that it wasn’t worth much. There were some bank notes for a few hundred pounds tucked inside the letter that was said to be the extent of the dowry. Andrew apologized that it wasn’t more, in his snide way. Kendra had taken the notes and the deed, they were hers after all, packed up the bare essentials and now, here she was, at Angelene’s house looking for help. A sad, choking sound escaped her throat as she spurred the horse further down the drive.

Taking a deep breath, Kendra dismounted and secured her horse to the hitching post. Picking up her skirt, she walked up the steps to the wide porch and knocked. A manservant answered and smiled at her in a kindly way. That was unexpected. She imagined Angelene’s servants to wear armor beneath their livery in order to survive her barbs.

She handed over her card. “Is Miss Monteiro at home? I would like to pay her a call.”

“Miss Monteiro? Gracious ma’am, she isn’t up this early.”

“Oh, dear.” Kendra twisted the glove she’d taken off in her hands. “It’s a matter of great importance. I don’t know what I shall do without her help.” Kendra felt the quivering of her bottom lip increase.

“Well now, that’s a different matter, isn’t it? There aren’t many ever needs Angelene’s help, but there’s always that first time, now isn’t there?” He looked alarmed with wide eyes and his lips pressed down into a frown. “Come in the drawing room here and I’ll go and see if I can rouse her.”

“Thank you.” Kendra walked into a charming room of mint green and cream decor. Sinking onto a small sofa facing the door, she waited while trying not to chew on her bottom lip. A few minutes later, she looked down at her clenched fists in her lap and noted how her knuckles were white.
Stop being nervous!
Angelene would be glad to be rid of her, there was nothing to be afraid of on that score. The thought of the woman throwing herself at Dorian after she left made her throat ache.
Help me be strong, full of patience and long-suffering, Lord.
She knew this was only the first of many hard things she would have to do in the coming months.

It was a full half an hour later that Kendra heard a rustle of skirts approaching. She looked up to see Angelene, her face flushed and hair in disarray, enter the room.

“I can’t believe it’s true. What are you doing here?”

She paused, and her disdain dimmed as she saw Kendra’s eyes fill. “Kendra, what’s wrong? Has something happened to Dorian?”

“Yes, I’m afraid something has,” Kendra said quietly. Standing, she walked to a window and looked out, feeling blank inside, as if she didn’t know anything anymore. “I know we haven’t been very good friends, but I need your help.”

“Tell me what’s happened.” Angelene walked to her side and took hold of Kendra’s upper arm in none too gentle a hold.

“I’m going to have to ask a favor of you, and I can’t tell you why. Please”—she looked out into the yard again, fighting back the tears—“I need to find passage back to England, as soon as possible.”

“What do you mean, back to England? Are you visiting someone?”

“No, I’m . . . I’m leaving him. Please, don’t ask why. can’t tell you. It was just never meant to be.”

Kendra looked at Angelene’s smug face. “I was right, wasn’t I? He doesn’t love you.”

Kendra turned away from her hard, glittering eyes. This was harder than she expected. With a little sniff, she pulled herself upright. Turning back to Angelene, she nodded. “I have to go home. And I need passage back to England before Dorian returns from Williamsburg. Your father knows everything about ships. Please, I need your help leaving America as soon as possible.”

Angelene just stood there for a long moment, looking into her eyes. Kendra couldn’t tell by her stoic face if she felt happy or sad for her, but it didn’t matter. She just needed the woman’s cooperation. Then her lips curved up into a cold, calculating smile. “Of course I’ll help. I’ll do anything I can. My father is even now at the docks. We will walk down together and see him.”

“Perfect. When can we leave?”

“Let me fetch my parasol and gloves. I never let the sun touch my delicate skin, you know.”

Kendra nodded, feeling leaden inside.

“Just leave the details to me, Kendra. I’ll get you home and it will be soon, very soon. I promise you that.”

Dorian pushed his steed harder as they entered the yard. He had been gone five days, and he was eager to see his wife. It was the first time since their marriage that he’d been away so long. He hadn’t realized how attached he’d become, how lonely life felt without her. Dorian hurried through the front door, met by his worried mother. “Thank God you’re home, son,” she said as she helped him off with his sodden coat.

“What’s wrong? Is something wrong with Kendra?”

Hannah led her son into the front parlor and poured him a cup of hot tea before answering. “I’m not sure, dear, but I am worried. She rode out of here minutes after you left. She seemed to be in such a hurry to leave and she hasn’t been the same . . . since your birthday party. She said she was going to stay with Victoria for a few days and visit while you were away, but I haven’t heard a word from her since. I sent one of the stable hands over this morning to tell her that I expected you home today and to see how she was doing but he hasn’t returned yet. I don’t want to worry you unnecessarily, but I have a bad feeling that something has happened. I would suggest you ride over there yourself and bring her home.”

Dorian downed the rest of his drink and shrugged back into his coat. “I’ll go now. I knew I shouldn’t have taken this trip. Something was wrong before I left but she wouldn’t tell me what it was.” With a grim set to his mouth, he gave his mother a quick kiss on the cheek and hurried back out the door.

The ride to Victoria’s house seemed to take forever. He had a fresh mount and it was a good thing, because he nearly drove the poor beast into the ground in his haste. When he finally saw the house come into view, he breathed a sigh of relief. He would force her to tell him what was wrong. Whatever it was, they would find a solution. There was nothing between them they couldn’t resolve. Reining in his steed, he threw the lines to the waiting stable boy and raced up the stairs to bang on the door. Victoria answered it. “Dorian, this is a surprise. I’m afraid John isn’t here.”

Alarm rang through Dorian’s mind. “I’m here to see my wife. Where is Kendra?”

“Kendra?” Victoria motioned for him to come in. “Please come in where we can talk.”

Dorian allowed her to lead him to the drawing room. He ignored her motion for him to sit. Remaining standing, Dorian said as pleasantly as he could manage, “Victoria, please go and get my wife.”

Victoria paled. “Dorian, I haven’t seen Kendra since your birthday party. Has something happened? Is she missing?”

Dorian fell back into the chair across from her and leaned his head into his hands. “I don’t know. She told my mother she was coming here to stay while I was in Williamsburg.” He looked up at her, his hair swinging in his eyes. His heart was pounding. Hard. Too hard. If Kendra had been abducted again he didn’t know how he would handle it. But that made no sense. She had left on her own, telling lies about where she was going.

“Oh, dear.” Victoria sat down across from him. “I haven’t seen or heard from her. I don’t know . . .”

Dorian was stunned. Never in all his wildest imaginations did he think that Kendra would leave him. Why? What had happened? What had he done?

“We’ll find her,” Victoria said in a low, calming voice. “She must have left some clues. Have you searched your rooms?”

Dorian shook his head. “I came straight here.”

“We must go back. She may have left a note or something.”

“Yes.” Dorian stood up. “Go back.” He gave a little bow murmuring, “Thank you, Victoria,” and rushed from the room.

“Wait. I’ll come with you!”

But it was too late. Before she had time to get to the door she heard horse hooves pounding away.

Victoria had been right.

Back in his room, Dorian found a note on the dressing table. He tore it open with shaking hands.

Dear Dorian,

I know you are probably shocked to be reading this letter. I’m sure by now Victoria has told you that I did not come to visit her. I have decided that it is time for me to go home to England. I would like to thank you for the security you gave me by giving me your name. After I was taken by Martin, I was terrified for my life. When you offered marriage to protect me, I grasped at the chance because I love you. I realize now what a great sacrifice that was for you and I thank you, but now it’s time for me to make a life for myself. I’m ready to begin again and am returning to my true home to do just that. Please, if it is in your mind to follow me—don’t. You won’t change my mind and if you think about it, I’m sure you really wouldn’t want to anyway. Please know that I will always cherish our brief time that we spent together, but I am doing the only thing I can, the right thing to do. I am setting you free. You will always hold a special place in my heart.

Forever in your debt,

Kendra

Dorian blinked several times and reread it. And then read it again, more confused than ever. “In your debt?” What did she mean? She didn’t want to be his wife? What could she possibly be thinking by “setting him free”? The only freedom he had ever felt had been when he held her in his arms. He turned to pace but couldn’t seem to move. Another thought occurred to him. She had only married him for the protection of his name.
God, had it all been a lie
?
Like the time before? Had it happened again?

With sudden energy he searched the room and her belongings. She had taken most of her things and clothing and something else, something that made the puzzle snap into place.

The letter from Andrew Townsend.

The deed. The banknotes. Her inheritance.

Was that what she’d wanted all along?