'You don't know anything, and that is the sad part,' retorted Javeria.
Imama said nothing. She pulled her arm away with a jerk and walked away with quick steps. Javeria made no attempt to follow her. With concern she watched her walk away—Imama was not given to such a display of temper and this worried Javeria.
END OF CHAPTER 1
All this began with an incident in school. Imama was then a student in the Matric class; Tehreem was one of her good friends. They had not only been together in school for many years, but their families knew each other very well. Amongst all her friends, Imama was closest to Tehreem and Javeria, but she was upset that, despite their friendship, these girls shrank from visiting her home. Imama would invite them to her birthday and also to other events at home, but they would always decline on the pretext of not being allowed to go out. On a few occasions Imama herself spoke to their parents, but they still did not allow their daughters to visit her. Finally, she complained to her parents about this.
'Both your friends are Syeds. Generally, they do not approve of our sect and this is why your friends' parents do not allow them to come to our house,' explained her mother.
'What's the meaning of this? Why don't they approve of us?' Imama was surprised at her mother's words.
'Only they can tell you why they don't like us. They even call us non-Muslims.'
'Why do they say that? Are we not Muslims?' retorted Imama. 'Of course we are Muslims...but they do not believe in our prophet,' said her mother. 'Why?'
'Now what can I say to this "why"? They're just very rigid in their beliefs.' 'But Ammi, they never talk to me about religion, so how come religion becomes the problem? What difference does it make and how does it involve visiting each other's homes?' Imama was confused.
'Who can explain these matters to them? They accuse us of lying and harass us. If they knew more about us and the teachings of our prophet, they wouldn't do this. Anyway, if your friends don't visit you, there's no need to fret—you shouldn't go to their homes either.'
'But Ammi, their mistaken notions about us should be corrected,' said Imama.
'You can't do this—their parents are constantly brainwashing them against us, filling their hearts with poison.'
'No, Ammi! They are my best friends—they shouldn't think this of me. I'll give them some of our books to read...maybe then their minds and hearts will be cleared of these misunderstandings.' said Imama with hope. Her mother fell silent. 'Don't you like my idea?' asked Imama.
'It's not that... give them your books but not in such a way that they think you're trying to preach your faith. Just tell them that you'd like them to know more about us so as to be able to understand us better,' said her mother. Imama nodded quietly.
-------------------------
A few days later, Imama took some books with her to school. When they were together during recess, she brought the books along.
'I have something for you.'
'Really? Let's see what it is.'
Imama held out two sets of books from the bag, one towards Javeria and the other towards Tehreem. They quietly glanced at the books. Javeria said nothing, but Tehreem reacted.
'What's this?' she said coldly.
'I brought these books for you,' Imama replied.
'Why?'
'So that some of your wrong impressions about us can be corrected.'
'What sort of wrong impressions?'
'The wrong impressions you have about our sect,' Imama explained.
'Who told you that there are any wrong impressions about your "religion" or your prophet?' Tehreem asked very seriously.
'I can judge that myself: that is why you do not come to my house. You think perhaps that we do not read the Quran or that we do not consider Hazrat Muhammad, peace be upon him, a prophet although that's not the case—we believe in all of these things. It's only that we say that after the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), we have another prophet of our community who is as revered as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).' Imama explained with great seriousness.
Tehreem handed back the books she was holding. 'We have no misunderstanding about you or your religion. We know more than enough about your religion, and there's no need for you to give explanations,' she said brusquely. 'And as far as these books are concerned, neither I nor Javeria have spare time to waste on this pile of foolish claims, fanciful ideas, and misguided beliefs that you call your books.'
Tehreem snatched the books from Javeria and handed them back to Imama, whose face was crimson with embarrassment. She had not expected Tehreem to react so violently or else she would never have made the mistake of bringing the books or showing them to these girls.
'As for this reverences that you have, you should know that there's a vast difference between a prophet ordained by God and a self-appointed prophet.
If you truly believed in the Quran then you would believe in every word of it—it's one thing to be a prophet and another to become one.'
'Tehreem, you are insulting me and my faith!' Tears welled up in Imama's eyes.
'I am not insulting anyone—I am merely speaking the truth and if you find it insulting, it's too bad. I can't do anything about it.' Tehreem spoke in an abrupt and sharp manner.
'But we do believe in the prophethood of Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH),'
Imama stressed.
'We also believe in the prophethood of Jesus and that the Bible is a divine book, so does that make us Christians? And we believe in the prophets Moses and David too...are we Jews?' Tehreem queried in a mocking tone. 'Our faith is Islam and we are the followers of the Holy Prophet, and though we respect other prophets and their teachings, we remain followers of Islam, we are not followers of their faiths. Similarly, you follow your prophet thereby denying the finality of the prophethood of Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) but yet you insist that your faith is also a sect of Islam. Your prophet and the leaders of your community claim that whoever denies Mirza as a prophet is not a true Muslim—in effect, we've all been thrown out of Islam.'
Throughout Tehreem's harangue Javeria remained quiet.
Tehreem continued firmly, stressing each word. 'It would be better for you not to discuss your religion or mine. We have been friends for many years. Let the friendship continue as it is.'
'As regards us not visiting you at home, you're right...my parents don't approve of it. Being friends with you in school is another matter—one can be friends with many people and religion is not an issue, but visiting each other's homes is different. I don't think my parents would object to my going to the homes of my Christian or Hindu friends because they follow their own beliefs and do not call themselves Muslims. But in your case they would disapprove because the reality is that your people have changed to a new faith —yet you pretend to be part of us.'
Tehreem finally rose to go.
Watching her go, Imama turned to Javeria who was sitting beside her. 'Do you think the same way about me?'
'Tehreem said all this in a fit of rage—don't get upset by her words,' Javeria tried to pacify her. 'Just ignore it. Let's go back to class...the break's about to end.'
Imama got up and went with Javeria.
-------------------------
When Imama got home that day, she locked herself in her room and cried her heart out. Tehreem's words had really hurt her.
Hashim Mubeen got back from work earlier than usual that day and his wife Salma told him that Imama was unwell. He went to her room to see her. He was taken aback to see that her eyes were swollen.
'What is it, Imama?' he asked, coming closer. She sat up in bed and without saying anything, she burst into tears again. He sat with her on the bed. 'What happened, Imama?'
'Tehreem was very rude to me in school today,' she said between sobs.
Hashim was a little relieved. 'So did you have a fight again?'
'Baba, you don't know what she said to me,' Imama said. 'Baba she...'
Imama told her father all that had passed between her and Tehreem.
Hashim's face began to change color.
'Who told you to take those books to school to educate them?' he scolded her.
'I wanted to correct their impressions about us,' she responded weakly.
'What is the need for you to go around correcting people's impressions? They may not visit our home; they may think we are bad—so what? Let them be: what difference does it make to us?' Hashim tried to explain. 'But I wonder what she'll think of you after this...what you were trying to do by giving her those books. Her family will also be very angry. Imama, you should know that you do not have to tell others all about yourself or your community. Even if someone pulls you into an argument, just agree politely with them, otherwise they will make unnecessary and unwelcome comments and will become needlessly suspicious about us,' he counseled.
'But, Baba, you yourself preach to so many people. Why are you stopping me from doing it?' Imama was puzzled.
'It's a different thing with me—I talk about religion only with those people with whom I am close and friendly...when I feel they are ready to accept what I have to say. I don't go about distributing books to mere acquaintances,' he clarified.
'Baba, they are not just acquaintances—we have been friends for years,' objected Imama.
'Yes, but they are Syeds and their families are very orthodox. You ought to have remembered that.'
'I only wanted to tell them about our sect so that they do not think we are non-Muslims,' said Imama.
'Even if they think of us as non-Muslims, what difference does it make? They themselves are non-Muslims,' said Hashim very piously. 'They are the misguided ones, on the wrong path.'
'Baba, she said that you receive funds from foreign missions, that they pay you to convert people to our faith.'
Hashim Mubeen shook his head with disdain. 'I get money only from my community—money that our community collects at home and abroad. We have enough finances of our own...haven't we got our own factories? Besides, if foreign missions were to finance me I would accept it happily—what's wrong with it? If Christianity can be preached in this country, then why not our faith? After all, we are another sect of Islam trying to bring people on the path of real guidance,' he elaborated.
'Don't talk to others about this issue,' he continued. 'There's no point in argument or discussion. We are a minority now, but when we become the majority then such people will not dare to speak up like this—they will be afraid to insult us to our face. However, you should not get involved with such people now.'
'Baba, why have we been declared non-Muslims and a minority in the constitution when we are a sect of Islam?'
'All this is the handiwork of the mullahs—for their vested interests, they ganged up against us. When our numbers increase, we too will bring in laws that favor us, and all such amendments to the constitution will be abrogated,' declared Hashim forcefully. 'And you need not lock yourself up like this and cry,' he said as he got up. Imama watched him walk away.
That was the last day of her friendship with Tehreem. Imama was so heartbroken by Tehreem's diatribe that she could not bring herself to continue their relationship. Tehreem too did not try to bridge the silence between them. Hashim Mubeen was one of the influential leaders of the Ahmadi community. His older brother Azam was also an important Ahmadi leader. Barring one or two people, his entire family had converted to the Qadiani creed many years ago when Azam had begun this mission; those who had not done so had severed ties with the others. Following in his brother's footsteps, Hashim had also converted, and like his brother, he too worked towards its propagation. In about ten or fifteen years, both brothers had made a name for themselves in their community. They were amongst the elite of Islamabad but despite their affluence, their homes were very traditional. Their womenfolk observed purdah but there were no undue restrictions placed on them.
Imama had also grown up in this environment. Indeed, she was one of those born with a silver spoon in her mouth , and though she knew that her father was actively propagating the Ahmadi faith, she accepted it as a matter of course. She had grown up seeing her father and her uncle preaching their faith and to her it was something being done in the service of Islam.
Imama regularly attended religious gatherings with her family and also listened to the lectures by their leaders transmitted via satellite from London. Before the showdown with Tehreem, she had never really pondered over her religion—for her, her sect was just another one of the different sects in Islam. She had been brought up to believe that her community was the only one on the true path of Islam and would be the only one to enter paradise.
Very early Imama and her siblings had been instructed not to divulge anything about their faith in school. In school Imama had learnt that in 1974 the Constitution had been amended by Parliament to declare them to be non-Muslims and their community as a minority community. She believed it was a political decision taken under pressure from other religious leaders. However, the argument with Tehreem compelled Imama to think more deeply about her community and her faith.
This brought about a change in her: she began to read literature and the holy writings on her faith as well as other books. Initially, there was much confusion in her mind, but as she studied this in greater depth, it cleared her mind. Soon after her matriculation exam she was engaged to Asjad, her uncle Azam's son. Although this was not a love match, Asjad and Imama were happy with this relationship and after the engagement Imama developed a soft spot for Asjad.
'You seem to be quite worried for the last few days—is there a problem?' Waseem asked her that night. Imama had been upset and quiet lately.
'No, it's nothing. It's your imagination.' Imama tried to smile.
'It's not my imagination: there is something wrong. But if you don't want to share it, then it's a different matter,' said Waseem, shaking his head. He was lying on one side of Imama's double bed while she sat away from him leafing through her notes in a file. Waseem waited for her reply and then said, 'I was right, wasn't I? You don't want to talk about it.'