Pin (7 page)

“What do you mean, accident?”

“Accident, accident. Don't you know what accident means? They didn't slip on the ice. They're in a car. There must've been a crash.”

“Oh, my God.” She finally got up and got her robe on. We went downstairs and waited for Ralph Wilson.

He took his hat off as soon as he walked through the front entrance. I thought that was overly dramatic.
I've known Ralph Wilson all my life and it seemed very strange for him to be acting so formal with us. Ursula stood to the side, squeezing her body with her folded arms. She looked utterly ridiculous. Ralph directed all of it to me. I think he was afraid to look at Ursula.

“It was a head-on crash on the Olympic Hill. You know that lousy turn, so many accidents.”

“Are they …” Ursula had her fingers against her mouth.

“The car just doesn't have any front left to it,” Ralph said. He was circling the point, but I didn't mind. “No one could have lived through that. The front seat is pushed right into the back. We have to do all sorts of cutting to get the … to get them out.”

“Oh, my God.” Ursula took my arm. I just stared at Ralph.

“I'm sorry,” he said.

“Who hit them?”

“Two drunken bastards. Neither of them are seriously hurt. Isn't it always that way? I suppose you'd want us to contact Garfield's Mortuary. I can do that for you.”

“Yes, of course.”

“I can't tell you how sorry we all feel. This is a great loss for the community.”

“Thank you,” I said. Ursula turned and ran up the stairs.

“If there's anything we can do …”

“I'll let you know.”

He nodded, put his hat on and left. I stood there for a few minutes trying to understand that the world would change for us. The most dominant thing I could recall, however, was the great urge to see the
accident, to see how badly they had been mangled, to see the expressions on their faces. I imagined my father would have been terribly annoyed, and my mother would have been absolutely terrified that her clothing would get dirty.

When I went back upstairs, I found Ursula sitting on her bed, her knees up, her arms around her legs, her head against the tops of her knees. Her eyes were closed and she looked asleep.

“Ursula.”

Her eyelids twitched and opened slowly.

“I'm so scared,” she said.

“It's all right. It'll be all right. We'll cope. Get dressed.”

“Dressed? For what? Do you know what time it is? We don't have to identify the bodies or anything like that, do we?” she asked, her eyes getting bigger.

“No, no.”

“Then why?”

“We have to go to the office and tell Pin.”

“Tell Pin? Pin?”

“Yes, he'll hafta know. It'll be better if we go together, now.”

“Leon, no.”

“Get dressed,” I said and went to my room. She came to the doorway and watched me take my pants out of the closet.

“Leon, don't you understand what's happened? We can't go off to the office now to talk to … Leon, please, I don't want to be here alone.”

“Get dressed,” I said without looking at her. She saw how serious I was about going and finally went to her closet and put on a skirt and blouse. We didn't talk on the way to the office, but all the while I was aware of how she was staring at me. When we got
there, Pin knew immediately that something was wrong.

“There's been an accident,” I said, “a terrible, terrible accident.” Pin waited for the details. Ursula walked around and around the office, touching things. I just sat at Pin's feet, and I described Ralph Wilson's phone call and visit.

“I just can't believe it,” Pin said. “I always thought of your father as being indestructible—immortal, somehow. God, the man never even had a cold,” Pin added in that same nasal tone father used whenever he spoke through Pin.

“It's hard to believe he's dead, yes.”

“Leon, please, let's go home now,” Ursula said. I turned and looked at her. She was obviously terrified.

“We'll hafta call Uncle Hyman and Aunt Dorothy,” I said.

“Not yet. Let's go home and do it.”

“No, we'd better do it now, from here.” I went to the phone and made the first call to Uncle Hyman. His wife answered and she was very confused. The sleepiness in her voice amused me. It took her awhile to understand who was calling.

“It's Leon, your nephew,” I said twice. Actually, I wasn't surprised by her failure to recognize my voice. We very rarely saw or spoke to each other.

“Leon? Oh, Leon. What do you want? My God, Leon. It's only five-fifty in the morning.”

“Is it? Oh yes, it is.”

“What's wrong? What is it?” She was really waking up now. I could hear my uncle mumbling in the background, trying to get the receiver away from her. I knew she wouldn't give it to him. She was the
type who had to be the first to know anything. I covered the receiver and turned to Pin.

“She's such a creep. I can just see her in that bed with curlers in her head and chin straps. She's always getting those facials. I don't think you ever met her, did you?”

“Can't recall her.”

“Yes, Aunt Sadie, it is only five-fifty in the morning. I'm sorry I had to call you so early, but, you see, there's been a bad accident and my mother and father are dead.”

Ursula stuffed her hand against her mouth when I said that. Then she sat in a chair quickly. Aunt Sadie screamed and my uncle grabbed the receiver. He was shouting back at me because she couldn't talk.

“What is it? What? Sadie, be quiet. Leon, this is Uncle Hymie, what is it? What did you tell Aunt Sadie? Leon?”

I smiled at Pin, who seemed to be smiling back. I knew how much my father despised Uncle Hymie.

“I told her there's been a car accident. I told her my mother and my father were killed. It happened tonight.” He was silent, but I could hear Aunt Sadie sobbing. It had such an artificial sound to it.

“Where are you and Ursula?” he asked.

“We're at father's office with Pin.”

“With who?”

“Pin,” I said. “A friend.” I looked at Ursula, but she was now standing with her back to me, looking out the window.

“Well, listen,” he said, “I'm getting up right now and starting out for Woodridge. You two go home and wait for me there.”

“We'll be home by the time you arrive.”

“Did you call your Aunt Dot?”

“Not yet. I was about to.”

“I can do it,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said. Ursula turned around. “He's going to call Aunt Dot.” She nodded. “See ya later, Uncle Hymie,” I said, and hung up. “He won't be here for a few hours.”

“What do you think will happen to us now, Leon?” Ursula asked.

“What'dya mean, happen? Nothing.”

“How are we gonna live? I mean, don't you think we'll hafta go and live with Uncle Hymie or Aunt Dot?”

“Hell, no. I'm eighteen. I ain't living with either of those two. Jesus, no.”

“You're legally on your own,” Pin added.

“Yeah, that's right, I'm legally on my own.” I looked at Ursula. She stood with her hand on her mouth. “But Ursula's only sixteen.”

“Won't they let us stay together?”

“I don't know. Let's worry about that later. We'll be all right.”

“If you don't go with them, I won't,” she said. I went back over and sat at Pin's feet. “I won't,” she repeated.

“I still can't believe your father's actually dead,” Pin said.

“The doctor never kissed me,” I said. “I can't ever remember him kissing me. I can't even remember my mother kissing me very much.”

“He kissed you,” Ursula said.

“When?”

“He must've. Sometime or another,” she said, and came over to sit beside me.

“He just wasn't a very emotional man,” Pin said. “It was part of his way of life to be impersonal. How could he be a doctor and be emotional?”

“Doctors have to be scientifically detached. I know. I always told myself that. He wanted me to be that way, too.”

“He was just trying to protect you,” Pin said. “Make you strong enough to face hardships, hardships like the one you're facing now.”

“Once a woman came to our house with an oozing, pussy sore. It was running down her neck. When I think about it now, I get nauseous. I stood in the room while he treated her and he didn't chase me away. I was only about six, but I remember it vividly.”

“It didn't bother him, so he forgot it might bother you, that's all.”

“He knew I was there. He wanted me to see it. That was his way.”

“I know what you mean,” Ursula said.

We were all quiet for a moment and then I thought of something funny. “Mother's going to clean up heaven as soon as she gets there.”

“Yeah,” Ursula said and giggled. It was a thin strain of a sound. “She'll tell God to take off His shoes.”

“Yeah,” I said. We both laughed and laughed. Pin didn't laugh. He stared ahead. Suddenly my laugh broke into a sob and I felt my chest heaving and heaving. Ursula's did the same thing, and before we knew it, we were both crying and laughing at the same time.

It was crazy and it hurt a lot. Finally we stopped and I sprawled out on the floor and faced the
window. Ursula lay back with her head on my chest, looking out too. The night sky was lighting up with the approaching sun.

“Promise me one thing, Leon,” she said. “Promise me we'll stay together.”

“I promise,” I said, and I stroked her hair. “And you know what else? We can take Pin home.”

“Oh, no, Leon,” she said and sat up quickly. “We can't. We shouldn't.”

“Of course we can. He's the doctor's size. I'll bring over some of the doctor's clothes, dress him, and take him back.”

“No, Leon. I don't want you to do that.”

I stared at her in anger. It wasn't like Ursula to reject Pin. The thought of it brought a numbness into my legs and I had difficulty sitting up.

“Of course you want that, Ursula. How do you think Pin will feel all alone here until this office is sold and a new doctor comes. Perhaps he won't like the new doctor. Besides, Pin's always wanted to come home with us. It was the doctor who didn't permit it and the doctor's dead.”

“But would that be wise? I mean, people might talk and …”

“People don't have to know our personal business. I won't live in that house without Pin. Make up your mind quickly. Otherwise you can go live with Uncle Hymie.”

“Oh, no. I don't want to live with them.”

“Well?”

“All right,” she said, “but do it at night.”

“Of course I'll do it at night. No one has to know our business. Don't worry,” I said reaching out for her hand, “things'll be all right.”

Ursula nodded slowly and leaned against me
again, her head on my chest. The sunlight got stronger and stronger. We remained there like that for quite a while. Ursula fell asleep and then woke up. Quietly we got up and left the office. We drove through the quiet, empty streets to home. When we got there, Ursula made us something to eat. She tried to keep the kitchen as clean as mother had wanted it. She tried for about ten minutes, and then she gave it up with a silly little laugh.

“Why am I wiping the inside of the garbage can lid? It's so stupid.”

“You're not the little homemaker your mother was,” I said, imitating Pin's tone of voice.

“I don't care. I can only do my best and my best is what any normal person would do.”

“It's all right with me and I'm sure it'll be all right with Pin. The doctor never worried about it. In fact, he was oblivious to mother's antics.”

Afterward, we went upstairs and dressed to meet our uncles and aunts. We were determined, right from the start, to impress them with our maturity and independence. We knew they weren't anxious to take on any new responsibilities, and our actions could help them rationalize not getting too involved.

The funeral was quick. People came from all over the area. Afterward, my uncles and aunts came home with us. My Aunt Dorothy was for discussing what would now happen to Ursula and me, but my Uncle Hymie had the sensitivity to put it off until the following night. Ursula and I sat together on the couch in the living room for a good part of the day. Of course, we ate very little. Some of the kids came, but it was mostly adults who visited. They spent their time talking to my uncles and aunts.

Along about eight o'clock the next night, my Uncle Hymie asked Ursula and me to step into the dining room with him. We sat around the table and he described our financial condition. He had done all the legal work, checking on the wills, bank accounts and investments. I was really surprised to hear just how well off we were. I knew father had a big practice, but I didn't know he had so many investments, good investments. Everything was left to us. I don't know whether or not this bothered Uncle Hymie. He had an inscrutable face when he discussed business. He was to Wall Street what my father was to medicine—coldly calculating.

“Leon,” he said, “you're over eighteen now, and legally in control of a great amount of wealth. However, I … that is, none of us expect you to be able to handle it all by yourself.”

“I don't see why not, Uncle Hymie.”

“I don't think you fully comprehend yet just what is involved here.”

“Yes, he does,” Ursula said quickly. “Leon is very intelligent. He's brilliant.”

“No one is saying he isn't, Ursula, but for a young man like Leon to be suddenly burdened with all this responsibility …”

“I don't mind responsibility,” I said. “I used to help mother with her financial planning from time to time,” I added. It was an out-and-out lie. Mother did little or no financial planning. Uncle Hymie sat back, looking a little disturbed. As far as I could see, there was little resemblance between him and my father. My father's face was lean, his features sharp. Uncle Hymie's face was round. He had a double chin and thick lips.