Pierced Love (16 page)

He twirls me around so that my back is against the SUV and pushes me against the passenger side door.

His hand comes up to my face and out of nowhere his lips meet mine. I’m taken off guard by his act of affection, but I let him go and take control of the moment.

I want this moment to happen.

I need to feel that I’m wanted and when I’m with Loudon, I know that he wants to be with me, too.

I close my eyes and once again I get lost in this guy. Our kiss starts off slow, but then Loudon nips at my lower lip and I open my mouth for his tongue to touch mine.

His kiss is nothing like our first kiss last weekend.

This one is hard and urgent.

I bring my arms up around his neck and pull him in tightly against me.

I’m swept away in the moment.

Things with Loudon feel so good. Even after what just happened only a few moments ago, he’s still standing here with me…kissing me.

He pulls away, we are both breathing hard.

I stare at him, into his eyes.

I want to cringe, I want to hide, and I want to pretend like this night never happened.

Taking my eyes off of his, I can feel the tears begin to surface. I blink a few times and with that they start to flood my vision and fall from my face onto the macadam pavement.

“Zar, please don’t cry. Doll, look at me.”

His voice is soft, caring and sweet.

He pulls me into him and holds me tightly against his body.

I cry harder than I’ve ever cried in front of another person. I feel like the past five years of anxiety, hurt and pain are all coming to the surface.

As if today wasn’t hard enough for me to come out here, Loudon had to face my worst fears head on.

Oh god, I don’t even want to know what he must think of me right now.

I begin to shake in his arms.

His warm hand rubs up and down along my back to soothe me.

“Come on, let’s take you back home to get you changed; you’re soaked,” he says.

Loudon pulls away from me and I step away from the passenger’s side door. He reaches in his pocket and brings out a key fob. Pushing a button, he unlocks the door and opens it for me to get in. Once I’m in the seat he slowly closes the door and walks around the front of the car. I watch every step that he takes. He looks flustered as he runs his hands through his hair.

He opens his door and hops in next to me.

Reaching for my hand he takes it in his own and looks at me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks.

I shake my head, no.

“Do you want me to take you home to get changed and come back for halftime?”

I don’t know how I should answer that.

Tonight is a huge night for Zeke. I can’t miss it…can I?

“Zar you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, you know that, right?”

I look over at him. He’s staring at me and I want so badly to tell him everything. How is it that this one person has me so attached so quickly? I haven’t trusted another person in five years…not since Nana.

“I have to come back and be here for Zeke. As much as I wish that you weren’t here for what just happened, I have to come back to celebrate tonight with my family.”

“Okay then. Let’s pretend like nothing happened. We can get you home so you can change and we’ll come right back. Deal?” He asks.

I smile back at him. How can he pretend like that didn’t just happen? Is it really that easy to just switch out the painful memories?

His positive attitude is helpful and right now it’s amusing to me.

“Deal,” I reply.

Loudon pushes the start button and the Range Rover engine purrs to life.

Within a few moments we are on the road and on our way back to my house.

With Loudon, I really think things could get easier. The more he pushes me, the more I want to be different for him. As scary as the changes may be moving forward, if he’s willing to help and support me, I think I can give it a try.

I hate that we have to leave the game because of me, but thankfully this all happened before the game even started.

If we hurry, we should have a good thirty minutes to get back before the halftime awards ceremony starts.

The drive back to my house is a short trip, a few minutes at the most.

Loudon and I sit in silence, both staring forward at the road in front of us.

Loudon drives us through the town like he knows exactly where he’s going. It’s as if he’s lived here his whole life.

I don’t know if I could navigate him right now if I tried.

I’m an emotional mess and I don’t want to fall apart in front of him again.

As comfortable as I’ve been with Loudon, right now I feel out of sorts.

I’m embarrassed.

No one, other than my peers, has ever witnessed the cruelty I suffer through with the people at school.

Tonight Loudon had a front row seat to what my world looks like in the hell zone.

After standing up to Dillan like that, I can’t believe he’s not pressuring me for more details.

In fact, he’s acting like it was nothing, like nothing happened.

I don’t know how he’s dealing with it or what he’s thinking, but I do know that it scares me that he was exposed to that side of my existence.

We’ve only known each other for a few short weeks and, during that time, I’ve been made a fool in front of his friends, pushed him away and been confronted by one of the haters.

Yet, he is still here, with me.

So many thoughts are racing through my mind as I watch the streets of Des Moines pass me by.

As much as I wish I knew what was going to happen next, I do know this much:

I like Loudon. I like him a lot.

I like the way he makes me feel…wanted.

I like the way he wants to touch me…as if he never wants to let me go.

I enjoy being near him and spending time with him

He makes me believe that I deserve to be happy.

But my fear is that I don’t know how much of me, or my pain, it will take for him to realize that I’m not really the person he thinks he sees?

I look out the side window as we pull into my driveway.

Loudon pulls the Range Rover up to the garage doors, puts it in park and turns off the ignition.

He takes off his seatbelt and turns in his seat to face me.

“Do you want me to come in or should I just wait out here?” He asks.

I turn my head to look at him.

“You can come in with me. No point in sitting out here by yourself,” I reply.

“Okay, cool. Sit tight, I’ll be right there,” He says, while opening his door and stepping out of the car.

A giggle escapes my lips as I watch him run around the front of the car and over to my side.

He opens the door and extends his hand out for me.

“Why, thank you,” I say with a wink.

He nods his head in a gesture of chivalry and I laugh as we make our way toward the garage doors.

I enter the code on the security panel and we wait in silence while the garage door opens.

Loudon grabs my hand and leads me through the garage and into the mud room.

As we get into the kitchen I gesture for him to have a seat.

“Just hang out here and I’ll be back down as quickly as I can. I just want to rinse the sticky off of me and get changed,” I say pointing at my stomach and legs.

Loudon shrugs his eyebrows and smiles back at me.

“Hurry up, doll. We don’t want to miss halftime,” he says, sitting down at the breakfast bar and pulling out his cell phone.

I race up the stairs and into my bedroom.

I need to make this fast…really fast.

Walking into my closet, I grab a pair of jeans from the shelf and a tank top and black sweater off of their hangers. I bend down to sort through my shoes and find my black pair of UGG boots.

“Perfect!” I say to myself.

Scooping everything in my arms I carry the clothes into the bathroom and strip myself of the wet and stained clothes tossing them into my hamper under the counter. I grab a hair tie out of the drawer and pull my dark strands up into a high messy bun. Hopping into the shower I stand under the warm water. It feels so good against my skin, but I know I don’t have much time to get cleaned off.

I quickly rinse off the hot chocolate that seeped onto my skin and wash my body.

I’ve gotten the residue cleaned away, but the memory of what happened is still with me.

How could someone be so cruel to another human being?

For the most part, these people don’t even know me. They think they do, but they don’t.

Each and every one of them has this preconceived idea of who I am because of what happened that night.

No one has ever asked me if I was ok or if the stories were true. Instead, they chose to believe the rumors, make assumptions, and treat me like a freak.

How unfair.

Loudon didn’t know me when he met me, he never judged me. He made the choice to see me as Zar, not someone that was hurting and needing support.

I still can’t believe Loudon did that for me; he came to my rescue like it was something natural for him to do.

He called me his girl. Even if he didn’t realize what he said, I did.

Stepping out of the shower, I dry off as fast as I can and quickly pull on my clean clothes. I pull my hair down and run a brush through the tangles. I take a good look in the mirror and reapply a fresh splash of makeup.

Once I’m dressed and ready to go, I give myself one last look.

I smile.

This is the first time I’m looking at myself and hoping that someone else likes what they see in me.

I want to appear different to Loudon.

I want him to see the real me.

I want him to like me for who I am.

I’ve hoped that things would change for me once I left for Iowa State next fall, but I realize now that I have something…rather, someone else I want to change for, now…to be better for, now, he makes me feel this way.

Flipping off the light switches, I leave my bedroom and hurry down the stairs. When I enter the kitchen, Loudon is still sitting at the breakfast bar with his back to me.

I don’t know what possesses me or what gives me the courage, but I walk up behind him and surround my arms around his waist.

I rest my chin on his back and close my eyes.

My heart race picks up, but not in the bad way like I am used to when I go into panic mode.

This feeling is so different.

I’m calm, I’m happy and I like the way I feel when I’m with this guy.

He pushes me back a bit and stands from the bar stool. Turning in my arms, he picks me up and sits me back down on the stool.

He leans his head down against my neck and takes in a breath.

“You smell so good,” he says.

“Were you just sniffing me?” I ask with a laugh.

“Why, yes I was, do you have a problem with that?” He asks with a grin.

I giggle and pull him close against me so that my head is resting on his chest.  

Never in a million years could I ever imagine something like this happening to me.

This moment is so surreal.

He pulls away and looks me in the eyes.

The way his eyes look now are different. The pupils are larger, yet the color is still so green.

His lips touch mine ever so gently.

I fall into my Loudon trance and enjoy the moment we are in. His kisses seem to change every time. The first time was soft and slow, the last time was hard and urgent and this time…he’s taking his time exploring me.

I don’t want this second in time to end.

I can feel him begin to pull away and I wrap my arms tighter around him.

He lets out a laugh.

“As much as I’d like to stay here doing this for awhile longer, we need to get going. We’re going to miss halftime.”

I give him a pout and hop off the stool.  

We interlace our fingers and walk out of the kitchen and toward the garage.

Loudon pulls me out of the garage and I type in the code to shut the door.

We rush into the Range Rover and make our way back to the football stadium in record time.

As soon as we get there I can see that there is still 3:27 left in the second quarter.

“Phew, we made it with enough time to spare,” I say, letting out a huge sigh of relief.