Pieces of My Heart (8 page)

I knocked on the door again. This time he opened it immediately.

‘Here you go,’ I said, handing him the box.

‘I’d put ear-plugs in if I was you.’ He grinned. ‘I think Lily might be a screamer.’

9

Over coffee in the office Sally asked me how Ali was coping with her new single status.

‘She’s very subdued. I wish I knew what to say to make her feel better. I keep telling her she’s gorgeous and there are lots of fish in the sea.’

‘STOP! Don’t say another word. That’s the kind of stuff my mother is
still
saying to me and, believe me, it does not make me feel better. You mothers need to come up with some new material.’

‘Like what?’

‘I suppose telling her that copious amounts of alcohol help numb the pain is out of the question?’

‘It most certainly is.’

‘Honestly, there’s nothing you can say. Some other drama is bound to happen in school and everyone will forget about it, although Ali never will. I still cringe when I think of Rozzer Dickson asking me to his end-of-school dance and standing me up. I waited for two hours, looking out the window in my midnight-blue satin meringue dress, while my parents kept trying to make up excuses as to why Rozzer was late. The best was when Mum suggested that maybe he’d tripped up on the way over, got concussed and was suffering from amnesia. At which point Dad muttered that if Rozzer ever darkened our door he’d know all about amnesia. I didn’t leave the house for two weeks.’

‘Oh, Sally, that’s terrible.’

‘It’s probably the reason I’m still single. I wonder if you can sue someone for standing you up at seventeen thereby ruining your chances of getting married?’

‘Do you think it’ll take her ages to get over it?’

‘Who knows? She seemed really into him. It’s a hard knock.’

‘According to Sarah, David’s now in a “super-intense” relationship with Tracy. I don’t know if that’ll help Ali get over him faster or make it worse.’

‘Worse, believe me. How’s Sarah faring in her new romance?’

‘You know Sarah – her relationships are always completely over the top. Bobby is in our house all the time and they’re permanently wrapped around each other. I’m sure it’s not easy on Ali.’

‘What’s Bobby like?’

‘He seems nice enough. Paul’s not keen on him because he talks like Sarah – in that California-airhead way – and he dyes his hair, which Paul thinks is very gay.’

‘What I don’t understand about teenage boys dyeing their hair is that they do it so badly. It looks orange. Why don’t they get it done properly so it looks good?’

‘Come on, Sally, we all dyed our hair with Sun-in and those other bleaches. You have to get it wrong before you get it right. Actually, Bobby’s isn’t that bad – I think he gets it done in a salon.’

‘How’s Charlie? Any sign of Lily?’

‘Thankfully, no, it seems to have fizzled out. He’s been relatively calm recently, which is a relief. I always imagined worrying about the girls sneaking people home at night, not my father.’

‘He probably got rid of all those years of pent-up sexual frustration with Lily.’

‘I hope so. He seems happier. But you never know with Charlie. How was your family lunch?’

‘You mean my pity lunch.’

‘Was it that bad?’

‘Worse. Both my sisters were there so it was a full onslaught.’

Sally had two sisters, one older (Samantha) and one younger (Hilary), who were both married with children. They couldn’t understand why she wasn’t and were always trying to fix her up.

After college Sally qualified as an accountant, then headed off on a trip around the world. She had met Stuart in Australia. He owned a bar on a beach in the middle of nowhere and offered her a job and to share his bed. She stayed for a year – it was the opposite of anything she’d ever experienced before: carefree, laid-back, no responsibilities, no exams, no suits – she went to work in a bikini. It was exactly what she needed. But after a year her mother flew over and told her, ‘The holiday is over. You need to get back to reality.’ So Sally moved to London, worked and played hard for ten years, got involved with her married boss, Jeremy, and when that went sour, she moved home to lick her wounds.

I had known her vaguely in college, but it was only when she came back from London and we met up at a mutual friend’s house that we really clicked. A few months later, over drinks in a wine bar, we’d decided to set up Happy Dayz. She wanted out of corporate life and I wanted out of domestic life. Since then she’d never really gone out with anyone for more than a few months at most. She hadn’t admitted it, but I think she’d really believed Jeremy would leave his wife. When he didn’t, she was devastated and hardened her heart to protect herself.

‘Tell me all,’ I said, settling in my chair.

‘It’s the same old story,’ Sally said, ‘Samantha and Hilary trying to find me a husband …’

‘Hi, Sally, any nice men on the scene?’ Samantha asked.

‘Nope,’ Sally said, popping an olive into her mouth.

‘Well, my friend Suzie’s cousin met this guy on a blind date and she didn’t find him attractive and they didn’t even get on that well, but he asked her out again and they got on a bit better that time and then they went out again, and three months later they’re engaged.’

‘I see. So you’re suggesting that if I go on a blind date with a bald, overweight loser I could fall madly in love and marry him?’

‘There’s no need to be snippy. I’m just saying you should give it a go. You never know, Sally, you might meet someone you like.’

‘It’s worth a try,’ Hilary agreed. ‘You’re not having much luck on your own, so let us help you.’

‘I’ll think about it,’ Sally said, to get them off her back.

‘I don’t understand what the problem is. You’re an attractive woman with a good job,’ Martin, Sally’s brother-in-law, put in.

‘She’s too independent – it scares men off,’ her other brother-in-law, Philip, helpfully explained.

‘Excuse me, I’m in the room,’ Sally fumed. ‘Please don’t talk about me in the third person and, besides, that’s crap. If a man can’t appreciate a woman who has her own life and her own career, then he’s the one with the insecurities and the problem, not her.’

‘You could try to soften up a bit,’ Samantha said. ‘Even women find you a bit prickly. My friends are always commenting on how cynical you are. They’re afraid to bring up any topical issues with you because you just shoot them down.’

‘That’s because they don’t have a clue what they’re talking about. Come on, Samantha, even you can’t defend that idiot friend of yours who thought a
hijab
was an Indian curry.’

‘She’s a busy mum of three. She hasn’t got time to read up on current affairs.’

‘That is such a lame excuse. Having children doesn’t make you brain dead – look at Cherie Blair and Hillary Clinton, for God’s sake.’

Martin choked on his drink. ‘Get real, Sally. They’re not the type of women that men want to shag. You don’t have to dumb down, but maybe a less confrontational approach would work. Think less Hillary Clinton and more Carla Bruni.’

‘So what are you saying? That a woman can’t challenge a man if he says something she disagrees with in case he gets scared off? What are you, men or mice? Why do I have to pretend to be something I’m not?’

‘You don’t,’ Hilary said. ‘But it might help if you tone it down in the beginning. When the man gets to know you and falls for you, then you can challenge him on anything you want.’

‘I’m forty-bloody-three. I’m too old to play games.’

‘When was the last time you got laid?’ Martin asked.

‘None of your business.’

‘Maybe you’re too fussy,’ Samantha suggested. ‘Everyone compromises.’

‘I’m not fussy. I’m actually very low maintenance. I don’t want children; I don’t need money, I have my own; I’m not expecting gorgeous looks, but I would like an independent man who enjoys a lively debate and makes me laugh.’

‘What do you mean, “everyone compromises”?’ Philip asked his wife.

‘Philip, do you honestly believe I thought I’d end up with someone who’s obsessed with collecting stamps?’ Samantha snapped.

‘There are a lot worse hobbies he could have,’ Hilary said.

‘He spends hours locked in his study staring at stamps through a magnifying-glass. It’s not normal.’

‘Would you rather he was in the pub drinking?’ Martin asked.

‘At least it’s sociable and I could join in.’

‘I’ve met some very interesting people through my stamp collecting. In fact, quite a few of the men are single and I was thinking of fixing Sally up with one of them,’ Philip said.

‘Is this what I’ve been reduced to, blind dates with stamp nerds? Someone shoot me now.’ Sally covered her face with her hands.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Philip. Sally needs someone who can challenge her, not some mousy stamp collector she can walk all over,’ Samantha said.

‘Are you sure you don’t want children?’ Hilary asked, looking lovingly at her two sons, who were busy shoving peanuts up their noses. ‘They really are such a blessing.’

‘I honestly think I can live without it, although it does look tempting.’ Sally suppressed a smile.

‘There’s no greater love than –’

‘A mother has for her child,’ Sally cut her sister short. ‘Yes, I know, Hilary, you’ve told me a million times. But everyone is different and children are not for me. I’d just like to meet a nice man and have fun. It would be lovely to have someone to go to the cinema with. Someone to go to dinner parties with. Someone to talk to when I get home after a shitty day in work. Someone to share good news with. Someone to spend Sundays with …’

‘There’s a bloke in my office who’s just divorced his wife. Nice guy, not bad-looking, successful, top squash player. I could see if he’s up for a night out?’ Martin suggested.

‘Why did he break up with his wife?’ Sally asked.

‘Caught shagging the au pair.’

‘He sounds like a great catch, Martin, but I’ll pass.’

‘So, as you can see, it was another fun family lunch,’ Sally said, pulling at the button on her jacket.

‘It sounds awful. But, you know, although they go about it the wrong way, they are just trying to help,’ I noted.

‘I just wish they’d stop obsessing about me meeting someone because it makes me feel like shit. It’s as if I’m not a whole person because I’m single. Of course I’d like to meet someone, but sometimes I’m happy being on my own. Why can’t they just leave it?’

‘Because when you love someone, you want them to have it all.’

‘Yes, but your definition of having it all is not necessarily the same as the other person’s.’

‘That’s true – I never thought of it like that.’

‘I don’t want children, but everyone thinks I’m saying that because I’m forty-three and single. But that’s not it. I just don’t want kids. I never did. But Hilary can’t accept this because her children define who she is. She has nothing else in her life. She barely leaves the house unless it’s to ferry the boys to soccer or swimming. I think her life looks like hell and she thinks the same of mine.’

‘I know what you mean, actually. When I met Paul and decided to get married, all my friends thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life. They tried to talk me out of it. They said I was going to miss out on my youth, I’d never travel and see the world, and I’d be a boring housewife in my twenties.’

‘I remember when you got engaged – I hardly knew you but everyone who did was totally shocked.’

‘They thought I was mad. But the point was that I needed stability. I craved structure and security. After Mum died and Charlie married Catherine, I moved out. I didn’t have a family. I felt completely lost. I was living in an apartment alone at seventeen. So when I met Paul, I dived head first into the relationship. He was so strong and reliable and sure of himself and where he was going in life. I wanted to be part of that. He made me feel safe.’

‘Did you ever feel you missed out on your twenties?’

‘When I was stuck at home with the two girls and all my friends were travelling or partying all night I wondered if I’d made a mistake. That was a hard time. Paul had just bought the pub and was working day and night to make it a success, so once again I found myself alone. No one else had young kids and I had to make a new set of friends. But, I must say, Charlie was great. He used to babysit whenever I needed a night off, or just to go out for an hour. We got very close when I had the girls. I think in a way he saw it as a chance to make it up to me for marrying Catherine and leaving me on my own after Mum died.’

‘I think being a young mum is cool. I see my sisters and they’re going to be sixty when their kids are in college.’

‘Paul and I always planned to do our travelling when the girls were finished college. We said we’d sell up and head off into the sunset. Do all the fun things our friends were doing while we were having kids and building a life together.’

‘You should do it.’

‘I hope we will. It would do us good.’

‘Well, that’s all you need – the desire to do it.’

I smiled. ‘
I
want to, but I’m not so sure Paul does any more.’

She looked at me as if she was about to ask something, but then changed her mind. I started to busy myself with some files. If she was nice to me right now, I’d burst into tears, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

10

Ali continued to be quieter than usual for the rest of the week and moped around the house, sighing a lot. But on Sunday morning, she came into the kitchen, where I was sitting with Sarah, having tea and chocolate biscuits, and said she had an announcement.

‘What is it?’ I asked.

‘I’ve made a decision. There’s going to be a new me,’ Ali said.

‘Alleluia. All that misery was becoming a pain.’ Sarah stuffed another biscuit into her mouth.

Ignoring her sister, Ali continued, ‘I’ve decided I’m going to get fit and healthy. I’m cutting out all junk food from now on.’

She seemed extremely enthusiastic about her new plan and I was delighted to see her snapping out of her gloom. ‘Why did you decide this?’ I asked.

‘I just think that if I eat a healthier diet it’ll give me more energy and help me feel better, look better and study better. There’s so much more work this year, I need to be fit and healthy. So, from now on, no more crisps, chocolate or biscuits for me.’