Pickle (11 page)

“Operation Zombie Gym sucked,” Frank said when he ran past. Like I didn't know.

Principal Lebonsky made an announcement during science class. She said, “Whomever deposited the dry ice in the locker rooms created a hazard for fellow students and violated school policy by posting unapproved signage on the mirrors. I am out of patience with the recent mischief, and I vow that there will be appropriate consequences for all responsible parties.”

The rest of the day didn't get any better. Mr. Reynolds gave us a pop quiz on the parts of a frog, and I got a C on my essay about Hermes. When I got home, all I wanted to do was veg out in front of the TV. I dug into my backpack for the last piece of gum we'd bought at Farley's and found one of the P.T.A. cards. Frank hadn't given me any yet, so I knew I didn't put it in there.

My heart punched my throat. Why would someone give it to me? Did Coach Capell know we did it? I looked at the card again. A little bit of tape still stuck to the top, so I knew it came from the mirror in the locker room. I turned it over.

I know it was you.

The party 2.

I want in.

—Sienna

 

26

Emergency Democracy

I did the only thing I could think of. I called an emergency pickle maker meeting. It had started to rain, but it didn't matter. I grabbed my hoodie and ran out of the building.

The other three were already standing in front of the school under Bean's big black-and-white-checkered umbrella. Oliver was wearing a tuxedo with a yellow vest.

“Wow, Oliver. Are you going to dress up for all of our meetings?” Frank said. Oliver rolled his eyes.

“I had to leave a dress rehearsal. You know, I'm the lead in
Hello, Dolly!
” he said.

“You're Dolly?”

“No, Frank, I'm not. Why does everybody keep saying that?” Oliver bowed. “I'm Horace Vandergelder.”

“It sounds like the lead is Dolly. It's not called
Hello, Horace!
” Frank said. Oliver sighed, like we couldn't possibly understand the theater.

“It's a very important role,” he said.

“Whatever you say. What's this about, Ben?” Frank said. I showed them the note.

“She's going to tell,” Bean said.

“I don't know,” Oliver said. “She doesn't seem like that kind of kid. It's a new school for her. She probably just wants to make friends.”

“We're a secret society, not a welcoming committee,” Bean said.

“If we don't let her in, she might tell. If we do, she might not,” I said.

We stood there arguing in the rain for a while. Bean really didn't want Sienna to be in the club.

“She should be required to show that she is worthy of our esteemed group,” Bean said. “The group is invitation only, and she totally just invited herself.”

“That's funny, Bean. You know, since you kind of crashed it yourself,” I said.

“Not really. Frank invited me,” Bean said. Frank did the more-or-less thing with his hand.

“Let's be democratic about it,” Oliver said. I think he just wanted to get back to rehearsal.

“No! It should be like a secret fraternity. One black ball and she can't join,” Bean said. I was pretty sure who would try and shut her out, and it wasn't any of the dudes.

“You're not a full member of the P.T.A. yet, Bean. How are those solo prank plans coming along?” She just smirked at me. “All in favor of inviting Sienna to join the club,” I said. Three hands went up. My theory was confirmed. Bean looked pretty mellow about it, for a few seconds.

“We have to let Sienna in for cuteness alone,” Frank said, and raised his hand to get a high five from Bean. She shoved him into the gutter and stomped off down the street, taking her umbrella with her. Meeting adjourned.

 

27

Nobody Expects the Pickle Inquisition

Monday morning I slipped the P.T.A. card into Sienna's locker with a note on the bottom. It said that our next meeting was after school on Thursday in the lab, and she could meet us there. I didn't say who the “us” was, and I didn't sign the note. She'd slipped the card into my backpack, but I wasn't sure how much she knew. Or
thought
she knew.

*   *   *

Sienna waited in silence in the hall outside the laboratory with Frank and Oliver. We went inside when I got there, but Bean was late. I asked Sienna how she liked Fountain Point so far and she just shrugged. She wore a little silver feather on a chain around her neck. I wanted to ask her what made her smell so good, but I didn't. Today she smelled like flowers. And cake. If the roses on top of a birthday cake really smelled like roses, and you combined it with all the frosting and cake goodness, that would be the way Sienna smelled. She wasn't wearing any lip gloss, but her eyelids looked a little glittery.

Bean came into the lab and whacked her backpack down on top of the table.

“You're late,” Frank said. She didn't answer, but she sat down and narrowed her eyes at Sienna.

“Why would you want to join our club? If that's what we are,” Bean said. Sienna rolled her eyes.

“You guys seem fun, and I haven't really found anyone to hang out with yet.”

“I see. Do you like pickles?” Bean took out a furry brown notebook and a pen.

“No,” Sienna said. “I like cherry peppers, though.” Bean
tsk
ed and wrote something in the notebook.

“Where were you before this? Why'd you move?”

“Colorado,” Sienna blinked. “We just did.”

“What makes you think that Ben knows anything about the events that have been happening around school?”

“Quit trying to play dumb, all right? I know it was Ben because he was the only one in the office when that secretary said it was my birthday. I didn't tell anyone else,” Sienna said. Bean didn't even look up, but she continued to write in her notebook.

“Good deduction,” Frank said. “Tell us, what makes you think you're a good candidate for the League of Pickle Makers?”

“The League of what?” Sienna looked around the group. “You're kidding, right? That's your name?” Nobody answered. “I thought you guys were doing the pranks.”

“That's one of our names. We're asking the questions, if you don't mind,” Frank continued. “You're the new kid, you have that going for you. Nobody will believe that you're in on any inside jobs. What do your parents do?”

“What does that matter?” Sienna said.

“Bean's mom and dad own a party shop where we may obtain our necessary supplies. Ben's parents have a restaurant where the club can meet if the laboratory is ever compromised. These are assets,” Frank said. I noticed that he didn't mention the day care. “My question is whether your family could be useful to the operation.”

“My mom is a real estate agent.”

“And your dad? What does he do?” Bean asked. Sienna stared her down before answering.

“He calls from Denver on Saturdays. Sometimes.” She looked at the floor for a minute, and then up at Bean, like she dared her to ask another question.

“Any brothers or sisters?” I said. Just to say something.

“I have a big sister,” she said. “She's still in Denver.”

“Well, real estate doesn't give us a lot to work with,” Frank said. I tried to think of something cool to say, but I came up blank.

“We must have a solemn oath from you that anything that happens in the club is absolutely top secret,” Bean said.

“Sure.”

“Say it. And raise your right hand,” Bean said. Sienna looked at the rest of us, maybe to see if we would say she didn't have to do it. Nobody did, so she raised her right hand.

“I swear to keep everything that happens in the club totally secret,” she said.

“Excellent. Can you bring a roll of saran wrap to school tomorrow?” Oliver said.

“For what?” Sienna asked.

“Let's consider it an initiation into the group,” he said. Bean nodded.

“Bring it tomorrow. And pick up some vinegar and dill to keep in your locker,” Oliver said. “You do that, and maybe you can be a pickle maker.”

Sienna looked at us like we were nuts, but she was the one who had asked to be in the club. Then Bean said Sienna had to leave so we could have official club business.

“Whatever, you guys are crazy,” she said, and left.

“I don't think she likes us after all,” Bean said. She tried to look disappointed, but she didn't try too hard. I didn't say anything, but I hoped Sienna would be back.

 

28

The Invisible Barrier

Sienna brought the plastic wrap, and following Oliver's very detailed instructions, wrapped the sinks in the front two bathrooms before school the next morning. She stopped short in front of the boys' room door. “Oliver, could you take a peek and make sure it's empty?” Oliver nodded and headed into the bathroom. I wanted to point out the
major prank foul
that nobody checked the girls' locker room for me before I went inside, but Sienna already looked like she might change her mind. And Oliver had already plowed in before she was even done asking. Oliver came out and gave a subtle thumbs-up on his way back to my locker. Sienna ducked in. She was back out in under two minutes. She tried to throw the box away, but Frank grabbed it back out of the can.

“Stellar work, team. Let's go for the bonus round. Faculty restrooms,” Frank said and handed the roll of plastic wrap back to Sienna.

“Whoa, nice!” Bean said, and high-fived Frank.

“No way. You're just trying to get me busted,” Sienna said.

“On the contrary, the League of Pickle Makers is all about a challenge,” Frank said.

“What if I don't do it?”

“Then you won't be a pickle maker,” Bean said. “Simple. As. That.”

“Fine,” Sienna said. She grabbed the tube and stomped down the hall. She pretended to tie her shoe while Mr. Reynolds walked past and then she ducked into the men's room first. After about a minute, she opened the door and tiptoed into the women's room. She came back out fast, without the plastic wrap. I thought she had chickened out, or bumped into a teacher in there and gotten busted. But she ran back to us and nodded. “Done.”

We could see the student and faculty restrooms from my locker, so we all stood around lurking like we were just hanging out.

“I bet you five bucks nobody falls for it,” Sienna said.

“You are on, doorknob,” Bean said.

Two girls went into the girls' room. We waited. Two minutes later they came out calm and dry. I thought they must have figured it out and taken the plastic off and Bean owed Sienna a fiver. It turns out they just didn't wash their hands after they peed. After that, a whole bunch of kids got splashed in a row. Girls and boys. It made the front of their pants wet in the
worst
possible spot. Kids came out with red faces holding their books down low in front of them. Nobody used the faculty restrooms, and I tried to remember if I'd
ever
seen anyone going in there.

I pretended to look for something in my locker for twenty minutes, and the others pretended to wait patiently while I searched. Maggie Rubio went into the girls' room and came out with dry pants, so she was definitely in the no-wash club. She waved and I tried to wave back in a casual way like I'd just noticed her and definitely not like I'd been gawking at her coming out of the bathroom and was now grossed out. A dry kid would come out, and we'd groan. I'd think it was over, and then more splashed kids! We tried not to laugh, but that just made it worse. We had just given up on any grown-ups using the faculty bathroom when Coach Capell went inside.

“Fine, you're in,” Bean whispered. “Set up a secret email account, but
don't
use your real name. Think up a code agent name. Frank is Agent Fix-it, and Oliver is Agent 008. Wait, why are you Agent 008?”

“Because, I am the next Sean Connery,” Oliver said. “You know, James Bond. 007? Sean Connery played him in the movies. And Roger Moore, Daniel Craig, and someday, Oliver Swanson.” We just stared at him. “It's a great role!”

“Sure, okay. I'll be Agent Snow,” Sienna said.

“Why snow?” I asked.

“There's a lot of it in Colorado. I like it.” Sienna shrugged. “Maybe we should get out of here now.” The rest of us voted to stay. All five of us looked at my math workbook like we were trying to find a missing integer, if looking for a missing integer was hilarious and math was fun! The bathroom door opened and our laughter died down to one last snort from Oliver. Coach Capell came out dry, but he didn't look mad. You know what that means.