Picking up the Pieces (14 page)

CHAPTER 26

LUKE

Lying under my mom’s kitchen sink with a hangover was NOT how I imagined I would spend my day off. I fully intended to be in my bed, blinds closed and covers over my head, nursing the headache that bitch, Johnny Walker, had given me. But what could I do? Ma called me to ask if I could fix a leaky faucet, so here I was.

“You okay, honey? You don’t look so good.”

Luckily, she couldn’t see me rolling my eyes from under the sink. “Just fine, Ma.”

“Really?” she asked. The sarcastic tone in her voice was unexpected. “Cuz if there’s one thing I know, it’s a hangover. And you, son, are working one killer hangover.”

I let out a loud sigh and gave the wrench one last crank, sealing the pipe closed. I wriggled my way out and sat with my elbows on my bent knees. “No offense, but it’s not something I really want to talk about right now.”

“Hmm,” was the only response I got. I’d just finished tossing the last of my tools in my tool box when she finally spoke again. What she said stopped me in my tracks. “So I’m guessin’ you found out about Emmy’s baby?”

What the hell?
“You knew about that?” I shot up off the kitchen floor and stalked over to the table where she was sitting.

“Well, it is a small town, Lucas.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” I shouted. “You’re my mom, you’re supposed to tell me shit like that!”

“Sit down. Now.” I had never heard that much authority in her voice before. I sat my ass in a chair at her dinner table, just like she told me to do. When I finally met her eyes, I saw something that made the breath whoosh out of my lungs. Her green eyes were actually sparkling, not glazed over like I remembered seeing every day since I was old enough to notice.
Holy shit. She’s sober.

“I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want any interruptions.” Why hadn’t I noticed there was no slurring in her speech until now? I was dumb-struck by what I was seeing, so all I was able to manage was a nod. “I didn’t do right by you, Lucas. I know that. Hell, I’ve known that for a long time.”

I felt like I was in the fucking Twilight Zone.

She continued on. “I’ve been a shitty mother…” She held up her hand when she noticed me open my mouth to speak. “… and I don’t deserve it, but I’m gonna ask for your forgiveness anyway. I should have stopped your father all those times he raised his hand to you. It wasn’t right, hitting a defenseless child like that. I should have been strong enough to kick his worthless ass outta my house long before he left.

“The things you saw and dealt with—” She sucked in a breath, trying to keep the tears shining in her eyes at bay. “God. You never should have had to live like that. Then me being a drunk…” There it was. Mom had finally admitted it, after all these years. She couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. As she talked, her voice broke. “You’re not him, baby.” That felt like a punch in the gut. “You are not your father, Luke. Do you understand me? You are so much stronger than he ever was.

“The kindness in your heart makes you the man you are. You don’t have one single ounce of him in you.”

It was too much. What she was saying was just too much. I was barely making it with the hangover. I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t deal. She must have seen it written on my face, because she continued. “I’m getting help, baby.” My head shot up and my breathing became erratic. I had hoped for this moment for so long. “I found a place in Houston. I’m going to rehab. Then I figured I’d sell the house and see about getting myself a cute little apartment. I’m gonna get myself cleaned up, and I’m gonna be the mother you deserve. I know you’re grown now, and you probably don’t need me anymore… but I’m still going to do this… for you and me both.”

I was out of the chair faster than I’d ever moved. Getting on my knees in front of her, I grabbed my mom and wrapped her in a hug so tight, I was afraid I might crush her. When I went to loosen my arms, she just held on tighter, refusing to let go. “I’ll always need you, Ma. Never doubt that. I’m so goddamned proud of you.” I felt myself having to choke back my own tears and I held her as the last of hers dried up.

After what seemed like forever, she pulled back and went about wiping her face. Seemingly composed, she pointed back to the chair I’d vacated, indicating I needed to sit back down because she wasn’t finished. “Alright,” she started then cleared her throat. “Having said everything I just said, you and I are about to have a little come-to-Jesus, son.”
Shit. This couldn’t be good.

“Yes, I knew about the pregnancy. Now, I might be a drunk, but that don’t mean I’m an idiot. I heard the rumors and I saw that poor girl, walkin’ around completely heartbroken. I was so damn mad at you when I found out what you did. I coulda’ spit nails. And the more time that went by, the madder I got.” Mom leaned in close, her facing going sad all of a sudden. “She was sick, Lucas. Real sick. It was obvious that pregnancy was not easy on her. But God bless that child, she tried.” Hearing my mom talk about how bad things were made me want to die a thousand times.

“She and I were never close, you know that. She was such a good friend to you. I knew she hated me for everything I put you through, but that doesn’t mean I ever hated her. I’ve always held Emmy in a special place in my heart because of what she was for you. I always thought you two would end up married one day.” I hung my head in shame at my mother’s words. “It might sound bad, but I wasn’t surprised when I found out she was pregnant with your baby. But it did shock me when I found out you just up and left her. Especially the way you did it.”

She reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. “I was mad, baby… but I understand why you did it.” I looked at her skeptically. “You were afraid you were him. And you were scared that if you stayed, you’d break Emmy, like he broke me.”

I shot back, startled at how spot-on my mother was. Who was this amazing woman in front of me? “But you see, you and Emmy could never be like me and your dad. Not only because you aren’t your father, but because Emmy is strong. That girl is so strong, Luke, you wouldn’t believe it. She doesn’t have it in her to break the way I did. She might have had a rough go of it for a while, but that child pulled herself back up and powered through.”

“You’re powering through, Ma. You’re strong too.”

She looked at me with a sad smile. “Not strong like that, baby. The girl has gone through so much more sadness than any person deserves to in their whole life, and look at her. She still walks through this town with her head held high. She’s inspirational.”

Sucking in a deep breath, I asked the question I was dreading the answer to. “Was it bad… the… when she lost…” I couldn’t even find the strength to continue.

Mom twined her fingers with mine. “Yeah, baby. It was bad… for a while.”

I felt the tears burning the back of my throat. “God, Ma. I’ve fucked up so bad. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fix it. She hates me.”

Reaching up and cupping my face in her hands, my mom said something that would stick with me until the day I died. “She doesn’t hate you, baby. She loves you. And she’s mad as all hell about that. That just proves that you got something left to fight for. You’re the strongest man I know, Lucas. You fight for her. That girl became your other half the day we moved in this house. She’ll be your other half till the day you die, and you’ll be hers. You get her back, and y’all can finally start living your lives whole.”

I left my mother’s house a little while later feeling better than I had in several days. Getting Emmy to forgive me was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done, but my mom was right. I wasn’t complete without her. My life wouldn’t mean anything if she wasn’t in it. I had a plan but no one to help since all of my “friends” made it clear where I stood as far as Emmy was concerned. Jeremy and Gavin might not hate me as much as the others did, but it was still pretty evident that they didn’t think I was good enough for Emmy, not that I could blame them.

The truth was, I wasn’t good enough for her.

No man ever would be, but she was mine, and I was going to spend the rest of my life making her happy. I just had a feeling that outrunning sniper fire was easier than what I had to do next. Going to Savannah for help was like walking into a lion’s den wearing a meat suit, but I had to do what I had to do. Emmy was worth it.

CHAPTER 27

EMERSON

My phone had been ringing off the hook for the past week. Luke was relentless with his calls and texts. I almost considered changing my number, but knowing he was suffering just as much as I did all those years ago when I couldn’t get a hold of him made the constant ringing worth it. I deleted each text and voicemail without listening.

I threw myself into the diner and worked so many hours that by the time I got home, I was so exhausted all I could do was fall into the bed and sleep until it was time to wake up and do it all over again. It wasn’t the healthiest way of handling things, but it still worked.

When the bell over the door rang, I looked up to greet the next customer. “Mrs. Allen?” I asked as Luke’s mom came walking through the door. “How are you?” I walked up to the older woman and immediately realized something was different. Her smile was bright and I’d never seen her look so clear-eyed. She looked almost serene.

“I’m good, sweetie, how are you?”

I smiled in return, feeling her happiness rubbing off on me. “I’m doing okay. You look wonderful today. Did you do something different with your hair or something?”

She reached up and ran her hand over her black hair, the streaks of gray making it look as if it was highlighted. “Oh, no, nothing different.”

I tilted my head to the side and studied her more closely. “What did you do different?”

She let out cheerful laugh and grabbed a hold of my hand. “Why don’t we have a seat and talk for a minute?”

I followed her over to one of the tables in front of the window and sat across from her. Although she and I had never been close, I had grown up around her, so it was easy to see the change in her.

“How you doin’, sugar?” she asked again.

I let out a small laugh. “I’m good, Mrs. Allen.” I wasn’t exactly sure why she was asking me that again, but I had a sneaking suspicion that I was in for a really uncomfortable conversation.

“Please call me Ilene.” She sat there looking at me for a few moments before speaking again. I got the distinct feeling that she was studying me to see if my response was honest. That got my hackles up. “You sure about that, Emmy?” she asked, causing my spine to straighten in defense.

“What do you mean?” I tried to sound casual, but I knew I wasn’t successful at pulling it off.

“I’m gonna be honest with you right now. I know about everything that happened between you and Luke.”

I did
not
want to have this discussion, let alone have it with Luke’s mother. “Mrs. Allen” I started but she quickly interrupted.

“Please Emmy, call me Ilene, and before you go on the defensive, I just want you to know I’m not here to lecture. God knows I’ve got no business lecturing anyone on the choices they make.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I just wanted to let you know that I know what you went through, and it probably doesn’t matter for much, but I just wanted you to know that I’m so damn proud of you.”

I was taken aback by her declaration. I wasn’t sure what brought it on, but hearing her say that was very moving. The tears in her eyes caused me to choke up as well.

“Thank you, Ilene,” I whispered. “That means a lot.”

She reached out and wrapped her hand around mine. “I just had to come in here and say that before I left.”

Wait…what?
“What do you mean, leave? Luke just got back into town.” It pissed me off that I automatically jumped at defending Luke’s best interests. I didn’t want to care about him, but no matter how much I was hurt that feeling just never went away.

“I’ve already talked to Luke about this. He knows where I’m going, and he’s very happy about it.”

It was exceedingly nosey, but I couldn’t help but ask. “Where are you going?”

Her smile brightened and reached all the way to her beautiful green eyes. I noticed for the first time in my life that she had the same emerald eyes as Luke. It was unbelievable how much the two of them looked alike. How had I never noticed this? They had the same stark black hair, the same eyes. Even their features resembled the other person’s. When Ilene spoke again, I was absolutely shocked. “I found an inpatient rehab facility in Houston. I leave tomorrow for three months.”

The tears started running down my cheeks uncontrolled. “Oh my God,” I whispered on a breath. I knew that this had to have meant the world to Luke. I put a hand over my mouth and tried to stifle a sob. I wasn’t sure why I was reacting the way I was. I spent my entire childhood trying to be everything Luke needed since his parents weren’t there for him. To see this woman finally stepping up to be the mother she needed to be, was too much. My heart swelled with pride for her.

“You gave me the strength to do this darlin’,” she said with a sniffle as her own tears fell.

I didn’t understand. “Me? How?” In the past eight years, I hadn’t said more than two words to Ilene. How I’d given her strength to do anything was beyond me.

“You don’t know this, but I’ve been keeping an eye on you all these years. You are the bravest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

Oh God.
I thought.

“Your courage gave me the strength to do right by my son. I knew just by looking at you that the mother you were while that child was still in your belly was a hundred times the mother I’d ever been to my own child.”

My heart absolutely broke when she said that. I was so moved by her declaration, but at the same time it made me feel raw to listen to someone talk about Ella. Even after all these years, it was still a hurt that hadn’t dulled.

“I know this might not matter to you, but I just wanted you to know that I love you, Emmy. For everything you ever did for Luke, I love you, and I’m so damn proud of the woman you’ve become.”

I stood and walked around the table to her side and hugged her. We stayed wrapped around each other for so long that I was sure everyone in the diner was staring. I couldn’t bring myself to care. After knowing this woman for so many years, we’d just reached a place in our relationship that I never thought we’d get to and that made me so happy. “You’re wrong,” I whispered in her ear. “That matters so damn much.”

***

LUKE

I would rather have my nails ripped out with pliers and dump salt on the wound than do what I was about to do. I was sitting on her front porch, practicing my deep breathing to keep from hurling all over the Azalea bush in front of me. If I upchucked on Savannah’s flowers, she’d have my ass.

I’d been waiting on her porch for over an hour, waiting for her to get home from work, and the closer it got to her getting home, the more anxiety twisted in my gut, making me feel sick. When her cherry red Lexus pulled up in the driveway, I wanted to take off running. I’d done two tours in Iraq, yet the idea of a confrontation with a blonde 5’3 chick that couldn’t weigh more than a buck twenty soaking wet, terrified the ever-loving shit out of me.

She threw her car into park, opened the door and stepped out. Glaring daggers at me over the roof of her car, she crossed her arms over her chest and stomped up to me. “I’m so glad you’re here, Luke.” She said with an evil smile plastered on her face. “I just got me a new handgun, and I’ve been dying to break it in. You’ll make an awesome moving target.”

I ignored her barb and pushed forward with what I came to do. “We need to talk,” was all I responded with.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,
Deputy.
” Sarcasm dripped from her voice as she said my title. “We don’t need to talk about jack shit. You need to get your ass off my property before I shoot a few extra holes in it.”

“Look, I know that you hate me and, honestly, it’s not like you’re my favorite person in the world, but I’ve got shit I need to tell you that might make you understand a few things. Is it too much to ask for you to hold off the fire power until we’re done?”

She studied me for several long seconds. I could see the warring emotions in her eyes. A large part of her wanted to deny me, but there was a small, minuscule part somewhere deep, deep down, that people probably didn’t know existed, that wanted to hear me out. I was praying that part won out. Finally, she responded. “Fine. You’ve got exactly five minutes to tell your story.” She turned and unlocked her front door, and right after it opened, she turned back to me before entering. “But if I don’t like what I hear, I designate the right to cut your balls off.”

I had no doubt she meant that. She’d gladly rip my nuts off and keep them in a jar by her bed if she could get away with it. “Yeah… I’m not gonna agree to that, Savannah.”

She shrugged her shoulders and pushed through her front door. “It was worth a shot.” I was shocked as shit when the door didn’t hit me in the face. She was actually letting me into her house. I glanced around to make sure there wasn’t some sort of Luke Allen voodoo shrine in her living room before entering. “What, no altar or Luke doll with pins in the eyes? I’m a little disappointed.”

She kicked her heels off by the stairs and removed her suit jacket. “I keep my pagan altar in the guest room, don’t worry.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” I deadpanned as I took in her house. There were pictures hanging on the walls and on the fireplace mantel. Some of her and Emmy, others with the whole gang. On the bookshelf next to the bay window facing the front yard, I noticed a couple of pictures of her and Jeremy. I was surprised to see those, considering they hadn’t been together for years. I didn’t know the whole story behind their breakup, but it wasn’t lost on me that there was still something there between the two of them.

“You gonna stand there staring at pictures, or are you going to tell me what you came here for? The clock’s ticking.” She tapped her watch to drive her point home.

I walked over to the recliner and took a seat across from where she was sitting on the couch. Her legs were curled up under her, all casual and confident. I was on edge, and Savannah was cool as a fucking cucumber. I leaned down and rested my elbows on my knees then made eye contact. “A couple of months before I enlisted, my dad came to see me.” I never wanted to tell this to anyone, especially Savannah. But I knew if I didn’t tell her the truth, she’d never forgive me for what I did to Emmy, and I’d never have a chance at getting her back.

“He came back to town wanting money. My mom wasn’t home when he showed up, and I thank Christ for that. I never wanted her to have to deal with that asshole again.”

She shook her head in confusion. “I don’t understand. I thought you never saw your dad again after he took off.”

I rolled my neck, trying to loosen some of the tense muscles. “I didn’t want anyone to know. That’s why I didn’t say anything.”

“Not even to Emmy?” she asked.

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Especially not to Emmy. I never thought I was good enough for that girl. She had this light inside of her, and I was this damaged kid that clung on to her like a fuckin’ life line. She was the one good thing I had in my pathetic life, and when my dad left, I was so fuckin’ glad. Not because I wouldn’t have to put up with his shit anymore, but because, maybe with him gone, I’d be good enough for her.”

I found the courage to look at Savannah after my speech. She was watching me with what I could only guess was a combination of pity and sorrow. I didn’t come here for that, so I had to push forward. “I gave him everything I had. I wanted him to get the hell out and never come back, so I didn’t even blink. I just wrote him a check for every dime I had in the bank and handed it over. I hoped it was enough to keep him from showing back up, but I guess it wasn’t.”

“He came back?” she asked in a hushed voice.

“Yeah. A few weeks later, he came back, drunk as shit and askin’ for more fuckin’ money. I didn’t have anything left, and I wasn’t gonna go to Ma and tell her he was back. He wouldn’t leave. Just kept goin’ on about what a worthless piece a shit I was and how he regretted letting my mom keep me. I just lost it. I beat the shit outta the miserable bastard right there in my mom’s living room. She came home and found the two of us going at it and threatened to call the cops if he didn’t get out of her house. Since he had warrants out, he didn’t even blink before he bailed again.”

Savannah surprised the hell out of me by leaning forward and placing her hand on top of mine. “I’m so sorry, Luke.” I couldn’t stand the pity in her eyes. I stared down at my shoes as I told her the rest.

“Mom ran upstairs to get the first aid kit for my hand, and I followed him out the door to make sure he left. The last thing he ever said to me was that I was just like him. A miserable, good-for-nothing piece of shit that would blacken everything I touched.”

I made myself finish telling her what I came to say, even if I felt like a chick pouring my heart out. I needed to get Emmy back, and this was the only way I knew how. “At that moment, I knew he was right. I was never going to be good enough for her. I freaked out after that night with her. I kept picturing her broken down and miserable, just like my mom. I couldn’t risk her losing that light because she settled for me. So I did the one thing I knew would push her away.” I looked up and caught Savannah quickly wiping tears from her cheeks. “Jesus, are you crying?”

She let out a strangled laugh. “What? I can show emotion when it’s warranted, you prick.”

I let out a laugh of my own. “Woman, I didn’t even know you had tear ducts.”