Pick-me-up (6 page)

“Forget about those teachers and their
opinions. It’s not about them. It’s about you. You want to end up
living off welfare? You want to be stuck working dead end jobs?
Look at me. I didn’t like school. Hell, I barely made it. But, I
tell you what, I took what I needed from it. I own my own business,
Katelyn. I hire people to work for me. I make more money than
teachers.”

Katelyn started to bite her nails. She was
too mad to listen to her dad’s message, but she let him continue
until he brought the topic back to her. She wondered if he would be
delivering the punishment, whatever her mom had decided. Or, was
she in for another speech when she walked inside?

“You’re not going to like or get along with
everything or everyone in your life, Katelyn. You’re just going to
have to get through it. It may seem hard, but that’s what makes you
stronger.” He measured the logic of his own words for a moment,
satisfied with his thesis.

Katelyn was tiring of the sermon. She knew
what he needed. “Alright, dad,” she muttered. “You’re right.”

“That’s my girl,” he said as the blonde,
short frame of her mom stepped behind the window frame of the
screen door. Katelyn’s insides sank as she read the stern
expression on her mom’s face. Her dad turned around to register the
new presence and he seemed to shrink inside himself, too. He turned
from the door and stepped off the steps, heading to his truck for a
cigarette.

The door pushed open just enough for her mom
to deliver one line. “Get in here.” Somehow, Katelyn guessed, the
no-yelling contract would be broken tonight.

Chapter 8:
Grounded

Grounded. Katelyn lay on her bed with her stereo
blaring heavy rock music. Brianna had already been the messenger
once. “Mom says to turn that crap down.” Katelyn had turned it down
a few notches, only after slamming the door in Brianna’s face. She
wanted it loud. It was her protest against her punishment, a month
grounded—no friends over and no staying at friends’ houses. Katelyn
had to be home at 5 p.m. everyday, allowing for after school study
hour, which she never attended anyways. There was no loss in not
having friends stay. She never brought them home anyway.

Now she truly was imprisoned.

The song pounded through the room. The singer
ripped into the scream of the chorus. She was tempted to scream
along. She knew it was late, past 10 p.m. She was told to do her
homework and clean her room. This, of course, was demanded after
her mom ripped into her about her behavior with Gorman.

I can’t believe Gorman made an issue about
getting cussed at
, she thought. What a baby. She could
understand his reporting her walking out and the office referral
from Teacher Woman, but to make a big deal about being told to
F-off was wimpy, not to mention called attention to his action of
grabbing her arm. Katelyn smiled wickedly when she remembered her
dad saying he’d call him. Katelyn wished she could see Gorman’s
face when her dad let loose on him.

She wasn’t quite sure which part her mom was
most upset about. “Disrespect” had been a high frequency word in
her mom’s sermon. She did, however, throw in guilt about all the
problems Katelyn was creating for herself and everyone else. Her
mom had almost started crying after she said, “What’s happened to
you? Why are you acting this way?”

Katelyn laid on her bed and wondered about
that question herself. Something was burning inside her, like there
was an animal clawing its way out. So many things seemed to be
going wrong.

Katelyn didn’t get the things the teachers
were talking about. They were so boring. Katelyn couldn’t care less
about the periodical table, and when she tried to memorize any of
the symbols, her mind just couldn’t hold on to them. Her tests were
a disaster; she would spend most of the exam chewing on her nails
as her she stared at the words in front of her. Science was the
worst, but she was also failing PE and English. PE was the first
class of her day and being late all the time didn’t help. Plus, she
was not athletic.

Katelyn had failed math in eighth grade, the
first class she had ever failed. She didn’t do most of the
homework. Then, the work just grew harder, and she bombed the
tests. Still, the F was a shock, a punch in the gut.

Failing came easier now. Last quarter she had
failed two classes. Now, she was targeted for Study Café and her
schedule had been automatically changed to switch her to an easier
math class..

Katelyn sighed. She could try harder. Science
was a lost cause, but she could do some PE make up sessions. She
wasn’t that far behind in English, either. She needed to turn in an
essay, a poem, and about a million grammar worksheets. The Romeo
& Juliet journal was worth 100 points in itself and they had
just started that. Katelyn perked up. I could do a couple entries
tonight, she thought.

She turned to look at her dresser where she
usually put her books if she brought them home. Nothing. That’s
right, she remembered. She left her few school supplies in Gorman’s
secretary’s office. They still had her phone, too.

Katelyn reached into her hoodie pocket and
took out the phone battery. She went over to the dresser and put it
on top with the loose change. Her phone charger sat uselessly.

What was Tim thinking?
she wondered.
He never received her last message, so that left him without an
answer to how she felt about him. Katelyn flared again. Finally, a
boy liked her and now it was all messed up.

She flopped back on to the bed, face down
buried into the pillow, and held her breath. The world was still
and her ears began to ring with lack of oxygen. She arched up and
took a deep breath, turning her head to lie sideways. She caught
her reflection in the mirror and instantly became self conscious.
The look on her face was hard, ugly even.

Katelyn released her face and examined her
reflection. A white line was exposed above her nose where the skin
had previously been pinched. So, that’s where mom’s wrinkles come
from, she thought.

Katelyn massaged her face muscles and looked
again. Better. She practiced a smile, but it looked cheesy in the
mirror. Yet, her dimples, which everyone used to make such a big
deal about, took over in her cheeks. They always made people say,
“She’s so cute.” She never heard “beautiful.” She shook her hair
forward, its blonde length falling forward in one clump. She ran
her fingers through it and it instantly flowed better as she swayed
back and forth.

Am I attractive?
she wondered. She
tried to see what she must look like to Tim. Even in the two
occasions that they’d spent together, she could pull from memory
now how he would look at her. At first Katelyn had been uneasy
about his confidence and had to look away from his direct look, but
when she looked back up at him, he’d be watching her still and
welcome back her gaze with a soft smile.

The CD had ended with one of its softer
songs, a ballad on pain. Katelyn noticed the quiet now. She went to
her pocket automatically to check her mobile for the time before
she remembered again that she didn’t have it. That was priority
number one tomorrow, she thought. Get the phone back! She rolled
over to the other side of the bed and unearthed an alarm clock on a
night table barely distinguishable from all the wrappers, empty
soda cans and glasses, and other strewn about objects. It’s time to
clean the room, she thought. The clock read 11:34 in digital red
numbers, but then she remembered it was set 15 minutes fast, a
trick intended to help her get up in the morning. It didn’t
work.

Katelyn should sleep, but she couldn’t. She
was tired, but her mind was restless.

Katelyn grabbed all the wrappers and old
papers and stuffed them in the small garbage bin by her door. She
picked up the cans and empty glasses and carefully maneuvered her
way to the door, oddly turning the knob with the sides of her
hands, which were cradling her load. The door released and she
nudged it open with her knee. She paused and listened for sounds of
her parents. The TV was on in the living room. A laugh track came
in steady doses from a sitcom. She didn’t hear her mom.

Katelyn crept down the hall in her bare feet,
the carpet muffling her approach. She could see into the living
room where the glow from the TV flickered over the floor where
Kayla had fallen asleep on her favorite blanket. She crept around
the corner, peeking to see the dining room table vacant and the
adjoining kitchen just as empty. She put the cans in the garbage
and stacked the glasses in the dishwasher.

She hadn’t eaten any supper, so she opened up
the fridge to see what she could get. The top shelf held the
remains of a weekend pizza in its cardboard box. The few slices
looked petrified. A lower shelf had her mom’s assortment of the
latest diet plan shakes. She tried the freezer only to find more
frozen “lean” meals and some frozen pizzas. But, barely visible was
a package of ice cream cookie sandwiches, the non-diet kind. Mom’s
stash, Katelyn thought. She grabbed one from the already open box
and pushed the box back into its hiding place.

While she ate, she went to the living room
and looked at Kayla. The TV remote stuck out from under her leg.
Katelyn moved it and grabbed a light blanket from the couch. She
should put her bed, she thought, but that would run the risk of
waking Brianna, who may not even be asleep. More than likely,
Brianna was in her room instant messaging or chatting on her web
page. The second computer used to be in Katelyn’s room, but her mom
moved it as one of her previous punishments for her failing
mid-term grades. Now, if Katelyn wanted to check her page or email,
she had to sign on in the living room computer where she had no
privacy.

She looked over to the computer now. Its
screensaver image bounced from side to side. She could check to see
if Tim had maybe looked her up. But, before she could get up, she
heard the side door open and her dad’s voice following her mom’s
stomping feet.

“Are you happy now?” he said. They were in
the kitchen, still divided off from where Katelyn stood frozen. “Is
there any other place you want to search? Jesus, Karen, what do I
have to do? What’s going to make you happy?”

Katelyn realized her mistake. She had thought
that her mom was in bed and her dad gone, but it was too early for
her mom to be asleep. Her parents must have been outside. She could
guess what her mom was searching for. Now Katelyn was trapped in
the living room, caught if they came far enough into the dining
room or into the living room itself. Katelyn wouldn’t be in
trouble, but she’d be dragged into their fight. Plus, she didn’t
want to see either of them yet in case they decided she hadn’t had
enough “talking to” earlier.

“You’re not right,” she heard her mom say in
a tired, firm voice.

“You’ve got nothin’,” her dad snapped.
“You’re just full of ideas, full of things to make me out to be
some sort of fuckin’ criminal. Get off your high horse, Karen.”

Katelyn heard them take a few steps and then
her mom’s voice came closer, but turned while she talked, back into
the kitchen. “You disappeared for four days only two weeks ago and
then you don’t come home last night!? What am I supposed to think?”
she paused. “What are your kids supposed to think?” There was
momentary silence, but Katelyn could hear her dad sigh. She
wondered what if he was thinking about her after that.

“I checked the account today, Brian,” her mom
accused. “Where did a thousand bucks go since last week?”

“There you go. It’s my money too, right?”

“Yeah? Where do your paychecks come from,
Brian? Where is ‘your money’?” Even Katelyn cringed after this low
blow. Her dad had been laid off as a construction foreman before
Christmas. Since then he had to take odd site jobs, either by
himself or assemble a crew for the few bids that were rarely
accepted.

Her dad didn’t respond, but she heard the
sound of a lighter. Fresh tobacco smoke filled the air. She didn’t
know if it was his or her mom’s cigarette.

“There’s enough shit going on around here.
There’s bills stacking up,” her mom said. “The bank's coming for
the truck.”

“I’ll get the money.”

“The baby costs a lot, his formula, diapers.
Katelyn’s birthday’s in three weeks.”

“I said I’ll get the money.”

“How? By spending it on drugs?” her mom
hissed. “Or on some whore?” The volume level of her mom’s voice was
rising.

“That’s bullshit!” Her dad yelled back.
“Don’t go getting started on that again. You don’t know what you’re
talking about.”

“I know it wasn’t you who answered your phone
last week and you don’t have no secretary. I know you’ve been high.
Look at you, all shaking and washed out. I know there are bills to
pay and I’m the only one paying them!”

Katelyn didn’t need to see her mom to know
how mean her face looked right then. She heard something hit the
counter hard and then heard keys as they were swiped up from the
top of the microwave.

“So pay them,” her dad said simply, and then
the door swung open and shut. Chevy barked a few objections in the
backyard.

Katelyn exhaled from her frozen pose and
watched out the thin curtain as the truck revved to life and
headlights swung into the street. The motor roared with the anger
of her dad’s escape.

Katelyn scooped up the sleeping Kayla, who
moaned lightly but cuddled into her body. Katelyn rounded the
corner. She paused as she passed the dining room, looking back over
to the kitchen. Her mom stood with both arms extended on the
counter support herself. She turned her downcast head to meet
Katelyn’s eyes. There were no words exchanged, just an
understanding. Katelyn did not judge her mom, and her mom didn’t
expect anything from Katelyn. She just registered that Katelyn
heard the argument. Katelyn held the look until her mom turned
away, returning to an empty stare at some unknown answer between
her and the countertop.