Pick-me-up (17 page)

“Where ya been?” He started, but broke into
laughter and fell into the side of the car.  The keys rattled
in his hand.  Katelyn walked up and grabbed them from him,
stepping back quickly to avoid any attempt on his part to get them
back.  

“I’ll drive,” Katelyn said dryly and walked
around to the driver’s side of the Honda.  

“Gimme the keys,” Tim slurred.  “I’m
fine to drive.”

Katelyn looked over the top of the car at him
and suddenly understood the glare her mother was able to give her
father.  It fit her own face too strongly.  “Get in,” she
ordered and slid into the driver’s seat.  She slammed her
door, found the ignition hole and revved the car to life. She hit
the unlock button and could see Tim still standing outside the car.
 Katelyn would leave without him at this point.  

The brake and gas pedal were too far away to
drive comfortably, so Katelyn felt around and adjusted the
automatic seats until she felt ready.  

Tim still stood outside.  This would be
a draw.  She knew he had to save face.  No matter how mad
she was right now, she knew she was treading on dangerous ground.
 He was high, but she didn’t know on what for sure.  He
said he was done with Ice, but he wasn’t acting consistently with
drunk or stoned behavior.  Drunk and stoned usually included
her.  The times he went missing was Ice.  Those times
never ended well for her.  But, it was always “only a one time
thing, really. I’ll never do it again.”

She put the car in drive and rolled down the
window.  She needed to get him home safely and not get him
angry now.  If he wanted a fight, she’d give him one tomorrow
when he was clean.  “Tim,” she started in a surrendered voice,
“come on.  Let’s go.  I’m tired.”

He leaned down and put his elbows on the
frame of the open window.  For some uncomfortable moments he
studied her, his eyes squinted and his pupils widened in an eerie
darkness.  

She looked away and down.  Why did he do
this?  If only he would be stronger against the drugs.
 This wasn’t Tim.  This wasn’t the guy who cherished her,
who would beam with pride when he made her laugh.  This was
some evil side.  It’s just the Meth, she reminded herself.
 That’s how she always forgave her father.

Katelyn startled at the thought.  She
loved two men in her life, and they had the same disease.
 More than ever, Katelyn wanted to cry.  She pushed it
back and stared out the driver’s window at the littered street.
 She didn’t want to be here.  She just wanted to be home.
Without him.

She turned back to Tim, her eyes brimming
with choked tears.  “Please,” she whispered, but didn’t trust
herself to say more.  

The voice that came out was snake-like, and
he punctuated each word.  “You. Are. A. Complete.  Buzz.
 Kill.”

Katelyn looked away then and made herself
numb.  She steeled her face and stared forward.  After a
few moments, she heard a door open, but it was the rear back door.
She felt the car lean with his added weight and turned around to
see him shut the door and throw himself across the back seat.
 He turned on his back, his knees in the air, and threw one
arm out toward her head.  She turned just in time and only
felt a swat on the back of her head.  

“Make yourself useful, bitch,” he threw at
her.  “Drive on.”

Chapter 17: A
Study

“Kate,” her dad’s voice came from outside her closed bedroom door.
 “Kate, come on.  I need you to drive.”  Katelyn
pushed herself up on her elbows and opened her eyes enough to grasp
that it was still dark out.  She groaned.  “Five
minutes,” he said, and she heard his feet shuffle away.  

Methodically, Katelyn threw her legs over the
bed, found her jeans on the floor and threw them on.  She
pulled herself up off the low mattress and steadied herself.
 She didn’t want to turn on the light, but she wouldn’t be
able to find a decent sweater in her drawer without it.  The
light blinded the room and she peeked through lowered lids to spot
a fleece pullover.  She opened another drawer to find a clean
bra.  Nothing.

The laundry basket across the room held some
clean clothes and she lucked out.  She grabbed a down vest,
too.  It was only the first week in December, but the winter
freeze was in full force.

After a trudge to the bathroom to clean her
face and brush her hair, she made her way to the kitchen.  She
looked into the living room and saw that Jenny had stayed the
night.  Her form made a big lump under the comforter on the
couch.  A smaller form on the floor slowly rose and fell with
little girl breathing.  Kayla was laid out in a sleeping bag
rather than in her bed in Brianna’s room.   She wants to
be with her mom, Katelyn smiled.

Katelyn trudged into the kitchen where her
dad held a Pepsi to his mouth and another one in his hand for her.
 “Ahhh,” he said after downing his whole can, and he pushed
her can toward her.

“Thanks,” she mumbled.  She grabbed her
bag and jacket.  They left the sleeping house, passing the
microwave clock that read 6:04 a.m.  

Outside, the cold late November air woke her
up enough to get her to quicken her step.  “Shit, it’s cold,”
she said and quickly ducked into the driver’s side of an old Dodge
Neon her dad had bought from a used car lot two weeks ago.
 “Quality cars under $1,000,” the ad had said.  The car
had been $999, but quality wasn’t the word Katelyn would use to
describe it.

She turned on the car and ignored the
rattling sounds.  After a few minutes, between the full blast
setting of the car’s defrost and the wipers acting as a scraper,
Katelyn had enough view through the frost on the windshield.
 Her dad finished his cigarette and hopped in.  Katelyn
backed up the car and headed down their street.  

As they made the last few turns out of town,
they spotted the familiar police cruiser parked just past the
cemetery.  Katelyn checked her speed without worry.  The
cop had no reason to stop them.  That’s why she was dragged
out of bed in the first place.  Katelyn was glad she hadn’t
protested.  If her dad was the one behind the wheel, they
would have busted him by now.  The last thing Katelyn needed
was for her dad to get locked up again.  Everybody was finally
getting along.

After her dad was released from the treatment
center, the judge cut him a deal.  Brian had to stay clean,
participate in a medication study the State was running, and report
in with his parole officer every week.  Now, for the second
week in a row, Katelyn was driving her dad to Des Moines as part of
the bargain.  He had to physically visit the participating
clinic in Des Moines and do some sort of interview.  Then,
they’d give him a week’s dose of pills and sign a document for his
parole officer.  

The county revoked his driver’s license, and
the local cops laid in waiting for him to try his luck.  His
truck had been repossessed right when he came home from Utah.
 So, he bought the used car and let Katelyn drive it as long
as she gave him rides to the clinic in Des Moines every week.
 She had also agreed to play chauffeur to him if he found a
job, but that hadn’t happened so far.

Katelyn had taken driver’s ed over the summer
and now had a school permit.  So, the driving deal with her
dad meant freedom for her.  She didn’t have to rely on Emily
for rides anymore.  If Katelyn could find a new job, she could
get a work permit, too.

“Those fuckers,” her dad said and he flipped
the squad car off after they passed.

Katelyn’s yawn was cut off by a small giggle.
“Daaad,” she said and checked her rear view mirror.

As she turned onto the highway and sped up,
the wind whistled through the poor seal around the driver’s door.
 The door lacked an inside panel, so the noise of the wind
began to drown out the rattles and loud muffler.  Katelyn was
fully awake now.  The car’s heater barely kept up with the
cold air leaking in through the cracks.

She looked over at her dad.  He was a
bit uneasy in his seat.  His hands rubbed his knees and he
restlessly looked out to the dark fields.  He caught her
looking and gave her a smile.

Katelyn smiled and turned back to the road.
 

“Thanks for the ride, kiddo.  Sorry
about the hour, but this time you shouldn’t be late to school.
 We’ll be the first ones there when it opens at 7.  No
waiting today.”  He sounded optimistic.  Katelyn knew the
drive must be humiliating on some level for him.  But, at
least he wasn’t in jail.  

She didn’t know how to talk to him about the
drugs.  Plus, she didn’t know if she wanted to give him any
room for excuses.  He had left their family in a bad situation
once again.  

His apology at the treatment center stuck out
in her mind.  At the time, Katelyn had been sort of
uncomfortable and wanted the whole thing to end, but now she wished
they could have that honesty and peace all the time.  If Mom
wouldn’t yell at him, maybe things would be better.  Katelyn
thought through the solution.  Maybe all Dad needs is someone
to have faith in him.

Katelyn slowed on the highway when she came
up on the Interstate exchange and took I35 South.  Even though
she had made this trip the previous week and had driven this route
before with Tim, her shoulders tightened with the higher speed as
she joined early commuters and long haul truckers.

“Might snow soon,” her dad said.  

“I hope not.”  Katelyn tensed even more
at the thought of driving in snow and ice.  

Her dad tried another avenue of conversation.
 “Mom says you’re doing better at school.”

She didn’t really want to talk about that
either, but she played along.  It was a chance to have her dad
to herself while he was in a good mood.  “Yeah.  I didn’t
fail any courses first quarter and I got a B in Math.”

“That’s great, Kate.  That’s great.”

“Yeah.”  She didn’t have anything else
to say about it.  She could tell him what classes she was in
and about how she really liked Mrs. Strait, her new English teacher
this year.  Katelyn had written two essays so far that she was
pretty proud of.  But, her dad never remembered about school
stuff.  Why bother tell him?

The lack of conversation gnawed at her, so
she switched the topic to him.  “Any luck on a job?”

She heard his sigh over the noise of the car.
 “Not you too?”  She looked at him and he was shaking his
head in defeat.

“Sorry, Dad.  I didn’t mean anything by
it.  I just,” she gave up, “hope you find something.  You
must be bored.”

He shrugged.  “Oh, I’m keeping plenty
busy.” He gestured toward the interstate in front of them.
 “Besides, your mom will have me practically building a new
house by the time I’m done with her fix up list.”

She laughed, and secretly wondered what he
had fixed so far.  Hopefully he’d get to patching the drywall
in the bathroom.  The door handle had punched through the wall
from someone in the house again.  

It was silent for a few miles and they passed
a sign announcing Des Moines 12 miles ahead.  Katelyn thought
about their destination again.

“So, is this working, Dad?”

He didn’t answer right away, but she knew he
understood.

“It has to, doesn’t it?” He shifted in his
seat, leaning his head back on the headrest.  “Yeah, I don’t
know what med they have me on.  It could be the placebo, the
fake one, ya know.  But, I feel different.”

He didn’t go on.  “Like, how?” Katelyn
asked.

He shrugged slightly.  “I don’t know.
 I guess I feel kind of live, more energetic, less edgy, ya
know?”

She didn’t know.  Katelyn had only ever
smoked some weed, nothing more.  She took a chance at humor.
 “Not really, Dad.”

He laughed one chuckle.  “I hope not.”
 He shifted again, this time more upright.  His hands
joined in the conversation.  “You don’t know and I hope you’ll
never know, but it’s nasty how bad I used to want the stuff.
 I had no power over myself.  It’s like I was obeying
something really strong that hid in me.  Scares the shit out
of me that some pill might be the only strength I have against that
urge right now, but I’ll take it.”

Katelyn didn’t say anything.  She wasn’t
willing to give her dad her forgiveness or any sign of it.  If
she forgave him, he might think he was in the clear.  Her mind
had switched, though, to thinking of Tim instead of her dad’s
situation.  She’d dumped him right after the Des Moines
incident.  He called for two days straight trying every
possible way to say he was sorry.      “Why’d
you ever start, Dad?”  

He considered his thoughts before he
answered.  “I could tell you it was someone else’s fault,
Kate, someone gave it to me or something.  But, the truth is,
I wanted to feel good. I needed a pick-me-up.”  He sounded
done, but then added, lower, “Still do.”

Katelyn pulled up to school just as the
warning bell sounded.  Dropping off Brianna at school had cost
her a few minutes, but it was part of the bargain of driving the
car.  She wasn’t supposed to have anyone else in the car while
she was on the school permit, but her mom didn’t seem to think
driving her sister was a major violation.    

Brianna took the bus for the most part.
 There was some new boy she was after who rode both before
school and after.  Apparently, Brianna was trying hard to get
this week.  When they pulled up to the school, Brianna
wouldn’t get out of the car right away because her new crush was
standing outside of the school with another girl.

“Oh, too bad, Brianna.  Looks like your
plan backfired,” Katelyn mocked.

“Shut up,” Brianna said.  “That skank is
straight up ugly.  She’s doing me a favor.”

“Come on, Brianna, get out.  I have to
go.”

“One more minute,” she mumbled, her eyes
intent on the couple.

“Go on,” Katelyn was impatient and tired.
 The long morning drive with her dad was taking its toll on
her.  “You’re too young for a boyfriend anyway.”