Phoenix Inheritance (10 page)

How long would the fit have lasted if Thor hadn't come over? And if this scared him, how scared was Renee all the time? She was shorter and far lighter than he was. How did she manage to hold on to Charlie and keep him from hurting himself when he was like this?

No wonder she worried so much when Charlie was out of her sight. No wonder she'd not wanted to wake their son tonight. He turned to look over at the kitchen table, which was visible at the far end of the living room.

Charlie and Renee had their heads together, whispering. Charlie was smiling. Smiling? After all that? What kind of magic did Renee have to shift his mood so fast?

Renee must have noticed the scrutiny because she raised her head and met his gaze. “Daz, could you turn on our generator so the food in the fridge doesn't spoil?”

“Sure. Tell me where your switch is.”

“Does that mean I can use the computer?” Charlie asked.

“No,” Renee said. “Because we can't afford to waste the gas in the generator on anything nonessential. Do you want to keep the food from spoiling or play your game?”

“Play the game!”

“Hah. You say that now but when the milk for your cereal is spoiled, you won't like that,” she said.

“Oh.” Charlie frowned. “Maybe.”

“If you can stay calm now, we'll talk about using the computer in the morning,” she said.

Charlie sighed. “Okay.”

Reassured that Charlie was going to stay calm, Daz went to the garage, followed Renee's instructions, and soon the chugging of a generator echoed from the side yard.

When he returned to the living room, Renee was settling Charlie on the couch.

“Can Thor sleep with me?” Charlie asked.

“Sure, if you think he'll stay,” she said.

“He says it's fine, that I'm nice and warm.”

“There you go, then.”

Thor jumped up to curl beside him while Renee brought a blanket from the bedroom and tucked them in.

“Is Odin still sleeping?” Charlie asked.

“He hissed at me and ran under the bed when I went to your room,” she said.

“He knows you don't like cats, Mom.”

“Cats usually pick up on that, yeah.” She kissed his cheek. “Go to sleep, Charlie. Love you.”

After a stressful day, Renee had slept only an hour. Her shoulder had to be still killing her. Yet not for an instant had she panicked or lost her temper with Charlie. She'd even managed to say the right things to keep their son from throwing another fit.

“Okay.” Charlie closed his eyes. “Love you too.”

Renee tiptoed back into the kitchen, sat down and put her head in her hands. Daz stood behind her, his hand on her good shoulder, trying to soothe her. He wondered if he was doing any good at all.

“This wasn't the first time you've done this, is it?” Daz asked. “Calmed Charlie down?”

“I wish,” she said, her voice muffled.

“Mom?”

Renee clenched her fist, her real sign of frustration. “Yes?”

“Can I have water?”

“Sure.”

She filled a plastic cup and went back to sit next to Charlie while he drank. “Go to sleep, Charlie. You've had a long day.”

“Thor says I should stop getting worked up over dumb things,” Charlie said.

“Thor's smart. That's good advice,” Renee said.

“The things don't seem dumb at the time. I couldn't think straight. My mind went all Hulk-like.”

“I know that scares you. It's okay, you're fine now. I'm here, Thor's here, your father is here.”

Charlie stared down at the floor. “I woke you up when your arm is hurt. I'm sorry.”

“I know you were trying hard to be calm. Rest. We'll work on things tomorrow.” She tucked the blanket tighter around him.

“Okay.” Charlie closed his eyes.

Renee trudged back to the kitchen, her shoulders slumped, looking defeated. Daz tried to hug her but she just collapsed into a kitchen chair, put her head on the kitchen table again and closed her eyes.

He rubbed the back of her neck. The muscles were wound up tight.

“How long has it been since you've had a good night's sleep?” he whispered.

“The last weekend you took Charlie.”

Nearly two weeks ago. Silence reigned as they watched until Charlie's chest rose and fell in deep sleep.

“Whew,” Renee whispered. She stretched out her legs and relaxed back in the chair. He finally sat down across from her.

“Does he have fits like this often?” Daz asked.

“It used to be once a month but it's close to once a week lately. He's getting worse. I'm surprised this is the first time you've seen it. But then he always gets what he wants with you. I'm the one left to tell him ‘no'.”

“I'm sorry,” Daz whispered.

“My fault.” Circles shadowed her eyes. “I should've known this would happen after today. Meltdowns tend to happen when he's stressed. He probably woke up after a nightmare. I should've known. I should have woken him up and given him the melatonin. Then he would have slept through the night.”

He enclosed her hand. “Stop beating yourself up, okay?”

She shook her head, her mouth tight, misery in every movement. “I want him to get better but nothing I do seems to help. And I have to find something that will help him.”

“You calmed him down just now when all I could do was watch him thrash around and hope I wasn't bruising his wrists while I held him. You're doing something right.”

“I didn't calm him down.
Thor
calmed him down,” Renee said. “I just came in at the end.”

Daz glanced into the living to Charlie and back to Renee. “Do you always have to restrain him like I did?”

“Usually, I can distract him with a change of subject but every now and then, I have to do what you did.” She stared out into space, not looking at him. Not, he suspected, looking at anything.

“I'm sorry.” Daz shook his head. “I felt so damn helpless when he was in the middle of it.”

“I know that feeling well.”

“I know I gave you a hard time about the autism diagnosis.”

She shook her head. “You're not the only one.”

“I know how good you are with him. I should have supported you.” He reached out his hand for her. “I'm sorry.”

She hesitated a second, then took it. He swallowed hard. Getting her into bed had been easy compared to this conversation.

“Thank you.” She squeezed his hand. “I realize that unless you've been there, it's hard to know what the fits can be like. Maybe I was afraid to push it with you because, deep down, I wanted you to be right. But wishing things will get better won't help him. And I need to find something that does.”

I,
she'd said. Not
we
. But then, they'd hardly been a team.

“What do the professionals he's seeing say about Charlie?” Daz asked.

“I can't get a consensus. Every autistic kid is different, so what works with one won't necessarily work with the other. Plus, his symptoms change as he grows. Right now I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time to keep him safe. And, it's pretty apparent after today that I'm not always succeeding at the safety part.” Her voice held a note of panic. “The school thinks a behavior chart is the perfect answer for Charlie. Sometimes he does well with it, some days not. The days he's not doing well are increasing.”

“The school's been calling you a lot?” Daz asked.

“Several times a week, including today.”

“What happened today?”

She told him about a “trick” test Charlie had taken and his anger and panic that caused him to run out of the school. Daz's mouth went dry at the thought of Charlie running into traffic.

“I don't even know if I should send him back to school,” Renee said.

Daz had no answer for that. If Renee was uncertain, this was so way over his head. Dammit. He'd been so worried about leveling up for his work that he didn't realize how much he needed to do with his son.

“And that's just Charlie's behavior,” Renee continued. “He's also convinced he can talk to animals. I thought it was just an overactive imagination, but now I'm not so sure. He could be—” her voice cracked, “—delusional. Mixing up reality and imagination.”

“I've noticed he says animals talk to him inside his head.”

No wonder she was terrified. The odds were very much against Charlie being a telepath, but it was possible. Beth needed to see Charlie. But how did he mention that idea to Renee in a way that sounded believable and sane?

“It does seem like animals respond to him, particularly Thor and Loki. And the cat was calm with him too,” Daz said.

Renee slumped back in her chair and let go of Daz's hand. “My dogs have known Charlie since birth. They're very aware of his body language and he's probably aware of theirs. So it seems like he can do what he says. I've tried to steer him that way, tried to convince him that he and the dogs were just close and read each other's body language, but he claims that's not that the case, that he speaks to them in his mind.” She said the last sentence in a low whisper. “I don't know what to do. I've run out of solutions.”

Daz almost blurted out that telepaths were real. But most people didn't believe that unless convinced with evidence and Daz had none with him right now.

He had to get Charlie to Beth. Beth could read Charlie's mind telepathically and find out if he was delusional or not. Hell, Beth could read Charlie's mind and figure out everything that was going on inside his head. Maybe Charlie wasn't autistic. Maybe if Charlie could talk to animals, it was causing the other problems in his behavior.

“I've got a possible solution,” Daz said.

“What?”

She stared at him, so dejected that he wanted to gather her up in his arms.

“Oh, Daz, please, don't give me false hope.” She rubbed her eyes.

“I know an expert with new ideas.”

“Another expert? Where do you know this psychologist from?” Renee stood went over to the sink to pour a glass of water. She drank the whole glass in one long gulp.

Daz followed her. “You know how I feel about shrinks.”

“That you don't trust them? Oh, yes,” Renee said.

Daz swallowed down his guilt to being so resistant to Charlie seeing a psychologist. “I don't trust many of them, that's true. But I know this woman and I'm sure she can help.”

Renee turned and leaned against the kitchen counter. An hour ago, he'd left her sleeping peacefully. An hour before that, she'd made love to him. But the person who stared at him now was entirely different, closed-off and shut down emotionally.

“Okay, sure. If you like this psychologist, it's worth a try. Charlie has nothing to lose.”

But the way she said it, she had no faith in his idea.

She poured a mug of cold coffee from what remained in the coffeepot. She sipped it and spit the coffee back in the mug. “Crap.” She poured the coffee down the sink. “I'm sorry if I sound unenthusiastic. I'm glad you're trying to help. But it's been months of getting my hopes up and having them dashed.”

Her voice was hoarse. She held one arm tight against her chest. In the dim light from the fireplace, her face looked etched in shadows. He'd seen that same look of exhaustion and hopelessness on men who'd spent too much time in the field. They knew one wrong move could mean the difference between life and death. Renee obviously felt the same about watching Charlie and, after today, he couldn't say she was wrong.

In the field, he could fight the enemy. But this enemy couldn't be dispatched in a firefight.

“We'll figure out how to help him together,” Daz said.

“I hope so.” She shook her head and waved a hand at him to stop when he would've moved closer. Shutting down, he decided. He stepped toward her anyway. She raised her other hand, the one with the bum shoulder and pain instantly flashed over her face.

“Fuck.” She fell to her knees, the arm cradled against her. “Dammit, dammit.”

He went to his knees beside her and cradled her against him. She'd faced a charging bear with a stick, but this? This was killing her.

“I'm the woman with the SAR team. I'm the one who saves people. And I can't even help my son,” she whispered. “I'd do anything that might help but I don't have a clue as to what that thing could be.”

Daz pulled her against him. “It's going to be okay.”

“You don't know that.” She let her head rest against his chest. “What if it's not okay, what if I can't help, what if I lose him when I lose track of him for a just a few seconds… I can't fail Charlie. I just can't.”

She started to cry, quiet sobs muffled against his shirt. He held her loosely, worried about the bad shoulder, murmuring soft words to her, hoping they provided some comfort. He'd never seen her like this. Renee was a pillar. She didn't crumble.

Except she was.

Daz had to face hard facts. Renee thought she had failed but she'd done everything she knew to help their son. If anyone had failed, it was him, for failing to see the scope of Charlie's problem and not backing up Renee when she tried to make him see.

“You've had a tough day.” He stroked her back. “But my friend Beth will be able to help Charlie. You'll see. There's hope.”

“God, I hope so, Daz. I really hope so.” She stifled her tears. “I've messed up your shirt.”

“I don't care about that. But stand up. I want to wrap up your shoulder right away. I should've done it earlier before, well, you know.”

They both stood. She took a tissue from a box of Kleenex on the counter. “After we…when we…just now, after we made love. I didn't want to think about anything, I just wanted…I wanted one night when I could relax. I was selfish. I didn't stay awake to check on him. If I had, he might not have melted down.”