Phoenix Broken (34 page)

He'd disappeared from her bed.

No note.

Not. A. Damn.
Thing.

Des woke suddenly to the lacey half-light of late afternoon, blinking in confusion as it slowly sank in that Scott was gone. Her sheets were still warm from his body heat, but she didn't feel him in the house. She was alone.

The phone rang again, the noise that had woken her, and she fumbled for it, dropping the damn thing twice, hoping to hear Scott's voice, but somehow knowing she wouldn't. "Hello?"

She closed her eyes at the familiar rasp on the other end. "I don't—
Omno
. Okay. Give me ten minutes—
Fine!
I'll be out in five." Des sat up, throwing her phone on the empty side of the bed, glaring at it.

She didn’t have a good feeling about this—not any of it. Whatever was up with Scott, it would have to wait. Apparently, she was being summoned.

Scott had called Jules from Des and Mags' kitchen table when he left her bedroom, his voice low so as not to wake her.

"There’s something I gotta do. I need you, kemosabe."

Twenty minutes later, Jules had rolled up and Scott had rolled out. He knew he should leave something, say something, but he couldn't think. It would have to wait.

If he didn't do this now,
right fucking now
, he'd lose his will.

As it was, when Jules stopped in front of the cemetery, looking out at the grey stones and the black steel of the iron gates, Scott almost told him to turn the hell around. They got out together when Jules parked with a heavy sigh. Neither of them said a word as their feet took them down the path they both knew by heart, snow and ice crunching in the brittle air.

"You should have told me we were coming here when you called, man. I hate it looking all bare and cold like this. I would've brought something."

Scott silently agreed, staring down at the frozen bit of earth and snow. "She ain't here, J."

Jules shook his head, his expression puzzled. "I know, man. But why are we, Scott?"

"Because it's the only place I've got." He put a hand on the gravestone, the marble surprisingly warm, the dark stone soaking up every bit of the weak November sunshine. "I never told you the last thing she said to me, did I?"

Jules stiffened but stayed silent, staring at Scott from the foot of Fannie's grave.

"Yeah, I never told anyone. Because it was private and I didn't understand it." He took a breath. "
Keep dancing, Magic Man.
I heard her, in my head. Clear as a bell when I was in that ambulance with Toby. It had to be—I mean… I realized later it had to have been right before Cross killed her. Seconds maybe. It was her goodbye to me." Scott bowed his head, the memories too overwhelming. "So why the hell would she use it to say that? Why
those
words, in particular?"

"She loved dancing with you, Scott. The way she lit up when you two…" Jules coughed once, then glanced away. "Well, you know."

"Yeah." Scott raised his head, leaving his hand on the stone. "I can't forget her. I can't fucking
do
that, kemosabe."

Jules laughed but Scott could see the tears in those dark eyes. “C’mon, man. Of course you can't. That ain’t possible." He hesitated. "This is about Desdemona, isn't it? You're falling for her."

Scott swallowed hard, unable to speak. He was. He'd faced that now, and god, if it didn’t hurt like hell. There was also a thread of joy in the pain …and the most godawful hope.

His fingers brushed Fan’s gravestone and his vision blurred.

"I don't know what I'm thinking here. No one can replace her, Jules."

"You're right. No one can take Fannie's place—"

“You bet your sweet ass,” Scott muttered, making them both smile, pushing back the tears neither could quite let fall in front of the other.

“—but maybe it's not about taking places. More like …making new ones." Jules cleared his own throat. "She told you to keep dancing, Scott. She knew you’d need a partner for that. I think you've figured it out already, but if you need me to say it—that was Fannie's way of telling you it was okay to move on."

"I don't know if that's possible. I just…
fuck
, man." Scott bent over the grave, his shoulders bowed against the wind that had started to pick up. He could feel Jules' eyes on him, but for a long time, neither of them spoke.

Then Jules cleared his throat again. Loudly. “You once said some hard words to me, words that made me realize I was fucking up. Now you’re the one in danger of fucking up. Des isn’t Fan. What you feel for her is different than what you felt for Fannie. But it’s not wrong to feel it, man. It just
is
. You can have both. You can honor the woman you lost and take joy in the woman you found. Fannie wouldn’t want you lonely and bitter.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Scott said, his fingers still running over and over the rough stone. “She was a jealous little shit sometimes. You remember that time she decked another dancer for putting her hand on my ass?”

Jules snorted. “I do. She told me, ‘it may be a skinny white boy ass, but it’s
my
skinny white boy ass.’”

Scott smiled. “That was Fan.” He shuddered. “I miss her so fucking much, J.”

Jules bowed his head. “I know, man. I know. I’ll go wait at the car, you all take your time.”

Scott didn’t move until the sound of Jules’ footsteps moving away faded completely. Then he knelt in the snow, feeling the icy slush soaking the knees of his jeans.

“I do miss you, baby. I miss you every damn day. Every hour, every fucking minute, woman. You know that I do.” Scott could see his reflection in the glossy black marble and he looked down again, not wanting to face the pain in his own eyes.

He ran his hands over the grave, clearing it down to the frozen ground. When he’d moved all the snow to the side, he pressed his palms against the cold, bare earth and closed his eyes. It took a long time. His arms started to tremble and his pulse beat hard in his temples before he was done. But finally he woke the violets sleeping there with his power, until tiny green stalks stretched upwards, then burst one by one into bloom before his eyes.

Scott smiled and touched one of the delicate purple blossoms with a fingertip, sending it bobbing back and forth in the bitter air.

“I’m going to do what you told me to, alright? I’m gonna keep dancing. I stopped for a real long time. The music just didn’t mean anything without you. But I hear it again. I think I finally hear it again.”

He got to his feet slowly.

“I love you, Sarsaparilla. And I always will. But I’m gonna say good bye now.” He pressed two fingers to his lips, then leaned over and traced the letters cut deep into the stone.

FRANCES JEAN HAMPTON DAVIDSON

'Love is now the stardust of yesterday'

Des was pacing back and forth, rubbing her arms when Scott finally showed up outside of Centaries. She'd been calling him for an hour. By the time he'd finally picked up, she knew she must’ve sounded hysterical, but then again she was.

She was ready to fucking explode.
If half of what Guido had just told her was true…

"What are you doing out here by yourself?" Scott sounded tired—and furious. "God fucking damn it, Des—"

"If the Dullahan or anyone else wanted to take me out long distance, I'd have been dead a long time ago, Scott. And you know damn well I'm safer here than almost anywhere on the planet." She pointed out Spider Face, aka Bill, lurking in the doorway, ten feet away. "He's only over there because I screamed at him to stop hovering." Des tilted her head, feeling a twinge of guilt. She really had bitten the poor guy's head off. "Sorry, Bill!"

"Wait, his name's
really
…"

"Where the hell have you been?" Des cut him off as she whirled back.

He didn't answer her right away. Scott looked kind of pale, now that she thought about it. Shaky even. Suddenly alarmed, she stepped closer, but wasn't prepared when he reached out and yanked her to him. The warmth of those hard arms closing around her had never felt so good. When he'd disappeared, she'd been worried. No, make that terrified.

She was still terrified. When Scott found out what she had to say—he might just disappear forever.

No. He would understand.

He had to.
Des closed her eyes, resting her head against his chest, trying very hard not to panic.

"I had …things." His voice was muffled against her hair. She waited, but he didn't elaborate.
Okay then, my turn.
Des took a deep breath and lifted her head.

"I had things, too. Guido called me, Scott. He wanted to tell me… Well, warn me…warn you, actually, but…” the words were coming out too fast, too jumbled, but she couldn’t help it. “
Omno
. There’s things I haven’t told you. Things that are going to make you mad." She sucked down a sob. "Maybe even really, really mad. But please just hear me out."

Scott pulled back, his hands rubbing up and down her cold arms. His eyes searched her face, narrowing at whatever he saw there. His voice, when he spoke though, was calm. Warm.

"Slow down, angel. I'm listening."

"Miles lied to you. I don't know why, but I was never spying on Guido for him.
Never.
Actually, you could kinda say, in a way, it was a bit—a very tiny bit—the …opposite."

Scott's fingers tightened on her arms, then he dropped them abruptly. The look on his face … Des' throat started to close.

"Not like that, Scott.
Please.
" The words tumbled out haphazardly as he took a step back. "Really. It was just—when I told him what Miles wanted, he—"

Scott cursed, but she shook her head before he could open his mouth. "I
had
to tell him, did you honestly think I could lie outright…to him?
Omno,
are you people insane? He'd have known in a heartbeat! I told you, I can count on
one
hand the times I've managed to keep Guido in the dark about something, and this was never going to be one of those times. It was like he already knew who you were interested in before I told him—and he was fine with it. I think he was more amused than anything—but he also seemed curious. So, he asked me to find out more about Docie May and why you— Phoenix Inc.—wanted her. There're things going on, Scott, things I can't explain because Guido won’t tell me all of it. That's why I called you here. He won't tell me anymore, he wants you."

"And I thought you were calling because you were worried, Des." His voice had turned as faded and insubstantial as the leaves skittering over the concrete.

"I was! Oh, don't do this, Scott! Please,
don't.
I swear to you this was never, ever about betraying you. Most of what I told Guido, he already knew anyway, he just wanted a little more insight to your motivations so he could decide what…."

"Were you good at that—sharing what
motivates
me, Des? My story help clarify that little curiosity for your friend, did it? Did you give him
all
the details?"

Hot tears spilled down her cheeks. Scott's lips thinned and he turned away.

She’d known this was going to be hard…but there had to be some way to get through to him.
If she could just explain it right.

Scott turned around, walking back to his car. The streetlights kicked on, yellowish in the ashy twilight. The hum buzzed in her ears as she watched him reach for the driver's door.

"Did you know Docie May was always a trap?" She yelled at him, her voice breaking.

Scott stopped, his shoulders going stiff. Des ran forward, pushing her way between him and the car, grabbing his shirt. "They were going to use her to kill you. He stopped that.
Guido did.
He told me tonight that the reason Docie May disappeared was because he refused to allow her back in the club. He couldn't be sure of controlling the situation, so he made up an excuse to be offended to keep her out. Just
please
, talk to him! It's important, no matter what you think of me. You have no idea what's at stake, Scott."

His expression was dark, hooded. "You've always trusted him far too much, Des."

"I trust Guido with my life."

"And apparently with mine."

"Of course." Tears glistened in her eyes. "Yours is worth far more to me."

He closed his eyes, his jaw going tight. "Des, don't…
don't you…"

Scott slammed a fist down onto the roof of the car, the sound cutting the night like the slam of a door. Des didn't flinch, sliding her trembling hands up his chest. His heart pounded under her fingertips, making hers ache.
Just trust me. For once.

"It's true, you idiot. I know I'm not supposed to say it, but I can't help what I feel. I would never betray you, I lo—"

"
Shut up, Des.
Right now. We’re not having this conversation. Not like this. I wanted to… Never mind what I wanted. I get that you did what you thought you had to do. Okay. It's hard, but I'll accept that."

"You will?" Her knees literally gave out. She started to slide down the car. Scott swore as he held her up, then froze as her arms snaked around his neck. She leaned into him, expecting nothing—just content for now that he wasn’t pulling away—breathing in that half comforting, half enticing scent of him; pine and mist.

"I didn't say I'd forgive you, you know." But his big hands unconsciously stroked her back, belying his words.

"I know." She hiccupped, knuckling the tears off her cheeks with one hand, "but if you trust me enough to hear Guido out… I hope…I
believe
that you will."

Scott didn’t respond. When she looked up, his face was unreadable. “Guido won’t approach anyone else. You have to understand. That's never going to happen. But he’ll speak to you. And you need to listen, Scott.”

“I’m not the one he should be talking to, Des. I don't speak for Phoenix. It should be Kelsey or Jules.”

“No! They are too close to Miles—he turned them. Guido is demon, he would
never
seek an audience with Rousseau—it has to be you, Scott.”

He cursed violently as if something had hit him, startling her as he shoved away from the car. “Jesus Christ, you lied to Miles, Des! To
Miles.
Are you fucking insane?”

“I didn’t lie." Des chewed the inside of her lip. "He never said not to tell Guido what I was doing for him.”

"Do you need me to give you the definition of 'covert', Des? Jesus!" Scott spun around to stare at her, running both hands through his hair until it stood wildly on end. “He’s gonna kill you. First the Dullahan, now Miles. Do you have a fucking death wish?"

“I thought you’d at least be a little happy I didn't lie to my best friend!  You’ve accused me of having no loyalty over and over, Scott. Now that you know that’s not true, you’re
mad?”

Scott dropped his hands, which still shook. Hard to argue with that.

He’d given her shit over Guido more times than he could count. But how was he supposed to deal with everything she’d just thrown at him? Especially
now.

Fuuuuck.

He couldn’t process this shit. After Jules had driven him home from the cemetery, Scott had just wanted to sit down; give himself some time to sort through his feelings after his visit to Fan’s grave, but when he saw all the messages from Des, he knew he had to call.

Now this. He didn’t know what the fuck to do anymore.

It might be stupid to believe her, but he did. Whatever was going on, he believed that Des had tried to walk a line between them and her friend. Trouble was, when Miles found out, Scott didn’t think the vampire was going to see it that way.

"Stop worrying so much."

"Someone has to,” he snapped. “Since you don't seem to have the goddamn sense to be scared of anything!"

“Oh, that’s it!” Slamming both hands into his chest, Des shoved him back across the parking lot. The aggression was so out of character, Scott could only stare.

Then she snapped a kick at his head. He ducked just in time, then dodged a hard little fist aimed at his chin. His boots skidded on the half frozen asphalt as she came at him again.

"Hey now—"

"Shut up!
You left me alone—just
disappeared.
Guido called me and laid all this …
crap
at my doorstep. He left me to deal with getting you in there…" she stabbed a finger behind her at Centaries. "…and explaining what I'd done. But you think I’m not
scared
enough?” She swung at him again. “I’m terrified! Mostly of losing your stupid ass, before I even really have it.”

Des’ face was shiny with temper and tears, her grey eyes almost silver in the darkness. Scott caught her fists in his hands, pinning her back against the car.

“Stop it!” she hissed, shoving against him. “I’m
not
in the mood for your shit.”

“I can see that.” He took a breath, trying to calm the emotions swirling through his head. He gave her a tight smile. “It’s kinda turning me on.”

She rolled her eyes. Scott dropped her hands to grab her hips and yank her up against him. “I’m not kidding.”

“I guess you aren’t.” Des went limp. Her eyes dilated, dark swirling into those silver pools. “I shouldn’t have said that,” she tried to squirm away, all the fight gone out of her, but Scott held fast.

“Said what, angel?”

“You know what. I know you’re not mine, Scott. I know that won’t happen, I just—“

He kissed her. Hard and long and sweet. Not caring there was a demon watching them, and a demon waiting for him. Or that seemingly everyone in the world wanted to kill the woman in his arms. Scott knew he was good at what he did, but he wasn’t sure he was
that
good. Getting out of this mess was going to take everything both of them had, but that could wait a fucking minute. Right now, she needed kissed.

So, Scott kissed her. Everything slid away. The tension melted from her as their lips met. His own fear and anger and frustration receded, leaving only the taste of her. The feel of her.

His.

Scott had thought he wasn’t sure—he’d only been willing to try. But now, it all seemed so fucking clear. He couldn’t lose her. He
wouldn’t.

“I think you just might be stuck with this stupid ass, Desdemona.”

Her mouth fell open. Scott placed a finger under her chin and shut it. “Later, angel. Right now—” She grabbed him by the hair and yanked him back down to her mouth. It was a wild kiss, full of promise and hope.

When she let him up for air, Scott laughed helplessly, leaning down until their foreheads bumped together. “We’re both crazy and we’re gonna die.”

“Guido first.” She was breathless, her cheeks flushed pink. “Then we
talk.
And I get to take care of that.”

She looked down at the bulge in his jeans. Her tongue flickered out to brush her lips.

“Damnit, Des."

“No.
Guido.
Now.”

“Can you not mention his name when I’m hard? Little bit awkward.”

Laughing, Des ran a hand between his legs. “Nothing little here.” She squeezed firmly and his knees almost buckled before she released him.

“I’m going to pay you back for this.”

“I sincerely hope so.” She smiled and then reached up to cup the back of his neck. They kissed one last time. When it was done she leaned against him, panting slightly... Then she straightened. “Now, go. And behave. It really is important, Scott.”

There were a helluva lot of important things to talk about, but first…

He had a demon to deal with.