Phase (26 page)

Jules grinned. Seeing her smile at me almost made the day better. “Just a run of bad luck for you, huh?”

I shrugged. “Life has certainly changed.” I started toward the choir room. “Walk me to choir?”

“Are you kidding? I’m gonna stick around. I don’t really relish going back to that house. Besides, we can hang out a little longer. Grounding or not.”

My eyes watered. “Jules, are you sure you’re not still angry—”

“At you?” She looked horrified. “It all makes sense. How everything happened. But I wish…I wish you hadn’t looked at my journal. Or I wish you’d lied.”

“I am sorry.”

“You said that. And I’m sorry. About not sticking by you anyway. I should have. I’m sorry it went as far as it did. That hole. If you want to hate Micah for the rest of your life, I’m OK with that.” She smiled wryly.

I smiled despite my tears. “I can’t even hate Naomi. I feel sorry for her.”

“Saint Sophie. Hate is good for the soul.”

I shook my head. “Not even a little bit.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

As I hobbled next to her I saw a familiar flash of red hair. I froze as I stared at Summer Harlan. She was walking with her two friends, but it wasn’t her usual walk. She limped. Seeing us, she stopped. Her lip was busted, and she had a huge bruise on her collarbone. She swallowed, then scurried in the other direction.

“Jules?”

“I just had a talk with her. Away from school.” Jules patted my shoulder. “She won’t come near you ever again.”

I opened my mouth to say something. Something that chastised what she’d done. But nothing came to mind, except… “Thanks.”

“Really, anytime. Promise.”

* * *

I was off my crutches after the first week and using the walking stick Ezra had given me as a cane. The pack started showing up at school, except Naomi. She was gone. Still grounded, I didn’t see Jules except at school, but she took to driving me home.

One morning, Mom dropped me off, and I hobbled with my cane up to the school. I walked in and saw Ezra talking with Nick. They both looked over at me the moment I came through the door.

Our gazes met.

“Hey!” Jules arrived.

I turned, grateful for someone else to focus on. “Hi.”

“Do you want to avoid him?” she asked softly.

“I…is he OK? About Naomi?”

She clamped her mouth shut for a second, her jaw muscle ticking. “He’s worried. Not as much as Meredith. It’s like a freakin’ graveyard there.” She sighed. “I know, I should be nicer, but what she did—”

I understood Jules’s anger, but I felt for Naomi. I really did. I dared to look back at Ezra. He was now close enough that I could see his face. He had dark circles under his eyes. I shook my head.

“OK.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

We headed toward my locker, creating a wide berth around Ezra. I felt awful, but I didn’t know what to say to him.

* * *

All that confusion didn’t stop me from fixating on the back of his head during second period. Or during Chemistry later on.

He caught up with me after Chemistry, Nick behind him. I gave him a small smile. He grinned back like he was relieved.

“Hey,” Ezra said.

“Hi.”

“I can carry your stuff.” He took my bag. He smiled at the stick, but didn’t say anything.

“Thanks.” I struggled out of my chair with Nick’s help, happy that I wasn’t flinching from him either, and took the stick. We walked out of the room quietly. Nick headed to his next class.

“Soph…”

“How’s your mom?”

Ezra sighed. “Not good. Pissed off at the pack for losing her little girl.”

“And you?”

“I’m OK. I mean, Naomi’s smarter than most people give her credit for. I also taught her how to lose a tail. Apparently I did too well.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. Means a lot.”

We continued in silence. I was nervous, but not scared. Being near him was nice. If confusing. He paused before we got to the next classroom.

“I’m sorry.”

I opened my mouth to reply.

“Señorita Todd, Señor Varden.” Señor McAlister showed up at the door. “Care to join us?”

I hurried in, feeling my cheeks warm.

Chapter Eighteen

By the time my third week of grounding ended, Ezra and I were talking occasionally. Not about anything important. Just school and his family. We didn’t talk about what had happened.

Dad let me off my punishment by a week for good behavior. I was still using the stick, but often my ankle felt pain-free. My cuts and bruises had healed, and everyone else was looking like themselves. Not happy, but more like themselves.

I’d spoken to Micah…once. But I still couldn’t look at Aidan. He kindly kept his distance, but I wondered if I’d ever be able to see him again as the harmless flirt that I’d thought he was.

Jules invited me to Fangorn once I was ungrounded. I drove on my own very slowly and pulled over when I saw her on the side of the road.

She opened the door to help me out. “How’s the ankle?” she asked.

“Better.”

Jules looped arms with me and helped me thread our way through the forest, avoiding large roots and fallen trees. I needed to be with her, out in the woods.

The woods. My stomach turned over. “Jules…”

“Hmmm?”

“It’s not near here, right?” My voice wavered.

She looked at me, questioning. Her eyes widened with understanding. “It’s not.”

“OK.”

“You’d really have to be looking for it.”

If I never saw that hole again, I could almost pretend it was a really bad dream. Almost.

Fangorn was easier to see now. Leaves had fallen, exposing the white cement.

“Do you wish you didn’t know?” she asked.

“About…everything?”

“Yeah.”

“No.” I met her eyes. “I hate how everything has been, but no. I would rather know the truth. Always.”

She nodded and sniffed the air before speaking. “Crap.”

“What?”

“I had snacks. I left them at the house. You all right here?”

“Yes.” I’d missed our hideout, and the woods, too. Even though most of the leaves had fallen, it was still beautiful. “I’m fine.”

She grinned before running off. As I watched her go, I made a mental note to ask her if she’d ever thought about trying out for track. Girl could run.

Once I was alone, my anxiety came back. Trembling, I sat on the stairs.

“Sophie.” Ezra appeared at the tree line.

I yelped. “Did you follow us?”

He ducked his head. “Yeah. Kinda, I was out anyway. And smelled you. Can we talk?” His favorite red hoodie was zipped up all the way. Such an inane thing to notice.

I took a deep breath. “Course.”

He tucked his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “I’m sorry about what my sister did to you. I knew she was having a tough time with Jules in the picture. I didn’t know how bad. I should have talked to her.”

“She made her own choices. You couldn’t have known.” I felt safer talking about Naomi rather than…us. “She was hurting.” I could understand feeling like you didn’t have anyone to talk to. I hadn’t before Jules. Not really.

Awkward silence.

“She was. But I should have known you wouldn’t… I’m so sorry, Sophie.”

He said it. He’d said it before, but I hadn’t had a chance to really look at him.

He was sorry. I could see it in every part of him. His posture, his eyes, his face. My heart clenched at how pained he sounded.

I wanted to move closer to him, to tell him not to feel bad any more. “I know you are.”

“You hate me.”

I laughed, but it sounded more like a cough. “I’ve never hated you.” I couldn’t.

Slowly, like he would approach a skittish horse, Ezra came closer. I didn’t back away.

“I wouldn’t blame you. After everything.” He slipped his hands out of his pockets. “But I don’t want you to hate me.” He reached out gingerly, touching my hand with his fingertips. He still emitted electricity. “I should have stuck by you the whole time.”

“But you did. In the end.” He’d stood up to Micah. Even when I hadn’t been proven innocent. That mattered. “I mean, the evidence seemed to point me out. Sometimes I wondered if maybe I had done it.”

He smiled at the bad joke. “Does you defending me right now mean that I haven’t totally screwed everything up?”

Ezra wasn’t perfect. Sometimes he seemed like he was, but he wasn’t. I couldn’t hate him for that. He’d nearly risked leaving his pack for me.

That was something. Even little ole human me could understand that.

“I can’t seem to not like you,” I stated slowly.

He chuckled. “Not really the most flattering of statements, but I’ll take it… Sophie, I want to kiss you.”

I looked into his eyes, the same leaf-green eyes that I had fawned over since ninth grade. Those eyes were hopeful. He wanted to kiss me. I doubted that would ever get old.

I swallowed. “I wouldn’t mind.”

His smile warmed even more as he helped me stand. He leaned in to press his lips to mine, never letting go of my hand. The first kiss was soft and gentle. He drew back and watched me as if gauging how I was handling it. I closed the distance between us and kissed him. His other hand came up to cup my face as he coaxed my mouth open by pressing his thumb to my chin.

I’d never understood how people got so swept up in kissing before. How it could go from kissing to something far more intimate. Surely the brain still worked even during kissing.

I understood now.

The kiss went from sweet to heated in seconds. I was in his arms, tight as his hand dug into my hip.

I pulled back first. We both panted.

“Sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean… I wouldn’t, you know.” He raked a hand through his hair.

“Wouldn’t?” My brain was still fuzzy from his kiss.

“Force you.”

I didn’t understand until I saw his blush.

“Oh. Oh!”

He hurried to speak. “I should explain this now. I tried to the night in the park.” He fiddled with the zipper on his hoodie. “Right. It’s… You have to understand that I have two sides to me. Sometimes the wolf side is strong. When I realized that I liked you, and really liked you, my wolf half wanted to claim you.” His cheeks reddened.

“I thought you and Jules had both claimed me?”

He rubbed his face. “No. I mean, claim like…mate.”

My eyes widened, and my face went hot. “You mean…” I couldn’t even say it. Not in front of him.

“Yeah. And I get it, you know. You’re a ring-wearing, save-yourself-for-marriage kind of girl. I dig that.” He closed his eyes, like he’d rather be talking about anything other than this. “Just understand that it’s a big deal to us as well. Shifters.”

“It is?”

He opened his eyes. “When we mate, it’s for life.” He smiled shyly. “I like you. A lot.”

Also something that would never get old.

“But I’m seventeen and I’m not ready to make that kind of decision. For life. And who knows, we go to college next year and you might decide you want a human guy and you’ll be with him, but I’d, I’d be messed up. I won’t ever be able to find someone else.” He dropped his eyes from mine. “If I’d made you my mate.”

My head whirled. “So we’re not going to—” Did I really ask that?

“We’re not. For both our sakes. OK?”

“That was much earlier and way less awkward than I expected. Not that I’d thought about it, but you know in theory whenever I ever started dating I knew I’d have to have this talk and I didn’t know it’d be before even going on a first date and—”

He covered my mouth with his hand, clearly amused. “Rambling.” He dropped his hand.

“Right.”

We stared at each other for a long while.

He pressed his forehead against mine. “We’re OK,” he said softly.

“Yeah.”

“Good, ’cause Jules has been nearby for like ten minutes. I think she wants to bite me for kissing you.”

“She heard?” Not that I wouldn’t have told her everything later if she didn’t mind. She wasn’t really one that engaged in girl talk.

He scratched the back of his head. “Wasn’t like I’d been able to get you alone before this.” He chuckled. “Hey, Jules.”

She emerged from the trees. “I could smell you two miles away.” She waved her hand in front of her nose, a plastic bag around her wrist. “Guess you two are OK now?”

I was probably purple in the face now, but I nodded. She sighed.

“Don’t get it. Say your sappy good-byes, I’ll be inside.” She shot me an indulgent grin as she headed to the tower.

Ezra rolled his eyes. “I better go. Talk to you later?”

“Yeah.”

He turned to go.

“Want to go to the Christmas Dance with me?” Where had that come from?

He stopped, looking back over his shoulder. “Wow. You don’t ask for the easy stuff.”

“That’s a ‘no’?” I started to feel really embarrassed.

“It’s a ‘maybe,’” he said. “It’s a ‘I’ll try and back out of it, so you better wear a hot dress to make me go.’” He winked at me.

I stared at him in disbelief.

“Shifter or not, I’m a guy. Showing some skin is always good.” He grinned wickedly. “Better get back to your best friend.” And he ran off before I could say more.

I knew I was grinning like a dope again.

“Promise me you won’t wax poetic about him all the time?” Jules wandered down the stairs.

“I promise.” I diminished the cheesiness of my expression.

She shook her head, amused. “I’m glad you two made up though. Both of you have been walking around like hurt puppies.” Her nose wrinkled. “Jeez, pheromones galore. Let’s go for a quick walk. Get rid of some of that smell.”

I laughed and followed her. Slowly, of course.

“Seriously though, no details. He’s too much like a brother.”

“Won’t.” I smiled again.

She rolled her eyes.

“What?”

“That’s your sappy smile. It’s ’cause I said he’s like a brother, isn’t it?”

I kept up with her, pushing a branch out of my way. “I’m glad you have family.”

“It’s not perfect, Sophie. The whole pack and family thing is not remotely perfect. I refuse to be their chosen bitch.”