Phantom Universe (22 page)

She flushes the color of the roses.

“
Take a seat,” he says, gesturing to the bed. She sits and watches as he sets up the device that Cameron used inside the cave. He presses a few buttons on it before a hologram lights up the dim room. He backs up and sets up four more of these devices around her bed until it’s like she’s in another world. She spins around on the bed, taking it all in.

He makes his way over to her and grins. “The movie is called
The Afterglow
.” He begins to take a seat in the chair next to her bed, but she stops him by patting next to her. His eyebrows raise at the gesture, and her eyes go wide, realizing what she’s ultimately asking. Her mind frantically tries to think of what it really means to invite him to sit next to her where she sleeps.

“
Are you sure?” he asks uncertainly. She thinks about it for a minute, unbelieving that she just invited him to sit on her bed, but finally decides it’s what she wants after all. She nods her head slowly, and a smile breaks across his face. He joins her on the bed and everything suddenly becomes awkward.

“
Trust me?” he asks, wanting to break the tension that suddenly fills the air, her nerves like a tightly wound coil ready to snap under the stress.

She nods again. Gage scoots back on the bed, lies down, and holds his arm out, offering her a spot next to him. This is all new for her, and she clearly doesn’t know how to react. Landon has held her before, but never lying down in her bed. Never . . .
romantically
. What does this mean? She can’t align her thoughts but Gage waits patiently.

“
I’ll be good,” he promises with a grin that tries not to falter at her state of uncertainty. Colors swirl around them as the screen illuminates with flashing iridescence.

She takes a deep breath and finally drops down next to him. He wraps his arm around her, and she cuddles close, wanting and needing his nearness. There’s just something about Gage that fascinates her . . . and sends her stomach a flutter. It’s not that she isn’t excited about seeing this movie with him. It’s the fact she can’t concentrate on anything but watching the steady up and down movements of his chest. He’s so gentle with her—so
careful
. She waits for the panic to hit, for the memories of Jarvis to slam into her head with the hammering of a thousand rocks being thrown at her. It’s right on the edge of her mind, waiting for the right moment to strike, but Gage’s fingers trail softly along her arm, and the sensation sends her thoughts spinning wildly in another direction. Her heart thumps hard against her ribcage, but it isn’t in panic . . . or anxiety.
What does this mean?
she wonders for the millionth time.
What
is
this feeling?

The movie starts, and the room comes alive. It’s literally like they’re sitting in the middle of the scene; she’s able to take in every last detail. The hospital room has completely vanished from sight, and all there is, is she and Gage in the middle of a romantic movie. Her breathing becomes heavier, all the new sensations and feelings overwhelming her. She wants to stay in his arms, but at the same time she’s not sure how this whole thing is supposed to work. Is she just supposed to lie there? Or are they going to kiss?

Oh no
, she realizes suddenly,
I’ve never kissed a boy before. What if I do it wrong? What if I’m bad at it? What if that isn’t what I’m supposed to do and I ruin everything?
Her muscles are no longer relaxed but tense with anxiety again. She knows it’s her fault for her reactions, but what else is she to do? This is all so new to her.

Gage notices the change in her immediately. “Are you okay, Flower?”

This makes her pause. Flower is a nickname Gage recently started calling her. She still has reservations about this nickname because the first time he said it he said “my Flower.” The whole idea that she is anyone’s anything doesn’t settle well with her. She’s Summer, herself, not owned by anyone anymore. But the way he says it, all tender and sweet, makes her smile at the fact that she is
his
Flower. She has it bad. . . .

She nods against his shoulder and decides to just relax and enjoy the entertainment around them. Tomorrow she goes to the Outlander camp, so she wants to relish in this state of bliss as much as she can.

Is that what this is?
she wonders.
Bliss?

In the movie, the clock on the wall chimes twelve times for midnight.

CHAPTER 23: DEPARTURE

16 years old

The slot slams shut, metal clinking against metal, as brown eyes disappear behind it. The whip cuts through the air and imbeds itself into my skin. I scream, unable to stop myself. I know my mistake will cost me another lashing, one more brutal than the last. Still, I cry out in overwhelming agony—over and over, the whip only licking deeper into my already bleeding wounds. If I don’t scream, the whip will stop, but I can’t stop screaming.

“
Summer! Summer? Hey!”

Her lungs heave, gulping down oxygen with all their might. Her eyes fly open, and the room’s dark. One of the walls begins to faintly glow, and in the dimness she can make out Gage’s distressed expression. She’s confused by her location, but her mind eventually begins to align with reality. There’s a blanket over her and Gage who has a crease on his face from sleep. She doesn’t remember falling asleep and takes deep, shuddering breaths as many scenarios play out in her mind.

“
You screamed,” says Gage softly, tension straining his voice. His hand rakes through his hair, and Summer recoils, waiting for him to lash out for her mistake. He freezes with his hand on his neck, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. “I was worried,” he whispers, his words hesitant, like he’s unsure if it’s the right thing to say.

Summer searches his face for any lies, but can’t find anything hidden in the depths of his eyes. Her heart slows as the dream’s effects wear off, and she falls back toward the bed, her whole body shaky and sweaty. Gage, still sitting up, gazes down at her, his eyes an emerald fire in the dark. “I guess we both fell asleep. I’m . . . sorry.” His voice is low and soft, like velvet caressing her skin.

Silence wraps around them, though it’s comfortable and strangely inviting. It’s one of those moments where the man is supposed to slowly bend over and place a kiss on the girl’s lips. At least, that’s how it happens in books (and movies). She actually anticipates it, but Gage is too apprehensive when it comes to her. There are triggers that he hasn’t figured out yet.
She
hasn’t figured them out yet, either. Barely touching her back made her break down in his arms in the cave. She understands his hesitation, but just this once she wishes that he would throw caution to the wind and just kiss her already. But it doesn’t happen.

He sweetly brushes hair from her slightly sweaty face and smiles shyly at her. “What was your dream—nightmare about?” His lips turn down as he becomes serious. He holds out his palm, and this time he’s the one that’s tentative about it.

She slowly, and carefully, writes into his palm, “A memory.” She doesn’t look up to see his reaction as she decides how to explain this to him. He already knows how scarred she is, how badly she was tortured. But really, no one
truly
knows. Not until they are tortured too, do they understand the full ramifications of what it means to be tortured, what the psychological damage really is. Cameron may talk about it, she’s even right about most of it, but it’s still all talk. The outside scars are only superficial; no one can comprehend just how deeply those scars run into her veins and poison her mind and body. She may never be able to act like a normal girl again, and she hates that.

She pauses for so long that Gage presses the subject by asking, “A memory?” You can see the fear filter into the lines of his face as the color drains from his cheeks. If only he could understand the absolute fear she feels. Every time he reaches out, every quick or unexpected movements has her stomach twisting into knots, her arms begging to raise to protect her face for the blow that’s surely to come. And no matter what she knows about Gage, or how gentle, sweet, kind, and tender he is to her, she will still have the overwhelming, absolute
need
to recoil, duck, and protect herself. Even then it only makes her anxiety coil with tension at what the consequences of protecting herself might be.

“
When I was four,” she begins to write slowly, “I was whipped until I didn’t make a sound.” She decides to leave it at that—Jaden explained it better on the beach. The dream-memory’s still fresh in her mind, like an open, pulsing wound. There is no reason to pour and grind salt into it.

“
Oh.” The word is so quiet, yet it manages to echo in the room, almost tauntingly. “I wish I could erase those memories from your mind and heal the scars that contaminate your skin.”

She wishes he could too.

A minute ticks by, their eyes locked. Now the silence is like a growing tumor, painful in its escalation. The question hangs in the air, almost visible between them. Should he stay, or should he go? It’s Summer that makes the final decision and beckons him forward. The shy smile is back as Gage lowers himself to the bed and automatically pulls her against his body. After a few deep, steadying breaths, she lets him comfort her instead of letting those memories of Jarvis taint their moment. He gently strokes her back until she falls back into a, thankfully, dreamless sleep. Gage is quickly becoming her sanctuary.

The next morning Summer wakes to find Gage missing and breakfast waiting for her. All of the gifts he brought for her are packed back into the bags next to the chair, and her roses, some of them wilting, are on the table next to the door. She’s curious as to when this was all done and amazed it didn’t wake her. She’s usually a light sleeper. Even though she had a locked door on the ship, she still felt like she always slept with one eye open, waiting for the next form of punishment to come if she didn’t wake in time to start her daily duties. Several times in the past two weeks she has woken in a state of panic, thinking she had overslept and that the Captain would have one of his crew come in at any second with his belt ready, or worse, a cigarette in hand.

She still wears the clothes from yesterday but doesn’t want to take them off. They are the single nicest thing she has ever owned—or remembers owning. So she takes a shower and uses the products the hospital provides to get cleaned up and hangs her clothes in the bathroom so the steam will hopefully unwrinkle them. When she steps from the shower, her clothes are neatly folded and clean. She can’t help but glance around the bathroom, wondering when someone came in and how they had the time to actually clean her clothes. Things in the future work differently than what she’s used to, and you never know what to expect from day to day. Every time the Doctor or a nurse throws gloves in the trash, and they get sucked away, she jumps in surprise.

When she’s finally dressed, she steps outside her room to see several members of the Canadian League. She freezes, knowing that today she’s to be escorted to one of the Outlander camps, but not positive if this is why everyone gathers in her room. Gage is talking swiftly with one of the soldiers she hasn’t seen before. He appears to be older than Gage, but not by much. He has short brown hair and baby blue eyes. He’s not as tall as Gage, but is much taller than Landon’s five foot eight. His smile is bright when he sees Summer for the first time.

“
Ah, so this is the young lady who has broke our Lieutenant?” he says brightly. “I didn’t realize you’d be so small.”

Summer doesn’t know how to feel about the situation around her. There are too many people, and she only recognizes Cameron and Gage. She begins to tremble and back away.

“
Don’t crowd her, guys,” says Cameron quickly when she catches Summer’s frightened blue eyes.

“
Flower, you didn’t eat your breakfast,” teases Gage disapprovingly.

Summer flushes a brilliant red at him calling her “Flower” in the middle of all the big soldiers. She looks down in embarrassment for the nickname and shame for the uneaten breakfast. She’s not used to eating so much, and the hospital staff makes sure she eats three times a day. Three times! Gage carefully makes his way over to her and takes her hand. She lets him without flinching and secretly pats her back at how well she’s doing. Though, when the new guy comes closer to introduce himself, she actually attempts to hide behind Gage and use him as a shield.