Perfectly Flawed (61 page)

No one, I repeat
no one
, messes with
my food. If I weren’t half-asleep, I’d throw cutlery at him like I
was tossing aiming at a dartboard.

“Good morning, Joey,” he muses while I scoff
at him as his hand further messes up my bed-head. How dare he mess
with a girl and her food? I cross my arms and pretend not to notice
him and act like a temperamental five year old by sticking out my
tongue when his back is turned to me. But then I relent and give
him a tight hug.

He hugs everyone else in the room as other
family members arrive. There are the cousins who drove in from
Oklahoma, the other cousins that flew in from New York. My family
is spread out across the country. These are just the ones that fly
in. While they aren’t related to me, they are my grandparents’
foster children throughout the years. While they only legally
adopted three, they fostered a few dozen children throughout the
years. They figured that since they had such a large house with so
many rooms, they could use the space to help some children.

“So, Joey,” my younger
cousin
Lia
starts as she takes the open stool next to me at the kitchen
island. I decided to spend the rest of the day with Grammy and Sam
baking treats for the next three days. “How’s every going for you
up in Washington?” Her southern accent is thick with twang and it
makes me smile. I love to hear her speak—I love the accents that
fill my life.

I remember from an old family photo album
that her parents met in the foster system. They were in some of the
same houses before being switched to my—
our
—grandparents.
They always had feelings for each other; they just never acted on
them until they aged out. My
aunt
Lauren went off to college
in Oklahoma, the state where she was from to a college that gave
her a full ride scholarship for swimming, and my
uncle
Chase
followed her to see if they could successfully have a relationship
away from the tension of the foster care system.

Six months later, my grandparents received an
invitation to their wedding and Grandpa walked Lauren down the
aisle.

Seventeen years later and I’m sitting next to
Lia as she relays everything that’s happened to her since I saw her
during the summer while Lauren and Chase playfully argue with
Hilary and Sam in the living room.

Later in the evening, we play board games,
which I dominate at when I play against the entire family and my
grandfather isn’t mind-tricking me, then head up to bed. My room is
filled with air mattresses and blankets, Lia, her little sister
Margot, my other cousins, Jessica and Alice, are in my room while
Lia’s brother Grant bunks with our uncle. The parents, my aunts and
uncles are in the other spare rooms.

On Christmas Eve morning, we all start
preparing for Christmas morning—after we devour the most delicious
breakfast that someone in the house made, I think Lauren was the
mastermind behind it. We all pitched in; though my helping was
limited mainly because I think the holidays would be better spent
with
a roof over our heads. I watch Sam tackle most of the
breakfast, who knew that the man could cook so well? Then it’s time
to wrap presents—in different rooms—read some Dickens, and load
everything underneath the Christmas tree.

Happy holidays, everyone.

I’ll nervously admit we still leave milk and
cookies out for Santa, aka: Grandpa. He openly complains when we
don’t.
Thanks for keeping the dream alive, Gramps
. We
stopped believing in Santa years ago but we keep the tradition up.
He likes to keep little kids’ dreams alive even when we’re close to
graduating high school.

On Christmas, we all run down the stairs
excitedly—someone literally gets tripped but they don’t fall down
the stairs, luckily—and start ripping open presents. I get clothes,
shoes, a lot of books, and a treble clef keychain, which I find to
be very random. I give my aunt her gift. She loves the scarf and
nearly dies from laughter when the five tubes of bacon Chapstick
roll from the bag. I give Grammy a green scarf and Grandpa a hat he
probably won’t wear but claims that he loves—the man is hard to
shop for.

When everything is over, we decide to split
onto
cookers
and
cleaners
. I decide to clean when
everything is over and played the usual Christmas poker with those
that chose the same path as me—the majority of my cousins, Chase,
and Grandpa. It becomes heated halfway through and Grant ends up
winning all the Monopoly money—as if we’d play with real cash.
Because he won, it means he gets first choice at dessert.

Everything ends with without fights, without
grease fires in the kitchen, and enough gifts that I’m happy Grammy
has an extra suitcase for me and Hilary to lug everything back to
Washington—extra bag charge be damned.

We arrive at Sea-Tac and I practically crawl
from the plane. I’m so happy to be home but so tired that I just
want to dive into the nearest chair and sleep for a few days.
Family can be so exhausting. There was turbulence on the plane back
that I didn’t dare close my eyes for fear that when I opened them,
we’d be hurdling toward the hard packed Earth so fast and I’d
barely get out my
Hail
Mary
’s before the impact.

The sky is a pale, gray-blue; the color of
early morning, and I see Patrick standing, waiting for us after we
grab our luggage. Next to him is a very wide awake and extremely
happy Zephyr. The sight of my boyfriend surprises me so much it
wakes me up and I find my pace quickening before I plow into his
arms with so much force that we nearly knock over. His familiar
scent of nothing but himself and soap is pure home to me.

He’s the one thing that can make flying
easier for me because once I saw him, I immediately forgot about
the plane; I forgot that a mere thirty minutes ago I was soaring
high through the air, defying the basic laws of physics. Now, I’m
in his arms, his warm, safe arms, and that’s all that matters to
me.

Twenty

The music is too loud, the drinks are disgustingly
warm, the room smells like sweat, but I’m supposed to be having a
good
time. That’s what I told Zephyr before he left to find
colder beverages. We ditched the beer after the cans were handed to
us, now he’s in search of
anything
better than alcohol.

Anyway to take in the New Year.

I lost track of anyone I know. I
think
I saw Kennie when I got here, I know I saw Duke and wherever he is,
she is, but that was hours ago at the start of the party. They
probably snuck off to a room the moment they could; this place has
plenty of them. Harley and Avery decided to spend the night at her
house, curled up on the couch, waiting for the fireworks to shoot
from the Space Needle. That’s what I
wish
we were doing.
Instead, I’m at a party, something that Zephyr planned when I was
in Texas. I didn’t expect it, not really. He knows how much I hate
parties. He knows, since Ryder, that they just irk me, but here I
am. It’s something he wanted to do, and I wanted to do it with
him.

I still
hate
these things.

It’s harder to blend into the wall when
everyone knows your boyfriend.
Damn him for being such a social
butterfly
. He probably sent people over to look after me the
longer he was gone and mingling. Whatever he’s doing better be
worth it because this place is getting weirder and more crowded by
the minute.

“Hey,” Ksenia says as she pops through the
crowd. She looks amazing in skinny jeans and a black tunic top with
black heeled boots. How I didn’t see her with that height I’ll
never know, she towers over everyone, especially in those heels
she’s sporting. She’s also boyfriend-less, like me. I wonder where
hers is.

“Hi,” I answer back, smiling and happy to see
a familiar face, yelling to be heard over the booming music. I
smooth my hand over the top of my head, smoothing down my hair. I
pulled it back when the temperature crept higher than normal. We
should all be outside with how hot this place is getting. If only
it weren’t snowing. And it’s sticking to the streets, damn it.

“Jackson and Zephyr will be back, they’re
trying to find non-alcoholic drinks.” I knew that but better to let
her explain, I don’t want to be rude and tell her I knew that all
along. I just didn’t know she was here.

I don’t mind. Ksenia is awesome. And she
likes me. Who would’ve thought that? Like, she actually talks to me
like a human being, not talks
about
me like yesterday’s
gossip.

“Where are they looking? Alaska?” I ask,
hearing Ksenia giggle.

“Must be?”

A few more moments pass and we fall into that
dreaded awkward silence, that lull in the conversation we can’t
seem to overcome, but for us it seems okay. We’re fine not talking
around each other. It’s eerily comforting.

Familiar brown hair swings in front of a
familiar face and I smile when Zephyr emerges from the crowd, his
face slick with sweat. He holds out a can of
Dr. Pepper
and
I take it happily, popping the tab and taking a long drink. I’m not
sure why that’s the first thing I do instead of thanking him but
the look of amusement on his face is enough to make me swallow that
regret. If he’s going to laugh at me, why should I thank him?

Jackson’s right behind him, holding his own
soft drink and a bottle of water for Ksenia.

We just stand there, talking about random
things with school and after school things, waiting for the clock
to hit midnight. It seems to be taking years not just hours and I’m
getting tired of the wait. But I need to head to the restroom, the
soda going through me faster than I thought. Or maybe it’s just
nerves; I’ve never had a boyfriend on New Years’ before and I want
to start this year off right.

I tell Zephyr I’m going to find the bathroom
and he tells me not to get lost.
Yeah, like that could
happen…
And it does—because this house is freaking massive.

I head up the stairs, searching door after
door, room after room, for the one with the toilet. The halls seem
endless and the rooms just the same.

I walk in on several couples, seeing much
more of them than I ever wanted. Sputtering apology after apology,
I slam the doors shut and continue my search. I know none of the
ones I walked in on will remember any of this in the morning so I’m
not too embarrassed, just the normal amount where my cheeks are
permanent color of red.

The final room of the hallway—and my last
option for this hall before I need to climb
another
flight
of stairs, I shove open the door a bit too hard, watching it aim
for the wall, and before I can stop it, it connects with a loud
bang
, alerting the occupants to my stupidity. Or occupant.
There’s only one sitting on the bed, his head in his hands as he
slowly sips a beer.

And he’s the last person I want to see.

Surprisingly, he’s alone.

“What do you want?” Ryder spits, anger lacing
his words. His eyes look above me, not at me and I feel so
flattered.

I roll my eyes and reach for the door, trying
my best to be civil. The last thing my night needs is a fight.
“Nothing from you,” I answer, clamping my hand on the knob to pull
it back as I exit, but Ryder’s in front of me before I can fully
leave the room. He’s leaning to the side, blocking my view of the
empty hall and any attempt of mine to run away. I’m not sure how he
moved so fast but that’s the last thing with which I need to
concern myself.

He’s leaning toward me, his breath growing
warmer against my skin. He’s so close I can smell the vodka pouring
through his pores, the whiskey on his breath, and the beer in his
hand.
Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear
. I just want
to push him away, I just
want
him away from me, but he’s
only edging nearer, invading my personal space. He wouldn’t care if
I told him. I can see the small bump on his nose; I can tell how it
didn’t heal correctly. I can see the loose thread in the collar of
his red t-shirt. I can see the freckles dotting his hands. I can
see all of this because he won’t back away from me.

“What do you want?” he asks again, his face
moving closer to mine but I back away to get some distance,
stepping into the empty room against my better judgment. I learned
a long time ago never to be alone with him. “Just tell me, Joey.” I
watch him slam the door shut behind us, further trapping me in here
with him.

I want you to leave me alone, that’s what
I want
.

“I don’t want anything, Ryder.” Nothing but a
bathroom and night away from you, is that too much to ask? “I was
just looking for a bathroom.”

He barks out a laugh, stepping closer to me.
“Yeah, there isn’t one in here.”

“I can tell. I’ll just leave you alone.” I
try to step to the side, away from him, but he only follows,
blocking every move I make. A sense of unease flows through me, a
feeling of dread dropping into the pit of my stomach, and I just
need to flee, I need to get away. But the only way is through him.
“Where’s Alexia?” I don’t care but I want to distract him.

“She’s with some girl I don’t know.” Ryder
sets his beer on the nightstand by the bed. “Where’s Kalivas?”

“Waiting for me.”

I step to the side, ready to walk around him,
when his arm shoots out, grabbing mine to keep me in place.

“What’s your hurry, Joey?”

I look toward the door, tugging to free
myself from his grasp, his tightening grip on my skin that’ll leave
fresh bruises within my skin.

“Ryder, let go of my arm.” He shakes his
head, his blonde curls flopping back and forth as a laugh escapes
his throat. I tug at my arm, trying to yank it away, but his grip
only tightens. “Let
go
of my arm, Ryder,” I demand, trying
to keep my dignity.