Perfectly Charming (A Morning Glory Novel Book 2) (20 page)

“Crap,” Eden breathed, “you were cold as ice. That was awesome.”

Jess found Ryan with her gaze again. He’d been watching her. She smiled at him, telling her with her eyes that he was her focal point. Ryan was the man who’d picked her up, brushed her off, and made her totally whole again. Okay, he hadn’t done it all. Wasn’t like she had to have a man to feel her worth, but having Ryan helped.

“You made it,” Sal said, pulling Rosemary to him and giving her a sweet kiss. “You want a drink? It’s your bachelorette party, and you should get bombed.”

Rosemary pinched him, but rose on her tiptoes to give him another kiss. “Do you know what I look like after I’ve gotten bombed?”

“Yeah. I remember. Sorta pasty and green about the gills.”

“Exactly,” she said with a smile. “I’m having two drinks tonight. No more. I want to look my best when I marry you tomorrow.”

Jess pretended to stick her finger down her throat.

Eden giggled then said, “Uh, I’m the only single one here. Why don’t you have any single brothers, Sal? They’re all so cute and taken.”

“My mom pairs us up as newborns. I got lucky and got away,” Sal said, giving Rosemary a soft smile. Jess almost made the gagging motion again, but both she and Eden knew about Sal’s mother and the woman she’d tried to marry him off to.

Sal’s brothers arrived along with several of Rosemary’s cousins. Her mother had tried to horn in on the outing, but Rosemary had put her foot down. Jess’s once reticent friend did that more frequently now. Sal had a positive effect on Rose.

Ryan caressed her waist, and she leaned in to him.

“Drink?” he asked in a low voice.

“Sure. I’ll take a tequila shot,” she said.

Ryan raised his eyebrows and then turned toward the bartender.

“I’m joking. Just get me a beer. You know what I like,” she said, enjoying that he did indeed know what she liked. Over the course of the last three hours of rehearsal and dinner, Ryan had had to field lots of questions regarding his transformation into stud muffin, leaving the scientific world, and, from all the men present, the species of fish he most often caught in the Gulf. Once they made it to fishing, he relaxed into the charming, carefree man she’d first met. But still, she could feel the tightness in his body. Coming to Morning Glory had been harder on him than she’d thought. At times she could sense him shutting down, and it made her wonder who he truly was beneath his carefully designed facade. How much baggage did he carry about his past? She’d been so focused on her own healing, they’d not talked much about his feelings about growing up in a world that wasn’t forgiving of being different.

Ryan ordered them both a beer, and then the others arrived. For the next half hour, they chatted with the wedding party, some people breaking off to dance when the band struck up a fun song. Eventually, Sal and his brothers eyed the pool tables in the back of the bar. Ryan looked at her questioningly, and she said, “Go kick some ass and make a little money.”

“The hell he will,” Sal laughed, slapping Ryan on the back as he followed his brothers to the tables. “I can shoot a combo with my eyes closed.”

Ryan glanced back at Jess with a gleam in his eyes. She’d seen his spreadsheet and watched him study shots on an Internet forum for billiard enthusiasts. Ryan was a scientist who calculated every shot. Sal would likely eat his words.

“I really like Ryan,” Rosemary said, watching the guys as they disappeared into the throng of Friday night revelers.

“Me, too,” Eden said, sipping her white zinfandel. Her cute dark pageboy framed her dramatic eyes with their too-long lashes. She looked like an advertisement for mascara. “I still can’t get over how gorgeous he is. I want to ask him to take his shirt off . . .”

Jess made a face at Rosemary, who smiled.

Eden blinked. “Did I say that out loud?”

Jess laughed. “You want me to ask him to take it off for you?”

Her friend looked alarmed. “No. Oh, I really didn’t mean to say that. Oh crap. Damn. It’s Gary! Hide me.”

“Gary your boss?” Rosemary asked, craning her head and spotting the balding man who liked to stare at Eden’s boobs and sometimes say inappropriate things like, “It’s so hot in here,” while he stared at Eden’s butt. “Ugh, he looks even grosser than he did in high school. And bald. And what the heck is he wearing?”

“A black leather jacket,” Eden said, giving a little shiver. “He bought it on eBay. Said it’s a motorcycle jacket. He got a Harley in July, and now he’s thinking of getting a tattoo. Wanted to know if I would help him pick one out that was badass.”

“Oh God,” Jess said, wrinkling her nose. Gary was the bane of Eden’s existence, but her friend couldn’t quit her job because of the benefits and flexibility with her schedule. Until Eden’s sister moved back, she was stuck at Penny Pinchers.

“Ladies,” Benton said, swooping into the open spot where they were viewing Gary trying to put the vibe out to the soccer moms at the end of the bar who looked to be having a girls’ night.

Jess drew back in horror. Like in a movie when a spider dropped onto someone.

“Hey, Benton,” Rosemary said, not looking happy to be interrupted by him. None of the girls had said much of anything to Jess’s ex-husband. They stood in solidarity even if it looked rude to everyone else. Her friends knew the heartbreak Jess had endured.

“What do you want?” Eden asked, her blue eyes growing ice chips.

“I’m just saying hello to some of my favorite girls in town,” Benton said, donning his good-old-boy smile. It had gotten him a lot of stuff in life—job interviews, free tickets to State games, and women.

“We’re your favorite?” Rosemary asked, her lips flattening. “I hear differently. Who are you on now, Benton? Mallory Simon? Thought that was your latest. Hope you’re getting tested monthly.”

Jess choked on her beer, and it went up her nose. She started coughing as fire burned her nostrils.

“Here,” Benton said, lifting a napkin to her mouth. “Breathe, babe, breathe.”

Jess pushed his hand away and took the napkin.
Babe?
What the hell was he doing? “I’m fine. Stop.”

He pulled his hands away and looked concerned. Then he turned to Rosemary. “I’m not dating anyone right now, Rosemary, but I do appreciate you looking out for my health.”

Rosemary didn’t say anything. Just glared at him. Jess took a moment to admire the new sass in her friend. She had always known Rose had a wicked side. It was nice to see her unleash it in public.

“Again,” Eden said, “what do you want?”

Benton ignored Eden and looked at Jess. “Can we talk?”

“I don’t think so. I’m spending tonight with Rosemary. It’s her night.” Jess gave her friend a smile.

“Please. I have some things I want to say to you, and I want to do that face-to-face. How about a dance? I can do it over a dance,” he said, gesturing to the crowded dance floor.

Jess didn’t want him to touch her, but she knew Benton. He was like a dog wanting to be fed. He’d nip and yip and bounce until he got what he wanted. Better to deal with him now than have him ruin her night by constantly popping up demanding attention. She sighed. “Fine. I’ll be right back, girls.”

Benton tried to take her elbow, but she shrugged away from him. She nodded toward the dance floor and then followed him. The band had been playing a rousing rendition of a Tim McGraw song, and as she and Benton stepped onto the weathered dance floor, they rolled into a cover of Zac Brown Band’s “Sweet Annie.” Made Jess want to mutter, “Shit.”

“I love this song,” Benton said as he set his hands at her waist. He knew she loved it, too. Had he tipped the band to play it before he came to ask her to dance? Probably. Whatever Benton Mason wanted . . .

Jess’s heart contracted as he pulled her to him and the words washed over them. She had so much anger. So much. But he felt so familiar, and the tender words of the song written for a wedding with the apology for past wrongs also in the lyrics made her soften. She didn’t want to feel so . . . hurt, so achy for what she’d lost, but those feelings came flooding back. As they moved for a few seconds—her hand set on the shoulder where she’d lain her head many a night, her other hand clasped in his familiar one—she felt the devastation that lay between them so sharply it nearly took her breath away.

She swallowed the scratchiness in her throat and managed to say, “What did you want to say to me?”

Benton looked down, his face once so dear to her, now like a stranger’s. “I needed to tell you I was wrong to do what I did.”

Not
I’m sorry
, but close. He’d said he was sorry over and over those weeks after he’d packed his clothes and moved in with the florist. But he’d never said he was wrong. “Why?”

“Because I was. I thought I wanted a different life. Like my daddy told me—the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but you still gotta mow it. He’s right. He’d love me saying that, right?”

Jess wasn’t sure where Benton was going with all this, but the flowers he’d sent, the fact he had come tonight when he knew the wedding party would be here, all added up toward something that made her want to stamp her foot in frustration. She knew this man, and he wanted something . . . and it wasn’t merely forgiveness for his transgression.

“I shouldn’t have ever let you go, Jess,” he said, softly, his eyes so sincere.

Jess stomped on his foot. “But you did.”

“Ow,” he said, wincing. “I know I did. I fucked up. All right? I wanted to tell you that.”

“So you told me,” she said, trying to pull her hand from his grasp.

“Hold on, okay? Just give me this dance,” he said, holding fast to her hand and squeezing her waist with the other one.

“I don’t want to.”

“Why? Because you hate me?” He sounded incredulous, as if he hadn’t actually thought about what she truly felt. Certainly to a man who’d always gotten what he wanted from Jess, this idea was ridiculous.

“You know I don’t hate you, but I can’t pretend what happened away. Not so you can be comfortable with how we ended. And I know that’s what this is. Someone somewhere told you what a lowlife you are for leaving the good woman you had, and now you’re looking for me to make it all better for you. Like I’ve always done. You want me to say it’s okay and that I understand how you felt, but I can’t do that. Because it wasn’t okay, and I don’t understand why you took the love we had and put it on the for-sale rack.”

“That’s not what I did.” Benton moved her toward the edge of the dance floor, toward an area that wasn’t so crowded. “I’m admitting how wrong I was. I didn’t want to hurt you. It’s just with you so focused on a baby, I got scared. I started thinking about—”

Jess pressed a hand against his chest. “Don’t. I’m not rehashing all this. I know what you thought and what you wanted. You got it.”

“But I don’t want it,” he said, looking down at her. His eyes begged her. “Don’t you see what I’m saying? I was stupid, so fucking stupid. I know what I did, but I’m hoping you’ll think about talking.”

“Talking?”

He hesitated. “I’ve been thinking about communication and how if I had told you some of what I’d felt that maybe this wouldn’t have happened between us.”

“No, maybe if you hadn’t stuck your dick in Brandy Robbins, this wouldn’t have happened between us. I’m pretty sure that was the issue.” Jess pushed against him. “At this point, I don’t think talking will help.”

“Please. Just think about it. I started seeing a therapist, and he’s helping me see that I was scared.”

“Or horny.”

“No, it wasn’t about sex, babe. It was about escaping because I couldn’t cope with the idea of being like my father. It wasn’t you. It was me.”

“Seriously?” Jess asked, standing stock-still in the middle of the song. Part of her wanted to slap Benton silly, but even as she itched to lay a sting across his cheek, she acknowledged the truth in his words. She’d allowed herself to grow too focused on impending motherhood. She’d subscribed to parenting magazines, shopped for nursery furniture, and neurotically taken her basal temperature during ovulation. At first Benton had overlooked the obsession, passively giving her a “sure” or “yeah, that will be nice,” but then he’d started shutting down. One month he’d refused to have sex with her, telling her he couldn’t physically make it happen. In the corner of her thoughts, she’d known she’d pushed too hard, too fast. But she couldn’t seem to help herself. She thought about their little boy or little girl all the time and the mommy-and-me groups they’d join and about which of her old smocked gowns the baby would wear for the christening.

Oh, she wasn’t to blame for what Benton had done, but she knew she’d helped push him toward it with her baby mania.

“I’m not giving you a line. I’m being sincere. You didn’t do anything wrong, Jess. It was me, and Dr. Williams is helping me see that. I had some issues with my father and the way he raised me and my brother. It’s stuff I never dealt with before, and it cropped up about two years ago when we were talking about starting a family. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I didn’t. I looked for a way out so I wouldn’t have to confront fatherhood. I’m being honest here.”

And he was.

“Okay,” she said,

“Okay, what?”

“I better understand your motivation. It doesn’t excuse you having an affair and walking out on me, but it gives me a little bit of insight into what you were feeling. It somehow makes it . . . something.” She couldn’t give him a pass. She wouldn’t. He’d made his choice. No going back.

“So can we talk about a future?”

Jess swallowed and gave him a little smile. “See, that’s the thing, Benton. I moved on . . . and I did it without you. I get that you now have this new insight into yourself, but that has nothing to do with me. I’m happy now.”

“Happier than when we were together?” he asked, swaying a bit and giving a smile to passing couples so they didn’t look like two divorcés arguing.

Jess thought about that. “No, just different. I’m not the same woman.”

“You’re still Jess.”

“But not your Jess,” she said softly. She wasn’t trying to hurt Benton needlessly, which was surprising, since for many months as she processed through grief over their failed marriage she’d wanted to make him cry in agony. “We can’t go back, Benton.”