Perfect Fit: Book 4 of the Fated Hearts Series (11 page)

MILLER’S SUGGESTION OF
us hooking up on a more regular basis shocked and delighted me at the same time. To say that I was sexually attracted to him was putting it mildly. Bones turned me on and drove me wild like no other man had before, but his intelligence, humor, and personality made him even more appealing. I found myself in the uncomfortable position of fearing that I would be the one to fall in love and get hurt.

Our hookups started out at once or twice a week, but gradually over a few month’s span became three or four times a week. I didn’t know how else to describe the way he made me feel except to say he was like an addiction. I got twitchy and became withdrawn until I got my Miller fix. He brought so much more into my life than just sex.

He became the person I talked to about my work, even if he called my firm Dewey, Soakum, and Howe. I was his sounding board too when he wanted to talk about the idiot who ran his department. I loved how passionate he was about his work and his students. He told me he admired the way I fought for our community, even though the things I battled for were ones I didn’t want for myself. He called me selfless, when most would describe me as selfish. It seemed that Miller saw more in me than others did, including myself.

Miller was so much more than just the affable playboy I thought him to be. One of the things I admired most about Miller was his dedication to his family. I didn’t know too many single men who would give up their weekends to babysit their niece and nephew so their parents could take a weekend getaway here and there, but he did. I loved how he had a spare bedroom just for them at his house and how he hung up the pictures they colored for him on his refrigerator. I loved to listen to him talk about his family and I wondered what it must have been like to grow up surrounded by so much love. The beautiful man that he became was testament to the kind of parents he had. Every child deserved to be loved the way he was, regardless of the number of parents a child had or their sexual orientation. Love and acceptance from a parent, parents, and even grandparents would trump a lot of shitty circumstances.

He was wonderful to my purr babies, Ursula and Maleficent, when he came to my house. There was a lot of teasing on his part when he recognized that I named my cats after two of the Disney villains. He often brought them treats or toys and spent time playing with them. It seemed the way to my heart was to be good to my kitties and I definitely showed him my appreciation each and every time.

I did the same for his adorable dog, Indy, who was probably the smartest dog I had ever met. I never pictured Miller with a dog, but if I did it would have been a Labrador or some other large breed. Once I met Indy, I couldn’t imagine him with any other dog. They were cute as hell together when Miller would talk to him and Indy would cock his head to the side as if he was listening very seriously. I had to pay Miller back by giving him a hard time for naming his dog after Indiana Jones.

Casual lunches and dinners were added into the mix about four months after our arrangement began in January. I didn’t refer to them as dates, because they were impromptu meetups that were totally random and didn’t involve sex afterwards. I think we kept it that way on purpose so that we didn’t veer into territories that we promised to stay away from. Uncomplicated sex – nothing more.

Yet, for Miller’s birthday I planned an Indiana Jones movie marathon and takeout from his favorite Chinese food place. It was my turn to go to his house and spunk up his sheets so I took the DVDs and food over to his place around 5:00 p.m. I was nervous that he would reject my birthday gesture because it was too much like a date, but he seemed genuinely pleased at what he referred to as my thoughtfulness.

We dug into the food and settled on the couch to begin our movie marathon. I found myself eagerly anticipating the time in his company and the birthday sex I planned for later that night. The doorbell rang about halfway through the first movie which jolted me out of my sensual thoughts. Miller paused the movie and left the room to answer the door. I started to worry that it might be Gray stopping by to wish him a happy birthday. Miller was still adamant that Chase and Gray not find out about our arrangement, because he didn’t think either of them would understand or approve.

Miller answered the door and two rowdy kids ran into his house followed by two adults. A silly part of me wondered if I should hide in Miller’s bedroom until his company left. He didn’t act like he wanted me to make myself scarce so I stayed on the couch and waited to follow Miller’s lead.

The kids spotted me first when they barreled into the living room looking for Indy. They came to a screeching halt when they spotted me sitting on their uncle’s couch. They stood there looking at me with two sets of blue eyes that were identical to Miller’s. The adults slowly made their way into the living room, but were so busy apologizing for missing his birthday brunch that it took them a few minutes to realize the room had gone completely silent. They turned and saw me sitting on the couch and smiled politely.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had company. We’re so sorry for intruding,” the woman said as she looked back and forth between Miller and myself. “I’m Destiny Brexler.” She crossed the room and held out her hand. I rose to my feet and shook her hand in greeting. “I’m married to Miller’s brother, Darryl, and I’m mother to Lucas and Lily.” She gestured at her blond-haired, blue-eyed children who were still sizing me up. “You must be Jag.”

I was stunned that she knew my name, because the only way she could possibly know it was if Miller talked about me to her. Why would he do that though? I looked over at him, but he didn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he was looking down at his feet. I decided to play it cool so that I wouldn’t make the moment more awkward.

“I am Jag. It’s very nice to meet you, Destiny, and you too, Darryl.” I turned and offered my hand to Darryl, who shook it with a wry smile on his face.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jag.” He turned back to Miller. “Sorry we burst in on your date, bro. Lucas and Lily wanted to give their favorite uncle a birthday hug and kiss.” He knelt down beside his children. “Why don’t you say hello to Uncle Miller’s friend, Jag, and then give Uncle Miller his birthday kisses and hugs so we can let them get on with their evening.”

“Hello, Jag,” Lily said in the sweetest little voice. She gave me a tentative smile. “I’m Lily and I’m four years old.”

“Hi Lily. It’s nice to meet you.” I was completely out of my league here with this impromptu meet and greet and was flying by the seat of my pants. Lucas walked up to me and offered his hand like a little man. I smiled down into his twinkling blue eyes and shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you too, Lucas. Your Uncle Miller talks about you guys all the time.”

“He does?” Lily asked.

“What kind of stories does he tell?” Lucas looked suspiciously at his uncle.

“Funny things,” I told him. “Like how you dress Indy in Lily’s dress-up costumes or how you sometimes hide Lily’s favorite book, because you’re sick of hearing the same book being read over and over again.”

“Uncle Miller,” Lucas whined, as if Miller somehow gave away his biggest secrets. He looked back at me with an earnest expression as if he was pleading for me to understand him. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard someone read Green Eggs and Ham? A trillion times!”

Hearing the title of that book shifted me back in time to where I sat with another little boy with big blue eyes who pleaded with me to read that book to him just one more time. That book drove me crazy, but it was his favorite. If only I could have the chance to read the book to him one more time.

“I understand, buddy.” I dug deep for composure and tried not to let my devastation show in front of everyone. “You’ll look back someday and that book will be a fond memory instead of an annoyance. I promise.”

“If you say so.” Lucas added a dramatic eye roll to his droll reply, which made the adults in the room laugh.

“Munchkins, give Uncle Miller his hugs and kisses so we can get going,” their mother said.

They ran to Miller and he acted like they knocked him down. They pounced on him with delighted squeals and kissed his face repeatedly while they clung to his neck. It was a beautiful moment that helped pull me away from the ghosts of my past. Darryl and Destiny laughingly pulled their children off of Miller and bid their farewells before leaving.

Miller returned to the living room and plopped down on the couch beside me after he walked them out to their car. He picked up the remote and turned the movie back on without another word. I recognized the move as one of avoidance and I let it go. He didn’t want to discuss that he’d talked about me to his family, but it was fine with me because I was suddenly wracked with memories I had suppressed for eight long years.

I kept my eyes on the movie and recognized that Indiana Jones had found himself in a bit of a jam, but I wasn’t giving him any thought. Instead, my brain chose that moment to display every minute of my little brother’s short life that I could remember. Damn, I had forgotten how much he looked like Tweety Bird, which earned him the nickname of Tweety. So many memories flooded through me, one right after the next, like a home movie that was cut way too short by my selfishness. I hadn’t realized I had started crying until Miller spoke from beside me.

“It’s okay, Jag. Indy always finds a way to survive, get the girl, and his treasure.” Miller was going for flippant, but he couldn’t hide the concern in his voice. I was unable to do anything but shake my head. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Miller’s soft voice and the feel of his hand gently wiping tears from my cheeks broke through the dam I had built to keep the misery away. It was the final blockade left and I found myself wrapped tightly in his arms once it came down. “I got you, Jag. I got you.”

He rocked me back and forth as he sifted his fingers through my hair in an effort to soothe and comfort me. I don’t know how long we stayed like that before I stopped crying and just laid in the circle of his arms with my head against his chest.

“Here I thought the Indiana Jones movies were dick flicks and not chick flicks.” I knew that Miller was attempting to lighten up the moment and I appreciated it more than he could ever know, but I was humiliated that I was unable to keep in control of my emotions.

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday.” I lifted my head from his chest and tried to move away from him, but he pulled me back.

“You didn’t ruin anything, Jag.” He dropped a soft kiss on the top of my head. “I wanted to spend it with you and that hasn’t changed.” Miller began to rub his hand up and down my back and I relaxed into him. “I’ve always known that you hid a lot of sadness inside of you and I’m always willing to listen if you want to talk. I promise that what you tell me stays between us, just like Vegas.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle over his Vegas joke, but I knew that I could trust Miller without his promise. At first, I didn’t want to take him up on his offer. I wanted to pretend that my breakdown didn’t happen and continue on with our night. Then I realized I was so damn tired of pretending.

“My brother’s name was Will.” It hurt so bad just to say his name out loud. It felt like the evil queen punched through my chest and ripped out my heart with her bare hand. “He was only five years old when he died in a fire.”

“Oh, Jag.” Miller’s arms tightened around me, anchoring me against his chest. “I’m so sorry.” I heard his sorrowful condolence, but I didn’t stop to acknowledge it. I knew that if I stopped telling the story then I might not start again. I wanted to heal and stop hurting; telling Will’s story was the first step toward healing.

“My mom was not June Cleaver by any stretch of the imagination. She brought one abusive bastard into our home after another. I spent my entire childhood living in fear of being beaten by her latest lover or starving to death when they got tired of pounding on her and moved on. It was a vicious cycle that she just couldn’t break until one of her boyfriends turned his anger on me one night when I stepped in to stop him from hitting her.” I shuttered at the memory of being hit repeatedly with that belt while white hot rage built inside me. “I was thirteen or fourteen years old and really big for my age. I don’t know where the strength came from, but I dug deep and came up swinging. I gave that asshole a taste of his own medicine and he was the one that left our house bloody and limping.” I remember feeling pride pierce through my fear as I watched that asshole speed off down the road as I yelled at him to never come back.

“Something changed my mom for the good that night, Miller. She stopped drinking and started working two jobs instead of relying on a loser of a man to help us get by. I started doing lawn care and odd jobs for our neighbors to help out. She was really trying to turn her life around and my resentment for her slowly started to turn into respect. A month later she discovered she was pregnant.” I shook my head and smiled sadly when I remembered how upset I was that I was going to have a little baby brother or sister to look after when she was working. “I wasn’t too thrilled,” I confessed to Miller.