Perfect Fit (36 page)

Sage leaned back in the chair. “How can you sit there and be so calm about it?”

Delores chuckled. “Oh, trust me, I had my moments when he told me. For the first time during the thirty-one years of our marriage, I made him sleep in another room. That was all the time it took for me to analyze the situation.”

“And apparently forgive him,” Sage said brusquely, not sure she liked how accepting her mother seemed to be about everything.

Delores shook her head, smiling. “No, the forgiving part came over time with prayer. A lot of prayer and an assessment of what I had and what I’d be throwing away, as well as what I could have done to prevent what happened.”

Sage frowned. “Surely you’re not blaming yourself for what he did?”

Delores smiled. Her daughter had a lot to learn which she knew she would if she kept right on living. “The woman in me couldn’t help but do that at first. No woman wants to know that her husband could not resist temptation. But then I had to realize that there is no perfect human being other than the Father. Man is weak, he is likely to sin many times over and if we love that person, we have to find it in our heart to forgive. As an individual, you have to let go of what that person may have done to you. You have to be responsible as well as accountable for that. Then that person who caused
you harm and pain has to atone for his own transgressions.”

“So as far as you’re concerned, it never happened?” Sage asked. Her mother was too forgiving, too tolerant and way too nice, she thought.

“No, Sage, it happened; both your father and I know that. We just chose to move on in spite of it. We love each other deeply and wanted nothing or no one to destroy our marriage. The flesh is weak. As sinners we fall down, but then we get up. A person who is truly the child of God would not kick that person back down while he’s struggling to get up.”

Sage stood and walked over to the window and looked out. Sunlight was streaming through. It had rained earlier, and she could see a rainbow in the sky, a beautiful rainbow with a multitude of colors.

She turned back around to face her mother. “So you think I
should
have been as all-forgiving to Erol as you apparently are to Dad?” she asked in a voice more resentful than she intended it to be, but that couldn’t be helped.

“I’m not saying that, Sage. All I’m saying is that you should forgive Erol, but forgiving someone doesn’t automatically mean reconciliation with that person. It means reparation with that person, making amends, repairing. Although in a committed relationship, a marriage sanctioned by God, it’s not an option to walk away and not try to make things work. There was something in our vows that said ‘for better or for worse.’ You and Erol were not married, just engaged. You hadn’t exchanged any vows before God yet. So if you felt you were not suited for whatever reason, it was best that the two of you parted ways when you did.”

“We weren’t a good match,” Sage said softly.

“Evidently not. If you had been, you would have found it in your heart to not only forgive him, but to put it behind you and move on in spite of it. The love you had for him would have overlooked what he had done once you had forgiven him.”

Sage didn’t say anything for the longest time, deciding she’d rather concentrate on her parents than her and Erol. “So you’ve put what Dad did behind you and moved on?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t cry together, pray together and seek private counseling with Reverend Jones. But we had to take stock in what we had. We had a beautiful daughter we both loved, a lifetime of good memories and a future of just as many more. But what really convinced me was in knowing your father truly loved me, and in me accepting that the flesh is weak. That’s called loving in spite of—which is the same philosophy God uses on us. He loves us in spite of our wrongdoings, our transgressions, and He’s accepting that we’re weak and will make mistakes, a lot of them.”

Sage nodded and turned back to the window. Moments later she turned and met her mother’s gaze. “I wanted to hate him for what he did to you. He disappointed me, and I felt he let me down.”

“That’s why we can’t elevate men, Sage. Men are subject to fail and to sin. Your father has always been superhuman in your eyes. He walked on water as far as you were concerned, and I’m sure it hurt you to find out he can fall to the bottom like anyone else. So can I. What if it had been me that you saw that night instead of your father?”

Sage raised a brow, clearly unable to consider such a thing, and said as much.

“Well, it could have been. During my marriage, several men have approached me, and if I had been under the same type of stress your father had been under … Who knows? I may have yielded to temptation, too.”

“And just what type of stress was he under?”

Delores leaned back against the pillows. “He was going through a lot at work. You know how it is, some companies wanting to push out their older employees for a much younger staff. So your father had to work harder, longer hours to prove he still had what it took. I wasn’t as supportive as I could have been—and I can see that now. While he didn’t tell me everything that was going on with him at work, I felt something was bothering him, and I became concerned. But not concerned enough to start spending more time with him to get to the root of the problem. Instead, I became more and more absorbed in what I was doing—my church work, my charities, my frustrations with you for not wanting to move forward and make wedding plans, and my own job. I wasn’t there for him. Unfortunately, someone else was.”

Sage tipped her head back and smiled at her mother. Only a strong woman, a very strong woman, could admit as well as accept something like that. “You’re something else, you know that?”

Delores chuckled. “Oh, I don’t know about that. Right now I feel that you’re something else, too. It seems you’ve successfully moved beyond Erol just like you said you had.”

Sage nodded. “Yes, I have but decided that I’m not ready to get that involved with anyone again right now.”

Delores chuckled. “Well, it looks to me like you already have.”

Sage lifted a brow. “What do you mean?”

“It means that I can’t help noticing the number of times you’ve looked at those flowers that Mr. Blackwell sent, and the expression on your face when you look at them.”

Sage briefly closed her eyes. In addition to being all-forgiving, her mother was also all-observing. “Well, yes, I happen to think they are beautiful.”

“And what about the man who sent them?”

A visual of Gabe flashed into Sage’s mind. She couldn’t help but smile. “I happen to think that he’s beautiful, too.”

“But?”

Sage inhaled deeply. “But I’m not ready to fall in love again.”

Delores nodded. She couldn’t help wondering when Sage would realize that she had already taken the fall.

Later that evening Sage glanced around the room that had always been hers while growing up. Because her parents had been hard-working people, they had always provided her with nice things. She could certainly stand in the middle of her room and say that she had been truly blessed to have Charles and Delores Dunbar for parents.

She thought about the conversation she’d had with her mother earlier at the hospital, and again thought of how strong and courageous she was, as well as forgiving. Sage knew she had to find it in her heart and be just as forgiving. As her mother said, God loves us in spite of our wrongdoings, regardless of the countless mistakes we make. He also holds us accountable to find it in our hearts to
forgive someone who has hurt us; and in turn, that person has to be the one accountable for his own transgressions.

Turning, she walked out of the bedroom to look for her father. She found him in the kitchen, standing at the window, quietly looking out at the backyard.

He evidently heard her approach, and without turning around he said, “I was just looking at that big oak tree and remembering the time I built you a tree house up there, although by the time your mother added those silly-looking lacy curtains and painted the walls pink, it became an elevated doll house.”

He chuckled. “She wasn’t too happy that I had built it in that tree and not on the ground. She just knew one day you would fall and break your arm or something. But I knew better. I knew just what sturdy stuff you were made of…. After all, you were a Dunbar.”

He slowly turned around. “But that tree house, or that doll house if you want to call it that, became our special place. I remember climbing up there with you and reading Bible stories to you. And the one you liked the best was the story of how little David, with God’s help, slew the big and mighty Goliath. David became your hero.”

He inhaled deeply and looked down as if studying the tiles on the floor. “In recent months David has become my hero, too, because when faced with his wrongdoings, he asked God’s forgiveness. And when forgiven, he went on to be one of the greatest kings that ever lived. God showed him just how much he meant to him, in spite of the wrong he’d done, by having one of David’s heirs deliver
his son into the world. That was a prime example of God’s mercy and forgiveness, and for David that was an awesome blessing.”

He lifted his gaze and met his daughter’s. “I’m not David, but I feel blessed to have a woman like your mother love me in spite of what I’ve done. She still believes in me in spite of the fact that I’ve hurt her and have caused her pain. I don’t know if you will believe this, but I intend to spend the remainder of my days loving her, appreciating her and knowing when things get rough for me again not to yield to temptation but to stay strong and depend on God to get me through any difficult time I encounter.”

He wiped his hand across his face, removing the traces of tears that were beginning to form there. “I know it will take time for you, but I’m hoping and praying that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me, Sage. I never meant to hurt you, and you’ll never know just how much pain I’ve endured knowing that I lost your love and respect. My prayer each and every night is for God to make me a stronger person than before, a better person, and to never let me hurt the people that I love again.”

Sage inhaled sharply as she blinked back the tears gathering in her eyes. Her father had spoken from deep in his heart, a heart filled with regret for what he’d lost. Suddenly, her own heart began overflowing with love and tenderness for him, more than she thought possible. And she could no longer cling to the “wrongs” he had done when she could remember so many “rights.” He’d always been a good father, a supportive father, a kind and loving man.

He still was.

That was evident by the love and dedication he’d given her mother, especially during her illness. But she also knew that for her mother to be basking in so much love, affection and confidence, her father was living each day to reassure his wife that she was deeply loved and appreciated.

“I’d like to have my daughter back.”

Her father’s words, spoken in a husky, deep, emotional voice, cut into Sage’s thoughts, and without hesitation, she quickly crossed the room to him and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. She cried for the both of them, for all they had endured over the past eight months and, more recently, the past four days with her mother’s illness.

“I love you, Dad,” she said between sobs. “I love you and I forgive you. And most important, I will always be your daughter. No matter what.”

And Sage intended to make good on that promise.

A
week later, Sage was returning to Anchorage filled with happiness that she and her father had resolved their differences and that her mother was at home resting, with her condition improving daily. Aunt Mable had returned and had taken over her mother’s care while her father returned to work.

As Sage tightened her seat belt in preparation for landing, her thoughts shifted to Gabe. She had tried calling him a few times and had left messages, but he hadn’t returned her call. After talking with Malcolm, she knew that he was still in Anchorage because her coworker had seen him at a few meetings. A part of her didn’t want to believe that not responding to her calls was Gabe’s way of letting her know that he had severed the ties between them.

She wrapped her arms around her stomach, remembering the exact time and moment she’d finally accepted that she was in love with Gabe Blackwell. It was when Ginger and Cinnamon flew in to see her mother and they had spent time catching up on things that were going on in their
lives. Her two cousins had excitedly told her about the men they had met and fallen in love with. Seeing them glowing, happy and looking very much in love made Sage realize that she felt the same way about Gabe. There had been a reason she was missing him the way she was, why she constantly had him on her mind.

She loved him.

She had tried fighting it, tried convincing herself that it wasn’t possible, but deep down in her heart she knew that it was true. And after what she’d said to him, she knew her biggest challenge was in convincing Gabe that it was true.

She inhaled deeply, wondering if perhaps another reason he hadn’t returned her call was because he had already started seeing someone else. She didn’t want to think it, but that was possible. Maybe he thought, considering everything, that she was more trouble than what she was really worth, and that since one woman had already broken his heart, he didn’t intend to get hurt a second time. And if he still cared deeply for her, how could she convince him that she’d made a mistake and she was willing to make a relationship between them work?

As soon as the plane landed, she gathered her luggage and caught a cab straight to Gabe’s office, knowing chances were she would find him there. Riding up to his office in the elevator reminded her of the time they had made love in it. Her mind became filled with other pleasant memories of the intimate times they had shared.

His secretary smiled upon seeing her.

“Ms. Dunbar, welcome back.”

Sage smiled. “Thanks. Is Mr. Blackwell in?”

His secretary shook her head. “No, I’m sorry.
He flew out yesterday morning for Detroit to attend his grandparents’ anniversary party.”