Pep Talks (Pepper Jones #4) (5 page)

“Hey ladies!” he greets us with such enthusiasm that the rest of the room turns to look our way. “Nicely done, getting one of your freshman roommates to come out on her first night of classes.”  Brax fist-bumps Lexi and Gina and then envelops me in a hug. I see Lexi frowning from over his shoulder, and I imagine she’s put off by the fist bump. That’s not really something you do with the girl you’re hooking up with.

When he releases me, Veronica is at his side. Though I’m tempted to stand my ground, I really don’t feel like dealing with her tonight. As Veronica steals Brax’s attention, Lexi ditches him in favor of a couple of the guys on the soccer team. I gladly follow her, but refrain from participating in the blatant flirting going on.

This get-together isn’t so different from the few other college parties I’ve been to in the past with Jace. It seems to me that everyone is here to flirt and find someone to hook up with. I guess I was hoping for some low-key hanging out with my teammates. We haven’t had much comradery outside of practice and meals yet. But everyone here seems to have a purpose, except for me. Well, I do have a purpose, but it’s not the same as Lexi’s, Brax’s, Veronica’s, and the guys’ we are currently standing beside, who seem to know I’m taken, and are rivaling for Lexi’s attention. 

I actually feel a little left out, but it’s not like I genuinely want to be looking for a casual hookup. I just don’t feel like I’m really supposed to be here. I should be with Jace. He’s had what might just be the worst day of his life. And it wasn’t the best day for me, either. Yet Jace doesn’t want to be with me right now.

I should be his rock. I should be comforting him, loving him. Instead, he disappeared all day and as soon as I found him, he was gone just as quickly. My stomach flips uneasily in concern, but I can’t control how Jace copes with what’s happened. I can’t force him to come to me. 

My beer goes down easily and I head to the kitchen to get a second one. Though the soccer guys offer to get us another round, I won’t take drinks from strangers after what happened to me at Alberto’s last year. I decide that instead of sulking, I can find great entertainment simply observing the interactions at the yellow house.

As I return to the living room, I glance to Veronica and Brax and find myself stifling a giggle. It appears Veronica is petting Brax’s arm, but he’s mostly ignoring her, his gaze drifting to Lexi. If she’s trying to get his attention by talking to other guys, it’s working. Brax’s heated expression does not reflect someone who is only interested in a casual hookup, and I can’t help but wonder if Lexi realizes this. It only takes a moment after I rejoin Lexi for Brax to appear between us. 

He doesn’t touch her, but his stance signals that he won’t be leaving her side any time soon. He’s not in a position to get all territorial, but simply by standing there, slightly leaning over her, he’s showing Lexi and these two guys that he will be very displeased if the flirting continues.

The next few minutes are excruciatingly awkward. I think we’re all equally relieved when Lexi drags me off to the bathroom with her.  But when she’s got us locked in there and plops herself on the edge of the tub, it’s not Brax she wants to talk about.

“Dude, what do you think about Gina?”

“Gina?” I repeat, confused. Why is she asking about our roommate? I’m immediately uncomfortable. So far, I really like Lexi and I see us becoming close friends. But if she’s the kind of girl who drags me off to bathrooms to bad-mouth our roommate, I’m going to have to start questioning whether she’s best friend material.

Lexi bites her nails, something I’ve noticed she does when nervous or stressed. “Yeah, Gina Waters, our roommate? What’s your impression of her these past couple of weeks?”

Lexi’s nervousness makes me think this is more than idle gossip or bad-mouthing, and I decide to answer honestly. Her probing question gives me reason to hesitate, but she’s otherwise given me every reason to trust her.

“Gina’s hard to read,” I admit. “She can be sort of grumpy and snappy but once in a while she’ll be real sweet. Maybe she’s just a little uptight? Takes herself a bit too seriously? I don’t know. I mean, I like her, I just get the feeling she doesn’t really want to be my friend or something.”

I do like Gina. Despite making somewhat snide remarks from time to time, she doesn’t seem to have any agenda. That’s hard to find.

“You haven’t noticed anything else? Anything weird?”

“Besides what I just told you? What are you getting at, Lexi?”  My patience is wearing down.

“Look, I probably shouldn’t say anything, but I just can’t keep it to myself.” 

“I don’t like the sound of this,” I admit. The last thing I want is to be drawn into drama between Gina and Lexi.  They are my teammates and roommates, and they were friends with each other before I came along.

“I need another opinion,” Lexi says, and there’s pleading in her voice. “I’m worried about Gina, okay?  She’s been acting a lot different since we got back from summer break. She was never snappy before, like you said she is. I wanted an impression from someone who didn’t know her last year. She may not have ever been in the running for a friendliest-girl-in-the-world award but she definitely wasn’t as standoffish last year.”

I wait, wondering where this is going. “So, you’re worried about her bad attitude?”

“I think she has an eating disorder,” Lexi finally blurts out.

It clicks. Once those words are said, it’s serious. A lot of runners are thin and have very minimal body fat. I’m considered underweight by official weight and height charts, and I’m sure most girls on our team are as well. Gina is also thin, but not startlingly so. Lexi must have her reasons, though. Because any of our teammates, including me and Lexi, could be told we need to gain weight. Well, Gran has been telling me that my entire life. But none of us want to be told we have an eating disorder.

“It’s not just how she’s acting, okay? She’s definitely watching what she eats way more than she was before. I mean, the girl hasn’t had a drink yet since we got back to campus. We used to eat popcorn together every night, and she never tells me she doesn’t want any, so I make a bowl but she doesn’t eat any of it.”

“I can relate to not drinking,” I tell Lexi. Accusing someone of an eating disorder because they don’t drink beer or eat popcorn seems a bit overdramatic, but I don’t say that. “It’s okay to be a little stricter about eating snacks and stuff,” I offer. I’m not sure why I’m inclined to play devil’s advocate here, but Lexi seems to have drawn a fairly drastic conclusion. When Lexi continues biting her nails, I ask, “Has she lost weight?”

“A little, not a ton.” When someone knocks on the door, Lexi sighs. “Maybe I’m overreacting.”

“Just a minute,” I tell whoever is at the door. “It’s okay to be worried,” I reassure her. “But it could be something different that’s making her moody, or nothing at all.”

Lexi shrugs. “Yeah, I just have a bad feeling. She’s not herself.”

There’s more banging. “Hurry up, you guys!” It’s Zeb. “Some of us are heading out to Alberto’s and I gotta grab something from in there.”

Lexi and I glance at each other. “What exactly do you need to grab, Zeb?” Lexi asks as she opens the door.

“Condoms,” he says simply. He opens a closet inside the bathroom, full of towels, shampoo bottles, and a very large box of condoms.  Lexi raises her eyebrows at me as Zeb pulls out several and stuffs them in his pocket. When he turns around and finds us watching him, he shrugs. “What?”

“Nothing,” we say in unison.

He rolls his eyes and heads back to the living room. Everyone is finishing their drinks and talking about walking to Alberto’s, a popular campus bar. People have congregated there in an impromptu party. I’m not ready to head home when the house begins to clear out, but I don’t have a fake ID to get me into the bar. And even if I did, I have no interest in returning to the place where Savannah drugged my drink last fall.

Gina offers me her keys to drive home, but I’ve had two beers, and I’d rather walk. I’m not thrilled about walking home by myself, but I’m prepared to do so when Ryan comes downstairs with Kiki, our team captain, behind him. They aren’t holding hands or touching, but the few of us remaining in the living room can tell what they’ve been up to. The two of them have been noticeably absent since we arrived.

So when Ryan offers to drive me home, and Kiki joins Brax, Gina and Lexi to head out to Alberto’s, I’m more than a little confused. They just hooked up, probably even had sex, yet they didn’t even say goodbye to each other. Is this how it works in college? Boom, bang, done? Do Kiki and Ryan hook up a lot and just act like it never happens at practice? Sex has always been very personal between me and Jace. We’ve known each other our entire lives, and dated for nearly a year before I gave him my virginity. Maybe I’m not like other girls, or maybe things are different in college.

Either way, I find myself alone with Ryan in his Jeep, the same one we used to make out in years ago when we dated, only minutes after he likely slept with my team captain. It’s a lot to take in.

We’re quiet during the drive. He’s changed, I know that now. He’s more serious, more contemplative, than he was in high school. He doesn’t say anything to lighten the awkwardness, like he might have before.  And the Sufjan Stevens song playing from the speakers only serves to make the atmosphere more somber.

As Ryan pulls up in front of my building, I suddenly want to be anywhere but in my dorm room. It sounds so lonely and depressing. Most of my friends are at Alberto’s and my boyfriend would rather be alone than with me right now. When Ryan simply says, “See you tomorrow,” I know I’ve been dismissed.

“Thanks for the ride,” I tell him before shutting the door.  He’s shown no interest in friendship, and I can’t blame him. I essentially told him that we need to keep our distance since I have a boyfriend and he’s my ex. I meant that we needed to stay at arm’s length, but he understood it to mean we should stop communicating. So, it was nice of him to give me a ride, but I shouldn’t expect more. 

As soon as he’s pulled away, though, I find myself walking right past the door to my building and in the direction of Jace’s apartment.  It’s not exactly around the corner, but I’m still worried about him. I won’t be able to sleep tonight in my current mindset. I shoot him an email  to let him know I’m stopping by, since he’s got no phone for the moment, but by the time I show up at his apartment twenty minutes later, he hasn’t responded. 

When I knock, no one answers. There’s no light or sound coming through, and, seeing it’s nearly midnight, I’m hoping that means he’s asleep.

An unexpected wave of loneliness accompanies me on my walk back from Jace’s apartment. It’s a beautiful September night. Not exactly warm, but not chilly yet either. I cut through the main quad and it’s the first time I’ve seen it completely empty. There are no sounds but my breathing and my steps on the sidewalk. No other people around. I don’t want to be alone right now. The ache in my chest grows and I recognize it for what it is.

Homesickness.

I’m in my hometown, only a few miles from the apartment where I grew up, yet I know that the pit in my stomach is a craving for familiarity. 

My new friends and teammates are great but that’s the thing – they are new.  They don’t know me inside and out like my old friends. Like Gran. Like Jace. It’s why I want to cuddle in bed with him right now. He’s comfort. Strength. Love. Annie leaving him hurts me deeply. Because she left me, too. And if I feel this hurt and angry, I can’t even imagine how Jace is feeling.

I wish I could call Jace to check in, but he’s trashed his phone and I don’t want to bother Frankie. Something doesn’t feel right, and it haunts me through the night. It’s a fitful sleep, and I’m beyond groggy when I stumble to the bathroom in the morning. Lexi joins me a moment later, still in her outfit from the night before.

“Good night?” I ask, my voice muffled as I brush my teeth.

“Yeah, just got back.”

“Brax?” I ask.

“Yeah, it’s becoming, like, a thing, now, I guess,” she says. I don’t know what that means, but I’m not sure she does either. “Practice is gonna be a bitch today,” she tells me as she goes into a stall.  “Half the team was at Alberto’s until closing and I for one had too much to drink.”

“We aren’t supposed to have a workout today though, right?” I double-check.

“Ugh, we might,” she says as she pees. “Sometimes Coach pulls a fast one on us and decides it’s an excellent day to do hill repeats.”

I groan. I’ve been holding my own so far but with my lack of sleep, hill sprints would kick my butt.

Lexi finishes her business and washes her hands before grabbing her toothbrush. “Alberto’s was packed last night. That always happens when your boyfriend shows up.”

My stomach drops. “Jace was there?”

Lexi glances at me in the mirror. I try to sound casual, but she can probably hear the surprise in my voice. “Yeah. Everyone was there, dude. We had to wait forever to get in the door. But they had the back patio open so a lot more people can fit. I think Gina busted out of there pretty quick though. She gets jumpy when it’s that crowded.”

“Yeah.” It’s all I can muster. Jace was out partying while I was here worried and hurting for him? I want to be pissed, but I can’t be.  Because I know exactly how he felt. I wanted to be out with lots of people too last night. Often, I want to be alone when I’m hurting or emotionally overwhelmed. Actually, I usually cope by running, but I’m working on curbing that impulse, as it’s not always the healthiest outlet given how much I already run with the team. But last night, I didn’t want to be alone. Not at all. I wanted Jace. And he wanted to be with everyone else. It hurts, but I can’t be angry. How can I judge someone who was just abandoned by his mom for a second time?