Penitence (2010) (29 page)

Compassion for him had me reaching over with my free hand and touching the hardened corner of his jaw. His eyes fluttered closed. A single tear escaped from his right eye, and streamed down his cheek. In a flash, he wrapped his arms around me in an agonizing sob. I embraced him. Whats happening? he wept against my shoulder. Why is this happening? I shook my head. I dont know. Its so hard. I know. Im sorry. Why would she do that? Grief? Hate? How much had Albert and Bradys influence pushed her? Should I tell Weston about Brady? He was so distraught, I decided that bit of fact could wait. How awful that Mrs. Wilcox had allowed hate and anger to consume her to the point of revenge. Now she was handcuffed, sitting in a police car, on the eve of her sons burial. The tragedy tore my heart. How compounded the tragedy would have been if her bullet had struck Weston. Or me. Or others. Westons weeping subsided and he eased back releasing me. His hands scraped his blotchy face, wiping away tears. Man. He blew out a sigh. Im out of control. Sorry. I reached out and let my fingers play in the soft hair at the back of his neck. His teary eyes turned to mine, and sharpened with need. I love you, Zoe. He waited for my reply, but I couldnt say anything. I didnt want to lie to him, and I didnt want to hurt him. My feelings were still taking root. A knock on the window caused both of us to jump. The sound of the gunshot jackknifed the fresh memory in my head. Chase peered through the glass. Krissy stood, eyes averted, shoulders hunched a few feet behind him in the falling snow. Chases hair was wet, as was his face and clothing from the onslaught of icy flakes. Drops of moisture dotted his glasses. He pushed them up his nose and tilted his head in Krissys direction, as if to tell me she wanted to speak to me. I opened the door. Sorry to interrupt, Chase cleared his throat. Krissy really wants to talk to you. Is that ok? Um. Yeah. I glanced at Weston. Will you be all right? He nodded. I got out, the cold air seeping through my already wet clothing, blanket and chilled skin, and Chase and I joined Krissy. Around us, police continued doing their work and behind me, I heard questions from reporters still interrogating the officer. Excuse me? A tall, suited reporter called to Weston and me. Can you answer some questions? Nobodys talking to anyone right now. The officer held the reporters back from approaching us. Relieved, I faced Chase and Krissy again. The last thing any of us needed was to be thrown to the pack of press wolves. If my parents heard about what had happened without me calling them first the neglect, on my part, would crush them. I dug out my cell phone, ready to call them after I spoke to Krissy and Chase. Hey, Krissy, I said. She kept her eyes lowered. White flakes of snow dusted her moist hair. She was back to wearing her blue jumper, long sleeved tee shirt and brown ankle boots. Hey. Are you okay? I asked. Her eyes stayed fixed on the snowy grass. Are you? Yeah, thankfully. Yeah. Chase seemed to sense Krissys discomfort, and filled in our conversation when silence caused words to lag. You wanted to talk? I asked. The cold air seemed colder with a long pause. I feel bad about what happened. We all do, Chase said. Krissy gripped the handle of her purse. I cant help but feel that Im responsible. It wasnt your decision to play the game, I said, in hopes of offering some comfort. Krissy still wouldnt meet my gaze. I know. But I had the party without my parents permission. And... and... Her voice shredded out a sob. Her hands wrung. I... I bet Brady that he couldnt do it. That... he couldnt hang for that long. Her clutched hands covered her face and her shoulders buckled. Chase and I exchanged glances. A knot lodged in my throat. I patted her shoulder, but she didnt stop weeping. I took a deep breath. Its still not your fault, I said softly. Krissy sniffed. My parents werent going to let me come today. Theyre sitting in the car over there. She pointed to a burgundy minivan. From where we stood, two shadows were visible inside. When the gun went off, they came running over. Because they love you and were worried about you, I said. Krissy lifted a shoulder. It should have been me she pointed the gun at, not Weston. Krissys voice trembled out, her shoulders rounded in a buckling sob. Chase stared at me behind his silver-framed glasses, his eyes wide with uh-oh. I hugged Krissy. Nobody deserved that shot, Krissy. Not you or Weston. Im really sorry, she sputtered against me. We all are. Chase patted her back. The falling flakes began to dissipate, shifting the air into a foggy mist that hovered eerily around tombstones, trees and those gathered. A figure moving out the corner of my eye drew my attention to an imposing older man in a long, black dress coat. His sable hair was slicked back, baring a sharp face that reminded me of a raven. Next to me, Chase shifted. Krissy! the man barked. Krissy jerked from my arms and turned. The shock in her body that shed felt hearing her name, rang through mine as if Id been shoved. Im coming. Her tone was meek. The man stopped when he was ten feet away. He glared at Chase, then slid his onyx eyes to mine in a patronizing acknowledgement that annoyed me. Krissy stepped his direction and I said, Im Zoe Dodd. And you are? He tilted his head, not amused. Im Krissys father. He snatched Krissys elbow and turned. My stomach clenched. Slithering up and down his back was a pack of black spirits so dense, I couldnt see where one ended and another began. Id never seen so many, so tightly entwined, like sinewy black snakes in constant motion circulating from his ankles to his head. Nausea tickled my throat. As disgusted as I was, I couldnt take my eyes from the crawling infestation. I shuddered and Chase inched closer. You want my coat? He started taking off his suit jacket, but I shook my head. Thanks, but Im going back to Weston. Do you know Krissys parents at all? We started across the grass, weaving in and out of headstones. Not really. She just told me her parents were really mad that shed had the party and, of course theyre furious now that theyve been in the papers. He shrugged. Why? He gave me the creeps. He was pretty austere, I agree. Should I tell Chase about the black spirits? We stopped next to the police vehicle. Weston still sat inside, head back, eyes closed. Hows he doing? Chases gaze lit on Weston. Hes pretty traumatized. I imagine so. Chase glanced around. Well, Im going to go. I hope none of these guys recognizes me from the party bust, or Im really in trouble. My parents will think Im jinxed or something. No they wont, I slugged his bicep lightly. I wonder what will happen with Brady. My gaze shifted to the lone casket, still straddled over the open earth. It stinks his own mother wont be able to see him go down, Chase said. I doubt shell miss that, I said. I mean, the finality of it would break her, you know? Shes already broken, Chase said. Twenty-Nine After the police escorted Weston and me to his truckout of range from the nosy pressWeston drove me home. The casket still suspended over the grave forever embedded in my mind. A horrific sadness refused to leave my thoughts. Bradys body would be laid to rest eventually. I wasnt sure who would be around to see it happen. The air in Westons truck was thick with gloom. He seemed to be drowning in it, his face still pale and his general energy level barely above comatose. We didnt speak. The CD player was off. Only the heater made a low hum. Id called my parents after the police officer had finished asking me questions. They hadnt heard anything on the news yet. Both were shocked and saddened at what had happened, and were relieved I was coming home. Weston parked his truck by the curb in front of the house and killed the engine. I didnt see Lukes Samurai. I hoped he wasnt somewhere getting high. With addicts, there was always the chance he was back to using. Stresses were a trigger, and today had been one stress after another. Zoe, Westons tone cut through the air like a blade. Mourning had vanished from his brown eyes, and now they locked on mine incisively. What happened at the funeral? What are you really asking? He paused. Matthias was there. Yes. The silence between us suddenly grew cold. My palms began to sweat. Something in his eyes made my heart pound with uncertainty. Westons head tilted back, he blew out a breath. Zoe. You... you forced him to intervene? I didnt think about it, Weston. My tone was defensive. I saw the gun and stepped in front of you. What was I supposed to do? Stand there and let her shoot you? So you honestly didnt do it thinking Matthias would show up? Of course not. I followed my gut reaction. Why was he so upset Matthias had saved him? Or was I the one not looking at things clearly. Had I done something wrong? Maybe the fact that I hadnt seen Matthias since the shot meant I had broken the final rule. Dread sunk in my stomach. Weston scrubbed his jaw. More quiet, cold and brittle, filled the air. He shot me a censuring glare. I dont know. He shook his head. This whole thing... you, him, me... its freaking me out. Youve had a shock today, you cant judge your feelings by The bullet dissolved. It dissolved. The knot resurfaced in my throat. Yes. Man. More silence. How can... I cant... His hands gripped the steering wheel as if for strength to continue. I cant compete with that. Whos asking you to compete? I slid closer and rested my hand on his tight shoulder. The contact didnt seem to ease the frustration raging through him. He stared at his whitening knuckles. You dont get it. His voice was a thready whisper. Hes this being who will always be there, in the background, vying for a piece of you. Like some superhero. And Im... His eyes shifted to mine and held. Youre human. Fear and sadness ached through me. What was he trying to tell me? Though my feelings for him werent as ripe as his were for me, I cared about him. Enjoyed being with him. Loved that he loved me so much. Losing that would create a hole inside, and I wanted to be with him. Here. Now. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. Im sorry, I murmured against his skin. My hand wrapped around his neck to keep us close. I didnt want anything to happen to you. He closed his eyes. I hoped my words convinced him that I hadnt premeditated anything, only acted on instinct. Youd have done the same for me, right? I whispered, moving my lips along his jaw, toward his mouth. He nodded again, jaw tensing beneath my lips. Desire dripped in slow drops of heat from my mouth to my belly. Knowing he was vulnerable at that moment made me want him even more. Maybe he sensed that I wanted him, because he let go of the steering wheel and wrapped his arms around me, his mouth crushing mine in another needy kiss. My arm slipped around his neck. The day and its horrors vanished, replaced by the fervent beat of our hearts, reaching out against our breathless chests for each other. Desperation heated the cloistered air. Zoe. Weston broke the hot contact of our lips and he slid his words across my cheek. This... we shouldnt... not today. Youre... probably... right. He nodded, his forehead fused with mine. My head fogs when you kiss me like that. I cant think, he murmured. It does? I grinned. I like making your head fog. I kissed him again. The crack of surrender in his chuckle made us both laugh. He sat back, creating more distance between us, and let out a sigh. I hoped he felt better, that whatever had bothered him was gone with the kiss. I hoped he still wanted to be with me. The sober paleness Id seen occupying his countenance all day crept back. My heart sunk. He grasped the wheel with one hand, his focus out the front window in a blankness that threatened me. As much as I love you, I need some time to think about all of this. I took a deep breath. Okay. Familiar insecurities stood ready to jump into the emptiness Westons absence would create. But I had to respect his feelings. I understand. If you want to talk about anything, Ill talk. If you need time, take it. Im not going anywhere. I opened my door and got out. His eyes met mine. He remained inside the car. Im just not sure I can share you with... an angel. I couldntand wouldntchange my relationship with Matthias, not for anyone. And yet, it seemed the closer Matthias and I became, the more vast the canyons that separated me from other opportunities. Weston and I held the last moments together with our gaze. How long should I stand and wait for more words? Would anymore be said? Would they change anything? Time ticking on was my answer. I shut the door and walked toward the house. The rumble of Westons truck finally got further and further away, and emptiness followed me through the door. Zoe? Dads voice came at me from the family room. I kicked off my shoes, dropped my purse on the floor and headed that way. He and Mom met me in the hall; their faces fraught with bridled concern. Are you okay? Moms arms wove around me and I sunk into the comfort she offered. I nodded. What happened? Dad pressed. Wheres Luke? Hes fine. I thought hed be here. Hes not? Mom shook her head and shot Dad a worried look. The three of us walked into the family room. Mrs.Wilcox... she tried to shoot Weston. I fell onto the couch, the days events catching up and throwing themselves over me with the force of a cement wall toppling over, with me caught beneath it. Dad sat on my right, Mom on my left. Silence. I was standing next to him while he was speaking. Mrs. Wilcox was on the other side of the grave. She was totally inconsolable. A wreck. I saw her pull the gun out of her hand muff and aim it at Weston. The police said she fired a blank. Moms face paled. She leaned back into the couch pillows and closed her eyes, tears streaming from the corners. I wrapped around her and her grip locked. You were so close. I dont think I could have... I couldnt... if anything had happened. Im fine Mom. In my head, the moment the gun fired played over and over with Matthias appearing, his hand causing the bullet to disintegrate. Its a miracle, I murmured. Mom was too emotional to speak, she only nodded, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue shed pulled from somewhere. Dad laid his hand on my back. Was anyone hurt? No. Mr. Wilcox grabbed the gun from his wife. It was crazy after that. I dont remember anything. Nothing I could share with them, not at this moment anyway. Mom hugged me closer. Mom. Im okay. Youre right. Youre here and by some miracle, no one was hurt. Her fingers skimmed my cheek. I cant imagine that poor womans anguish. Losing her child and then this... what a horrible thing. I nodded, the sight of Bradys casket over the open grave still fresh in my head. Hows Weston? Dad asked. A good as can be expected. He was devastated that Mrs. Wilcox set him up to kill him. Hes taking it pretty hard. I dont want to talk about it right now, if you dont mind.
Tears sprung behind my eyes, the building emotions of the day finally bursting. Mom hugged me, then released me. Of course, honey. I stood. Im going upstairs. Their silence behind me told me they were curious and concerned about Weston and I, but I appreciated that they didnt press for more information. I passed Lukes open bedroom door and looked in, catching sight of his boogie boards and the faint scent of incense. Abrias room was on my right. Empty. She was still at school. Once in my room I shut the door, went to the window and looked out. Loneliness crept into my heart. I had two men in my life, both were out of reach at the moment. My future with Weston looked as hopeless as my future with Matthias. My cell phone vibrated and I pulled it out of my pocket. I hoped it was Weston. Chase. Hey. You home now? he asked. Yeah. You? Yeah. Man, what a day, huh? Yeah. I sunk to the bed. So, Weston looked terrible. Like hed eaten something putrid. Its hard for him, you know? His best friends mom tried to kill him. And his girlfriend saved the day. He should be kissing your feet, Zoe. The word girlfriend caused my stomach to flutter. Honestly? Hes... he said the whole thing is too much for him and hes taking a break. Silence. Did you tell him about Matthias? I took a deep breath. Yes, he knows. No wonder hes freaking out. Why did you tell him? Why are you getting mad? Because. Just because. Because that was our secret? Well... yeah. Its still our secret, Chase. He hasnt seen Matthias like you and I have. Did he believe you? Yes, he did. I think that made it worse. He feels overwhelmed. Like, this angel intervened because I stepped in. I forced the issue. I never thought of it that way. Wow. He may be right. The idea bugged me. What did Matthias say? I... havent seen him since it happened. Uh-oh. Quit jumping to conclusions. I did what I had to do. What was the alternative? To stand there and watch Weston, and maybe somebody else get shot? Im not trying to be annoying, Zoe. Im sorry. I let out a sigh. I know. Its okay. Im sorry, I didnt mean to bite your head off. Well, speaking of drinks. Chase grinned. Maybe you and I should meet at Starbucks tonight? Eating was the last thing I felt like doing. Another night, kay? Oh, sure. No prob. If Matthias shows up, be sure to call me. I wanna know what he says about you jumping in front of Weston. I didnt jump. I stepped. Forget it. Im cranky and I need to be alone. Sure. Okay. You take care, Zoe. Yeah, you too. I flipped my phone closed, fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Id like nothing more than for Matthias to come, but the quiet surrounding me left me sure I wouldnt have my questions answered today. I soaked in a hot bubble bath, the floral fragrance bringing to mind the flowers that had bathed Bradys dark wood casketa pretty scent unable to mask the ugliness of what had happened. Krissy. The poor girls tormented face came into my mind. I closed my eyes. The shock that shed egged Brady on in a deadly game that had cost him his life added a morbid twist to the tragedy. Was it my responsibility to tell someone? The thought pressed heaviness into my chest. Id talk to her about that later. Seeing her dads back infested with black spirits, I realized she probably had a lot happening none of us really knew about. My mind wandered dark, disgusting roads contemplating the possibilities. I truly hoped Krissy was not the victim of the grotesque visions of incest and sexual abuse passing through my mind. I hoped her dads issues with temptation and evil were his and had nothing to do with Krissy. Maybe he was just one super angry guy. I stepped out of the tub and the gurgle of water draining ate up the silence in the bathroom as I toweled off. In the mirror, my eye caught the scar on my breast. Light purple lines remained. Disgust rumbled through my empty stomach. Would any guy ever be able to look beyond the scar and still find my body acceptable? I closed my eyes, holding back tears and no longer able to look at the disfigurement. Whatever. I cant worry about that now. If the shoe was on the other foot, how would I feel? Not surprisingly, Matthias beautiful body came into my mind. Though I hadnt seen him naked, I wouldnt care if he had kept his scar. I loved him. I opened my eyes and faced myself again. The imperfection would only be with me in mortality, unless I chose to keep it as a reminder, like Matthias had kept the scar over his eye. Though the truth offered me some relief, no one knew better than I that mortality could last a long, long time. I wrapped a towel around myself and opened the door to my bedroom. A cold whoosh of air sent a flurry of goosebumps across my exposed skin. Was the window open? I looked, but it was closed. Had Mom and Dad turned the heat off? I quickly crossed to my dresser and pulled out clean underwear. The oddest sensation whispered down the nape of my necklike I was being watched. My heart pounded. I whirled around. The room was empty. Knowing what I knew about evil spirits, I hoped none were watching me. I hadnt invited them, I hadnt even had an evil thoughtunless my brief thought of Matthias naked had gotten me in trouble. Sorry! I swallowed. A cold sweat broke out on my skin. My eyes roved every inch of my bedroom, my heart thudding against my ribs. I inched backwards into the bathroom, seeking the protection of the small confinement, then realized that if I were truly in any danger, Matthias would be here. I slipped on my panties and bra, then slapped my forehead, wishing Id remembered to grab clothes. Duh, idiot. My fluffy robe hung on the back of the bathroom door and I slowly opened the door, eyes darting. Nothing. Still cold, but no black spirits. I snatched the robe, shut the door and let out a rapid breath. Why did I feel... watched? Matthias wouldnt hide from me. So, what was the big deal? Why did I feel like I wasnt alone? I slipped on the soft robe. The thick fabric helped warm me a little before I counted to three and yanked open the door. Bitter, icy air shoved a bone-wracking shudder through me and I braced myself in the door jamb. Matthias. Joy swept through my body from head to toe. Hey. He smiled. Hey yourself. My naked flesh tingled beneath the terry cloth. I wrapped my arms around myself. I was hoping Id see you. His hands slid in his front pockets. Had I done something wrong when I stepped in front of Weston? I waited for an answer, for comfort, but nothing even remotely comforting washed over me and panic trickled into my stomach. Thank you for what you did for Weston, I said. He nodded, his head still lowered. Why wouldnt he look at me? I didnt mean to You didnt. His blue gaze lifted. Dont worry about it. Its okay. He wasnt convincing. I longed to feel safe, comforted and spiritually embraced. He was mad at me, had to be, or he wouldnt deny me the solace that automatically accompanied his visits. Id never jeopardize I said dont worry about it, didnt I? Silenced, I jerked my head back in shock. His taut features softened and he stepped closer. I didnt mean to snap. He smiled and then his gaze swept me from head to toe, lingering at the openings of my robe. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin. You look fantastic. His voice had an unfamiliar gravelly tone that took me aback. Thanks. I think. He chuckled, inched closer. Did you just get out of the bath? His eyes wandered languorously along the edges of my face and fastened at my lips, before continuing a lusty journey down my throat to the crevasse of my covered bosom. Hed never looked at me with lust in his eyes and where a low murmur of desire began to build in my blood, the surprise of his advance took the edge off. Um. Yeah, actually, I did. He brought himself closer. His blue eyes smiled into mine, peering, probing as if he saw right through my robe to flesh. I want to eat you up. I swallowed. Excuse me? Start at those luscious lips of yours and work my way down. Right now. My mouth opened. What the? His head dipped close, and for some reason, fear raced out of control through my blood. Was he serious? Had he been drinking at the juice joint in the sky? What had gotten into him? Let me taste, he whispered, but I was too stunned to feel his breath. All I felt was an arctic cold emanating from him. Not the usual warm serenity I was accustomed to. My spine flattened against the bathroom door. One of his arms lifted, and he grabbed the doorjamb. Then the other until hed caged me in. Im going to give you the most exquisite pleasure on earth. Leave. Matthias voice. I jerked my head left. Matthias identical image stood three feet away, aglow in fiery eminence. What? I stared at the Matthias inches from my face, his lips curled in a flirtatious grin. He pressed closer. My heart swooped in fear and confusion. The Matthias to my left stepped closer, his hand extended. In a flash of angry black vapor, the Matthias standing in front of me disintegrated into countless whirling fragments, the vortex then sucked out of the room until there was nothing. Silence. My body trembled, the fear, shock and deception that had been so closedrained me. Matthias wrapped around me before I could crumple to the floor in a useless heap. My fingers clung to the fabric of his shirt. I thought it was you. He looked so muchexactlylike you. How did Albert do that? How can he? Evil takes on any form it can to deceive. I should have known it wasnt you. It didnt feel the same. I felt cold. Weird. Watched. I shuddered. In need of his reassuring protection, I snuggled against him. Dont leave me, please. That creeped me out big time. Im here. His gentle hand stroked my hair. Why did he do that? What did he expect to accomplish? I imagine he wanted to seduce you. Thats just sick. I shook again, and held on tighter. Id never let him touch me. He couldnt even if he wanted to. He doesnt have a body. A mortal who has chosen evil cant have flesh and bone in the afterlife. How can he think he does if he doesnt? Hes being deceived, Zoe. He thinks he can have what he will never have, be what he will never be. But he said I smelled good. Whatever he thought he smelled was an echo of his past, something he smelled in life and stored in his memory. I couldnt shake the deep fear that now resided inside of me. Fear at Alberts deprivation. It was inconceivable to me that a father could be so driven to destroy their own child. An ache of grief tingled around my heart. Vivid imagesMatthias memoriesflashed through my mind. Zoe, my father had me killed to pay a debt. Shock caused my mouth to fall open. This day. This horrible day, had taken another tragic turn. I want to know everything. Please. The ache in his eyes passes through me, and in my mind, his memories flash fresh, vibrant moments of his lifelush rooms decorated in rich velvets and tapestries, dark woods and golden lights. Women dressed in sheer gowns, their faces painted, smiling, laughing, their lithe jeweled bodies hanging on Matthiason me as I slip into his life, living his memory. The women flirtatiously touch my face, chatting, drinking. The pungent scent of alcohol fills the air, mixing with cedar cologne and musky perfume. As Matthias, I move through a dark room, heading for the bar where I lay eyes on a young, handsome, white-suited Albert, a long dark cigar hanging from his smiling lips. My boy. Albert moves away from the women thronging him and his head comes in close. I smell cigar on his breath, feel his arm wrap around my shoulder. Im expecting a delivery from the Cracciola family. I need you to meet Junior out back. I nod, feel a pat on my back and dodge a handful of eager women as I walk through clouds of smoke and clusters of drunks hanging at the bar, engaged in necking and arguing and talking. One woman catches my eye. Her doe-like brown eyes hold me for a moment before her gaze slides away. I walk down a wood-paneled hall. Open a door. Dark, narrow stairs. I take them up and am on the street, in an alley. I look around. Empty. Rainwater from a storm drips from the dirty rain gutter to my left. A white cat darts across the wet street, back arched, frightened eyes golden in reflected light. My heart races. Matthias heart. Unsure. Nervous. Go back inside! But Im shouting a warning to a ghost, and my words come decades too late. A shiny black car slowly drives through the alley, stopping where I stand. Doors open and six men wearing black suits and fedoras hop out. One has a cigar tipped on his lips. Their faces are hidden in the shadows of their hats. They approach me and my heart bangs with fear. The package? I hear Matthias voicethe same voice Ive heard when he speaks in his angelic form to me. One of the men nods, two in the back look around and I know something is wrong. Run Matthias! Run! I shout, but Matthias doesnt move. He trusts. He trusts the man he knows as his father, sure his fearful thoughts are just figments of his imagination. There is no package. Junior spits out his cigar. It lands in a filthy puddle of water and dies. A gleam of sliver catches my eye but I see it too late. The men come down on me like animals. A sharp piercing gouge fires from my groin, up my stomach, my chest and lodges in my heart. Theirs are the last faces I see in this life, six men I thought I knew and trusted. They loom over me, watching me take my last breath, waiting for my pumping heart to stop. I gasped, started to breathe again, my gaze locked with Matthias. He stared beyond my eyes, searching my reaction to his death. Tears streaked my cheeks. Zoe. How could he do that to you? Matthias closed his eyes and for a long moment anguish straddled the taut silence. Im sorry. I shouldnt have asked for you to share with me something painful. Im so sorry. I longed to wrap real comfort around him, comfort I doubted he never received in the arms of his own flesh and blood. I dont want you to think I dwell on my past. Or that my life was one miserable event after another. Dont be angry or feel sorry for something that no longer hurts me. But theres still hurt in your eyes. I feel it go through me. The hurt is not like it was. When you feel my pain, it combines with your mortal emotion and feels much worse than it is. How could he ... Im sorry... but parents dont try to kill their children. Thats just wrong. Matthias let out a breath and looked away, as if he didnt want to talk about it anymore. His Adams apple shifted and he studied me a moment. He wasnt always like that, Zoe. My mother left him when I was young and hurt him deeply. He never said, but I gathered enough on my own to know that many of his decisions were made in revenge and anger at her. Neglecting you? Then having you killed? How could that hurt her? She wasnt even around to see it. Thats the most absurd thing Ive ever heard. Sassy bearcat. I want to wring that womans neck. And your father taking it all out on youis just so unfair. Ive forgiven him. He set his palms on my shoulders. You