Peggy Klaus (20 page)

A Schmoozer Connects

In business we’ve all been taught to begin a presentation or discussion with “Today, I’m here to speak with you about…” Let me ask you something. If you take a friend out for a cup of coffee, do you sit down and announce, “Today, I want to talk to you about…” and proceed to give him a bulleted agenda of what you’re about to say? Instead, you might start off with “It’s good to see you”; “How are you?”; or “Coming over here today, I heard a joke on the radio I thought you’d appreciate.” Then you might subtly give him a general roadmap of what you need to cover with him. Effective schmoozers never agendize; they conversationalize all forms of speech. And it doesn’t matter whether they are facing one, five, or five thousand. They always seem as if they are having an intimate conversation with each person in the room.

One of the great public schmoozers is Scott McNealy, chairman and CEO of Sun Microsystems. Listening to his 2001 speech to the National Press Club on the economy and his company’s future, it was hard to tell he was standing on a podium and facing a roomful of journalists. With his ease of verbal expression, a dry wit, and the casual mention of personal details, he could just as easily have been sitting in his living room having a one-to-one chat. Thank you for the introduction, Bill. I guess when you come to the press club they do research on you. You’re telling me stuff I didn’t even remember. It was pretty accurate [pause] in some areas. Glad to hear, too, that this is all off the record today. Right? [The group of journalists bursts into laughter.] Just kidding. I guarantee that you’ll get plenty of content here. They’d like me to talk for twenty to twenty-five minutes so I’ve got forty to forty-five topics I’d like to race through. But I’ll do three things. I’d like to put a disclaimer on what I’m about to say; we are in pretty interesting economic times, so I’d also like to talk about that on a macro level, and then show you some product demos of some new technologies. I’m a golf major, so don’t worry, I won’t get too technical for a lot of you, so you don’t have to bolt early. Here’s my disclaimer: What do I know? There are a lot of people who worry and work and think about the national and political and economic decisions and situations way more than I do. I have a full day job and three boys in car seats, so I’m fully employed…

Brag Nag #7: TAKE THE EMOTIONAL TEMPERATURE OF YOUR LISTENERS

What made Scott McNealy so effective in his opening remarks? He took the emotional temperature of his listeners and customized his message accordingly. In less than ninety seconds, he acknowledged they were in the news business and hence, short on time and in need of real news. (
Translation: Stick around and you’ll get what you need
.) He recognized that many were not technically savvy. (
Translation: You won’t have to sit through a bunch of techno-babble, so be sure to stay long enough to see our new product demos.
) He poked fun at them with his “off the record” remark. (Translation: I know how you guys work, for better or worse.) In a self-deprecating way, he set up the fact that he wasn’t an economist, but a businessman speaking from his own experience and observations in running a successful public company. (
Translation: Take my economic forecasts with a grain of salt
.) He then showed his humanity with reference to his three young sons and his golf game. (
Translation: I’m human like you. Have mercy
.)

So for better bragging, first set the stage by asking yourself, regardless of whether you’re standing in front of one or many: Who’s my audience? What are their goals, needs, and objectives? What thoughts and feelings have they come into the room with: eagerness, frustration, anger, or fear? What issues do they have with me? What will reinforce trust in our relationship? If you are preoccupied with presenting a perfect image to the world, you project so much self-absorption that you miss important opportunities to connect with others.

Getting Carried Away with PowerPoint

These days Microsoft PowerPoint is all the rage for preparing and presenting information to groups of people. As its popularity has risen, many people have come to believe that whenever they are in front of a group, they need to whip out their PowerPoint. If they stopped and really reflected on the true needs of their audience, they might find that is not always the case.

Recently the president of a large advertising firm, a longtime friend of mine, described his preparations for a prelaunch sales and marketing meeting with the publishing house that was soon to be releasing his first book. He kept emphasizing the importance of getting his PowerPoint presentation “just right” for the twenty people from various departments who would be in the meeting. As we talked about his plans, he casually mentioned that his agent, a mutual friend, was against his using PowerPoint because she thought it was more important for him to establish a personal relationship with the members of the publishing team than to present a bunch of factual information. The agent wanted him to bring only himself, as he had at their initial proposal meetings with editors when, as she put it, he wowed them with his personality, demeanor, and expertise. She thought that our friend would be better served at the upcoming meeting by informally discussing the sales and marketing strategy and by building a rapport with the key players who were going to be so essential to the book’s success.

In the end, even with my objections added to his agent’s, Mr. President took his twenty-five-slide PowerPoint presentation to the meeting. Later he hinted to me that maybe we were right after all. When I asked the agent what happened, she said, “I couldn’t believe that he pulled out that PowerPoint presentation. When he was on the fifth slide, I looked out and saw a sea of glazed stares. Sensing the downward direction of the meeting, I said, You know, I don’t think we need to see all of this right now; let’s just talk. What does the publicity department have in mind?’ Everyone proceeded to join in the discussion. In the end, they all connected the way they should have in the first place.”

The way we talk, listen, and respond to others will strongly influence how they respond to us. We all want to feel that we are being personally acknowledged. When we believe that someone is truly addressing our feelings and intentions, we respect him and feel more open to what he has to say. Talk and listen with your whole body: your eyes, your ears, your head, and your heart.

Brag Nag #8: LEVERAGE THE POWER OF HUMOR, STORIES, AND ANECDOTES

What is the single most memorable, impressive, and credible way to reveal yourself and your accomplishments in an unassuming and magically invisible manner? Tell a story about yourself in a colorful, lighthearted, or humorous way. Everybody loves a story, and we all have lots of them. When used as a bragging tool, a story can engage people and allow you to subtly sing your own praises in a way that comes off as authentic but disarming. Using real-life anecdotes to show how you’ve solved problems, how you got interested in your field, what makes you just right for the job, or simply describe what you do for a living is a more powerful and compelling way of expressing yourself than stating the facts will ever be. Unlike those reasoned facts, a story well told will set you apart from the competition.

Recently I was helping the managing director of a large investment firm craft a pitch on the importance of teamwork—in which she had to demonstrate her leadership capabilities—for delivery to a postmerger group of sixty employees in her newly formed division. She opened by saying:

I’ve come from Wall Street, where the mentality is “every man for himself,” to a firm that is quite different in the sense that teamwork is directly linked to compensation. In fact, your bonuses are completely tied to the collective efforts and successes of this team. I actually know a lot more about teamwork than you might suspect. Long before I started my career, I grew up in a family with seven children. I was number five. I learned very quickly that there can be multiple views on even the simplest of topics, from whose turn it was to do the dishes or mow the lawn to where to go on our next vacation—believe me, with seven kids packed in a car on a cross-country journey, it was important that everyone was happy with the decision! Essentially, for things to run smoothly we all had to march to the same beat. So I am here today to offer my views on what I think our goals and objectives should be, and most important, to get input from each and every one of you over the course of the next two weeks.

Personal stories and anecdotes, injected with a bit of humor when appropriate, are your most powerful tools in learning how to brag without backlash. When they illustrate a relevant or important point, they can help you avoid coming off like you’re talking about yourself just for the sake of talking about yourself, the hallmark of irritating braggers. They allow you to bond with those who are listening to you and communicate more effectively while subtly underscoring your history and strong points. Okay, so enough nagging. Start bragging!

CHAPTER 10

A Confession and Twelve Tooting Tips

I’d like to leave you with a confession and twelve tooting tips for mastering the art of bragging. First the confession.

Early on in my coaching career I was in Santa Fe to give a workshop on executive presence to a group of female physicians. These women were incredibly bright and accomplished, with multiple degrees and specialties I couldn’t even pronounce. When I arrived at the check-in table, I was handed a badge that said “Peggy Klaus, Communication Expert.” I was horrified. How could I possibly walk around and so brazenly pronounce myself
expert
? I ran back to my hotel room and worked feverishly at rubbing the word off the badge, only succeeding in erasing the T. When I stood up that morning in front of the group of distinguished women, I decided to begin the workshop by telling this story.

After being introduced, I shook my head and started to laugh, saying:

The most incredible thing just happened to me that I think all of you can relate to. This morning I came down to the registration desk, where they handed me a badge that said “Peggy Klaus, Communication Expert.” I grabbed the badge and ran upstairs to my room, where I started to hyperventilate while dialing my husband at work. “Oh my God, Randy,” I blurted out to him when he picked up the phone. I sounded so upset that he thought I had been in an accident and was calling from a hospital. “They gave me this badge at the conference that says ‘Peggy Klaus, Communication Expert.’ “ There was dead silence before he asked, “And your point is?” I responded by saying that I couldn’t possibly wear a badge proclaiming me as the expert, it’s so obnoxious; it’s so self-aggrandizing. Randy replied, “But you are the communication expert! That’s why they’ve asked you to the conference.” “Well, maybe,” I said, adding, “but I can’t have it say so on my badge.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I have to be on stage in ten minutes. What would you do?”

“I would put on the badge, walk around proudly, and introduce myself to everyone by saying, ‘Hi I’m Randy Keyworth, Communication Expert.’”

“You’re no help!” I told him and hung up.

So what did I do? I picked up my butter knife off the room-service tray from breakfast and tried to rub out the word
expert
from my badge. But I only had five minutes before I needed to be downstairs and all I could get off was the letter
T
. So now I stand before you as Peggy Klaus, Communication Exper. And even though each of us in this room is an expert, we never think we are good enough. We suffer from the Impostor Complex. Even though I have successfully coached hundreds of clients, even though I’ve worked extensively with doctors on their teaching skills and bedside manner, even though I am published, even though I am totally educated and qualified, I still fear being caught not knowing everything a
real
expert in my field would know.

Before I could continue, the entire room was on its feet, applauding and cheering me on. When the room calmed, several women stood up and started to talk about their own similar experiences in the field of medical science. With my little confession I had relaxed this group of women doctors and formed a deep bond by relating to them personally. I had revealed my own vulnerability as a person and had shown the courage to expose my human-ness. As you can see from the above, my presentation was 95 percent story and 5 percent tooting. But the subtle manner in which I conveyed my expert qualifications—in the context of an amusing, self-deprecating story—was infinitely more powerful and memorable than the path that ineffective and irritating tooters often take.

I have journeyed from a reluctant self-promoter to an artful one. Yet even today, I can still hear my father cautioning me to never toot my own horn. So whether you are far along in your career or just starting out, don’t let your own bragging myths silence you. Self-promotion is undeniably a must-have skill in today’s workplace. And as with anything else, the more you practice, the more adept you will become at selling yourself.

As you embark on your campaign, always remember that bragging is an art. Put a horn in the hands of someone who doesn’t know how to toot and what do you hear? A cacophony that makes people turn away. Put it in the hands of someone who knows how to play, and it’s music to the ears. When you learn to play your horn well, people will listen. And so it is with the art of bragging.

Twelve Tooting Tips for Bragging

1. Be your best, authentic self.

2. Think about to whom you are tooting.

3. Say it with meaningful and entertaining stories.

4. Keep it short and simple.

5. Talk with me, not at me.

6. Be able to back up what you say.

7. Know when to toot.

8. Turn small talk into big talk.

9. Keep bragologues and brag bites current and fresh.

10. Be ready at a moment’s notice.

11. Have a sense of humor.

12. Use it all: your eyes, ears, head, and heart.