Payback (28 page)

“Dr. Jeffries, this is the father of my baby, Caden Kelly.”

Another gasp and then a tentative hand was held out from the doctor, “Glad to meet you, Mr. Kelly.”

“I’m sure that you can understand how important it is to keep this information private,” he said
, with a winning smile.

“But surely everyone in the waiting room recognized you?”

“There was no one except the older woman who checked us in, and I stayed out of her view.”

“Oh…yes, of course
, I’ll keep this quiet. And the next time we have an appointment we’ll make arrangements for you to be able to come in through a side door.”

He gave Marie a sheepish look and then told the doctor, “I doubt that I’ll be around until the baby is born. I have a lot to accomplish in Montana.”

It was clear from the look on her face that the doctor was surprised by his remarks. “But surely the baby comes first?”

Marie swallowed hard
, as Caden looked at his shoes. “Yes, the baby comes first, but there are other considerations in play that Marie and I would like to keep between ourselves.”

Dr. Jeffries blushed at the insinuation that she had pushed the boundaries too far. “Yes, of course.  Let’s get you up on the table, Marie, and take a look at the baby.”

Marie laid back and waited impatiently as the machinery was programmed. The doctor smiled and said, “It looks like we’re ready. Now I’m going to put some gel on your abdomen. You’re about twenty-seven weeks, right?”

“Yes.  My due date is September 17
th
.”

“Oh, that’s right, I remember, the Christmas conception.”
Caden chortled, remembering that night.

Dr. Jeffries turned the monitor for Caden and Marie to see. “Your baby would be viable outside of the uterus now. It’s capable of breathing on its own.  Ah, there we go.”

A 3-D image of the baby’s face came into view.  Caden let out a loud breath of air.  Both women turned and looked at him, only to find his hand covering his eyes as if to hide his emotions.  After a deep breath, he removed the hand and managed a smile.

“Sorry, I frankly didn’t expect to be so affected.”

Marie nodded for the doctor to continue. The doctor pressed against the screen and photos began to print. 

“If I remember, we couldn’t tell the sex the last time we were here, but we sho
uld get a good view of the genitals…” her voice trailed off as the screen filled with the umbilical cord and legs of the baby.

“Oh, Jesus, it’s a boy!” Caden cried out. “A boy! I thought for sure it would be a girl.”

The women once again turned to look at him.

“Why?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.  I just thought that any baby that came out of you would be a ballsy little girl.  I just never thought it would be a ballsy little boy.”

Marie rolled her eyes.
“Well, I think we’ll have to take back that cute little dress I bought. I won’t be needing it.”

Caden lifted his shoulders
. “He might be a cross-dresser. You can never tell.”

Both of the women laughed. Caden joined in
, and after more photos and the all clear from the doctor, Marie and Caden left through the employee entrance. Marie handed him one of the photos. He took it and started to study it. 

“God, Marie, I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.”

“I know the feeling. It’s rather daunting, isn’t it?”

“I hope I’m a better one than mine was.”

“Your dad wasn’t really given much of a chance after the divorce, was he? Your mom didn’t let him have much access to you.”

“That’s true. I think we both missed out
. But she made it clear that she really didn’t want him around, and dad was always too busy anyway.” The dry heat was once again overwhelming. He grimaced at the smell of manure from the onion fields. Caden couldn’t understand how Marie could live in such a godforsaken place. “Do you have to go to work tonight?”

She nodded. “I should try to get a nap, perhaps four?”

“Then we have five hours to kill. Let’s go buy you some maternity clothes.”

“We don’t have to spend our last hours together buying me something.”

He looked as if he was going to break down. “I just want to make sure you have what you need.”

“I have plenty of maternity clothes. Some of the women at work gave me some.”

There was an awkward silence, and then Marie took his hand. “Let’s not do this. You have a photo of your son and you’ve bought us a house, furniture and baby things. Let’s not prolong this anymore.”

He swallowed and closed his eyes. “We need to talk about custody and visitation.”

Marie held her breath. “Are you going to try and take him away from me?”

Caden’s eyes flew open. “How could you think that?”

“When you saw the baby, you were overwhelmed. I think he means more to you than you thought he would. You want him just as much as I do.”

“Of course I do, but he’s a baby
; he’s going to need his mother.  I just want visitation rights, and then when he’s older, we can talk about joint custody.”

“Visitation? How much? How would we work it out?”

“I’ll come down to Bakersfield once a month and stay at a hotel when he’s a baby. I’ll send a nanny over to pick him up.  There’s no reason for us to have to see each other. Then when he’s walking, I’ll send the nanny down to pick him up and fly with him to Montana on occasion so that he can get used to his second home.”

It hit her. “I just realized—he’s going to want to be with you.”

Caden snapped his head back. “What do you mean?”

“You have the horses, the lake where you can fish, the grizzlies, the moose, the elk, the mountains, trucks, cowboy boots, Topanga Canyon, chartered flights, the perks of being a celebrity. Intoxicating things to a child. What have I got? Bakersfield. If you were an eight
-year-old boy, a twelve-year-old, a seventeen-year-old, whose world would you want to live in?”

Caden could see the panic in her face. “Marie, boys love their mothers. He’s going to want to be with you.”

“Did you? When your parents split, did you want to go with your mother?”

“I didn’t have a choice
, but I probably would have anyway. I felt as if I needed to protect her, take care of her.”

“So he’ll be with me out of some macho idea of protecting me?”

“He’ll be with you because he loves his mother.”

She shook her head.  “He’ll come to me when he’s ten or twelve and beg me to let him live with you. You’ll win…I’ll be alone and you’ll win.”

“Oh, God, do you hear what you’re saying? There’s no winning or losing when it comes to a child. We have no clue what he’s going to be like, what he’s going to want out of life.  Plenty of kids hate living on a ranch…they run to the city when they’re eighteen. You don’t know.”

“I know he has your genes.”

“And yours. Please stop worrying. Can we reach an agreement?” He paused and rubbed his forehead. After taking a deep breath, Caden looked over at her. “I can have him overnight once a month until he walks, and then I get to take him to Montana occasionally, all right? I don’t want to get lawyers involved, so can we come to an agreement?”

“Yes. I’m not an idiot. I know what you’re offering is generous. Have your lawyer draft it and send it to me.”

“After the agreement is drafted, I’ll give you money to choose a lawyer to look it over.”

“No, I’ll pay for my own counsel.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Somehow I knew that’s what you would say. I’ll take you home.  You can get some rest and I can get going.”

He drove her home and then walked her to the door. Taking the photo from his pocket
, he held it up and smiled. “Thank you for this and letting me come with you today.”

She was starting to feel sick to her stomach, her head swimming. This was it; this was the final good
bye…only this time it didn’t make sense.  They loved each other so desperately.
But he loves his money more than me
.

He could see the trepidation in her eyes and was sure that they mirrored his own pain. It was still the issue of trust.  If she loved him more than his money and fame
, she would have signed the prenup, wouldn’t she?  Maybe this impasse was a symptom of what was wrong with their relationship. There would always be something, something that would keep them from making it work.

He put a finger under her chin and lifted it up. “Hey, hey.  It’s going to okay.  You’re going to meet a man who won’t make your life a living hell
, like I have this year.  He won’t have any issues with trust; he’ll marry you without any prerequisites. You deserve to be happy.”

“So do you. So do you, Caden. I want you to find someone and let her love you.”

They fell silent, and then he leaned in and kissed her on the crown of her head, lingering to capture her smell one last time. Unable to resist, she pulled his head down and kissed his lips, the lips that had been her delight for so long. In her mind, she said good bye to those wide lips, the soulful blue eyes, the long sweeping eyelashes, the long, defined jaw line and that beautiful black wavy hair.

“So, will I ever see you again?”

“Of course. We’re going to have a child to raise. I’ll come down when he’s born. We’ll talk more then.”

“Good
bye, Caden.”

“Good
bye, Marie. I love you.”

“You too.”

He squeezed her tight and then let go, not looking back as he walked to the curb and then climbed into the limo that he had arranged to pick him up and take him to the small private airport. For some reason, he was numb and felt nothing, as if he was out of his body looking down. He knew if he joined his body again, the pain would come crashing down on him, like knives falling from the sky; the same way it felt seven years ago. His only hope was to just go numb.

Marie tried to sleep but knew it was impossible. In fact, if the past was a predictor, sleep was going to be difficult for a long time and then, with the arrival of the baby, sleep was probably something in her past.

Chapter 12

Alien Invasion

I was lonely
, despite being transferred to the day shift and making new friends.  The summer grew hotter and my body grew uncomfortable. As I predicted, I never caught up on my sleep. I kept replaying everything--our first meeting, our first date, our first night together, the revenge sex with Gordon, the breakup, the Montana punishment and, of course, the baby.  It played like a videotape on a loop—over and over.  I was dead on my feet, exhausted. Between the baby and my insomnia, my blood pressure was elevated and my doctor was not happy.

“We’ll
have to schedule a C-section if you don’t get some sleep and get the blood pressure down.  You’re at thirty-seven weeks. So as far as we’re concerned, the baby is full term. The next few weeks are just to add weight, so we can deliver you if it becomes necessary,” Dr. Molinari threatened.

My obstetrician, Dr. Jeffries, had left for a position in San Jose, a real boost to her career
, and leaving me to look for another OB. I called Caden’s lawyer, and the next day he had a recommendation for me, Dr. Molinari, a very serious man who always looked as if he had eaten a lemon for breakfast.

“Ms. Morrigan, is it true that the father of your baby is Caden Kelly?”

“Where did you hear that?”

“It’s in the file that we’re to contact his lawyer when you go into labor or if there are any bills or difficulties.”

“Then I guess he must be the father.”

“Wow. I’m a big fan. I was very happy when I heard he was going to do another movie
, but then it fell through and he went back into retirement.  Why?”

“Because the deal fell through.”

“That’s a shame; he’s such a great actor.”

“Yes, he is.”

“
Rowhouse
is my favorite movie.”

“Mine too. I wrote it.”

He cocked his head back and laughed, as if I was pulling his leg.

“No, really, I wrote it.”

“What are you doing living in Bakersfield?”

It was a good question; one that I asked myself all the time. “You’ve heard the saying,
One hit wonder
? Well, that’s me. I have another book, but for reasons I don’t want to discuss, I’m poison in Hollywood and New York. They don’t want to touch it.”

“Really? Is it any good?”

“It’s a great book, but I burned the edited copy.  Now I need to go back and edit it again.”

“My brother is an editor at a new publishing fir
m in New York. Get me a cleaned-up copy and I’ll send it to him. I can’t promise anything, but I know he’ll read it for me.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Sure, why not? I remember reading
Rowhouse
and really enjoying it.  I’m sorry that I didn’t remember that you were the author.”

“It’s okay. It was ten years ago
. And like I said, no one ever heard from me afterwards. I’ll start cleaning up the book again.”

It was a ray of hope
. I didn’t know this publisher, Jesse Molinari, or his company, Parker Publishing House, but if I could get someone in New York to read it, maybe, just maybe, I might get it published. So I went home and started working on it right away, trying to remember what I had already edited. The writing helped me sleep. I was so tired from working and writing that I didn’t have time to think about how miserable and alone I was in Bakersfield.

It was September 1
st
, two weeks before my due date, when I received a phone call that I wasn’t expecting.

“Hello?”

“Marie? It’s Caden.”

“Oh, hi!”

“I’m just calling to find out how you’re doing.”

“I’m okay. I have horrible heartburn and the heat seems to make me even more miserable, but I’m okay.”

“Okay?” he sounded dubious.

“Well, I have high blood pressure, but it was down some today. As long as it’s coming down
, they won’t do a C section.”

“How high is high?”

I took a deep breath and blurted it out.  “164 over 95.”

His toned turned serious, “That doesn’t sound good.”

“It was 150 over 90 today.”

“Still not good. How is the baby?”

“Pissed off. He’s been practicing martial arts inside me. But he’s growing at a good rate. I think he’s over six pounds now.”

“Have you thought of a name?”

“I don’t know. Did you have an idea?”

“I was hoping that one of the names could be Jack
, after my mother’s brother who died in Viet Nam.”

“Jack and not John?”

“No, it was Jack.”

“I like Jack,” I said. “It reminds you of a fun guy to be around.”

“Do you want it as a middle name?”

I thought about it. “No, I’d be hap
py if it was his first name. So, Jack Kelly Morrigan?”

“I was hoping it would be Jack Morrigan Kelly.”

I laughed to myself. Typical male, needed his brand on his genes. “I’m going to have to insist that he have my last name, Caden. It will make it easier for me raising him if we have the same last name.”

“There’s lots of re-married women whose new name doesn’t match their child’s last name.”

“Sorry, Caden, this isn’t negotiable.”

“Can you hyphenate it?”

“You mean, Kelly-Morrigan? That would make your name the prominent one. I’ll hyphenate Morrigan-Kelly, okay?”

“Thank you.”

There was a noticeable silence. “What are you doing these days?”

“We’re done branding the cattle and we’re going to be driving them to the rail station soon.  They’ll be taken to market in Chicago.”

“Sounds like you’re busy.”

“I am.” There was a
nother pregnant pause, and then he finally cleared his throat. “I wanted to let you know that I’m dating someone before you read about it in the tabloids.”

“You’re dating someone in Montana?”

“Well, I’ve had to go back to Topanga to put out some fires on the horse ranch. While I was there, I started seeing Brooke Paulson.”

Brooke Paulson! She was in her early thirties, a tall brunette with hazel eyes that were more green than brown. Of course
, she was a stunning woman with a perfect figure…so perfect her poster was rated number one by U.S. Servicemen. Brooke had come to acting later than most, getting her first break in a television drama about a veterinarian in her late twenties.

“Are you happy?” I asked.

“She makes me happy.”

An emotional
barbed arrow pierced my heart. But then a part of me was also relieved that he had found someone. I no longer had to feel guilty about screwing up both our lives. I was also grateful that he had been kind enough to let me know. “Then I’m very happy for you, Caden.”

“Thank you. Are you seeing anyone?”

“Not too many men in Bakersfield are looking for heavily pregnant women.”

He laughed. I loved hearing him laugh. “I’ve heard of chubby chasers, maybe there’s baby chasers.”

“They call that a pedophile.”

More laughter. “You know what I mean!”

“Are you coming down for the birth?”

“As soon as you call me or my lawyer, I’ll be on the next plane.”

“Then I’ll see you sometime this month.”

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“I will.”

“Bye, Marie.”

“Bye.”

When I hung up
, I realized that I was shaking so hard I had to sit down. That man could pull the rug out from under me with just a phone call. Why did I care that he was seeing someone? It was over between us. The only thing left between us was the baby, and I had to admit that so far he was being very generous. So why couldn’t I be generous in spirit and take pleasure in his happiness?

A week later
, I was just getting off work when I felt as if I really need to go to the bathroom. I peed, but then I heard a plop! Not a loud plop, but enough to make me look in the toilet when I stood up.  There was something in the toilet, a milky, thick, snotty thingy. It hit me; this was “the show,” the mucous plug that forms to protect the uterus from bacteria getting inside. When the cervix prepares for delivery, the plug is discharged.  It was a clear sign that I’d probably have the baby within the next few days. Should I call Caden? 

“Hi.”

“Marie?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it time?” his voice was high-pitched. Caden was very nervous.

“I thought
I’d let you know that I passed ‘the show.’”

“I don’t understand.”

I explained. “So you see, you’re going to be a dad very soon.  I didn’t know if you wanted to come down or not.”

“I have a plane on standby.  I’ve got a couple of chores to do here and
then I’m on my way.” He paused and then took a deep breath. “Brooke is here. May I bring her along?”

I gasped. “Oh, Caden, please don’t ask me that.  I know we’re never going to get together but I had hoped we’d share the birth of our son together…without…”

He let out his breath. “I understand. It’s just that she really wanted to be there. I think she’s afraid that once the baby arrives, I’ll be ensnared in your web forever.”

I laughed. “The reality is that we’re both ensnared in Jack’s web for the next eighteen years at least…hopefully more.”

“I know, I know, but jealousy is a cruel mistress, and she’s been having heart palpitations over this.”

“Caden, please. Just this one thing…between us.”

“Isn’t your mom flying out?”

“My
mom can’t fly alone anymore. She’s developed diabetes, and her feet are in bad shape. The doctor is afraid of her throwing blood clots.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. She’d be more trouble than help.”

“I’ll arrange for a nurse to help you.”

“I don’t need a nurse.”

“I’ll hire a nanny to help.”

“I think I’d like to get to know my son without strangers around. But thank you, I know you’re just trying to help.”

“I better get these chores done.”

“I’ll see you soon, then.”

I had a contraction three hours later. At first I thought that this would be a piece of cake
, and then I realized that this was just a little nudge before the big event…something to let you know that you should pack your bags and say good bye to your old life.

Six hours later, I was in the lobby of the hospital squatting through a contraction that I was sure was about to tear my uterus apart. But it was
nothing compared to the contractions that started coming faster and faster. 

“Please, can’t they find me a delivery room?” I begged
, as another contraction caused my knees to give out and I had to hold onto a chair and squat to get some relief.

“Honey, you have to be at least five centimeters before we get you a room,” the nurse warned without even looking up.

“How do you know I’m not?  I’ve been walking around out here for hours!”

“Does squatting help with the contractions?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’re not in active labor.  When the contractions hurt no matter what you do, you’re in active lab
or. Keep walking, make sure you drink water but also make sure you urinate frequently to give the baby as much room to get out.”

I was getting tired and upset. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. Don’t you have anyone you can call?”

I shook my head and mo
aned, “No…my family lives back East. And I have friends here, but not close ones.”

“What about the father?”

I broke down crying.  Every hormone in my body had suddenly flooded over the dam and was spilling down my face. “Heeeee…looovees…his money more than meeeee.” Several sobs obliterated the following sentences.

“You say that your boyfriend loves money more than you? Honey, that just sounds like the average Joe out there. Does he know you’re in labor?”

“Yessss and noooo….”

“Do explain.”

“I told him about the show, and he said he had to do some chores and he’d be down.”

“Then why isn’t he here?”

“He lives in Montana.” I white-knuckled the arm of a chair when another contraction hit.

The nurse’s eyes flew open. “It’s going to take him a long time to drive down here!”

“He’s flying.”

“Oh! Well, maybe he’ll be here before you go into active labor. “

I was panting through another contraction when I saw the nurse flush. She called out to the nurse behind her, “Audra! It’s Caden Kelly!”

I turned and saw him rushing towards me. Five steps before he reached m
y side, I squatted and groaned, and he turned white.