Patrick's Destiny (9 page)

When Patrick finally walked into the bar, Ryan spotted him at once and his face lit up.

“You’re just in time,” he called out. “I could use some help back here. You any good at pouring drinks?”

“I’ve filled in for Molly a time or two,” Patrick admitted, relieved to have something to do. “Nice place you’ve got here. You always this busy?”

“It’s a Friday night. We have music starting in an hour. If you think it’s packed now, just wait.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be going to the rehearsal dinner in a little while?”

“Maggie and Caitlyn will stand in for me,” Ryan said. “Besides, I wanted to spend some time with you. Since you turned down the invitation to the dinner, I figured this would be my best chance. Michael understands. He knows what it’s like around here on the weekends. That’s one reason he’s having a morning wedding, so the reception will be over with in time for me to get back here tomorrow night.” He grinned. “That and the fact that he’s anxious to get Kelly on a plane to head for their honeymoon. They’re going to some Caribbean island.”

“Sounds romantic,” Patrick said.

“Our brother has a romantic streak. I guess all the Devaneys do, once some woman manages to knock down the walls we’ve built around our hearts. What about you? Anyone ever gotten through your defenses?”

Patrick’s heart thudded dully at the first volley from his big brother. Because Ryan was heading down a path Patrick didn’t want to explore, he decided to turn the tables.

“Tell me about Maggie and your daughter,” he said. “You have any pictures around here?”

Ryan regarded him with a knowing expression but didn’t call him on the deliberate distraction. “Upstairs in our old apartment, where you’ll be staying,” Ryan said. “If you want to take your stuff on up and get settled, I can handle things here for a bit.”

Grateful for the excuse to have a few minutes to himself, Patrick grabbed his suitcase and headed upstairs. He closed the door to the apartment behind him and drew in a deep breath. He felt as if he’d fallen into the middle of someone else’s life. He was in a strange city, a strange apartment and trying to pretend that his own brother wasn’t a complete stranger.

He set his one bag inside the door and flipped on the lights. The apartment was cozy and filled with the kind of touches only a woman could have put there. There were even fresh flowers in a vase on the coffee table and a welcoming note from Maggie propped against a family photo. He stared at the picture and found himself grinning.

Ryan looked as if he couldn’t tear his gaze away from the two girls in his life. If he’d had to guess, he would say the photo had been taken in Ireland. The landscape was as green as could be, and they were standing on a rocky cliff overlooking the sea. A woman—obviously his beloved Maggie—had long red hair that had been caught by the breeze and a serene expression on her face. A pint-size miniature of her was wearing a bright-pink sweater, emerald-green pants and bright-yellow sneakers. She was obviously a child who had her own sense of fashion. And it was equally evident that the two adults doted on her. Patrick envied them the closeness that shone on their faces.

Turning his back on that momentary pang of envy, he quickly shut the door and went back downstairs.

Ryan looked up from the ale he was pouring and gave him a sharp look. “Everything okay?”

“Fine,” Patrick said.

“You find everything you needed upstairs?”

“Yes,” he said. He’d found everything he needed, along with something he hadn’t even realized he wanted…evidence of what a thoroughly happy family was supposed to look like.

“You sure you don’t mind if I put you to work?” Ryan asked.

“Not at all,” Patrick said and meant it. It felt good to be needed. “Just tell me what to do.”

Ryan pointed out where the various bottles of whiskey and wine were kept, showed him what beer and ales were on tap, then left him to it.

Patrick immediately fell into the rhythm of the pub, making chitchat with the waitresses, flirting just a little with the women who sat at the bar, then letting the familiar Irish songs wash over him in waves of nostalgia. Connor Devaney had played those same songs until the tapes wore out and had to be replaced by CDs. Not a day had gone by that he and Daniel hadn’t felt ties to a land they’d never seen. And more than once, on a visit to Jess’s, Connor had ended the evening with his own powerful voice singing “Danny Boy,” as Patrick and Daniel sat on his knees. Now Connor never crossed the threshold of his old haunt, because Patrick had made it his own and all but declared it off-limits.

Funny how he’d pushed memories like that from his head during the past few years. He hadn’t wanted to remember any of the good times, because he’d felt that they’d come at the expense of his brothers. Tonight, though, he could listen to that old familiar music with
out guilt. In a way, he owed Ryan for that, for giving him back a piece of himself.

Once the band finished for the night, the pub emptied out quickly. Ryan drew in a deep breath and gave Patrick a grin.

“Not bad, bro. I appreciate the help.”

Patrick moved to a bar stool and sank onto it. “I thought fishing was hard work, but this was a thousand times worse.”

“You said you’d worked at Jess’s.”

“Jess’s is never packed like this. It’s half the size, so even on a crowded night there’s time to breathe.”

“You want to head upstairs and get some sleep?” Ryan asked. “If you’re exhausted at the wedding, I’ll catch hell for it.”

Patrick almost took him up on it. It would be better than sticking around for the questions that had been on the tip of his brother’s tongue all evening. But that would be the cowardly way out, and Patrick had always prided himself on facing things.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’d like a pint of that ale before I go up,” he told Ryan.

“Coming right up,” his brother said. He poured one for each of them, then rounded the bar and sat next to Patrick. “Now that you’ve had some time to think about it, how do you feel about Sean, Michael and me showing up last week?”

“To be honest, I can’t quite get over it. I’m still feeling a little off-kilter, the same way I did when I first found out we’d run out on you.” He looked Ryan in the eye. “And I can’t believe you’re not angrier.”

“Believe me, I spent a lot of years being furious,” Ryan said. “I caused a lot of trouble for a lot of foster families before I was finally old enough to go out on
my own. And then I came damn close to landing in jail, but a good friend got me back on track. You’ll meet Father Francis at the wedding tomorrow. The man’s a saint to have put up with me. I owe him for all of this. He made me see what I could be.”

“Obviously, he knew what he was talking about,” Patrick said. “You’ve made a nice life for yourself here. The pub’s really something.”

“It’s even better now that I’ve let Maggie into my life. Don’t tell her I said this, but she’s given this place the heart it lacked. It was a well-run pub before, but now it has her warmth, to say nothing of her clever way with a dollar. We’ve never done better.” He grinned. “And we’ve another baby on the way, a boy this time.”

“Congratulations!” Patrick said, feeling another surprising twinge of envy.

“You’ll meet someone one of these days,” Ryan told him, then gave him a sly look. “Or perhaps you already have.”

“If you’re talking about Alice, I told you I barely know her.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t take that long, when it’s the right woman.”

“She’s a meddler,” Patrick complained, feeling disloyal even as he said it. He knew better than anyone that Alice had a good heart, even if her attempts to help were misguided.

Ryan laughed. “Maybe so, but I imagine my Maggie could still give her lessons. Meddling’s not a crime, if it’s done for the right reasons. Not that I would have said that a few years back, with Father Francis and then Maggie thinking they knew what was best for me.”

“You didn’t appreciate what they were trying to do at the time?”

“Of course not, but I got over it eventually. If you’re smart, you will, too. There’s nothing like the love of a good woman to fill a man’s heart and make his life worth living.”

Patrick regarded him sadly. “Do you suppose our folks felt that way once?”

“They’re still together, aren’t they?” Ryan asked. “That says something. I’m not saying I understand or forgive what they did to Sean, Michael and me, or even to you and Daniel by keeping you in the dark, but they’ve stuck together. It takes a strong glue to do that, and the only one I know that powerful is love.”

Patrick thought of the years when he’d thought the same. “I suppose.”

“Weren’t there happy times for all of you?” Ryan asked. “I’d hate to think that they caused such misery for the rest of us without finding some happiness with you and Daniel.”

“How can there be any real happiness when it’s based on a lie?” Patrick asked.

“Come on, Patrick,” Ryan chided, “be honest. Were there good times? Was there laughter?”

Patrick wanted to deny it, but he couldn’t. “Yes.” He studied his brother curiously. “Don’t you begrudge us that?”

Ryan took his time answering, clearly giving his reply some serous thought. “No, I don’t think so. I think it would be unbearably sad if you had all been miserable, too.”

“You have a generous heart,” Patrick told him with sincerity. “More generous than mine. I doubt I’ll ever forgive them for stealing so many years from all of us.”

“We have the here and now,” Ryan said. “In the end, that’s all any of us have. The past is over, if not
forgotten, and hating’s a waste of time and energy. The future’s out there, and the way it goes depends on what we do today. Maggie taught me that.”

Patrick sipped his ale, then admitted, “Alice said something very much like it.”

“A wise woman,” Ryan said. “You should listen to her. I’ve been happier since I put aside my anger. I’ve been happier yet since I started paying attention to my wife. She sees things with a clarity that I can’t. She’s been a blessing, no doubt about it.”

Was Alice the same sort of blessing? Patrick wondered. It was too soon to tell. But at that moment he couldn’t wait to get back to Maine to find out.

A
lice gave her tiny cottage a thorough spring housecleaning, just to keep herself from thinking too much about what might be going on in Boston between Patrick and his brothers. She also needed to avoid her natural inclination to try to patch things up between him and Daniel and their parents. She’d promised to stay out of that and she intended to keep her word…unless, of course, she saw that they were making no progress on their own. Then she’d have a duty to step in, whether anyone appreciated her efforts or not.

For the most part, she managed to keep her thoughts of Patrick at bay as she washed windows till they glistened, scrubbed floors till they shone and dusted every single knickknack and surface throughout the four-room house. She lingered for several minutes over the photo of her parents taken during a family outing just a few months before her high school graduation. At that point
they’d had no idea that she intended to leave Maine and go to college in Boston. She’d still been their cherished daughter.

“Oh, Mama,” she whispered. “I never meant to hurt the two of you. I just needed you to respect my choice. If only you had….”

But they hadn’t, and from the moment she’d announced her intentions, their world had been shattered. It wasn’t as if she’d sprung it on them, either. She’d made no secret of applying to colleges, but they’d assumed she either wouldn’t get in or would change her mind and stay right here in Widow’s Cove, content to work as a clerk in some store until the right man came along.

Sighing at how naive they’d all been, she put the photo back on its shelf and went on with her cleaning.

With a warm breeze billowing the curtains and filling the house with fresh air, Alice finally collapsed into her favorite chintz-covered easy chair with a cup of tea and a slice of freshly baked apple pie. Before she took so much as a sip of tea, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, feeling the tense muscles in her neck and shoulders finally ease. There was nothing like exhausting physical work to sweep the cobwebs from the mind, she thought as the faint sounds of a classical music station drifted from the radio.

Just when she felt herself beginning to unwind, the jarring sound of the phone startled her. She glanced at the clock and was surprised to see that the entire day had slipped away from her. It was after seven. Little wonder she was tired and hungry. She’d missed dinner completely in her frenzy to keep occupied.

The phone continued its insistent ringing as she conducted a frantic search for the portable receiver she’d
left somewhere. She finally found it under a pile of throw pillows on the sofa. They’d done little to muffle the sound.

“Yes, hello,” she said finally.

“What took so long? Were you asleep?”

“Patrick?” She felt her mouth curve into a smile at the unexpected sound of his voice.

“Yes.”

“You’re not back from Boston already, are you?”

“Nope. The reception ended a little while ago. I’m on my way back to Ryan’s and decided to stop at a pay phone and give you a call.”

Something inside her melted at that. “How was the wedding?”

“Okay, I suppose. They wrote their own vows. I guess Kelly played a big part in getting Michael back on his feet after he was shot. He talked about how much he owed her and how without her he wouldn’t be standing at all, much less standing by her side. There wasn’t a dry eye left in the church when they were finished.”

“Even yours?”

“Yes, even mine,” he said. “I’m not that cynical and jaded that a touching story can’t get to me.”

“Glad to hear it. So, tell me, what’s your brother’s bride like?”

“Beautiful, feisty—pretty much like the other two Devaney brides. Deanna has Sean wrapped around her finger. And Maggie, Ryan’s wife, is really something. You’d like her. She’s already nagging me about spending more time down here.”

Alice felt her heart climb into her throat. What was there for Patrick in Maine, really? In Boston a whole new family awaited him. “What did you tell her?
Would you consider moving down there?” she asked, trying to keep any hint of dismay out of her voice.

“Why would I do that?” he asked, sounding genuinely puzzled by the question.

“So you could spend more time with your brothers and their families,” she explained.

“No way. Widow’s Cove is my home. I love fishing. And lately, well, let’s just say that I’m highly motivated to get back home.”

“Why is that?” she asked, hardly daring to believe the implication that it had something to do with her.

“Well, you see, there’s this schoolteacher,” he began, lowering his voice to a seductive purr.

“Oh?”

“I can’t seem to get her out of my head,” he said. “She’s thoroughly exasperating. She meddles. She cheats at poker.”

“I do not cheat!”

“Oh, did you think I was talking about you?” he asked.

She could almost hear the smile in his voice. “Then this anonymous teacher has gotten to you, is that what you’re saying?”

“I believe she has.”

“Fascinating,” she said, an unfamiliar warmth stealing through her at his admission.

“Yeah, it’s definitely fascinating,” he said. “I suppose we need to talk some more about that when I get back.”

In Alice’s opinion, talking was sometimes highly overrated, especially when you knew how cautious the other person was likely to be. Maybe she’d do something wildly impetuous to jump-start things, now that he’d given her a proper signal.

“What have you been up to today?” Patrick asked.

“Nothing much, just some spring cleaning.”

“Meaning you probably turned the place upside down and inside out to scrub every square inch of it,” he teased.

“Pretty much.”

“Then I imagine you’re tired. I should let you get some rest.”

“And you should get back to your brother’s,” she said. “I’m glad you called, though. And I’m especially happy that things are going so well for you and your brothers. It must feel pretty amazing to have them back in your life.”

“Better than I expected,” he conceded.

“Have you talked about Daniel and your folks at all?”

“A bit with Ryan, but I imagine the subject will come up with the others before I manage to get out of town. I think everyone’s waiting till after the wedding to get into anything else. I don’t think they want anything to spoil this day for Michael and Kelly. Now that they’ve left on their honeymoon, I suspect the kid gloves will come off and we’ll get down to the hard stuff.”

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do when the subject does come up?”

“I’ve already made my position plain. I’ll tell them where to find Daniel and the folks, but I’m out when it comes to any grand reunion.”

“Oh, Patrick,” Alice whispered sadly.

“I’ve told you before that that’s the way it has to be. I won’t change my mind,” he said tightly. “Good night, Alice. I’ll see you when I get back.”

Filled with regret over having spoiled his good mood,
she murmured a goodbye, then slowly hung up the phone. As she did, she realized that her palms were sweating and her pulse was racing. How long had it been since the simple sound of a man’s voice had had the power to make her react like that? And why did it have to be Patrick Devaney, of all men, who’d reminded her of what it felt like to be a desirable woman? How could she possibly allow herself to fall for a man who was so clearly destined to make the very same mistakes she’d spend the rest of her life regretting?

Patrick’s trip to Boston went better than he’d anticipated. Maybe if they lived closer, he could be friends with these men who were his brothers and with their wives. He was already crazy about his irrepressible niece, Caitlyn, and his too-wise-for-his-years nephew, Kevin.

But as he’d told Alice so emphatically, he wanted no part in their plan to get in touch with Daniel or their folks. He understood their need to make contact and find answers, but he already knew all he needed to know. He’d given his brothers an address and a phone number and left it at that. From here on out, they were on their own.

There had been no mistaking the disappointment in Alice’s voice when he’d explained his stance to her. His brothers, however, had seemed to understand. They were going into this final stage of their search for answers with their guard up and their own share of anger.

“We’ll let you know when we’re coming up to Maine,” Ryan had promised him.

“And we expect to spend time with you,” Maggie had added firmly. “The trip won’t be just about your folks and Daniel. We don’t intend to lose touch now
that we’ve found you. You have family, Patrick. We won’t ever turn our backs on you.”

Patrick had heard the total sincerity and love behind her words with a sense of amazement. Maggie and all of her huge family of O’Briens had welcomed him into their hearts. Michael’s foster family, the Havilceks, had done the same. Though Patrick had lost the three most important people in his life when he’d left home, he suddenly found himself surrounded once again by family. It wasn’t as suffocating as he’d feared it might be. Instead, it had healed a part of his heart that he’d been pretending wasn’t broken.

Not that he entirely trusted this glow of rediscovery to last forever. Right now he was new to all of them, but in time they would settle into their own lives down in Boston and leave him to his. When that happened, he knew he would be lonelier than ever.

Still, he felt surprisingly good about the weekend he’d shared with his brothers. Their talks had reminded him of the many nights he and Daniel had stayed up as boys, talking over their day, discussing girls, planning strategy for the football field, where they excelled. He’d missed that kind of camaraderie.

It was late Sunday evening when he opened the gate on his dock and headed toward his boat. A faint whiff of perfume on the salt breeze had him smiling.

“Somebody’s trespassing again,” he said loudly enough to be heard. “Maybe I should call the police.”

“Go right ahead,” Alice said tartly. “But you’ll miss the effect of finding me naked in your bed.”

Patrick nearly choked. “Excuse me?” Surely she wasn’t really naked…or in his bed, but the image was going to drive him wild for a long time to come. That
she’d even suggested such a thing was enough to have his heart thundering and his pulse racing.

On the off chance that she was more daring than he’d realized, he all but ran to the boat. He found her standing on deck, wrapped in a blanket. He stared at her suspiciously. “Do you have anything on under there?”

“Maybe,” she said with a coy smile. “Maybe not.”

Patrick groaned. “What are you trying to do to me?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

“Drive me crazy? Seduce me?”

Her lips curved into a smile. “Both. I know how you have a tendency to overthink things, so I thought I’d be here to welcome you home. I couldn’t resist. Do you mind?”

He studied her, from her wind-tousled hair to the pink in her cheeks, then searched her face. There was the faintest hint of uncertainty in her eyes. So Alice wasn’t nearly as used to being brazen as she wanted him to believe. That charmed him all the more, even as it scared the daylights out of him. He’d intended to take things slowly, to be sensible.

“Quite a homecoming,” he murmured, brushing a stray curl from her cheek. He felt her skin heat at the contact.

“Glad you appreciate it, because I’m actually freezing.”

He skimmed a finger along the bare skin at the edge of the blanket. His touch raised goose bumps. “So I see. Your skin feels warm enough, though.”

“Keep that up and you’ll have me on fire,” she said, a hitch in her voice.

Patrick dropped his suitcase with a thud and reached for the edge of the blanket, not entirely sure what he expected to find when he tugged. The soft navy chenille
unwound slowly, then fell to the deck. To his shock and amazement, Alice was wearing only a lacy red bra and matching bikini panties. He was pretty sure his heart stopped.

“Sweet heaven, what did I do to deserve this?”

“You came back,” she said simply. “I hope you don’t mind my making myself at home to wait for you.”

“Uh, no,” he said in a choked voice as he tried to cling to one last shred of sanity. “Alice, I thought we were going to be smart about this.”

Her smile spread as she reached for the buttons on his shirt. “We are. I bought an absolutely huge box of condoms.”

“Woman, what are you trying to do to me?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

He picked the blanket up from the deck and draped it over her shoulders and pulled it closed in front. He couldn’t think with all that bare skin tempting him.

“Why are you here, really?”

Her gaze faltered then, and she took a step back. “I guess I made a mistake. I thought…” She couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“I know what you thought,” he told her gently. “And I do want you. Believe me, I do. You’ve just caught me off guard. There are a million and one reasons why we shouldn’t rush into anything.”

“Name one,” she challenged.

“This is a small town. You’re a kindergarten teacher. There will be talk, and it won’t do your career any good.”

She tugged the blanket more tightly around her. “Thank you for your consideration,” she said stiffly.

Patrick cupped her chin in his hand and forced her to meet his gaze. “I
am
thinking of you, you know.”

Her gaze fell and then she sighed. “I know. I thought if I just showed up here like this, maybe you wouldn’t think quite so hard.”

He tipped her face up again and lost himself in those golden eyes now sparkling with unshed tears. “Don’t you dare cry,” he whispered, his voice husky.

“I’m not going to cry,” she retorted.

“Good, because it would kill me to think that I’d hurt you, especially when I’m trying so damn hard to do the right thing.”

“To hell with the right thing,” she said fiercely.

Patrick barely contained a smile. “How about I make some coffee and we discuss that, darlin’, because you are all about doing the right thing.”

“Not always,” she muttered, but she trailed him into the boat’s cabin, grabbed up her clothes and went into the small head to change.