Path of Destruction (21 page)

“So you going?” she mumbled. “To prom.”

“I doubt it,” he scoffed. “Not really my scene. I don’t really dance, you know?”

Ella Jane smiled at the boyish grin on Coop’s face. It seemed like forever since she’d seen that face. She knew what his answer was going to be before she even asked, even if a tiny part of her wanted him to offer to take her. It didn’t even have to be a date or anything. As much as she hated the majority of the people she went to school with, having a decent prom memory would have been nice.

“Yeah, I kinda figured.” She sighed and nodded her head as she cranked in her fishing line.

“It’s bad enough that I have to help set up the whole thing. I plan on being out of there before everyone else shows up. I’ll be back at the farm while everyone else is dancing around like dipshits in their Sunday best.”

She didn’t press it anymore. He didn’t want to go, she wouldn’t make him. It was stupid anyway. She didn’t even like getting dressed up.

The reminder hits closer to her heart than she’d allowed anything to in a while, shoving a lump of emotion into her throat.

Damn it
.

EJ swallow hard. Her mom moved her hair to one shoulder and smiled warmly, making the lump of emotion even softer and causing it to spread. It was the first time they’d had an exchange that didn’t end in tears or yelling or just a complete emotional shutdown.

“His loss,” her mom said quietly. “Here. Let me pin your sides back.”

While her mom fussed with her hair, EJ wondered what would’ve happened if Hayden had asked her to prom. He hadn’t, but she’d spent several nights lying in bed wondering how she would answer if he had. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, sweetheart.”

“Why did you…you know what, never mind.”

“Well now I have to know. Why did I what?”

Ella Jane took a deep breath and asked a question that had been weighing on her for nearly a year.

“Why did you let Dad just move back in here like nothing had happened? Like he hadn’t done anything wrong?”

Her mom regarded her for several long seconds as if deciding whether or not she could handle the truth.

“In light of everything that happened,” she began slowly, “what he had done seemed like a very small thing. He made a mistake. He apologized. In the end, I had to admit that having him here was better than not having him here.”

Ella Jane allowed her mother’s words to sink in. In light of everything that had happened meant after Kyle’s death. Her mother had obviously discovered a superhuman capability for forgiveness. EJ must not have inherited that gene. Just because she didn’t blame Hayden for Kyle’s death didn’t mean she could just forgive him for the pain he’d caused. Seeing him with someone else, waiting for him, losing her brother because she’d gotten stuck while waiting for him—they weren’t memories she could just erase.

She knew he was sorry. The incident with Cameron,
all
the incidences with his ex actually, seemed to be “misunderstandings” in which EJ just happened along at the wrong time. He didn’t make it to the ridge because he had wrecked his granddad’s truck and broken his arm. She’d seen him wearing cast at school so she knew it was true.

But even still, even with all the facts and the knowledge that her heart raced just at the sight of him or even the
thought
of seeing him, that didn’t change the fact that when she looked at Hayden Prescott, she saw something his eyes that made her wish it had been her that lost her life on that ridge instead of her brother.

Disappointment.

Hayden wanted her to be that girl, the sweet innocent one who let him in both literally and figuratively. The Hope’s Grove hillbilly with a heart of gold. That chick was long gone. Hayden needed to let her go. As did everyone else.

“But…” She tried to put her feelings in to words. It felt like forever since she’d tried to actually explain how she felt to her mom. They’d been close once, but not anymore. Ella Jane didn’t feel close to anyone anymore. “Don’t you think that what dad did and what happened with the storm…and Kyle…don’t you think those things changed you, mom? I mean
really
changed you. He just came back like nothing had happened, like nothing had changed. But we have.”

Her mother nodded. “If your dad’s extramarital affair and losing Kyle have taught me anything, it’s that no one is perfect and that I am more forgiving than I ever knew I could be. I’ve also realized that there aren’t guarantees in life, Ella Jane. You can do everything right and your life can still go wrong. Or you can make a million mistakes and somehow still end up where you’re meant to.”

Ella Jane swallowed hard, trying to digest what her mother was saying but feeling as if maybe she just didn’t understand what she’d meant exactly.

“I can’t just pretend,” EJ whispered, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t even look the same anymore. Her eyes were even darker, as if the sorrow or all the tears she’d cried had deepened their color. “Not for him. Not for anyone.”

“No one is asking you to,” her mother promised. “But for the sake of peace in this house, please try to understand that this is for the best right now. It’s best for the business, best for me, and if you let it, you might even realize that forgiving your father would do you a world of good, too.”

Any man who would run out on his family is a selfish coward,
Kyle had said half a dozen times that summer. Where Ella Jane had been wounded, Kyle had been angry. Now she understood why. Holding onto anger felt good in a sick sort of way. It provided much-needed warmth in the cold hollow place where pain lived.

“I’ll try my best,” she assured her mom, knowing that her best likely would not be good enough.

“That’s all I ask.” Her mom smiled while placing the last bobby pin in the side of EJ’s hair she’d swept over one shoulder. “There. All done.”

Ella Jane forced a smile, blinking back any traitorous emotions before they could show. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

P
rom was held at a hotel beside the mall in Summit Bluffs. Ella Jane parked her truck in the lot beside the salmon-colored balloon archway entrance and watched several tuxedo and cocktail dress clad couples running in laughing and holding hands. One couple paused to make out beside their limo. The sight wrenched something loose inside her.

Hayden. The guy kind of looked like Hayden.

His face angled toward her and she saw that it wasn’t him after all. She exhaled an involuntary sigh of relief.

Why do I even care?

She didn’t know why, just that it hurt. Seeing him with Cameron Nickelson was hard, but knowing that whether she wanted to admit it or not, Cami had spent the summer with her brother, made it a little easier to take. For whatever reason, she hadn’t been with Hayden. But seeing him with anyone else would gut her and she knew it.

One day, you will have to.

Ella Jane knew that Hayden would eventually move on, get tired of baggage and find a girl more like him. Gorgeous, funny, carefree, and without the ghost of her brother haunting her every second. He should get to move on. He deserved that. She’d told him to.

But God help her, she didn’t want him to. Some small voice inside her kept repeating that, one day she’d be okay, that she’d return to some version of normal.

But how did you ask someone to wait for that, not really knowing if it’s ever actually coming? You didn’t. So she wouldn’t.

Her stomach tightened and she watched more couples going in, wondering if that summer was the last good memories she’d get.

Self-hatred and guilt mixed and poured over her. How could she be so selfish? Whatever happened with Cameron were the last memories Kyle ever got.

Taking a deep breath, Ella Jane got out of her truck. She knew she didn’t fit in, her with her boots and her nearly twenty year old dress. Her hands fisted into the tiered lace and taffeta at her sides.

A low whistle rang out as she passed. Turning, she saw Devon and Jarrod propped on the hood of Devon’s black Range Rover.

“You really going in there?” Jarrod asked, the doubt clear on his face. “Alone?”

Devon took a swig from a shiny silver flask and Ella Jane was instantly jealous. Her mouth went dry and she hoped he felt like sharing.

“Maybe. Why? You boys got a better offer?”

Devon leered at her, a wicked half smile playing on his lips. He made her uncomfortable and she hadn’t forgotten what Hayden told her about them making videos of girls. But Jarrod didn’t really seem as shady to her. They’d hung out a few times and he hadn’t crossed any lines. So when she walked over she stood beside him.

“We’ve got alcohol,” he offered with a shrug. “Got to be better than the crap they’re serving in there. Plus, I thought you hated these people?”

“Hate’s an awfully strong word,” she said, reaching for the flask.

Devon handed it over, and she took a swig.

Holy effing burn, Batman.

Ella Jane squeezed her eyes shut and fought the urge to spit the rancid, gasoline-tasting liquid right back up.

“Pace yourself, sweetheart,” Jarrod said quietly. “Jack’s not always a nice guy.”

She nodded and took a much smaller swallow this time before handing it over to him. But as soon as she’d let go, she wanted it back.

Since the storm, everything inside of her had hurt, twisting and clutching and reminding her of all the pain, but this, this burned everything right out of there, cleansing like a fire clearing the debris of her painful memories. This was how it always was, how it always started. For a while it was bliss, but then she was dizzy and sick, and tomorrow, it would feel like a little man with a hammer had taken up residence in her skull. But even her worst hangover was worth a few hours of blissful numbness. She wasn’t sure what that said about her.

Devon chuckled low from beside her so she stepped closer to Jarrod and reached for the flask back. “Prescott will kill you,” she heard him say quietly.

“Prescott can bring it,” Jarrod answered, draping an arm around her and returning the container of blazing heat to her eager lips.

T
he hours ticked by faster than he’d expected. The ballroom of the hotel was decorated—tables set, balloons inflated, streamers streaming. He looked around for anything else that could possibly need done.

Nothing.

“Guess it’s all finished,” he said, trying to sound anxious to get out of there. He’d been looking forward to the end of his time on the social committee, but now that it was here, he felt a gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach.

“Guess so,” Cameron agreed with a shrug. “It looks like someone puked on the walls,” she added with a chuckle.

“Kinda.” He laughed. After their discussion in the hallway about the many things they were and were not, she’d stuck by his side all day.

It was nice just to hang out with her. He’d often wondered if there was anything to their relationship outside of making out. As they joked about the décor or Raquel’s shitty leadership as the social chair, he started to see that he definitely wouldn’t mind seeing her outside of the closet. She was witty and smart and there was a whole lot more to her than she gave herself credit for. But as every other guy in school seemed to realize, she was beautiful. More beautiful than he could even begin to describe. He’d never met a girl that was so put together. Even when she was at her worst mentally, she looked like a million bucks. Today, even in yoga pants and a SBHS T-shirt, she looked incredible. He sighed as he watched her walk over and ask Raquel if there was anything else she needed them to do.

“It’s all done,” Cameron confirmed when she walked back to where he was waiting.

“I guess this is goodbye, then,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest, trying not to look like he cared.

“Until next Tuesday,” she reminded him. “Right?”

“Of course,” he said, feeling a sense of elation course through his veins. “I’ll be there.”

He contemplated reaching out for her. Both of them stood there, staring at each other. He wondered if she was waiting for him to say something. To do something. The boundaries with her were perplexing, but he didn’t want to push her away.

Her phone chimed, breaking the tension.

“I’ve got to go,” she said looking at the screen. “Hair appointment. Gotta get ready for this stupid thing, right?”

“Oh yeah. Don’t want to keep Prescott waiting.”

“Hayden isn’t taking me,” she informed him, his ears perking up to make sure he’d heard her right. “He’s not even coming.”

“No? Thought for sure you two would have crowns to accept tonight.”

“I don’t think so. Neither of us has really been campaigning to make it on court. Plus we aren’t
really
a couple anymore and they always pick a couple.”

“I see,” Coop replied, trying not the let her words affect him too much—at least not outwardly anyway. “Guess I’ll see you on Tuesday, then.”

“Wait...you’re not coming tonight?” she asked.

“Hadn’t planned on it. I’m not really the prom sort of guy,” he scoffed.

“Right.” She paused. “You’ve probably got, like, fields to plow or cows to tip, right?”