Past Remembering (36 page)

‘But you’ve just bought another drink.’

‘Here,’ Jenny handed it to Judy. ‘Call it a consolation prize,’ she called back as she followed Jane out through the door and on to the Tumble. She caught up with her as she walked under the railway bridge.

‘Take no notice of them, Jane. We’re all under a lot of strain, working the hours we do, and single girls like Judy most of all. They’ve never been married and now there’s not enough men to go round they’re afraid of being left on the shelf. It’s all too easy for them to become jealous of the ones with husbands as good-looking as Haydn.’

‘I know.’ Jane remained tight lipped as she forced back the tears gathering at the corner of her eyes.

‘I remember how proud Haydn was when he stopped me in town to show me your engagement ring. He’d just bought it. All he could talk about was you …’

‘Was that before or after Eddie hit him through the shop window?’

‘Jane.’ Jenny took a deep breath as she caught hold of her arm. ‘Don’t let Judy and the other girls spoil what you have with Haydn. You have a beautiful daughter, and a strong marriage. You only have to see the way he looks at you to realise how strong.’

‘Especially during the last five months.’

‘He writes, doesn’t he?’

‘When he can.’

‘Which is more than Eddie did when he first went away. Please, don’t get angry with Haydn when he isn’t here to defend himself. I was a stupid, foolish girl when I married. I had no idea what being a wife really meant, and I certainly didn’t realise how much hard work goes into making a marriage. Then, I made the mistake of allowing my pride to rule my heart and my head, and let things slide until it was almost too late. It wasn’t easy to start again with Eddie. By the time he came home on that last leave we’d drifted so far apart I thought we’d never get together again, and just when I thought we had a chance, he was killed.’

Jane turned and looked at her sister-in-law. For the first time she saw grief and pain beneath the outward veneer of self-confident independence. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. Everyone’s always saying how well you’ve coped with Eddie’s death.’

‘Coped? I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about the sad mess I made of our marriage.’

‘I’m beginning to wonder if there is such a thing as an entirely happy marriage.’

‘I like to think so, but then I always loved fairy tales that ended “happily ever after”. Look, why don’t we give the pub a miss tomorrow night, and go to the early showing in the Park cinema. It’s
Wuthering Heights
with Laurence Olivier and Merle Oberon. I’ve seen it twice, but I feel like a good cry.’

‘I’d like that, if Phyllis doesn’t mind putting Anne to bed.’

‘Good, and ask her if you can stay for supper at my place afterwards. I never cook for myself, it will give me the excuse I need to eat properly for once.’

‘I’ll let you know what Phyllis says tomorrow morning.’

Jenny stood in the shop doorway and watched Jane walk on up the hill, wondering if there
was
such a thing as a truly happy marriage. Perhaps the relationship she had forged with Alexander had been perfect after all. More passion than talk. Pity he hadn’t wanted to keep it that way.

Diana opened her eyes and looked around the unfamiliar bedroom. The moon shone through the uncurtained window casting shadows over the dressing table and on to the bed. She stretched out, realised she was naked beneath the bedclothes – and remembered. Turning her head she saw Ronnie lying beside her, his eyes open, his mouth curved into a smile.

‘You must have been exhausted.’

‘I fell asleep?’

‘Two hours ago.’

She struggled to sit up, but he pulled her down beside him. ‘Don’t go.’ He leaned over, pressing her back on to the pillows.

‘I have to.’ She was very conscious of his naked body next to hers, and for the first time she realised she wasn’t trembling or afraid. It had taken months of sleepless nights before she had become accustomed to lying beside Wyn, yet here she had lain, naked and asleep in Ronnie’s arms the very first time she had shared a bed with him.

The memory of what had happened between them brought a soft flush of colour to her cheeks. ‘Now I know what it is supposed to be like. Thank you.’

‘I think it’s the gentleman who should thank the lady in this situation.’ He closed his hands around her waist. ‘You do realise that I’ll never let you go now.’

‘But you have to. I have a family, a son …’

‘And a man who loves you very much and won’t rest until you marry him.’

‘I have a husband.’

‘You’ll have to divorce him.’

‘Ronnie, I decided that if this was ever going to happen between us, it could only happen once. There’s Tony’s feelings to consider, as well as Wyn. I owe my husband everything. I can’t ever leave him.’

‘No?’ He moved his hands to her breasts, stroking her nipples lightly with his thumbs. She burned where his skin touched hers, not from fear, but passion. She moved closer, entwining her legs into his, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as she kissed him again, and again.

‘You think you can walk away from this?’ He threw back the bedclothes as he caressed her. ‘Forget me, and carry on living with a man who can never love you the way a woman should be loved?’

‘It won’t be easy.’

‘I’ll make it impossible.’ He kissed her eyes, her throat, and as his lips travelled down over her body, evoking responses she’d never dreamed of, she realised he was right. She’d never be able to give him up. Not now.

‘Do you really think there has been talk about us in the factory?’ Wyn asked Erik as they walked down the passage to the door of Jacobsdal.

‘What difference does it make if there has or hasn’t? I’ve already been transferred to the North Wales factory. Management isn’t going to change its mind about that now the decision’s been made.’

‘I suppose not.’

‘You could come with me.’

‘How?’ Wyn asked. ‘I have a wife, a son, a sick father …’

‘And you think they need you?’

‘They’re my family.’

‘And you’d be happier living with them than coming with me?’

‘It isn’t an option.’

‘It could be if you change your name. With people moving all over the country it’s impossible for the authorities to track down who anyone really is.’

‘I have an identity card.’

‘Lose it, get another. You wouldn’t be the first. Hasn’t it occurred to you that you could become anyone you want with that injury? All you’d have to do is say that you lost your leg in the Blitz, inform the authorities that you’ve also lost all your papers in the bombing, pick an area where the church and the records office went up in flames, and no one will be any the wiser.’

‘It’s so simple for you, isn’t it? You have no one to think about but yourself.’

‘It wasn’t always like that for me.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Wyn said contritely, recalling the time Erik had told him about his father and his wife. He had heard enough stories of the Nazi invasion of Eastern Europe from the other refugees in Jacobsdal to have some idea of the murder and brutality they had inflicted on the civilian population as well as the opposing armies.

‘Diana’s an attractive girl; she’ll find another husband to be a father to her son.’

‘Even if she did, there’s still my father. He’s ill. He needs looking after.’

‘Which your mother-in-law is doing. I’m not suggesting that you come with me tomorrow. As soon as I’m settled I’ll send you my address. You can follow on when everything’s been resolved.’

‘Nothing ever will be resolved, not in my life.’ Wyn held out his hand. ‘I can’t believe that you’re leaving tomorrow and I’ll never see you again.’

‘You’ll see me again.’ Erik shook his hand. ‘Our friendship isn’t destined to be abandoned like this.’

‘How can you be so sure?’

‘Second sight. My grandmother was psychic,’ Erik joked. He hugged Wyn. ‘Take care, my friend, and write. And don’t let those machines in the factory go to rack and ruin. I’ve nursed them too long for you to turn them into scrap iron.’

Diana sat up in bed with a start. ‘Why didn’t you wake me? It’s nearly twelve o’clock.’

‘You’re about to turn into a pumpkin?’

‘I should have been home hours ago.’ Throwing back the bedclothes she stepped out of bed.

‘Did I tell you, you’re very beautiful?’ He gazed at her body, silvered by moonlight.

‘I’m also very late. Wyn will have called into the police station by now.’

‘He’ll guess where you are.’

‘So might my mother and his father.’ Pulling on her French knickers and bustshaper, she threw on her dress, ran a brush through her hair, grabbed her bag and sandals and rushed down the stairs.

‘Wait!’ He followed her out on to the landing. ‘You can’t walk through town this time of night by yourself.’

‘I can’t walk with you.’

‘You can. Wait, Diana, please.’ He stood naked on the top stair, watching as she ran out of the front door. Diving back into the bedroom he pulled on his trousers and shirt, picked up his jacket and raced after her.

‘Not thinking of throwing yourself in, are you, lad?’ Huw Davies climbed the steps of the old bridge to the flattened summit of the high arch where Wyn was standing, looking down on the swirling black river below. ‘This wall is very low for someone of your height.’

‘I was miles away.’

‘So I gather.’ Huw sat on the wall and looked down. ‘There’s been a few drowned along this stretch, and not all of them wanted to go. A father and son disappeared in a whirlpool just down there a few years back.’ He pointed to where the cellars of the Bridge Hotel protruded beyond the new bridge that had been built adjoining the old. ‘Swept away when they were trying to reinforce the bank against flooding. The bodies were washed up down Treforest way.’

‘That must have been hard on the wife and mother.’

‘It was. I was the one who had to tell her. I don’t think she ever got over the shock. You know something -’ he pulled out his cigarettes and offered Wyn one ‘I don’t think I’ve ever broken the news of a suicide to a family where it hasn’t hit just as hard as an accidental death or a murder. Not even in the families of the unmarried mothers who did away with themselves before the baby was born. In my experience there’s nothing so bad that it can’t be sorted.’

‘You don’t really believe that?’

‘I think that if people stopped to consider what they were doing, we wouldn’t have any suicides, or any attempted ones to prosecute. Between me and you, that’s one law that’s always struck me as being a bit daft. Some poor bugger at the end of his tether tries to top himself, fails, and we arrest him and send him to jail to compound his misery. It’s like rubbing salt into the wound.’

‘I suppose it must be. I’ve never really thought about it.’

‘And then again, if he does succeed, it cancels all his insurance policies and pension. Leaves his family destitute.’ Huw turned his back on the river and looked down the steps. ‘And even supposing he doesn’t give a damn about his family or his insurance policies and is really determined, he’d need to pick out the right place. The river runs deep and shallow around here. A man could jump in the wrong spot and end up a cripple and a burden to be nursed.’

‘I came here to think, not pick out a place to jump.’

‘I believe you, boy. After all, you’ve got a fine wife and son to live for. Want some company to walk back through the town?’

‘I wouldn’t say no.’ Leaning on the parapet instead of his stick Wyn negotiated the steps back to street level. ‘I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you. I believe the saying goes “I have a bone to pick with you.”’

‘I’ve done something to upset you?’

‘Taken my sister out.’

‘She’s old enough to make up her own mind who she sees.’

‘Both of you are, but do you know she’s been bending over backwards to keep it from my father?’

‘I thought she was trying to keep it from all of you.’

‘The rest of us are a little cleverer than Dad.’

‘I know she’s ashamed of me …’

‘Ashamed,’ Wyn laughed softly. ‘She’s been waiting for a proposal. Anything less isn’t worth quarrelling with my father.’

‘You mean …’

‘She likes you, Huw. You seem to like her, but I must admit I have been wondering what you were waiting for.’

‘I’m only a policeman. She’s -’

‘Working in munitions.’

‘She’s a lady,’ Huw contradicted.

‘Then I can tell Megan to set aside rations for a party?’

‘As soon as I can get a ring on Myrtle’s finger.’

‘It won’t be difficult.’ Wyn paused outside the cattle market. ‘And I really wasn’t thinking of jumping off the bridge. If you must know, I was wondering how difficult it would be for a man to disappear.’

‘From his family, or himself?’

‘Just his responsibilities. You’ve convinced me it’s impossible.’

‘You and Diana …’

‘Are fine. It’s my father who gets me down,’ Wyn said, not entirely untruthfully.

‘You weren’t thinking of throwing him over the bridge?’

‘Can I tell the judge it was your idea?’

‘Once I put a ring on Myrtle’s finger he’ll have something other than you to moan about.’

‘If you have any sense you’ll get Myrtle away from him.’

‘Just as soon as I can do up my house.’

‘That might take too long. Good-night, Huw.’

Wyn walked up the hill and along Gelliwastad Road. Despite his dismissal of Erik’s suggestion, he couldn’t stop mulling it over. It would be wonderful to start again with a clean slate. If it wasn’t for Diana and Billy, and the responsibility he felt towards his father, he would be sorely tempted. Without Erik’s friendship and support, life in Pontypridd and the factory loomed grim and unbelievably lonely.

Turning into Tyfica Road he climbed the steps of his house and opened the front door. Kicking his shoes off in the porch he picked them up and stepped into the hall. The hands on the grandfather clock stood at midnight. Another four hours and he’d have to get up. He was just about to go up the stairs when the kitchen door opened. Megan stood in the passage, her long nightgown and knitted shawl gleaming ghostly white in the darkness.

‘Is something wrong?’