Past Imperfect (30 page)

My fingers grip the bottle of beer so tightly that for a moment I think it’s going to shatter in my hand. “Stay away from Mabry.”

A slimy smile crosses his face. “She’s that good, huh?”

“I swear to god, Peyton, if you say one more thing about Mabry I will fuck you up.”

“Don’t blow your load, man. I get it. Sweet cheeks’s pussy is off limits.” He shoots me a toothy grin. “Happy? Besides, the second string just walked in.”

I follow his gaze across the room and see Mia standing at the entrance. She spots us and heads our way.

“Hey guys.” She picks up the pillow next to me and plops down in its place without being invited. I glance at her, annoyed by how close she is.

“Mia, thank God you showed up. I needed something hot and sexy to look at,” Peyton says.

“Brad’s pretty hot and sexy.” She sends a flirtatious smile my way as she reaches over and touches my forearm.

“But not my type,” Peyton jokes.

Thankfully, the waitress arrives with our drinks, giving me an excuse to move my arm away. I’m hoping Mia is here to meet with some friends and will move on, but she orders a drink and stays planted in her seat.

“I gotta go take a piss,” Peyton announces. Leaning forward, he takes Mia’s hand, raises it to his lips, and places a quick kiss on the top of it. “I shall return momentarily.” He throws her a wink before heading toward the restroom.

Mia and I sit in awkward silence for what feels like forever. “So, did you come here to meet someone?” I ask.

“Yes,” she says as her hand lands on my thigh.

Grabbing her wrist, I push it off of me. “What are you doing? You know I’m with Mabry.”

“I’ve never known you to be with anyone exclusively.” I see her hand creep back toward me and I shift away from her reach.

“Well, I am now.”

“That’s okay. I know how to be discrete,” she says in a low voice.

“Why would you want to bother, knowing nothing would ever come of it?”

“Because you’re the hottest guy I’ve ever seen and I’ve heard stories. I’d like to see if they’re true.” Cocking her head to the side, she bites her bottom lip as she gazes at me.

All it would take is one word and Mia would do anything I asked her to do to me. It’s a powerful feeling knowing you have that kind of control over someone. I feel so out of control with Mabry. I miss the contact of soft skin, hearing the breathless moans, and the feel of being inside of her. My eyes roam up and down Mia’s face. Everything is there, big dark brown eyes, high cheekbones, straight nose, and full lips. I stare at her trapped bottom lip. When Mabry does this, it’s mindless and natural. Mia’s action is staged and purposeful. I move up to her eyes that are telling me what I already know.
Say the word and I’ll be down on my knees or open them up for you, Brad.
But I love azure blues even when they’re sad and won’t look at me. Mia’s trying hard to be sexy for me. Mabry just
is
sexy for me.

I take one long draw of my beer before standing. “Tell Peyton I’ll see him tomorrow.”

Looking up at me with surprised dark brown eyes and pouty lips, she says, “All you have to do is tell me what you like and I’ll do it.”

A slight smirk appears on my face. “I’d like you to leave me alone.”

I have every intention of going home, but somehow I veer off course and end up in front of Mabry’s place, leaning against my car. I type out a quick text.

Me: Hey, I’m outside.

Her response takes a few seconds.

Mabry: What r u doing out there?

Me: Missing you.

Several minutes pass before the front door opens and she walks out onto the porch. Her hair is pulled up into a high ponytail with most of it having already fallen loose around her face. She’s wearing a pair of long dark gray pajama pants, fuzzy dark gray socks with pink and white polka dots, and my blue Duke T-shirt. I tore my place up the other night looking for that shirt. I needed to feel close to her in any way I could and I knew it still had her scent on it.

God, I’m pathetic
.

I stay put, take her in, and smile. She’s the most beautiful and precious thing in the world to me. I feel her slipping through my fingers and I haven’t got a clue how to stop it from happening. I’ve never cared if someone stayed in my life, or how they looked at me, or what they thought of me until Mabry. This is unchartered waters for me.

I walk to the steps, stopping at the bottom.

“Hey,” I whisper.

“Hey,” she says softly. The tone in her voice is warm and sweet, but there’s so much sadness in her eyes.

We stare at each other, frozen. No words pass between us, but we see each other’s pain and confusion. The moonlight is reflecting off the water building in her eyes, making them sparkle. There’s been a noticeable shift in the way she sees me.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she looks away and asks, “Why are you here, Brad?”

I clear my throat and answer, “I needed to see your beautiful face. Lately, I’ve only been able to catch a glimpse of it as you whiz by me at the office.”

One nervous hand runs over her messy hair slowly. “I’m a sight.”

“You’re gorgeous.”

This is the closest we’ve been in days. I can hear the sound of my own breathing as it gets heavier and more labored. I clench my hands, trying to stop the twitching of my fingers. I want to touch her so badly. Heat spreads across my body as the ability to control myself disappears. Before she registers what’s happening, I run up the steps, grab the sides of her face, and crash my lips into hers. The kiss is aggressive, intense, and unapologetic. Moans fill the air as our tongues frantically stroke each other’s mouths. I need to be closer to her. She clutches my forearms for balance as I walk her backward until the wall stops us. I push my body against hers, grinding my hips relentlessly. Her body seamlessly molds to mine. I feel the bottom of my shirt slide out of my pants and up my stomach as Mabry’s hands curl around it. Her fingertips graze my side, causing a deep growl to escape my chest. I want back inside of her in every way—her heart, her soul, and her body. Suddenly, I feel her stiffen and her palms push on my chest, causing the kiss to break. She tries to move away from me, but I keep my hands firmly in place on either side of her face.

Gasping for air she says, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Not right now.” Tears stream down her cheeks, soaking my hands.

I lean in and whisper on her lips, “Come back to me, Mabry.”

“I’m trying.” We stare for several seconds, neither of us wanting to disconnect. Mabry makes the first move, angling her head away from me, causing my hands to fall.

I take a step back. “Try harder,” I say, attempting to make my voice sound strong and commanding, but instead it comes out shaky and weak.

Nodding her head, she whispers, “I will.”

“I love you so much, Mabry.”

Her head turns in my direction, but her eyes aren’t looking at me. “I don’t know why.”

“Because it’s what I was born to do, Sweetness.”

I linger a few more minutes, memorizing the way she looks, before heading back to my car. She’s still standing on the porch watching me as I pull out of the driveway. While Mabry disappears from sight, the overwhelming fear of not getting past this attacks my thoughts, and I feel the physical reaction take over. I pull into the deserted parking lot of a nearby office building and shut off the car. All at once my shoulders slump forward, my chin drops to my chest, the pit of my stomach bottoms out, and I’m free-falling. Pressure pushes against my throat, my eyes, my chest, and my resolve as the sobs quietly seep out of me. I can’t go back to that existence I had before Mabry came into my life. Losing her is not an option. We’re in this together and right now she needs me to hold on and be strong for both of us. I can’t change the past, but I’m going to fight like hell to ensure I have a future with her.

The tips of my fingers automatically draw back the second they make contact with the area, as I gently massage the shampoo into my scalp. The designated target on the back of my head has endured a lot of abuse this week. I’m completely out of control, no longer able to fight the need to self-harm. I thought a few days of distance from Brad would clear my head, but just the opposite is happening. Memories, doubts, and fears hold my attention more than career obligations or anything else now. My mind is always cloudy and I can’t concentrate for long. Tina found me in the firm’s library the other day. She had been looking for me because a client of mine had been waiting in my office for more than fifteen minutes. I was just sitting in there staring off into space. I can’t even remember what I was thinking about.

I carefully rinse the shampoo out of my hair, grab a towel, and gently wrap it around my head. Stepping out of the shower, I lose my balance, my foot skidding across the tile floor causing me to stumble backward. Luckily, I catch hold of the towel rack, stopping my fall. I steady myself and step out of the shower. Toweling off, I glance at the large clock on the wall in my bedroom. I have to be at the firm’s weekly breakfast meeting in twenty minutes.

Fuck, I’m not going to make it there in time.

I feel a surge of anxiety rip through my body. I quickly finish drying my hair and sweep it into a bun. I rush through my makeup routine, putting on only lip gloss, blush, and mascara. As I dash toward my closet, I grab underwear from the dresser. Trying to multitask, I attempt to step into my panties while walking and end up losing my balance for the second time this morning. Toppling forward into the closet, I catch myself on the wall before I fall flat on my face. Once inside, my eyes dart back and forth across my clothes as I clasp my bra.

I always pick out this shit the night before. Why didn’t I pick out something last night? Brad, that’s why. Focus, Mabry. Don’t think about him right now.

The sounds of my heavy breathing and the scraping of hangers along the rod as I frantically shove outfit after outfit past me fill the air. Finally, I decide on my sleeveless navy blue pencil dress and throw it on. I snag a pair of nude heels and a cardigan before sprinting around the living room to gather my phone, purse, bag, and my travel mug of coffee. I mentally check off items on my list while scanning the room one more time, making sure I have everything I need for the day before heading out the door.

The second the elevator doors open I make a beeline for my office, toss my things on the desk, and head toward the conference room. I pause outside the door and attempt to calm myself down before entering. Easing the door open, I step inside. I try to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to draw any attention. Maybe no one will notice that I’m late.

Keeping my gaze down, I sneak over to one of the chairs against the wall. I’m almost there when his deep harsh voice causes my eyes to shoot up, meeting his.

“Well, Miss Darnell, so nice of you to finally join us,” Mr. Johnson says, sarcastically.

All eyes at the conference table aim in my direction. Embarrassment rushes through me. “I’m sorry. I got stuck in traffic.”

A snide smirk crosses his face. “Yes, and the dog ate my homework.”

A wave of chuckles makes its way around the table, stopping abruptly when it reaches Brad. His expression is stern with annoyance at the snickering, but he looks at me with soft concerned eyes. I feel the tears building up as I slide into the chair. My emotions are so raw right now that the slightest reprimand stings.