Past Imperfect (11 page)

The Great Room at Grosvenor House was an appropriate setting for the formal opening race of the Season. It twinkled with that now distinctive, self-important, 1960s, sub-deco glamour, so memorably christened 'Euro-Splendour' by Stephen Poliakoff. One came through the hall of the hotel on to a kind of gallery, where a wide, aluminium-balustered staircase within the room itself led down towards the gleaming floor below. At the sight of it I was suddenly glad that I had come. It was early June, and a warm night, too warm for the boys' comfort, really, as our tails in those days were made from woollen cloth, but there is something about a party on a warm summer night that always seems to promise much. Usually more than it delivers.

Some years later, before the end of it all, the Season would have to take account of the exam year and cater for career girls sitting their A levels and the like, but not then. For such a consideration to have been raised by anyone in 1968 would have been regarded as quirky, eccentric and very middle class. Looking back, I realise there was hardly a parent there who thought their daughters' future would be anything more than an extended repeat of their own present. How can they have been so secure in their expectations? Didn't it occur to them that more change might be on its way? After all, their generation had lived through enough of it to push the world off its axis.

I stood for a moment against the balustrade. There was something very seductive about looking down from above on a ballroom apparently filled with flower-decked swans. At that moment, whatever the rights and wrongs of the ritual, I confess I was happy to be part of it, as Lucy and I descended together, smiling and nodding in the way one does. From across the room, Serena gave me a slight wave, which was gratifying. 'Whose table is she on?' I asked.

Lucy followed my gaze. She did not need to be told whom we were discussing. 'Her mother's. She's the one in blue. The couple talking at the end look like the Marlboroughs and I'm pretty sure the fat one next to Lord Claremont is a princess of Denmark. I seem to remember she's one of Serena's godmothers.' I decided not to push in.

Lucy stopped. 'There's your friend, making hay while the sun shines.' A few yards ahead of us Damian was joking merrily with Joanna Langley.

I wasn't going to let her get away with that. 'Your friend, too, I gather,' I said sharply, which earned me an apologetic glance.

Watching the gossiping couple, somewhat sourly, was the tragic figure of Georgina Waddilove. Pitiful Georgina. The style that was so becoming to almost all the others did not show her to much advantage and she resembled nothing more than an enormous, white
blancmange
. The flowers sewn on to a mountain of artificial ringlets battened to her head looked like scraps of torn paper caught in a tree. I walked up to where Damian was standing. 'Have you brought your stuff here?'

Damian nodded. 'It's all in the cloakroom.' He smiled at Joanna. 'He's putting me up for the night.'

'Don't your parents have a place in London?' By such questions Joanna would occasionally give herself away. At least she would signify that she was not a founder member of this set-up. I am confident, even at this distance, that there was no malice in her, far from it, but she had not learned to spare someone's feelings by avoiding any subject that might prove delicate. This was partly because, despite her great expectations, she was not really interested in money. If the reason Damian's parents did not have a London home was because they could not afford one, she would not have thought any the less of them for that. Which is to say she was possessed of a larger generosity of spirit than most of us. Damian, as usual, was unfazed.

'No, they haven't,' he said, without further qualification. I had not yet noticed it in him, but he never gave out any information about himself unless asked a direct question. Even then it was carefully rationed.

'I think we'd better sit down.' Georgina had clearly had just about enough of Damian's being cornered by Miss Langley, as she would have put it.

I smiled at the object of her irritation. 'Are you in this party?'

'With
my
mother? Of course not.' Joanna shook her head, laughing, and I found myself watching the movement of her lips. To me, her beauty had a mesmerising perfection, as if one were standing close to a celluloid icon projected on to an invisible screen. 'You don't think she would have missed out on the chance of hosting a dinner of her own?' She nodded at a point further up the room and I could see an eager, bustling, little woman, wearing a good deal of jewellery, who was staring anxiously in our direction. 'Better go.' She sauntered away.

'I suppose you're going, too,' said Damian, 'Think of me.' The last was added in an annoying half-whisper, just audible enough for Georgina to have caught it, although I am not sure that she did.

'You didn't have to be in this group. You could have had my seat if you hadn't taken the first offer.' I made no attempt to prevent Lucy hearing this, nor had I intended to, so Damian was able to direct his answer at her.

'To quote Madame Greffulhe: "
Que j'ai jamais su
."' Lucy laughed. But by now people really were starting to sit down, and so we set out on the journey back to her mother's table.

'Who's Madame What-Not?' I asked.

'Marcel Proust used to go to her parties, when he was young. Years later, they asked her what it was like having such a genius in her salon, and she replied: "
Que j'ai jamais su!
"'

'If only I'd known.'

'Precisely.'

I was silent, wondering how Damian knew these things. How did he know Lucy knew them? I learned later it was one of his gifts. Like a squirrel, he would seek out and store any unlikely tidbit, in this case the startling news that Lucy Dalton read Proust, and he would save it for a time when it could be used to create an instant, magic bond that would exclude the others present, making him and whoever his target might be into a cosy club of two. I have seen the trick employed by others, but seldom to such effect. He never misjudged the moment. Lucy smiled. 'Please don't tell me you're surprised.'

'I am a bit.' I looked around at the chattering, giggling throng, pulling their chairs up to the tables with their shining, white cloths. 'I doubt that most of this lot read Proust.'

'If they did, they wouldn't tell you. The men here will exaggerate what they know. The women will conceal it.' I hope these words would not be true now, but I'm afraid they were true then.

She enjoyed my wrong-footed silence, until I was the one to break it. 'I thought you didn't like him,' I said, which seemed a non sequitur, but wasn't.

She shrugged. 'I don't much. Who told you I'd asked him first?'

'He did. Why? Was it a secret?'

'No.' She looked at me. 'I'm sorry. I should have invited you before him. I must have assumed you'd already be going.'

I nodded genially. 'That's all right. Don't apologise. Why shouldn't you ask him first? He's much better looking than I am.' Which annoyed her as I intended that it should, but the opportunity for rebuttal was gone. We were back with their party and Lady Dalton was pointing us to our allotted chairs. I had been placed between Carla Wakefield and Candida.

During the first course I talked to Carla about whom we both knew and where we'd both studied, about our plans for the summer and the sports we enjoyed, until the half-eaten salmon was taken away and the inevitable chicken was brought in and I turned to my other neighbour. I could see at once that more of the same would not quite answer.

'You're very good at this, aren't you?' she said and, while it was not exactly voiced in a hostile manner, it wasn't all that friendly, either.

'Thank you,' I replied. She had not, of course, meant it as a compliment, but by taking it as one I hadn't left her any room for manoeuvre. She glowered at her plate. I tried a more honest approach. 'If you don't enjoy it, why are you doing it?' I asked.

She stared at me. 'Because my aunt arranged the whole thing before I was given a choice. Because she is the only relative I have who cares whether I live or die. Most of all, because I don't know what else to do.' As usual, when discussing her family arrangements she spoke with a kind of ill-repressed fury. 'My stepmother has had charge of me since I was fourteen, and as a result of her bizarre requirements when it comes to female instruction, I am uneducated, untrained and completely unequipped for any productive work. Now I am supposed to "make a life for myself," whatever that means. My cousin Serena tells me that things would improve if I knew more people in London. I do not dispute this - only these are not the sort of people I want to know more of.' With a dismissive snort she indicated the body of the room.

It did seem very hard to have lost both parents by the time she was eighteen, even if Oscar Wilde would have thought it careless. 'Where were you at school?'

'Cullingford Grange.'

I had vaguely heard of it. 'Isn't that in Hertfordshire?'

Candida nodded. 'It's the kind of place where they worry if you're reading too much, instead of being out in the nice fresh air.' She rolled her eyes at the strangeness of her stepmother's choices. 'I could recite the rules of hockey in my sleep, but unfortunately nothing was taught about literature, mathematics, history, art, politics or life.' I believed her because her account was only too familiar.

I think, I pray, I come from the last generation of the privileged to pay no attention to the education of their daughters. Even in 1968 there were women's colleges at Cambridge and Oxford, but they were, as a rule, filled with the daughters of the
bourgeois
intelligentsia. Posh girls were an oddity and indeed almost the only one I can remember from my own year left after one term to marry a man with a castle in Kent. There were exceptions, but these generally came from families who were known to cherish an eccentric tradition of educating their women, rather than from the run-of-the-mill squireachy. For the rest, parents would scrimp and save to send the boys to Eton or Winchester or Harrow, while their sisters were put into the charge of some alcoholic, Belgian countess, whose main instruction was not to bother the parents.

After leaving, a girl might spend a year at a finishing school where she could polish her languages and her skiing, then another year would pass in coming out, after which she would get a job arranging flowers in the boardroom or cooking lunches for directors or working for her father, until she had discovered Mr Right who, with any luck, would be the heir to Lord Right. And that would be that. Hopefully, the Hon. John Right would be right for Mummy and Daddy, too, since they, like their own parents, would expect to approve the choice. Our mothers may not have been pushed into their marriages in the Thirties and Forties, but they had certainly been kept out of any marriages their parents disapproved of. We all had stories of aunts and great-aunts who had been sent to study painting in Florence, or to live with a grandmother in Scotland, or to improve their French at some mountainous chateau in the Swiss Alps, to break them of a bad love habit and, lest those Barbara Cartland addicts think differently, usually it worked.

I do not mean to imply that all who followed this path were wretched. Lots of them were as happy as clams. They spent the early years of marriage in some part of London their mothers found unlikely, then, if they'd chosen well, they might move into the big house on their father-in-law's estate ('Fizzy and I were just
rattling around
and we thought it was time to let the kids have a go'). For some the father proved stubborn and wouldn't move out, and for most there wasn't a house to inherit, so the young couple would generally buy a cottage or a farmhouse or, if things were going
really
well in the City, a Queen Anne manor house in Gloucestershire or Oxfordshire or Suffolk. After that, he would shoot and complain about politics, they'd both ski and worry about the children, and she would work for charity, entertain and, if things were going
less
well in the City, sell artificial jewellery to her captive friends. Until the children grew up and it was time first to downsize and then to die. All of which, lest we forget and before we feel too sorry for them, was a lot better than scratching for a living in the dirt of the plains of Uzbekistan.

But where did it leave someone like Candida Finch? She was obviously clever but her appearance and her manner would not help to offset her lack of qualifications to say the least. Nor would I have thought there was any certainty of a husband coming up on the next lift. And there wouldn't be much money. What were her options? 'Do you know what you'd like to do?' I asked.

Again, she rolled her eyes in exasperation. 'What
can
I do?'

'I asked what would you
like
to do.'

This was enough to soften her a little. It was, after all, a genuine enquiry. 'I think I might have liked to work in publishing, but I have no degree. And before you suggest I take one now, we both know that won't happen. It's too late and I've missed it. I thought I might squeeze a few quid out of a godparent and push into a vanity publishing firm, but they'd have to accept they'd lose every penny, and all to buy me the right to talk about publishing at dinner parties. Which is the most I'd achieve.'

'Be careful you're not determined to fail in order to annoy your stepmother. It doesn't sound to me as if she'll care much either way.' I nearly didn't say this, since our very brief acquaintance did not at all justify it, but she laughed.

'Well, that's true anyway.' Her voice was warmer than it had been. 'You know, you really
are
quite good at this.'

When dinner was over, by some pre-arranged signal the white-clad debutantes slipped away, leaving the tables occupied only by the parents, the young men and the odd non-deb girl, glum and in colour. It was time for the ceremony that we had come for and while I would not pretend to the ecstasy of anticipation that gripped the mothers throughout the room, the rest of us were quite curious. First, an enormous cake, literally six or seven feet high, was wheeled out on to the centre of the dance floor. Next the Patroness of the Ball arose from her chair with sober grandeur and walked across to stand next to it. I seem to remember that this was always Lady Howard de Walden, but maybe I'm wrong, maybe it alternated with the Duchess of Somewhere. Either way, she was a heavyweight in the scales by which these things are weighed. I don't actually think the whole thing would have worked if she were not. As it was, her rigid upright posture and the confident dignity of a crowned monarch, which a lot of those women seemed to possess quite naturally then in contrast to so many of their daughters, gave the exercise a certain credibility even before it had begun. The band struck up and we looked towards the head of the staircase, where the Girls of the Year stood lined up in couples, side by side, poised, waiting. Then, slowly, they began to descend at a measured pace, as solemnly as if they were serving at a Pope's funeral.