Past Heaven (17 page)

She’s just a friend. That’s all.

I’m heading back to California.

Just having a fun day with the kids.

I don’t like kids.

These aren’t just any kids, though.

Need to stop over-thinking.

“Hey.” I tucked my hands in my jeans. I wasn’t going to touch her and freak her out again.

“Hey back to you.” She touched my arm and quickly looked away. I could have sworn I saw a smile, too. “It’s a good thing I ran here. He just shot a goal.” She gestured to Hayden and waved.

“Wait, what? You actually run to the different games?”

She gave me a sideways glance while clapping and cheering for Hayden and then pointed down to her running shoes. “It’s what I do when I have two playing at the same time. It becomes an impressive triathlon when all three are scheduled at the same time.”

I rocked on my feet and shook my head. “You are an amazing woman, Liz Atwater. Just amazing.” Before I realized what was happening, my hands were out of my pocket, and I was cheering on Hayden.

The little guy was fearless…

Grayson, Hayden, Liz, and I ended up together on the bleachers watching Griffin play. I was pretty sure no one knew who I was, but I was a stranger sitting with the Atwater family. The reality sunk in as I looked around, watching people pointing to us, whispering behind hands and snickering. Liz looked around, tucking her arms in close to her sides, when she, too, realized all eyes were on us. One woman moved and sat next to Liz, whispering to her throughout the game. I looked over at Liz, but she kept her focus on the game, cheering for Griff. She would nod or shake her head from time to time, but she wouldn’t engage with the woman.

I was pissed. If anyone was hurting Liz because of something I did, I’d lose my mind. This woman and her family did not need any more trouble. Leaning back, the woman giggled to the person next to her and gestured toward Liz and then me. A low growl rumbled in my chest, and Liz turned to me, her eyebrows raised. “Not a word, Hollywood. Do. Not. Engage.” She smirked, and I grunted. We were talking about this later.

After the game, I tried to congratulate Griffin, but he rolled his eyes and walked ahead to Liz’s minivan. I attempted to help out, carrying balls, water bottles, and blankets in my arms. As Liz was securing Hayden in his booster seat, Griffin tugged on her arm, angrily.

“Why is he here, Mom? I don’t understand. He’s not a part of our family. He isn’t one of us.” Griffin’s face was pinched as he spoke. He was furious and looked like he was trying to keep from crying.

Liz hugged him to her, and I stepped back, wanting to give them privacy. This was awkward.
What did I do?
I shouldn’t have come.

“Reynolds wanted to see you guys play, honey. That’s all. He’s here in Baltimore with no friends and no family.”

“Mom…” Griffin wiped at his eyes, tearing up.

I swallowed the rock that was once again in my throat.
I am the world’s biggest asshole for contributing to more of Griffin’s pain.

“He cheered like….he sounded like…Dad.” Griffin whispered the last part, and I hung my head. I didn’t mean to act like their dad. I wasn’t trying to do that, I just wanted to be supportive. I didn’t know much, but I knew better than that.

Liz hugged him tightly and kissed the top of his head. “I’m sorry you’re feeling sad, Griff, but Reynolds was cheering like a man. Not a dad. He would never. He just wouldn’t.” She squeezed him, and he climbed into the van.

“I’m sorry, Liz.” She turned around, a frown on her face, but she shook her head no and smiled sadly.

“Hey guys, I’m going to head out.” I poked my head in the mini-van.

“What? No way! Can we come over and ride horses?” Grayson shouted from the back.

“Horses! Please, Reyn. I really want to ride a horse!” Hayden chimed in.

I looked back at Liz, and she nodded. “If that’s okay with you, Reynolds. It’s fine with me. Just follow us home.”

Griffin shook his head, his lips pursed together and stared out the window. I needed to give him some time to cool down. “No, why don’t you meet me at the farm in an hour.” Grayson and Hayden groaned. “I’ve got to get the horses ready and buy some carrots for you to feed them.” I mussed up Hayden’s hair, and he laughed.

Liz’s face was torn. She wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was. I winked at her in reassurance and jumped into my car.

Forty minutes later, I had Betsy’s saddle on and set to go. I fed the beautiful dark brown horse a carrot, while processing my morning. “You know girl, I loved hanging out with that family, but between the gossipy woman and hurting Griffin, I cause problems wherever I go.” Betsy neighed and appeared to nod her head. I laughed loudly.

At least we were all in agreement that I was an asshole.

RIDING HORSES WITH Reynolds had been exactly what we had needed. None of us had ever ridden before, and we fell in love, fast. The boys, Griffin especially, had been more carefree than I had seen them in ages. We had ridden the horses inside the fenced paddocks for several hours. Reynolds took each of the boys out on his own, teaching basic lessons in riding. Now that the boys were safe with Mr. Butler, the farm owner, and Reynolds’ security guys, it was my turn for a lesson.

As soon as Reynolds was sure I was comfortable on Betsy, he jumped on Rocky, a majestic black horse, and we walked them through the open pasture, just past the barn. The late afternoon sun shone down, and a warm breeze filled the air.

“I’m sorry about Griffin. What can I do?” We had ridden in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Reynolds spoke.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Griffin is still grieving the loss of his father. Jack never missed one practice or game. He would clap and cheer so loudly for them that they would be mortified. But it was Jack’s way of showing them his pride and love.” I looked at Reynolds, my eyes glistening with unshed tears. “No man has gone to their games in almost a year. I should have thought through what that would feel like for the boys. Grayson and Hayden enjoyed the attention. Griff is…confused. He isn’t ready for any male to be in his house or his life. He needs time to trust, and time to heal.” I shifted in the saddle as I said those last words. Griffin and I were alike in those feelings. Reynolds and I were becoming friends, but I didn’t fully trust him, and I sure as hell wasn’t healed.

“I also wanted to ask you if everything was okay with that woman at the game? It looked like she wouldn’t leave you alone.” Reynolds asked as I watched the sunlight filter through the trees.

“You saw that, huh? Some of those soccer moms are the biggest gossips.” We rode side by side into a pasture filled with wildflowers. “That was the queen bee, Shelby. She was trying to pry information from me about you. She wouldn’t accept that you were just my friend. She couldn’t let it go. I wouldn’t engage, though. Except, I did get pissed off when she asked if you knew how old I was and that I was a widow.” I raised my chin and crinkled my nose. “She kept trying to egg me on!”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have shut that down!” Reynolds’ nostrils flared as he spoke.

I rolled my eyes at him. “I can handle catty bitches. They’re a staple in my life. I didn’t need help.” Reynolds stopped his horse, and I halted mine next to him. He reached for my hand, but stopped himself and ran his hand through his hair.

“Maybe I should avoid the soccer fields while I’m here. I don’t want to cause you or the boys any more problems.”

“Are you kidding me? I won’t allow busybodies to dictate what I do with my life. We like having you here, and you can go anywhere you damn well want with us. Griff just needs some time, Reynolds. We aren’t doing anything wrong. We
are
just friends!” I threw my hands up in the air in an “I give up” gesture, which caused Reynolds to laugh out loud.

“Okay, fireball. I hear you.” Reynolds teased, and we guided the horses down a small hill to a stream, where they stopped to drink water.

“When did you become interested in riding?” I secured my ponytail and then stretched my hands above my head.

“I started lessons when I was eight. My dad sent me to ride horses because he had once read it was therapeutic for adopted children with possible abandonment issues. Riding horses became my favorite hobby.”

I cocked my head to the side. “I didn’t know you were adopted.”
How had that affected him growing up
?

“My parents love me unconditionally. I adore them.” Reynolds smiled as we turned our horses and rode them back up the hill.

“Thank you for taking this time to teach us what you know.” I smiled at him. “I see why you fell in love with riding. Being out here in the peace and quiet of the fields is wonderful.”

Reynolds’ lips parted but he said nothing, only nodding in agreement.

As dusk fell, we met up with the boys back at the stables. Reynolds showed them how to untack the horses by taking off their saddle, bridle, and other equipment. They then offered the horses water before putting them in their stalls. He gave the boys brushes and taught them about grooming. The boys soaked in everything. Griffin hadn’t loved hanging out with Reynolds, but he had adored the horses. Grayson had a blast, particularly when he rode faster than he’d been advised, and Hayden had been joyful just to be with everyone. The past year must have been harder than I could even imagine for a five-year old. So much sadness, so many tears…a day like today had been perfect.

Griffin was brushing the horse’s mane, standing in front of her, while Grayson and Hayden were closer to the back. They watched Reynolds use a pick to get clumps of mud out from Betsy’s hoof. I leaned against the barn door, enjoying the quiet pleasure my sons found around these lovely animals.

“Hey! Look out! It’s pooping!” Grayson hollered. All three boys laughed.

“Eeeewwwww!” Hayden peered between the horse’s legs and squealed with a pitch only a five-year old could muster. Betsy startled from the loud noise and the activity behind her. She lunged, and I grabbed Hayden and Grayson, in case she kicked behind her. Instead, she neighed and jumped forward rearing her front legs up in the air, causing Griffin to leap back and press his body against the back of the stall. He was trapped.

Agitated, Betsy continued to move forward, shying away from the noise behind her, but also moving too close to Griff for any of our comfort.

“Mom!” Griffin whispered, panicked and terrified.

I looked at Reynolds and was taken aback by the complete calm on his face.

“Griffin. Look at me.” Reynolds spoke softly but firmly. Griffin looked at him, wide-eyed and gasping.

“Stay calm, buddy. Slow your breathing and stay calm. Betsy’s spooked right now, but I won’t let her hurt you. Listen to me, Griff. You’re fine.” My heart was in my throat, watching my Griffin, my strong guy, frightened, and yet trying hard to listen to Reynolds and settle himself down.

Reynolds eased his way out of the stall, and Griffin looked ready to wail as he watched him go. Reynolds entered the empty stall next to Betsy and climbed over the wall.

“Slowly raise your arm and take my hand.” Griffin stared at the still panicked horse but raised his arm and met Reynolds hand. I took a deep breath, hoping the horse wouldn’t rear again as he was being raised up.

Reynolds spoke softly to Betsy and stroked her with one hand gently, while lifting Griffin over the wall. As soon as he had cleared the stall, Griffin jumped down and ran over to me and his brothers. I hugged him as hard as I could, while Reynolds secured the door to Betsy’s stall.

“I’m sorry, Griff. Sorry, Reynolds. I was trying to be funny. It won’t happen again.” Grayson was distraught, watching the scene unfold and his older brother’s anxiety. Reynolds went right to Grayson and Hayden and knelt down.

“This wasn’t your fault, guys. You were having fun, and Betsy got spooked. She wouldn’t have hurt your brother. I wouldn’t have let that happen. But it’s a good lesson. Betsy is a big animal, and she must be treated with respect.”

“Right, don’t laugh at her poops. Got it.” Grayson spoke with gravity, and we all cracked up laughing. It was a great end to the tense experience.

Reynolds turned to Griffin, still in my arms. “You okay?”

Griffin looked at Reynolds with a shy smile. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

Reynolds grinned up at me and then looked back at Griffin. “Do me one favor. Don’t let this keep you from riding again. Don’t let one mistake, one scary moment, keep you from anything in life.”

Griffin nodded and looked at Betsy. “Nah that was too much fun. I’d like to go riding again if that’s okay, Reynolds?”

Reynolds beamed at Griffin and stood up. “For sure, Atwater men! For sure!” We left the barn laughing, and I looked at Reynolds, feeling at ease and allowing myself to believe that I could be comfortable around a man other than Jack. It wasn’t a huge step, but it was a step in the right direction.