Past Due (9 page)

Standing on her porch, she looked around for her car, and then slowly remembered she left it at Connie and Milo’s.

As she walked, she promised herself that no matter what Tres had planned, she would be ready. If he wanted to challenge custody, she’d fight back. If it cost her every dime and that still wasn’t enough, she’d beg and borrow more.

She just had to know her rights, so the sooner she talked to someone the better. But it was Saturday and law offices would be closed today. She’d have to wait until Monday.

Monday.

Her steps slowed at the thought, Monday loomed in the future as if the delay would be counted in years, not hours.

But then epiphany struck. Lois. Her husband was an attorney. He would help her. Turning toward Lois’s, she realized it was still the wee hours of the morning. As the sun slowly lifted the veil of night, she stood in the road as if she didn’t know which way to go, but she stayed calm. A plan formulated in her mind. She’d get her car, get the pictures of the lighthouse for Lois, and then she’d clean the bones out of her closet.

What could be easier?

Arriving at the Cape Hatteras National Park, Jenna offered a quiet thanks to find the place empty of all souls but the lone morning creatures. As most of their feathered companions still nested, a few chirps from the earliest risers sounded from the trees. Sitting on the hood of the car, she looked over the light, the beacon of safe harbor. It normally brought her solace, but today it made her feel more out of sorts. Orange fencing surrounded the perimeter like a crime scene. The large equipment used to scrape out the new grounds hid in the shadows of the lot. There were no sidewalks or sense of order to the landscape, only a stark contrast from one side of the fence to the other. The scene offered no transition between the lonesome barrenness of the site to the wild confusion beyond.

She snapped a few pictures then put her camera in her lap. She turned her head to the side and realized as the light emerged from the grey of dawn that it desperately needed a new paint job. The black and white spirals were faded and dull. Everyone focused so much on keeping the grand light in existence, the dull colors went unnoticed. Jenna hopped off her car and walked slowly toward the light. She rubbed her hands across the brick base. It felt solid and stable. Jenna had worried the move would cause it to crumble, that the interior structure would be breached, but here it stood. It weathered storms and hurricanes and as the sea closed in, it survived the move which brought it from harm’s way. And here it stood, tall and proud ... and deserted. Horribly alone in this ugly new home. No longer did the waves lap at the base with their music. Gone were the tidal pools with the swooping cranes and sand pipers skittering along the edge. Gone was the broad open vista of the coast. It was encased. Trapped. Forced from its home by its beloved sea, to live here, like a prisoner for its own safety. Jenna shivered suddenly chilled by the early morning mist. Rubbing her arms, she turned and left. It was time to visit Lois. Time to trust someone other than a dead man with her secrets.

Chapter
7

Lois brought Jenna a mug of steaming coffee. “I took the liberty of making yours decaf,” she said kindly. Lois gave Jenna’s trembling hand a squeeze and said, “Dear, you’re a nervous wreck.”

“I hate to drag you into this,” Jenna began, then stalled. She felt her eyes fill and overflow. She shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Lois. I’m such a mess.” She wiped at the tears with the back of her hand. “I think I’m catching up on years of tears in one weekend.”

Lois’s hand squeezed tighter, “I’ll be honest with you, Jenna. I’ve already talked to Margie Hooper and I’d bet I know what’s going on. She says there was a handsome man crying in his booze to Russ over you. Is he a love from the past, Jenna? Like Russell says?”

Jenna pulled a throw pillow onto her lap, absentmindedly pulling on the decorative fringe, her tears drying. “He’s someone I knew. The love part’s a joke.”

Lois leaned in and continued, “Maybe he wants you back?”

Jenna shook her head. “No. That’s my problem. I don’t really know what he wants.”

Lois’s breath caught and her eyes lit up. “Maybe he still loves you?”

Jenna squeezed her eyes closed and shook her head. She would never fall for that line again if she lived to be a hundred.

“Evidently, he still feels something for you.”

Jenna tossed the pillow on the couch and stood to pace the room. “He doesn’t love me.”

“But Russell said…”

Jenna’s long, thick hair fell forward as her head dipped. She shoved it back, holding it a moment at her crown and letting it drop as she lifted her chin to address Lois. “You know, I don’t give a damn how much Tres whines. I know the truth. And the truth is he has some sort of motive, he’s not some love sick victim.”

“Russ was pretty convinced…”

“I don’t give a damn what Russ said either.” Jenna turned from Lois, bit her lip, and walked to the window staring out, noticing nothing. She took a deep breath, adding a bit more calmly, “Please, just listen to me, not the gossip. This isn’t a love story. There will be no happily ever after. This is a nightmare I can’t wake up from and I’m desperate, Lois, desperate to hold onto what fraction of a life I have created.”

Lois rose from her seat and hugged Jenna. She said nothing for several minutes then admitted, her voice soothing and kind, “I’ve behaved like a school girl and I apologize. We’re going to sit and you’re going to tell me what you came here to share. All right?” Jenna allowed Lois to lead her back to her seat on the sofa.

Lois sat quietly, patiently waiting for Jenna to speak.

Jenna took a deep breath then began, her voice as broken as her spirit, “I met Tres, the guy Russell was talking about, the summer I turned sixteen. His family had a vacation home in Kitty Hawk a few miles from my house. I’d see him at holidays and summer breaks when his family came in. He was everything I ever hoped and dreamed of. So perfect, so wonderful.” Jenna shook her head to clear the warmth of the memory. Her voice cracked, but she continued, “I thought I loved him; thought he loved me.” She paused again as the tears pooled, her eyes glassy and red rimmed. She looked at Lois and gave her a weak smile. “But I was wrong, so wrong.” Jenna looked to the ceiling as if the memories were written there. “The summer I graduated from high school, I truly thought I had it all. Tres and I were going to go to college together, planning to one day marry. But by September, my life was crumbling. It was like the earth shifted and if I hadn’t run to solid ground, I’d have been sucked under.” Jenna took another deep breath, “That August, oh, lord, that’s a month I would gladly erase from my memory.” Jenna closed her eyes and allowed the wave of pain to rise and recede before continuing, “I should have been getting ready to leave for school, but I was more worried about being pregnant. I was more than a month late and I finally got up enough courage to take one of those tests. It was positive. I walked around that whole morning with that thing in my pocket. I’d pray it was wrong then check it again. It’d still be positive. Then I did another, then another…all positive. It was just so unreal. I couldn’t believe it. I was just getting half way calm about it, but then my dad came home. He was white as a ghost and shaking like a leaf. He came in and grabbed hold of me and squeezed me so tight I couldn’t breathe. He just held me and whispered, ‘Angel’s gone, sweetie. Angel’s gone.’ I asked him what was going on, but he said nothing. He just kissed my cheek and went to his room. I could hear him crying. I just stood outside his door and listened to him cry. I didn’t know what to do or say. And I kept thinking, what did he mean? Did he mean Angel was gone, dead gone? Or maybe she just ran away? His cries stopped and I could hear the shower running, so I went to the kitchen and sat. Looking around the room, I thought about the night before. Angel had accused me of eating her left over chicken nuggets.” Jenna choked out a bitter laugh. “How bizarre is that? I sat there listening to the hum of the fridge and thinking, ‘I never told her where they were’…figured it served her right for always accusing me of things and never asking my side. And now she’d never know. They were on the bottom shelf wrapped in plastic. I put them away for her because she was too drunk to care the night before.” Jenna wiped her eyes again. “Funny how you remember those moments.”

Neither spoke for a moment, then Jenna continued, “Dad came into the kitchen freshly shaved and dressed, grabbed his keys and told me we had to make arrangements for Angel. So, like a couple of zombies we went to the funeral home. Dad sorted through casket pictures and music, looking to me every now and then for a nod of approval. It was so weird. I felt so damned numb it was unbelievable. And I still can’t eat chicken nuggets.”

“Oh, Jenna.”

Jenna flashed her a weak smile, “I wanted Tres then more than I have ever wanted anyone or anything in my life.”

“Did you call him?”

“No. He was in Europe with his family. I didn’t know how to get in touch with him.”

“Oh, Jenna. You poor thing.”

“Well, I did have Jake. He came to me after Dad banned him from the funeral. I snuck him some of her personal things. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He loved her so much, you know.” Jenna shook her head slowly. “Jake was a really decent guy and I was lucky to have him. And he needed me. It broke his heart to be blamed for Angel’s death. And boy did my dad blame him. He would never tell me why he blamed him, or why he hated Jake so much, but he did. He told me to stay away from him, but who else did I have? It felt good to have someone to talk to. Dad was in his own little world of grief, so I wasn’t sure how to reach him. You know, he closed the door to her room after the funeral, and as far as I know, he’s never opened it again. It’s probably still just as it was, after all these years like some strange unvisited shrine.” Jenna shivered. “Anyhow, everything I know about my sister’s death, I learned from Jake.
”

“So, that’s how you and Jake got together?”

“Well, no. I still loved Tres. I tried to get in touch with him, but for two weeks after he left, I heard nothing. Three weeks went by, still no call. No letter. Nothing. I should have gotten the hint right then. You know what, Lois? That’s the worst of it. He didn’t even care enough to dump me, he just disappeared. I didn’t even warrant a ‘Dear Jane’ letter.”

“You never talked it over?”

“No. I did go to his house in Virginia, and he was there with another girl, so I left a letter with his mother.”

“Maybe she didn’t give it to him?”

Jenna shook her head, “Jake went up there and told Tres what was going on, and he got a broken nose and a night in jail for his troubles. Tres told Jake I was a liar and an opportunist and assured him I’d never get a penny from his family. I didn’t want his money. Honestly, if I had had any clue just how much money those people had, I never would’ve dated him in the first place. Oh my gosh, when I saw that house? I knew I was way out of my league. I didn’t belong anywhere like that. I don’t belong with those kind of people. I gave Mrs. Coulter my letter and I took off without a clue about what I was going to do. I couldn’t even think of options. And I couldn’t ask for help because I didn’t want to tell anyone.”

“Why Jenna, why not?”

“I was ashamed. I don’t know what shamed me more: being pregnant or having been used like some playboy’s little toy. How could I be so damned stupid? And I worried about the added stress on my dad. My poor dad spent his whole life trying to do right by his daughters and look what it got him?”

Jenna exhaled hard and bit her lip. Lois wrapped a protective arm across her shoulders. “You were just a child. I’m sure your father is proud of you.”

“I always wanted to make him proud. I really did. I mean I owed it to him for all he had lost for me. And how did I repay him? I got myself knocked up. And to make matters worse, I couldn’t even be honest with him. No matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t tell him.” She wiped at her eyes again, “I felt like the only friend I had left in this world was Jake. He was always there for me. He was a good guy and I knew it. He wasn’t what everybody thought he was. He didn’t drown himself in alcohol and women until after Angel died and he was implicated in her death. Jake swore he didn’t give her the drugs she overdosed on. I tried to tell Dad, but Angel was dead, so she was suddenly perfect. As far as Dad was concerned, Jake stuffed the pills down her throat and made her swallow. But, Lois, my sister was just crazy that summer. Completely irrational. Angel had this new boyfriend and she was simply obsessed. When he broke up with her, she fell apart. She wouldn’t speak to me, unless she was yelling at me. Somehow she blamed me for that loss too. I’d never seen her so consumed with hate and anger. I couldn’t even be around her. My sister hated me. Regretted more than ever the day I was born.”

“Oh, surely not.”

“Trust me, she was completely open about how she felt about me.”

“I always thought you two were close.”

“No. The best we ever had was a polite acceptance. Truth be told, I resented Angel nearly as much as she resented me. It was impossible to avoid. I just wish she could have lived long enough for us to work through it all. Then maybe we could have been friends. Oh, I’m just so worn out, Lois. All I’ve ever wanted my entire life was to just be normal. Why is it so hard to just be like other people?”

“It would be a boring world if we were all alike.”