Passing as Elias (15 page)

“You have done very well,” Elizabeth said, impressed. “Here, let me take that from you.”

Elizabeth was not a strong woman, by any means. She was, however, larger than Merrill in height, and had much stronger arms. Merrill seemed relieved that the weight had been taken from her.

“Where are we going?” she enquired at once.

“A short walk, I hope you do not mind,” Elizabeth said, “it is only a half hour away, and there are not many hills.”

The walk was further than Elizabeth expected. The boots on her feet rubbed against her heels, which were red raw by the time they arrived at their destination.  In an attempt to appear manly, however, Elizabeth did not complain. Merrill was good company, and did not express her dislike for the long walk. It seemed Elizabeth’s mother had lied about the distance from town. Her arms ached with the weight of the picnic basket, as though Merrill had laden it full of bricks.

After an hour of trudging they appeared in an open field. Sunlight dappled through the leaves of a huge oak tree, and thick luscious grass spread before them for a mile. Yellow flowers bloomed here and there across the paddock, and in the distance was an old, decrepit house, with a caved in roof. The air smelled sweet, and Elizabeth felt that this scene was well worth the horrid walk.

Merrill took the basket from Elizabeth and spread a blanket out underneath the towering oak for them to sit upon. She unpacked the contents of the basket, and Elizabeth saw why it had been so heavy. Upon the blanket sat a loaf of bread, six hard-boiled eggs, an assortment of fruits, cheese, salt crackers, cold meat, a bottle of Gaelic whiskey, and a large bottle of mead.

“Whiskey?” Elizabeth asked, picking up the bottles, “Mead?”

“My Pa’s,” she said as she unpacked some cutlery.

“Are you sure it is all right that you took them?” Elizabeth asked timidly.

“Mister Searson, you told me I should do as I please,” Merrill said determinedly.

“I did not mean
steal
, Merrill,” Elizabeth said with raised eyebrows as she put the bottles back down.

“He has more than enough in his cellar. He will not notice two bottles missing. Would it shock you if I told you I took bottles often, sir?”

“It would,” Elizabeth said, trying to hide a smile.

“When I was fifteen some friends and I took a bottle of whiskey from Pa’s cellar, and drank it behind the garden shed,” she said, pulling a face, “awful night.”

“I expect you were not too well afterwards?” Elizabeth said, taking a grape that Merrill offered.

“The whiskey did not make me too sick. I expect it is the Irish blood.” She crinkled her nose, “Though I did end up having my first kiss that night, behind the shed with a friend.”

Elizabeth gave a laugh, ‘I expect he was pleased.’

“Like I said, it was an awful night. I have not touched whiskey since! It seems to make me behave most inappropriately.”

“Good thing too,” Elizabeth said, clearing her throat nervously.

Merrill poured Elizabeth copious amounts of mead into a pewter mug, and ladled a plate full of food, which she forced into Elizabeth’s hands. She was sure she could not eat so much, but she would try because she did not want to hurt Merrill’s feelings.

It was extremely relaxing sitting in the meadow, drinking, eating, talking and laughing. Elizabeth lay back and looked up at the canopy of leaves while Merrill poured  her third mug of mead. Elizabeth felt light headed, and extremely happy. She had never been a drinker, yet right now, she was playing the role of Elias Searson, and she had decided that he enjoyed alcoholic beverages. Merrill did not drink, but merely ate small amounts, and watched Elizabeth eagerly.

“This is nice,” Elizabeth yawned, stretching across the blanket; she felt incredibly full, and drowsy.

“Aye, sir,” Merrill agreed.

Elizabeth lay with her eyes shut, and listened to the sound of the leaves rustling in the wind, and inhaled the sweet smell of the meadow. Merrill fidgeted momentarily before laying beside her.

“It is nice here.”

“Mmmh,” was all Elizabeth managed to say.

~

Elizabeth was not sure how long she had been asleep. The day had been warm, the food had been excellent, and the mead had made her drowsy. When she woke the sun was lower in the sky, indicating that it was at least three o’clock in the afternoon. Quite a nap, considering they had arrived at the meadow in the eleventh hour of the day.

Something warm, and soft was against Elizabeth’s cheek. Moving her head, she saw that Merrill lay in the crook of her arm, her hair tickling her face. Elizabeth felt her heart race, and was not sure why. She was perfectly relaxed, and comfortable. She did not understand why her heart pounded, and her stomach felt tight with nerves.

Merrill was not asleep. Elizabeth could see that her eyes were open, staring into the distance. She had not noticed that Elizabeth was awake. Surely the fast beating of her heart would give her away.

As if Merrill had read her mind, she lifted her head and looked up at Elizabeth. The moment their eyes met seemed to last an eternity. Elizabeth felt frozen to the spot. She could see her own reflection in Merrill’s large, glassy eyes; the reflection of Elias, not Elizabeth. Her stomach turned, and apprehension lingered in the air between them. A strange stillness took over the trees, and the grass. Silence fell in the meadow as if everything had stopped to watch them.

And then Merrill kissed her.

Her lips were warm, and moist, and she moved them with uncertainty. It lasted a lifetime, or perhaps several seconds, Elizabeth could not be sure. All she knew was her hands were shaking, and a small explosion had occurred in the pit of her stomach, rocketing through her body to the core of her pounding heart. Merrill’s hand clenched a fistful of Elizabeth’s vest, and Elizabeth found herself kissing Merrill back as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Merrill opened her mouth uncertainly, to allow Elizabeth’s tongue entrance, but she hesitated.

Elizabeth broke away, and Merrill’s eyes darted back and forth between Elizabeth’s pupils. She opened her mouth as though to speak, but quickly closed it again. .

Elizabeth sat up and Merrill detached herself at once.

“I am
so
sorry,” Merrill said as Elizabeth got to her feet, and brushed herself off.

Elizabeth did not know what to do, or how to react to the events that had just taken place. She was numb with shock, and slightly shaken. What was worse, Elizabeth had not disliked the kiss.

“Elias,” Merrill said, getting hurriedly to her feet, “Mister Searson.”

“This is bad,” Elizabeth said, rather stressed.

“No, sir, it – it is beautiful,” Merrill said, a pleading tone in her voice.

“Go home, Merrill,” Elizabeth said, avoiding Merrill’s huge eyes.

“Sir, please do not be mad. I have wanted to do that for so many weeks. Please forgive me.”

“You barely know me, Merrill,” Elizabeth snapped. She had not meant to be so harsh, but she was in a state of shock.

“Please let me explain,” Merrill begged, grabbing Elizabeth’s vest pleadingly, “please do not fire me, sir.”

Elizabeth clenched her jaw, “What is there to explain Merrill?”

“We … I – I met you before you interviewed me for the job,” Merrill said quickly. “You did not remember me, but I saw you in the apothecary over a month ago. I had to know you”’

“We met before the interview?”

“I went into the shop, I-I pretended to need your assistance. You were so nice. You spoke to me like a proper lady.”

Elizabeth stared at Merrill and suddenly realized why she had looked so familiar the day of the interview. Elizabeth had seen her in the shop, several days in a row, but Merrill had never bought anything.

“You always said you were just browsing,” Elizabeth recalled.

“Aye sir,” Merrill admitted, “I wanted to know you. I visited the shop at least five times. You never seemed to remember me.”

“I see a lot of faces every day.”

“Then … then I saw the job listing, and I knew I had to try. Oh sir, I was ever so pleased when you chose me. My mother said I did not have a snowball’s chance in hell. She said you would hire a clever man, not a simple girl like me … but she was wrong. You hired me.
Me
.” Merrill was beaming.

Elizabeth grew increasingly wary as each second passed. What on earth would Merrill say if she ever discovered that Elias was really a woman?

“Finally, I would be able to get to know you,” Merrill gave a weak smile, “I was happy until my Pa told me his plans for my future … my betrothal.  I ran to your house, thinking perhaps you could … you could
do
something to help me. But you were not there, and your sister told me you were out of town. I thought you must be visiting your sweetheart.”

Elizabeth frowned, “Merrill, you have behaved extremely foolishly.”

“I thought you might like me, sir,” Merrill said miserably, “when you said I could come with you, here, I thought …”

“You thought …
what
? You thought we would begin a courtship, Merrill? For goodness sake, I am your employer. I cannot … I cannot take advantage of this situation.”

“You are not taking advantage of me, sir. I promise.”

“Go,” Elizabeth said, “just leave, Merrill.”

Elizabeth did not watch Merrill walk away. She felt horribly guilty for sending her away, but Elizabeth felt as though she had been tricked. Merrill had lured her into this position, and planned it from day one. Why was Elizabeth so upset about this though? If her husband, George Greenwood, had done this, she would not be hurt in the slightest.
Because I do not have feelings for the Captain
, Elizabeth told herself, but did that mean that Elizabeth cared more for Merrill than her own husband?

Chapter Eight

Elizabeth’s Discovery

Elizabeth sat in the meadow for over an hour. She was immensely confused and could not get Merrill out of her head. Elizabeth did not wish to fire her, but what choice did she have? She did not want an awkward workplace, and the apothecary was the most important thing in her life. 

Darkness had begun to fall before she made her way back home.  The walk cleared her head, and she tried to decide what her options were.

On one hand, she could continue with her everyday life, and pretend nothing of the sort had happened. On the other hand, she could dismiss Merrill and find someone else to help her run the apothecary.

But was there another option?

Elizabeth tried to repress the images that were flooding her mind. She walked faster and tried to ignore the visions attempting to penetrate her head. It was no use. A rush of possible scenarios flooded her mind.

She imagined Merrill’s lips against her neck, and her bosom pressing against Elizabeth’s bound chest. She inhaled, and could smell Merrill’s hair. They were entwined together as they lay upon white sheets. Elizabeth was herself, not Elias. All worries left as Merrill kissed her again and again.

No
, Elizabeth thought sharply, pushing the visions aside. She was just confused because she had been dressing as a man for so many weeks now. The male clothes were having an effect upon her. She was not thinking like her normal self. Never before had Elizabeth ever imagined herself with another woman. It was horrific, sinful, and disgusting in the eyes of the church and God himself. Yet, why did it feel so exhilarating to think of these things? Was there something wrong with Elizabeth?

Once Elizabeth had arrived home, she changed out of her disguise as soon as possible. She washed herself in the basin and ignored the disturbing thoughts. She imagined herself ripping up every sinful thought she had ever had, and throwing them into a river. She watched them float away.

Now that Elizabeth was her usual red-headed self again, she felt normal. Busying herself around the house, she kept her mind occupied. She cooked herself a meal, cleaned the kitchen, read a book, and washed some clothes. It was only when she was so tired that she could barely function that she attempted to lie down and allow herself to rest.

She immediately fell asleep and had numerous dreams, all of which contained Merrill. She woke several times during the night with a warm, tingling sensation between her thighs that she had never experienced before. She ignored it for as long as she could, but eventually succumbed to temptation, and slid her hand under her nightdress and thought about Merrill unashamedly.

~

Merrill did not show up for work on Monday. Nor did she come on Tuesday.  When Merrill failed to arrive to work for the third day in a row, Elizabeth decided that she must pay her a visit. Elizabeth knew where she lived for she had taken note of it during Merrill’s job interview. She wondered if she would be very welcome if she turned up on her doorstep. Would her parents wonder why Merrill had suddenly stopped going to work?