Parties in Congress (15 page)

Bijal rubbed her steering wheel. “Wait, does that make me the Ghost of Christmas Past?”

“If I’m the goose in the window, then you’re the boy who gets half a crown for buying the goose—or perhaps you’re Tiny Tim’s crutch. Regardless, what do you say?”

“It
is
kind of cold outside.”

“Downright arctic.”

“But we can’t go anyplace we might risk being seen together…again.”

“Fair enough. What about the K and K?”

“I thought you said you wanted food.”

Colleen was obviously amused. “I think Sue might be willing to make me a BLT if I ask her nicely.”

“Or if you can think of an utterly filthy name for it?”

“Right. And at this point, I wouldn’t turn down a drink either.”

“Neither would I,” Bijal said.

“Sounds like we both had a crappy day.”

“That may be an understatement. You want a ride?”

Colleen checked her watch briefly. “You and I arriving at a lesbian bar together might be a bad idea. Someone might call your office to report that I was in the company of…” She stopped to look around the parking lot suspiciously. “A
lady
.”

Bijal chuckled. “A decidedly gay activity, to be sure. How about I follow you there?”

“I like that you suggested that as though you didn’t intend to follow me anyway,” Colleen said wryly.

“Shh, I’m trying to convince myself that I have a normal job that doesn’t involve things like stalking and trespassing.”

Colleen beamed as she spun her key ring around her finger. “Well, enjoy your denial. See you there.”

*

Colleen was somewhat relieved to see only a few people in the bar. It was still relatively early, after all, as well as a weeknight. She eyed the patrons, wondering if any of them were likely to recognize her and dash off to gossip to any Republican who’d listen that she was out in bars, picking up harlots.

“Fuck ’em,” she muttered as she pulled up a bar stool.

Sue spun around and brightened when she saw who it was. “Hey, chica. How’s it going?”

“I’ve had better days.”

The door swung open and in walked Bijal. Sue’s eyebrow arched in that familiar manner that Colleen now clearly recognized as silent accusation. Bijal ignored Colleen completely as she took the seat right next to her and smiled sweetly at Sue.

“My goodness,” Colleen exclaimed in feigned astonishment. “Why, it’s you! What are
you
doing here?”

Bijal’s jaw dropped melodramatically. “I, like you, am
shocked
that you’re here. Shocked, I tell you.” Her attention shifted back to Sue. “Can I get whatever light beer you have on draft, please?”

Sue’s gaze darted back and forth between them as the corner of her mouth curled upward. “Um…sure.” She withdrew a frosted mug from the cooler and pulled the tap handle to fill it. “You know who y’all remind me of?”

“Who?” Colleen asked.

“Remember that cartoon with the wolf and the sheepdog who were friends until they punched the clock? Then they spent their workday fighting each other?”

Bijal turned to Colleen. “Which one am I?”

Colleen propped her chin in her hand. “Based on circumstances, I’d say you’re unequivocally the wolf.”

Bijal picked up the beer as Sue slid it in front of her, and she took a sip. “That’s fair. And I
do
have that line of credit with Acme.”

“Avoid the rocket-propelled roller skates,” Colleen said as she read over the meager menu card, looking for something that wouldn’t sit in her gut like quicksand.

“Thanks for the tip.”

“They’re inferior imports.”

“Then I’m canceling that order first thing in the morning,” Bijal said with a nod.

“Glad to hear it.”

Sue crossed her arms and continued smirking at them. “What are you having, Col?”

“I haven’t eaten in about twelve hours. What do you have that’s tasty but doesn’t go through the fryer?”

“Besides condiments?” Sue asked.

“Yeah, the last time I filled up on mustard, I regretted it the next day.”

Sue propped an elbow on the counter. “How about a grilled cheese and a cup of soup?”

“You’re a lifesaver. What kind of soup?”

“Well, today’s soup du jour is ‘whatever’s in the Cup-a-Soup box bisque.’”

“Perfect,” Colleen said emphatically. “You’re a gentlewoman and a scholar, Sue.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Sue grumbled, keying the order into the register. “Don’t get too excited. I’m charging you up the ass for it. What are you drinking?”

Colleen pointed to Bijal’s frosty brew. “That looks good.”

Sue seemed surprised. “A light beer? Really?”

“Empty stomach,” Colleen said with a shrug. “And I have to drive home so I can curl up in the fetal position and weep.” She checked her watch. “I’d like to be weeping by eleven, so shake a leg, sister.”

Sue began to fill another mug. “Jesus, Col. What happened? Did your thingie tonight go south on you?”

“On the contrary,” Bijal said. “I thought it went great.”

“
You
were there?” Sue asked.

Bijal took another swallow. “I’m essentially a political operative.”

“Well, it’s very obliging of you to be so…up front about it,” Sue said with a hint of confusion in her voice. She set Colleen’s draft on the bar.

Colleen chuckled. “It’s less that she’s up front and more that she’s just astonishingly bad at it.”

Sue nodded in understanding. “Which is why you’re the wolf.”

“Among other reasons, yes,” Bijal replied guiltily.

“Okay,” Sue said. “So then why so glum? The person spying on you sucks at it. Your event went well. Or are you not at liberty to say?”

“No, I can say. It has nothing to do with the campaign. Well, other than that I’m being pressured to vote a particular way or I’ll lose my party’s support.”

“Ouch,” Bijal said. “It’s the Patient Access Reform Act, huh?”

“That’s the one,” Colleen replied.

“Is it the Saturday Amendment you have a problem with? The abortion restrictions?”

“Uh-huh. But you know what really chaps me?”

“What’s that?” Bijal asked.

Sue rolled her eyes. “Oh, Lord.”

Colleen proceeded undeterred. “That this system is so flawed when it comes down to actually serving the people.”

Bijal turned her bar stool toward her in interest. “What do you mean?”

Sue began shaking her head rapidly at Bijal and mouthing the word “no” repeatedly, but Colleen ignored her and elaborated.

“The vast majority of elected officials don’t give two shits about voting their conscience. They’re too busy trying to fly under the radar and avoid controversy so they can win reelection, so they knowingly vote
against
the public’s best interest or their own party platform without hesitation. And not only are they morally bankrupt enough to base their every decision on this masturbatory philosophy of narcissism—”

“Wow,” Bijal said, looking stunned.

“But they’re not fully satisfied until they’ve browbeaten the handful of people genuinely interested in voting on the legislation’s merits into compromising their values too. So now I’m supposed to abandon my principles because the party wants to sell out so we can push any old steaming turd through the congressional anus, then spend the rest of the year patting ourselves on the back about it, all the while pretending we don’t smell shit.”

Sue glared at Bijal. “See? I told you to leave it alone.”

Bijal continued to stare at Colleen unblinkingly. “That was…
hot
,” she rasped.

“Christ,” Sue said. “Like
that’s
gonna help.”

Adrenaline surged through Colleen, and as quickly as her rant had been flowing a few seconds earlier, words now evaporated from her brain. “Actually, that does help a little.” She tried to gauge Bijal’s expression. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Bijal replied softly, with a slow nod. “Integrity is a major aphrodisiac for me.”

“
Well
,” Sue sang with obvious discomfort. “I’d better check to see if your order is up.” She stepped out from behind the bar and darted into the kitchen.

Bijal’s rather sexy declaration had Colleen’s pulse pounding, and her lingering eye contact was exacerbating the effect. “You know, if that’s your aphrodisiac, then you picked a rather cruel career. Were you planning to try celibacy?”

Bijal shook her head slowly. “It’s quite possibly the result of some deep-seated form of self-loathing.”

“I suppose you think hitting on me will curry favor, wear down my professional resolve? Don’t think your deep chocolate eyes, your striking features, your…lithe, hypnotic curves have taken me in.”

“I admire your resolute restraint,” Bijal said, punctuating her words with a sultry smile.

“Thanks. And I admire your dimples.”

“I’d tell you how amazing I find your ass, but that would be utterly inappropriate.”

“Completely,” Colleen replied.

“So I won’t.”

“Good. Then I won’t mention how adorable you are.”

Bijal seemed to be regarding her as though she was an overachieving contestant in a wet T-shirt contest. “So I guess we’ll just continue to look at each other inscrutably.”

Colleen half laughed and half choked. “Is
that
what you’re doing right now?”

“You don’t see the haughty detachment in my eyes?” Bijal asked in a voice that could just as easily been pleading with Colleen to remove her panties with her teeth.

“It must be hidden behind your seduction beam.”

“Which is just to the right of my growing infatuation,” Bijal said, filling Colleen with a surge of internal warmth.

“I’ll have to take your word for it.”

“Did it just get really hot in here?”

Colleen exhaled with some relief that she wasn’t the only one feeling an unforeseen influx of volcanic waves. “Like a goddamn sauna.”

Sue appeared in an instant and deposited Colleen’s dinner on the bar, effectively breaking the spell. “All right, you two. Press Pause on the flirting. Grilled cheese is here and—you’re going to like this—the soup is tomato.”

Colleen bit into a golden corner of the sandwich. “Sue, this is fantastic. Thank you.”

“Well, it was a challenging dish,” Sue said. “We had to somehow get the cheese slice
between
the two pieces of bread—a little-known industry secret.”

“Bravo,” Colleen said. “Bijal, I’m going to stuff my face now, so it’s your turn to vent. Why did your day suck?”

Bijal took a long swallow of beer. “You didn’t hear about Mayor Denton’s town hall today?”

“Mmm,” Colleen said as she chewed. This was perhaps the best grilled cheese she’d ever had. “I did hear a whisper or two.”

“About what?” Sue asked. “What happened?”

“Just a couple of minor indiscretions,” Bijal replied morosely.

“Denton called a constituent an ‘asshole,’” Colleen explained.

“A slip of the tongue,” Bijal explained, rather unconvincingly.

“Then announced to the crowd that she was about to shit her pants,” Colleen said.

Bijal cleared her throat. “Technically, she was wearing a skirt.”

Colleen nodded deferentially. “I stand corrected.”

Sue laughed. “Come on, stop joking around. What really happened?” Both of them looked at her blankly and said nothing. “Holy crap. No way!”

“So my workday began with that knowledge,” Bijal said.

Sue’s jaw sagged. “You mean it gets worse? Did she back over a troop of Girl Scouts with her car on the way out?”

“No,” Bijal replied. “But I took the opportunity to tell her all the ways I think her campaign manager has screwed the political pooch.”

Colleen was surprised. “Ooh, ballsy move. How did she respond?”

“By leaving me on my evening spy duty and adding a full day shift to it.”

Sue winced. “Damn.”

“Yeah,” Bijal said. “I can only view it as punishment for speaking up.”

“You really think that?” Colleen asked.

Bijal stared into her mug for a moment. “I suppose not. I mean, Janet’s smart and very nice. But watching her let Donna screw her into the ground at every turn and then take no action, well, it makes me doubt her judgment.”

“More than the pants-shitting does?” Colleen asked.

Bijal seemed suddenly self-conscious, as though just realizing she had shared too much. “I shouldn’t be talking about this.”

Sue scoffed as she wiped down the bar. “Are you kidding? Until now, I thought politics was boring. You, my friend, have made it fascinating.”

Colleen grinned as she stirred her cup of soup. “Sue excels at finding silver linings.”

“And peeling the wrap off American cheese slices,” Sue added.

“Honestly, I was a little concerned when you said the soup was tomato,” Bijal said.