Part-Time Devdaas... (29 page)

“Arjun? Hello?” I saw Hrida waving the menu in front of my eyes.

“Huh, ya, sorry,” I said returning back from my guilt trip.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked irritated.

“Nothing, some work stuff.”

“What are you gonna have?”

“The usual.”

“Then order, I’m not having anything,” she said and went back into the newspaper

“Why?”

“I don’t feel like it,” she said without looking at me.

I waved at the waiter and mimed my order to her. She smiled back.

“At least talk?”

“You talk, I’m listening,” she said, her gaze still in the newspaper. “I don’t have anything to talk about.”

“We are practically meeting after a week now, yet you have nothing to say,” I said.

“Now is it my fault if I can’t think of anything to talk about?” she snapped and glared at me.

Hrida’s indifference was extremely annoying, but there was no way I could make it go away. Thirty minutes of silence later, I swallowed the latte and my pride and made yet another attempt to revive the conversation.

“I met Shashank yesterday.”

“Oh wow, nice. How’s he doing?”

“He’s good, seems totally smitten by New York.”

“Nice.” And came a smile, it wasn’t for me. It was for New York, yet my stupid heart somersaulted looking at it. “I’ll meet him soon,” she said and waved at the waiter to ask for water.

“What happened?” she asked gazing at me.

“Nothing, why?”

“You’ve got that I-have-to-tell-you-something look on your face.”

“What is it?” she coaxed after moments of silence.

“Shashank and Neha broke up.”

“Okay,” she said.

“You knew about it,” I said studying her reaction. “And you didn’t feel the need to tell me?”

“Neha told me because I’m her friend, not your girlfriend. If she tells me something in confidence, I
won’t
tell anyone.”

“I’m not just anyone.”

“This is not about you, Arjun. How does it matter if I told you or not.”

“How it matters is if I knew about it, I could have done something about it.”

“Then do it now,” she snapped.

“It’s too late, your friend is already seeing someone else.” Hrida’s face flushed, suggesting she obviously didn’t know about Neha and Pandit.

“Well it seems your ‘friend’ doesn’t tell you everything after all.”

Long silence followed.

The waitress got the water.

“Okay, maybe I should have told you,” she said taking a deep breath, “Sorry.”

A sorry from Hrida after dunno how long! I responded by nodding my head.

“What does Shashank have to say about the break-up?” she asked.

“The same old bullcrap of how their wants couldn’t mutually co-exist. Every time he breaks up with someone, he has had this patented line in his pocket. On top of it, he expects me to understand.”

“Maybe there is a reason for him to say that.”

“What’s there to understand? You can try to understand if there is a concrete reason.” I said, “I can’t blindly trust him just because he says they had issues.”

“I sort of agree with Shashank, but if you love someone, you should be prepared for the person in totality.”

“What love? All of a sudden, he doesn’t believe in love. It’s all about compatibility, he says. Okay, agreed, but does it take six years to realise that you aren’t compatible?”

“Oh come on,” Hrida said.

“That’s what. It took me six months to figure that our relationship isn’t working, so I know how it works.”

A sonic wave of silence swept our table as soon as I said it. I had to say something to resuscitate the situation. “I mean, you can tell if a person loves you or not.”

Dead silence.

“Hrida,” I said and stared at her, waiting for her to level her line of sight with mine. “Do you love me?” I asked after she looked at me, and a second later regretted asking it. She dunked her head back in the newspaper.

“Can I not even get a reply?”

“Don’t go there, Arjun, it’s not worth it,” she said glancing at me for a fraction of a second.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to lie.”

“Then don’t, why would you need to lie anyway?”

“Because you won’t like the truth.”

“Just give me an answer.”

“I don’t remember what you asked.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Hrida.”

“I’m serious, I don’t remember.”

“OK, fine, I’ll ask again.” I said breathing heavily to calm my rising temper.

“Do you love me?” I asked swallowing my pride yet again. “Do you want me to repeat it, or once is enough?”

“No.”

“Then can you
please
answer me?”

“I don’t know.”

“What the fuck do you mean you don’t know?” I finally lost the grip on my anger. “It’s either a yes or a no, why are you being such a prick about it?”

“Because you are a bloody moron and you don’t understand that I don’t want to hurt you,” she yelled back. “The answer you want is
no, I don’t love you
.”

I knew the answer the moment I had asked the question, maybe even long before I asked it. Every time I had this conversation with her in my head, I had wished the answer was yes. In spite of knowing it in the back of my mind, the confirmation from her left my innards in total chaos. I knew I was the reason behind it, yet looking at her calm and unperturbed face I felt a feeling of intense hatred and anger. It was like she felt no pain or hurt over it.

“How could you do it to me?” I asked in the utmost accusatory tone.

“How could I do what?” she asked tone of her voice in sync with her unfazed reaction.

“Not love me? Lose all those feelings for me?
f
all out of love? How could you let it happen?” I had no idea what I was saying as my mind played the visuals of life without her on loop.

“This is not fair, you cannot do this to me,” I murmured, not sure if I addressed it to god or to Hrida.

“How could I do it? How could
I
do it?” Hrida almost screamed. “You should have thought about it before raping me, you fucking bastard,” Hrida said as her eyes blazed hatred for me.

Silence.

“
You
asked me to trust you blindly; was it my fault I did? In spite of asking you to stop, you did what you wanted to, wasn’t that unfair???” Tears appeared in her eyes. Hrida’s words had stunned me.

“So whatever happens to you from now on, you don’t get to call it unfair because you deserve what you get.”

She pressed her palms against her eyes to stop the tears and began to breathe heavily.

Hrida was clearly disgusted by my existence in her life. It felt like someone had stabbed a pair of pliers into my chest and pulled my heart out. She not loving me meant only one thing – everything we had was over. The relationship was the only plausible thing left in my life, and with it gone, I would be left with all the half-baked dreams. The way the relationship had changed was so unreal that it felt like a bad dream.

“
You raped her
!” Voice Two screamed.

“No, I love her. I have never done anything to hurt her,” Voice One said.

“Keep telling that to yourself, she clearly thinks otherwise. Her love for you is gone.” Voice Three scorned.

“And because you love her, you are allowed to rape her?” Voice Two said offensively.

“It’s a shame that a girl loved and trusted you with all her heart and you raped her,” Voice Four said.

“
I didn’t rape her
!!!!” Voice One wailed.

“Didn’t she ask you to stop?” Voice Two screamed again.

“Didn’t you see her tears?” Voice Four said.

“I didn’t mean to... I was just distraught because of Rizwan... all of this is not true... I was happy to see her, I got carried away.
b
ut I love her. It was not rape.” Voice One tried everything it could to convince the others.

“Did she ask you to stop or not?” Voice Two asked.

“Yes.” Voice One surrendered.

“Then it is a rape!” Voice Two declared.

“You raped her!” Voice Three and Four declared in unison.

“Shit! I raped her.” Voice One finally gave up after its every possible explanation led to one word. Rape!

Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I knew I had screwed up, but rape is not how I ever looked at it. But what I thought was not of any importance.

“Why didn’t you tell me about it earlier.”

“What difference would it have made,” her eyes welled up again. “What I have lost is lost forever.”

“I’m truly sorry for what I have done.” I said putting my hand over hers. She cringed at my touch. It felt like a part of me broke. I would never forget the look on her face when she cringed.

“I love you more than my life,” I said.

“Why don’t you just spit on my face than say you love me. It is all the same.” She said, “Your sorrys, or love yous mean nothing to me. You are just somebody that I’m ashamed to say I once loved.”

The disgust for me was so apparent from the way she was speaking, I realised there was no way to get her back.

“Ever since I’ve met you, I have loved you more than anything in my life. I could never imagine hurting you but no matter how many justifications I give, what I’ve done is irreparable. I guess I’ve ruined the beautiful thing we had all these years.
b
ut Shashank was probably right; you cannot ruin your life because you are with someone for a few years. I don’t want to screw the rest of your life,” I said fighting the tears.

“I can fight the world but not you for your love. So I guess it’s time I let you go your way.” I looked at her knowing I was not going see her ever again. “I’m sorry I broke my promise once, but I promise you, you won’t have to see my sorry face ever again...”

“Have a good life...” Tears poured out of my eyes as she blankly got up and left without saying a word. I sat there as Hrida walked out of the cafe. I watched her go till she finally disappeared out of my sight, her last words ricocheting in my ears.

“You are just somebody that I’m ashamed to say I once loved.”

She left me with the same numbness I felt when I saw her seven years back.
o
nly this time, I felt bitter emptiness inside me. I left my bike at the cafe and began walking; barbaric riots had broken out inside my head.

It had been more than an hour that I had been walking. My legs had began to hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain my heart felt. The look on Hrida’s face as she left kept flashing in front of my eyes. “She felt nothing, she didn’t love me, she will come back...” the endless conversations continued in my mind.

I rang the doorbell and stared at the door till she opened it.

“Arjun ya, it’s 1.00 a.m.!” Devika whined, I stared back with tears in my eyes. “Hey what’s wrong?” she said.

“I broke up with Hrida.” I said and hugged her.

She hugged me back.

74 Ext. Kala Ghoda, Mumbai-Evening 74

T
he atmosphere is a festive one, people crowding for the live concert, vibrant street festivals are in progress, food stalls, art fair, huge colourful set-ups of artifacts are displayed. We see Siddhartha giving final touches to his installation. It’s a huge fifteen-feet bleeding heart. He suddenly realises Ananya is watching him from a distance. He angrily stares at her and turns to leave.

Ananya

Please don’t make me follow you

ya, the leg is as it is killing me.

(She limps a few steps to follow him)

Siddhartha

I’m just doing my job, don’t follow if

it’s hurting.

(He continues to move around)

Ananya

But I’m here to talk to you.

(She continues limping behind him)

Siddhartha

Just stop please! I can’t see you

limping like that.

Ananya

Then you stop skittering around.

(Siddhartha stares at her)

Please?? I want to apologise for what

I did to you, I feel really bad.

Siddhartha

Ok! Apologise!

(He says blandly)

Ananya

Do I have to do it here? I mean if

you don’t mind, we can go somewhere.

(She smiles impishly, He nods his

 head in disbelief and smiles)

74A EXT. Kala Ghoda, Parking Area,
Mumbai-Evening 74A

We see both of them walking towards a car. Ananya is limping with a plaster around her right leg. Siddhartha presses the autocop, the car beeps to unlock. It is a two-seater, yellow electric car. Ananya stiffs her lips to suppress laughter.

Ananya

That’s your car??

Siddhartha

Yeah, why what happened?

(She covers her mouth with her hand

to control herself)

What?

Ananya

Nothing, it’s just that my bike

is bigger than your car.

(She bursts out looking at flushed

Siddhartha)

Siddhartha

Hey! You want to say your sorry or not?

(Mocks anger)

Ananya

Yes yes!

The doorbell rang as I typed in the last words in the laptop. Thanks to the lack of job offers, I had been busy completing my film script for more than three months now. I hadn’t exactly envisioned a red carpet welcome for myself, but after film school, I thought finding a producer would be much easier. The reality was contrary to that. Three producers I met loved my script but rejected me since I had no star to back it. I wondered how I was ever going to make it to the director’s chair. To make things worse, I was jobless and broke since I had blown all my saved up money up on the film course. It was getting tougher by the day to survive in the city. If it wasn’t for Ashwin, I would in all possibility be sleeping on the pavements of the city. He on the other hand, was more than happy to keep me. After I left for LA, Tamsin had gotten pregnant again, not because Humpy forgot to wear protection, but because both of them wanted it. They got married and moved out, leaving Ashwin alone in his huge house.

“Wassup man?” Ashwin said as I opened the door.

“Typing, what else?” 

“How much did you write?”

“Not much, three sequences...” I walked back to the writing table to switch off the laptop.

“Not bad...” he said spreading the take-out boxes on the dinner table.

“You wanna read?”

“Yeah... after dinner, come let’s eat.”

“I need a field job, man. Sitting at home is frying me crisp.”

“Hmm... How long do you think you’ll take to complete it?” He said and gobbled a spoonful of rice.

“Dunno, a week may be, max two, why?”

“There is this film happening in BFE and the 1st AD has bolted.” He paused to swallow, “I can put a word for you if you want.”

“Your company? But I thought you said they are not doing anything else... oh fuck... are you quitting?” I looked at him spooked.

“Yep!”

“But why??”

“I told you about the meeting with Rohan Rastogi right?”

“Yeah?”

“His manager called today. Dude’s given me bulk dates for next month.”

“That’s awesome news.”

“I know.”

“But isn’t it a bit unprofessional to dump Divya like that?”

“Dude, I’ve slogged for eleven years.” He paused to drink some water. “Balls I care, it was a choice between my career and their films.”

“Abey, but won’t your producer uncle get a stroke?”

“That is why I’m giving
you
to him,” he said cheekily.

“What will you tell him?”

“Anything man. I’m getting operated upon, mother’s ill, grandfather died. I’ll think of some believable reason.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Come on, you’ll love it there, it’s a romcom and there’s Neera Dutta.” That last part fixed an ear to ear grin on my face.

“Yes, I’ll love it,” I said, more to myself.

“I think you should add extra two days to the schedule,” Rakesh Kapoor said putting the schedule sheet on his desk.

“I have, in fact, going by the number of scenes left to shoot...” I abruptly stopped as Baby, Rocky’s assistant, banged the door open.

“Boss!” She almost screamed.

“God baby, don’t you knock?” he growled.

“E-News, now!” she panted.

“Shit, what happened?” he asked. She cringed in horror. Rocky punched the remote.

“This happened in broad daylight. When the famous film director Divya Rao was with her female friend at Cookies, a regular joint for
b
ollywood celebrities, superstar Neera Dutta stormed in and emptied a whole glass of milkshake on her head.” A reporter of an entertainment channel was jumping with hysteric excitement as if Ranbir Kapoor had asked her to marry him.

“When was this?” Rocky asked Baby with equivalent horror in his voice.

“Today morning.”

“Remember you are watching this exclusively on E-News,” the reporter’s corny bragging continued while the video of Neera emptying the glass on Divya played on loop.

“Call Shreya.
f
ind out where Neera is right now.”

“I did. She’s shooting an ad in Mehboob.”

“Get my car.” He began to leave.

“I’ll see you later,” I said and began to gather my things.

“No, you come with me,” he said dialling a number on his phone. “I need someone with me.”

“OK,” I said unsure of how I could help.

“Divya, what the fuck did you do?” Rocky screamed on the phone, as he called for a lift.

“Couldn’t you fucking wait for another month?” I followed him into the lift quietly.

“I’ve got fifty crores running on this movie. I will mince you if anything goes wrong. Drive your sleazy ass to Mehboob right now.” He hung up before any reply came from the other side.

What can you say about a twenty-six-year-old girl with a face of an angel, a deep dimpled smile that got both male and female population of the country weak between their knees, intense dark brown eyes that spoke more than her mouth itself, red luscious lips that could make your heart weep thinking how you’ll never get them, a chiselled micro-maintained body that will make you gawk and drool? Well you don’t say anything, you just shut up and watch. Neera Dutta, the only daughter of legendary filmmaker Ramesh Dutta, was adopted by the whole film fraternity as their own child after his early demise. Rakesh Kapoor was one of them. He launched her in one of his super budgeted films and made sure her debut sky-rocketed her career. It did. I, like the rest of the country, fell instantly in love with her. Her flawless acting had made sure people felt all the emotions she wanted them to feel. Ever since my first encounter with her in the theatre eight years back, I had longed to see her, and now all thanks to Ashwin, I was going to be around her for a whole twenty days. Even though the timing was horribly wrong, I was going to meet her for the first time. My heart skipped a beat as Rocky steered the car into the gates of the studio. Neera was known for being short-tempered, but what cost Divya the milkshake bath was not known. Whatever it was, Rocky prayed it hadn’t cost him his film. 

“Shreya baby, how have you been?” Rocky hugged Shreya, Neera’s manager, as soon as he got out of the car.

“I’m good Rocky,” the squeaky voiced Shreya said.

“Where is the kid?”

“She’s inside, come.” Shreya took Rocky’s hand and pulled him inside, he signalled to me to follow.

Rocky’s muscle in the industry was evident going by the silence that struck the shooting floor the moment he stepped in. All the heads turned and followed him as he walked straight up to where Neera was sitting. He patiently stood by her chair as she intently read something on her phone. It was dark and she was sitting with her back to me, so I could barely see her, yet the gravitational force stopped working on my body, making me virtually float in air with happiness. I was hardly a few feet away from the girl who could give half a country a stroke with just her smile.

“Neera?” Shreya said meekly.

“Hmm?” Neera responded

“Rocky...”

“You got a minute for me, kiddo?” Rocky said warmly.

“Shit! How long have you been standing here?” Neera sprung up seeing him.

And I finally got to see her. A single ray of light falling on her face, God. She was a goddess. 

“Question is how long can I wait for you,” he said as they hugged.

“Okay, how long can you wait for me?”

“Forever...” he said. She giggled.

“Come, let’s go to my van.”

“No, get done with your work, I’ll wait here.”

She stared at him. “I’m serious go!”

She smiled and left.