Paranoia (The Night Walkers) (11 page)

fifteen

The world around me was all undulating haze and shadows. No pure light or complete dark, just spinning shades of gray. The gloom moved around me … no, I moved through it. My arms and legs tingled with the chill of night. As the haze of my vision cleared, I found myself walking down a street on a shady side of town. I heard music coming from a nearby alley, and I kicked aside an empty beer bottle as my body turned of its own volition and walked toward the music.

This is a very strange dream.

“Wakey wakey, Dr. Jekyll.” My voice spoke, but it wasn’t me.

Darkness? I don’t see him in dreams usually … what’s going on here?

“It may take a minute to adjust.” He chuckled softly. “That’s normal.”

Making a conscious effort to control my body and this dream, I visualized myself stopping. I tried to lock up my
legs, but they just keep walking—sauntering, even. I finally stopped in front of the door with the music. A very drunk bouncer nodded at me, without a second glance, as I opened the door and entered a dark pub. There was a long bar down the right side of the room and a dance floor to the left. Walking around the edge of the room, I slid into a booth in the corner. The wall across from me had a cracked mirror and I saw my face smiling back at me. My hair hung in a messy sheet in front of one eye, and my mouth curved into a half smile as I stared at myself.

Oh my God … this is real
.

“Of course, I kept my promise.” His smile widened into a dark grin. “I said I’d let you
see
what it was like to be me.”

“Is this seat taken? Or are you just here to chat with yourself?” A blonde with a ton of makeup and much less clothing—if a blue halter top, unbelievably tiny shorts, and a pair of red heels count as clothing—slid into the booth next to me.

“Oh, I’d much rather talk to you.” My voice was low and smooth and I raised my arm to drape it across the seat behind her.

Leave. Now.

He ignored me, so I gathered all my strength and tried to bring my arm back down. After getting a little sleep in Mia’s dream before Darkness had woken me up, I was feeling stronger than I had in a few days. I pushed and prodded, but it was like ramming my head into a stone wall. It didn’t have a lot of effect, and it really gave me a headache.

Finally, after a few minutes, I felt my arm budge, but all I’d succeeded in doing was dropping my arm forward so that now it was around the girl’s shoulders instead—really not what I was going for.

Darkness’s expression in the mirror showed a flicker of surprise before he looked like he was about to start laughing.

“That’s what I thought.” She giggled, but somehow it sounded almost husky. “What’s your name?”

Darkness laughed and glanced up at the mirror. “What do you think it is?”

“I don’t know … Joey?”

“Wow. You’re good.” My head nodded and I felt sick. “You got it right. I’m Joey.

“I’m Jasmine.”

“Of course you are.” He grinned and moved his face into her hair, smelling it, which made my lungs itch to cough from the chemicals. She placed her hand on my leg and slid it up and down over my knee. Everything about this, everything that was happening—it all felt so wrong.

And I couldn’t do anything about it.

The booth shifted a little and I saw a dark form slide into the other seat. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get Darkness to turn his head and look. Who was it? It could be Cooper, or another Taker. It could be Jasmine’s boyfriend.

If you’re going to get my face pounded, you might as well let me see who is going to do it.

Darkness waited just long enough to prove he was still in absolute control before lifting my face out of Jasmine’s cloud of hair. He turned, and my eyes settled on Jack’s tired face.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m getting tired of you playing my shadow.” Darkness’s anger spiked. He was definitely not pleased that Jack had followed him again. “You should leave now, while you still can.”

“Ooh, that’s hot.” Jasmine moved her hand farther up my leg and kissed my ear. I shuddered mentally, but my body didn’t. Focusing, I tried to close my eyes. Tried to pretend some girl wasn’t touching me. Tried to pretend Darkness wasn’t running my fingers across her shoulder and along the edge of the tie on her halter top. I didn’t want this … I might have screwed things up with Addie, but she was still the only one I wanted.

“Ugh, that’s what I was afraid of.” Jack sighed and leaned back. Waving a waitress over, he ordered two waters. “Okay, bad guy, you go ahead and have your fun. I can’t stop you, but I’m not leaving you.”

“Um … he’s not your ex or something, is he?” Jasmine whispered, her breath smelling like alcohol and mint gum.

“No.” Darkness laughed loud. “You want me to prove it?”

She fluttered her eyelashes and put both arms around my neck before nodding. And then I was kissing her. It was wild and hectic and kind of awful. Jasmine had her lips on my neck, ear, shoulder, mouth. And Darkness was more than a willing participant.

I fought and pushed and pulled and nothing happened. I couldn’t stop it, so I tried to retreat. I tried to go back to Mia’s dream. I struggled to find a dark corner of my mind and hide from this sense of powerlessness. It was horrifying. I felt like I was betraying everything I cared about. I was powerless in every sense of the word.

What are you trying to prove?
I asked.

I didn’t expect Darkness to respond, since he was busy using my mouth to give Jasmine a hickey. But he did:

That it’s worse than you imagine.

What is?

Being me.

I’m convinced. Now stop.

I’m not quite done …

My hand reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. Stretching it out as far as I could, I snapped a picture of me and Jasmine making out. Then Darkness came up for air just long enough to punch a few buttons …

No. Please, no. Don’t do this!

And send it to Addie.

Jack grabbed the phone from my hand just an instant too late. When he saw what Darkness had done, he winced and shook his head before sticking the phone in his jacket pocket. “That really wasn’t cool.”

I felt myself growing smaller and smaller in my own mind. I was disappearing with everything he did to hurt me, to hurt those I cared so much about. It was a prison where I had no voice, no words, no ability to fight back.

Jasmine snuggled into my neck and nibbled on my ear. “You want to go somewhere? Away from your, uh—friend?”

“Sure.” I felt myself smile wide and then followed Jasmine out of the booth and toward the door. Jack was right behind us and I begged, pleaded, and prayed that he would do something to stop me.

As soon as we were outside, Jack tapped me on the shoulder and I turned to face him.

“Yeah, hate to break all this romance up, but this … ” He gestured toward Jasmine and me before finishing. “I can’t let this happen.”

Darkness smiled. Then, before I could even see it coming, I hauled back and slammed my fist into Jack’s face so hard I felt the shockwave up through my shoulder. He fell back against the building, but only for a second before he leapt forward with a punch to my jaw that made my eye sockets feel like they might collapse in on themselves. I fell flat on my back, the wind knocked out of me. The world tilted, swam, and spun. I was certain I’d hit him hard, but he’d hit me
much
harder.

I’d have to thank him for that later.

The last thing I heard before I lost consciousness was Jasmine’s red heels clicking on the pavement as she ran down the street.

“Good morning, Parker.”

I blinked and coughed at the water that was dropping in my eyes and mouth. “Wha—what is … ?”

Jack stopped and watched me sit up in my bed. “Not so fun, is it?”

Rubbing my hands across my face, I brushed all the water off. The knuckles on my right hand were sore and I couldn’t make my brain work well enough to tell me why. My head was all fire and pain. It felt like miniature fireworks were going off behind my eyeballs.

“You … uh … are Parker, right?” Jack took a step back and stared hard at me. He’d obviously been up for a while. He was showered and had his black leather jacket on with the symbol for the NWS on it.

“I’m myself.” My throat felt like I’d spent the night screaming. I stretched out my legs, intentionally resting my feet on Jack’s pillow.

He kicked my legs off and moved his bedding against the wall, out of my reach. “After last night, I wasn’t sure.”

I rubbed one hand through my hair, and then bits and pieces of what had happened with Darkness came back. I froze. Looking down at my hands, I stretched them and moved them back and forth. They responded to every command. Getting to my feet, I walked to the mirror on the back of my door and was filled with relief when it was only me staring back. Me with a massive bruise from my chin to my ear … but nonetheless, me.

Jack turned and squinted at me. “You don’t know—” At my expression, he stopped. “Huh. What exactly do you remember?” With his last words, his expression got more concerned.

“He showed me. Wanted me to know what it was like.” I went back to my bed and slumped down onto the edge. I needed to shower—for a long time. The more I remembered, the more I realized it was possible that there wasn’t enough hot water in the world.

“What hooking up in a sleazy bar was like?” Jack tilted his head to one side. “He seemed to enjoy it.”

“No … what it’s like to be trapped inside with no control. Just watching.” I fell back on my pillow and stared at my ceiling. “It’s horrible.”

“I tried to keep him from getting into too much trouble.” Jack winced, and I realized he had a bruise on one cheekbone. “He didn’t appreciate it.”

“Yeah … well, I do. Thank you.” Saying those words to Jack felt wrong, but I owed him that much.

He shrugged it off and looked away. I was surprised he’d tried so hard to protect me, and after seeing the bruise, I felt a little guilty. “So you brought me back here after you knocked me out?”

“Yeah … sorry about your jaw.” His brow lowered as he studied me. “You sure you’re completely in charge again?”

“Yes, completely.” I stared at my hands again and shrugged. “I just wish I understood how it worked, how to control him. What he wants from me. I’ve never understood why he does the things he does.”

“Most of the Divided are ruled by the Id … but your situation seems more complicated than that.”

It took a full five seconds for me to process everything he’d said and come to the conclusion that my confusion had nothing to do with just waking up. He really hadn’t made any sense.

“What?”

“The Id.” Jack looked at me in surprise. “Ever heard of Freud?”

“He’s an old psychologist or something … right?”

“He’s a dead neurologist, but close enough.” Jack sighed and sat on the edge of my desk. “He studied the different aspects of the personality. The part that was controlled by instinct and need—that paid no attention to morality—is what he called the Id.”

“That sounds about right.” I closed my eyes and leaned back against my pillow before a new problem occurred to me. “Hey, I wasn’t stuck with a Taker last night. I was in Mia’s dream.”

Jack straightened the front of his jacket and looked bored. “Yeah, so?”

“So how did he get that much control?”

“I don’t know.” Jack walked to my door and put his fingers on the handle. “For some reason, last night you were weak and he was strong. You’re the one who’s Divided. You figure it out.”

“Gee, thanks.” But even as I said it, I remembered the time Darkness had gotten enough control to go to the tree in Mia’s backyard. That hadn’t started with eye contact with a Taker either. Although it did seem like the Takers made Darkness stronger.

“There’s only so much I can do. I’m not like you, and I don’t get it any more than you do.” Jack didn’t look all that sympathetic, and I started enjoying the memory of Darkness punching him just a little bit more than I should have. Then there was a tentative knock on the front door.

“That’s for me. I’ll see you later.” Jack opened my bedroom door and was halfway down the hall before I followed him.

“Hey,” I called, “where do you think you’re go—”

As I rounded the corner, he pulled open the front door and my words caught in my throat. Addie was standing on the porch. She looked at me and her eyes hardened so fast I thought I might get whiplash. I fell a step backward. The memory of the photo Darkness sent her last night hit me so hard and fast it sent my brain reeling.

“Addie.” My voice was tentative.
I wished Jack would give us some privacy. I didn’t like the idea of him watching this. “I need to explain … ”

She didn’t respond, just turned her sweet smile on Jack and placed her hand on his arm. “You ready to go?”

My heart dropped with a thud and my chest hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe. “You—you came for him?”

“Yes, but don’t worry. I’m sure the girl from last night still has time for you.” She looked at me and her eyes flashed, but then she visibly paled. “Y-you still have her lipstick on your mouth.”

I rubbed the back of my arm hard across my mouth, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t find words with which to defend myself.

Her eyes filled with tears and her voice dripped pain. “Just stay away from me.” Then she turned and jogged down the steps.

Jack started to walk after her, but I grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and jerked him back inside.

“Where are you going with Addie? Why are you doing this?” Knowing that they planned to go on a date at some point was very different from actually seeing them leave together. This was moving too fast, and I hadn’t had time to fix things with Addie yet.

I pinned Jack against the wall, but in two moves he was out and had my wrist bent behind my back. It didn’t hurt unless I struggled … but that didn’t stop me.

“You obviously need to get your life together, and I’m sorry if you can’t handle it, but I’m not going to stand aside unless she asks me to. She deserves better.” Jack’s voice was soft and firm, but I could see something in his eyes that I recognized—guilt.