Parallel: The Secret Life of Jordan McKay (24 page)
Read Parallel: The Secret Life of Jordan McKay Online
Authors: Abra Ebner
I will take him away from this house in the hopes that he will feel more at home with me, so that he will come visit as often as his body will allow. Jordan, I’m sorry.
The words stung, as though written for me because she knew one day I’d find this. When we left the green house at the end of the lane, we had left everything behind in the hopes of starting over. After that, the kitchen rarely saw a visitor other than the path to and from the refrigerator that had been made by my father, for his beer.
I exhaled, realizing now that the cancer was much more than just that. Her death was the result of her Shifts through time and her indulgence in the same life I had. She had ended up in the same fate as I, only a fate that she could not simply rest away. Guilt washed over me as I thought about how my birth had changed everything for her. Though I had gotten stuck in a world that was sweet, my mother did not receive the same fate with the hell in which she was left.
I sighed and flipped through the rest of the pages, finding pictures I had all but forgotten, and drawings I had done for her as a child. I was afraid now of what the future was like for me and if I were also doomed for the same fate as my mother, or if I could somehow overcome it and live.
I thought about Molly then, wondering what her family had been like and if her mother had also been like mine. I wished she were here so that she could explain it to me, but she was smart to choose the life she was living, and I did not wish for her to waste the Shift just to calm my worries.
It was then that I began to wonder how many Shifters there were and if anyone other than our kind had found out that we exist. Even so, there is no way anyone would ever believe us anyway, and if they did, it would only end in war. Someone like me would never be accepted by the human race. As a nation we fear the unknown, content in dwelling in the lies that nothing bad will ever happen. Perhaps there is some secret world out there where our kind lives free, as you see on TV, a cult town of sorts. In the end I suppose I wouldn’t want people to know about me and expose all my trickery, but at the same time, what better way is there to abolish my sins but to confess?
I let a laugh escape my lips as I felt the guilt inside me grow thick. Even after all the life I’ve seen, I still believed there would be a day of reckoning in the end. I was not a particularly religious person, not at all really, but what if there really was this world of Heaven, and what if I had ruined that dream for myself?
I heard the front door click and I quickly shut the book on my lap, looking toward the entry as I saw Kenzie and her mother peek around the corner and through the door, both huffing as they held heavy bags of groceries in their hands.
“Hey, honey.” Kenzie dropped a heavy bag with a distressed face. “You want to lend a hand?”
I smiled and pulled myself out of my chair, placing the book on the side table.
“Thank you so much, Jordan dear.” Kenzie’s mom also dropped her bags and made her way into the kitchen where she turned on some lights.
“Beef honey. Yum,” Kenzie smiled with a glimmer in her eye.
My lips curled into a smile as I watched her, hoping my mother could see us and the life I now lived. I wanted nothing more than to tell her about Kenzie, to Shift back and tell her that she could rest easy knowing I had found something wonderful, but why risk it?
I had to have enough faith to believe that somehow she knew I had made it through alright. I felt a comfort knowing that my mother had not lived the life I thought she had, that somewhere along the way there was happiness, perhaps even love. Kenzie gave me a kiss on the cheek as I lowered the bags onto the counter. I grabbed her waist as her mother filled the fridge and whispered in her ear, “I love you.”
Statement from Dr. Ashcroft,
Vincent Memorial Hospital, Boston
August 4, 2009
05:35 a.m.
Agent Donnery:
Perhaps that’s where some of the confusion came from. We did not understand that the mother was also writing some of the entries in this journal, we figured these were his Shifts as well.
Dr. Ashcroft:
You should have known that from the date of the entries alone. You have to understand that a Shifter cannot Shift outside the boundaries of their own lifeline, Agent. They don’t exist there because they are either dead or haven’t been born yet.
Agent Donnery:
I see. Yes I believe you told me that.
Dr. Ashcroft:
Have you found any more of his kind? Other than Molly, of course. I know she exists. Perhaps you need to look into her family.
Agent Donnery:
No, just him, and I suppose her, when we find her. It’s hard to tell if we ever will catch her, though. If she is as calm of a Shifter as these stories suggest, we likely won’t. It seems she had been raised in a manner that was open and that her parents had taught her how to control the talent.
Dr. Ashcroft:
Will you tell me if you ever do find her? I’d like to meet her. Perhaps ask a few questions?
Agent Donnery:
Probably not.
Dr. Ashcroft:
(pause) I understand. Rules, right?
Agent Donnery:
Sucks, doesn’t it?
Dr. Ashcroft:
Yeah. (pause) So, are you ready to hear the end of the story?
Agent Donnery:
Yes, I’m ready to go home. I believe the sun is just about to rise, and I know my wife will be worried.
Dr. Ashcroft:
Well, I’ll try to make it snappy, then.
Story by Dr. Ashcroft,
From the Journals of Patient #32185
June 17, 2009
8:53 a.m.
I sat on the chair opposite Jordan in the kitchen, looking up to where the cookbooks had been, then to the lower shelf were they were now. I sighed. “What happened to that book you found?”
Jordan looked up from his bowl of cereal to where the books had been as well, following my gaze. “I put it in a box, I believe. One we haven’t unpacked yet.”
I nodded. “Ah, I see.” I didn’t believe him, but I wasn’t going to push. I didn’t have the energy to, not today.
So far the new house hadn’t revealed any ghosts, or anything else that I had manifested in my mind for the years and years I had deemed it to be haunted. Most things had already been unpacked and the old furniture moved into storage. Despite my attempts to try and get Jordan to sell all the old stuff, he refused, claiming we had plenty of money to simply store it, though God knows if we’d ever see it again.
I wriggled in my chair as it squeaked. Jordan eyed me over the top of his newspaper, his cereal growing soggy as it floated in the milk. I coughed, finding the once pleasant smell of it nauseating as it wafted into my nostrils.
“Kenzie, can you just sit still?” He pressed his brows together as deep lines cut across his forehead. He was glaring at me.
I retorted with a sour face, “No.”
He rolled his eyes. “Kenzie, what’s wrong with you?” He put his paper down and took a sip of coffee.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted. “I think.” I looked down at my hands as they sprawled across the counter, now sweating.
His sipping stopped as he slowly placed the mug onto the counter with a weighted clank. “You’re what?”
His voice sounded surprised, and I winced. “Pregnant. Maybe.”
He wasn’t breathing. “How can you
maybe
be pregnant?”
I shrugged. “I don’t feel well, and I missed my period.” I was fidgeting with my hands. “Oh, and I took a test.”
A sharp exhale passed his lips. “Well then, that doesn’t sound like a
maybe
. That sounds like a
definitely.
”
I brought my hand to my mouth and nibbled on my nails, not knowing what Jordan’s reaction would be.
He reached across the counter and swatted the hand from my mouth. “Don’t do that.”
I looked up at him, his jaw tight and his eyes glimmering with unshed tears. When our gazes met he forced back a smile, but it ignited my excitement and I let my fears fade. “Is that alright?”
He laughed. “Yeah, it’s alright!” He stood and lunged around the table, plucking me from my chair, making it topple over.
“We’re pregnant!” I yelped.
He nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck and kissed my skin. “Does this mean we can’t, you know…” His lips grazed along my neck as I shuddered.
“God, I hope not.” I melted into his grasp.
“Well, should we make double sure you’re pregnant?”
A loud laugh erupted from my chest. “Jordan! I’m barely a few weeks pregnant and you already want to corrupt this child?”
He spun me and set me on my feet, his smile so large that it made wrinkles across his young face. “No?”
I laughed, unbuttoning his shirt. “Well, I suppose it won’t hurt, just to be sure.”
Formulated from the Journals
of Patient #32185
June 17, 2009
1:45 p.m.
I took a deep breath as I walked down the stairs. I was terrified, there was no way to deny that, but I couldn’t let Kenzie know. What if the child was like me? What would I tell it? Would I hide it like my mother had, or would I embrace the fact that it was unique like me and teach it how to be careful as I clearly hadn’t been?
I felt my palms sweat. What if I didn’t make it? What would happen if I died, just like my mother had? I lifted my shirt and placed my hand on my side, feeling the spot where I had once seen the effects of my actions, and still could. In the end, the child would always have a mother though, a mother groomed to a life suited for just such a talented child. I felt nauseated at the thought, at all the manipulation I had made to make this life what it was.
It was a lie. I was living nothing more than a lie. I needed to tell her. It had gone on long enough. At this point it didn’t matter what she did or said. I could not allow her to continue to live a life that was not her own. I walked back into the office where I opened the bottom drawer and lifted out the files, revealing what was left of my mother’s book, now housed among my own papers and writings.
I would show her the book, she would see then that I didn’t make it up. All this age and history was the truth, and she deserved to know, especially with the possibility of that kind of child inside her.
Despite my worries, I also felt excited. I would finally have someone to share my knowledge with, a child to teach as my mother had longed to do, but hadn’t. If I had known I was not alone, things would have been different these past few years. I would not do that to my child; they would know.
Statement from Dr. Ashcroft,
Vincent Memorial Hospital, Boston
August 4, 2009
05:49 a.m.
Dr Ashcroft:
The look on your face still suggests that you’re disappointed I didn’t tell you about a lot of this beforehand. In all fairness, I only recently understood myself, hence the position I’m in. It shocked me, naturally.
Agent Donnery:
That’s alright, Doctor. At least you’re telling me now. (pause) He must have been terrified when you told him you were pregnant.
Dr. Ashcroft:
He was. I knew right away that he was scared, I just didn’t know why. He was the one that had wanted kids in the first place, so I didn’t understand the hesitation at first, but I suppose it makes sense considering he had just found out that it could be hereditary.
Agent Donnery:
But now it doesn’t matter because the child is gone.
Dr. Ashcroft:
No.
Agent Donnery:
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I see that you’ve lost everything. I guess they just don’t teach us compassion during basic training.
Dr. Ashcroft:
No, they don’t. (pause) But I guess it is what it is, and I have the chance now to try and understand everything, and the purpose of why it happened to me. Most of all, I can move on, alone.
Agent Donnery:
Are you a religious person?
Dr. Ashcroft:
Knowing what you know, are you?
Agent Donnery:
Good point. I guess at the end of the day all that matters is that we believe in something, whatever that is.
Dr. Ashcroft:
I guess I believe in love. I can see Jordan’s angle on all of this. I see why he hid it away from me because he was ashamed. Reading this is more of an apology than he could have ever given me. The funny thing is that I still believe we would have ended up together, no matter what life and no matter what he did.
Agent Donnery:
I see. But now all you know is just an unraveling layer of lies.
Dr. Ashcroft:
It’s not that my life is falling apart. It’s more like my life is finally becoming clear. It was bound to happen eventually, I just didn’t expect it would happen this way.
