Paradox (Travelers Series Book 2) (23 page)

“I’m so glad you’re here, baby,” she said, coming out of her darkroom and giving me a big hug.

“Me too, Grandma.” It was so good to see her. As usual she wore her graying hair in a long braid down her back. She was wearing a beautiful yellow blouse that set off her dark skin and eyes and a long colorful skirt.

“On a school day, Maya, is everything all right?” She poured us each a mug of tea and sat down with me at the kitchen table.

“I… I don’t know,” I stammered. Hot tears started to pour down my face before I could stop them.

“What is it
ts’unu’un
? You know that you can tell me anything and I’ll understand.”

Although I could feel my throat threatening to close, hearing her call me “hummingbird,” her Mayan nickname for me, strengthened me. “Grandma, I’ve been having the most awful dreams.”

She reached over and handed me a Kleenex, which was when I realized I was snotting all over myself. “What are these dreams about, honey?” She took my hand in hers and rubbed it gently.

“Well, they aren’t always the same. But it’s like they’re real. Grandma, I’ve never had dreams like this before.”

“Tell me,
ts’unu’un
, what kind of animal is it?”

“It’s always this same kind of cat, I dunno, like a jaguar. How did you know?”

“I know because you are dreaming of your
nagual
.”

“My, my what?” I asked, wiping my nose some more.

“Your
nagual
is your spirit companion. We all have one. Yours just happens to be
Balam
, the Jaguar. Your
nagual
is part of you. It’s like having a double in the spirit world.”

“But why am I dreaming about it?”

“It’s easiest to meet your guiding spirit in your dreams. Think of it this way. Your dreams are where our world and the unseen world meet.”

Okay, that wouldn’t seem so bad if I wasn’t running into my
nagual
in broad daylight.

“Something else is troubling you. What is it,
ts’unu’un
?”

“Something has been happening to me. Grandma, I’m so freaked out!”

“Go on,” Grandma said, handing me another Kleenex.

“Today I saw a shadow, I mean while I was awake. It’s like…like
Balam’s
shadow is following me!” As soon as I managed to choke out the words, the fear and panic I had felt at school returned with a vengeance.

“Maya, you’re very special. Remember when you were younger and I used to tell you—”

“That I was special because I had a lot of
k’ul
. I felt so proud because I thought you were saying that I was
cool
.”

“Ah, you remember!” Grandma said with a little laugh. “Do you also remember that
k’ul
is the life force that is in all things,
ts’unu’un
? I think that you may be able to see your
nagual
when it manifests in our world because your life force is very strong.”

“So
Balam
wasn’t trying to attack me?”
Phew
.

“No, no, of course not. Your
nagual
is part of you. It’s like your protector. And even though it lives in the Otherworld, it is possible for it to move from one realm to another. But I am curious about something, though.”

“What’s that, Grandma?” I asked, feeling much better knowing that there wasn’t a murderous jungle cat prowling around trying to maul me to death.

“During any of your dreams, did you ever have the sensation that you were
Balam
?”

“Sometimes it seemed like I was seeing through its eyes,” I said. “Like maybe from its point of view?”

“I don’t want to worry you, Maya. And there is no way to be sure of these kinds of things, but—”

My stomach gave a nasty lurch. “What things, Grandma?”

“I think that you might be becoming a
mestaclocán
.”

I swear I could feel the vomit threatening to come up my throat.
Mestaclocán
was an ancient Spanish word, but you didn’t have to be Mayan to know what it meant. Shape-shifter.

“I’m, I’m becoming a shifter?”

“I’m not sure, honey. But no matter what anyone else says, you know that shape-shifters are revered in Mayan culture for their powerful connection to their
nagual
.”

“I know, Grandma, but it’s different here. It’s just so scary and… I dunno, complicated.”

“I know, honey, but we aren’t even sure of it yet. Most shape-shifters don’t phase for the first time until they are at least eighteen. All we can do is wait. I know that’s hard and probably not what you want to hear right now. But everything is going to be okay, whether you ever phase or not.”

“Okay, Grandma. If you’re not worried then I’ll try not to.”

“That’s my brave girl. I love you,
ts’unu’un
, and I’m proud of you. Nothing is ever going to change that.”

“I love you too, Grandma.” I looked up at the kitchen clock. “I guess I’d better get going. I have to make it home before Dad gets back.” At that moment, I would have done anything to stay. But I was only allowed to visit Grandma on weekends. If he found out that I’d broken the rules, he’d ground me for sure. That would mean no Grandma at all.

“Take care,” she said, pulling me close. “Tonight I will burn
copal
and pray for guidance and protection for you.”

All too soon, I was back in my car on the highway, alone with my worries and fears. I felt like crap. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized what my Grandma said was true. I had always felt different, but more like freakishly strange, not different in a good way. I guess going out with Matt had eased that a bit, but now I was supposed to tell him and the twins that I might be a shifter? No frickin’ way.

Shifters weren’t well accepted for the most part, even though we all knew they existed. People were maybe a bit intrigued by the magic of it all, but no one wanted to
be
one, did they? Most shifters just buried it and moved on with their lives, kinda like gays that are still in the closet. Nope, I was definitely not overly excited about the idea. But since I didn’t have much to worry about for another year, I couldn’t see how telling my friends would make it any better. Then again, how could I not tell them? They had been so worried about me lately. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. No, actually I was sure of one thing. This really, really sucked.

I was peering through the darkness, suddenly aware of how easy it was to see. The cool chill of the night air was nothing to me. As I watched and waited, I stretched out my neck and smelled the air. I knew where my prey would be and I knew when. My powerful body was completely still. I became one with silence, allowing the night to swallow me into its infinite darkness. It was then that the mule deer dared to step out of the gloom. It stood motionless, bathed in moonlight. But it sensed something and I could not wait another moment. I bared my teeth and sprang forward with amazing force, hitting him from the side, my legs never touching the ground. I opened my powerful jaws and bit into the animal’s skull, crushing its brain
…

I
awoke with a start. My hair, boxers, and T-shirt were soaked with sweat. Damn, another nightmare. And this one had been so raw, so… Oh. My. God! I could still taste blood in my mouth! I ran into my bathroom and began to brush and rinse. Then I turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm up.

“Maya?” It was Dad calling up the stairs. “Are you up? It’s 6:45 already.”

“I’m up!”

“Okay, honey. There’s some bagels in the fridge if you want a quick breakfast. I need to head out.”

“Bye!” I slipped into the shower and let the hot water wake me up even as it eased my sore muscles. Wait—what could I have done to have sore muscles? My body ached like our crazy PE teacher, Ms. Lewicki, had made us run a zillion laps after doing a hundred push-ups. Of course I stayed in the shower way too long, not wanting to leave the awesome, soothing heat of the water. I really needed to sleep for like a week straight. On my way out the door, I grabbed a bagel and a diet Coke and practically flew to school. By the time I made it to homeroom, I was panting.

And it only got worse from there. I actually
fell asleep
during first period English. Luckily, Ms. Mendoza didn’t call on me. Thank God, Lyssa noticed and woke me up before I could have an embarrassing drool episode. (There’s nothing worse than picking your head up with a string of drool still attaching your chin to the desk. Yikes.) The bell rang, but as we headed out of class, I heard Ms. Mendoza say, “Maya? Could I see you for a sec?”
Damn, so close.

I went over to her desk. “Maya, are you okay? You seem…well, not yourself lately. You’re falling asleep in class, handing in sloppy assignments. I hope you don’t think I’m prying, but are you having problems here at school or maybe at home?”

“Oh no, Ms. Mendoza,” I said. “I’ve just been having some trouble sleeping.”

“Well… Get some rest then.”

“I’ll try,” I said.

“Take care of yourself, Maya. And if there’s anything I can help you with, anything at all…”

“Okay, thanks,” I said. But, unfortunately, my ass-kicking didn’t end there. Alyssa was waiting for me outside the door.

“Okay, look, enough is enough,” she said, giving me her most threatening look. “Are you coming to Damian’s game tonight?” (Did I mention that the twins are awesome soccer players? Like, in that Keira Knightly movie,
Bend It like Beckham
, or whatever? Lyssa would totally be Keira Knightly in that movie. I don’t know who Damian would be. Actually, I guess he’d be Keira Knightly, too.)

“Of course!” I grinned, hoping it would help get me off Lyssa’s shit list. (That is one list you do not want to be on. Trust me.)

“Good. After the game, you, Damian, and I are going to have a discussion about whatever’s going on with you.” She turned and headed toward her next class. I watched her walk away.

I went in the other direction, aggravated that I was about to walk by the wing where most of the seniors had their lockers. I looked to my right and nearly jumped through the ceiling when I realized that
Balam
was moving in perfect step along the wall beside me. A wave of nausea hit me so hard I had to bend over.

“Maya?”
Oh, my dear sweet Lord.
“Hey, are you okay?” Matt reached down and picked up my books that I just now realized I’d dumped on the floor.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I muttered. I couldn’t look at him. “I think I’ve got a touch of that flu that’s been going around. I’m just a little dizzy or something.”

“Do you want me to walk you to the nurse?” I looked up into his beautiful, soft brown eyes and just for an instant I saw the old Matt. In that moment, I couldn’t tell whether it was the panic or the way he was looking at me that was making my legs feel weak.

“I… I think I’m okay,” I said, fighting the urge to let him walk me to the nurse’s office just so I could keep looking at him.

“So, are you comin’ to the game on Saturday? Josh is having a party at his house afterward.”

Oh, joy.

Finally feeling like I could support my own weight, I moved away from the lockers and held my arms out to take my books back. “Um, I might have some stuff to do at home for my dad. I’ll have to wait and see, ’kay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He turned to go, but then suddenly turned back to me. “Look, My, I know that this football stuff isn’t really your thing. But it’s important to me and, um… I mean you’re important to me too. I don’t wanna lose you over this.”

Whoa.
It had been so long since he’d said anything like that, I had no idea what to say back to him. Finally, “We’ll figure something out, Matt. Don’t worry.” I reached up on my tiptoes and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“I’ll call you, okay?”

“Sure,” I said, and headed off down the hall.

That night, I sat with the twins at Scoops, our favorite ice cream and all around hang-out spot. Our team had lost the soccer game, so thankfully there weren’t many students from our school there to celebrate. I felt bad that my little bit of luck had come at Damian’s expense.

“I’m really sorry about the game,” I said.

“Win some, lose some,” he said. “We’re already in the playoffs anyway.”

“That kid that kept foulin’ you was on my last nerve,” Lyssa said. Then she turned to me and raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“What?” I asked, as if I didn’t know.

“You know what. Something’s been up with you for days now.”

“Come on, Maya. We’re your BFFs. You know you can tell us anything,” Damian said.

“Okay.” I swallowed hard. “You know how I’ve been having all those dreams lately? Well, they’re still all about that one animal.”

“You mean that jaguar or panther thingy?” Damian asked.

“Yeah, but then the dreams got worse.”

“What do you mean by worse? Like nightmares?” Lyssa asked, popping a fry into her mouth.

I took a sip of diet Coke for strength, stared her straight in the eye, and said, “I mean, I’m seeing the same animal while I’m awake now too. Or at least its shadow.” Man, that took some guts. Unfortunately, those same guts were now threatening to make an appearance on our table.

Words cannot describe the looks on the twins’ faces. I had expected Lyssa to make some kind of crack about how I need to get some sleep, but they just sat there looking at me. It was the longest moment of my life. Well, up until that point at least. Finally, Damian broke the silence.

“Have you spoken to your grandma about this?”

“Yesterday. I drove out there after school.”

“What’d she say?” Lyssa asked.

“Well, she reminded me that the Mayan people believe we all have an animal counterpart, like an animal totem. It’s called a
nagual
. I guess it’s not at all unusual to dream about it.” I took another sip of soda, mostly to give them a minute to process.

“Okay,” Damian said, “so it’s normal to dream about them. What about seeing their shadows when you’re awake?”

Normal
. My brain somehow got stuck on the word. My mouth turned to sawdust. This was the part of the conversation I had been dreading. I peeked around and lowered my voice.