The rest of our day was spent preparing a first floor room for Brandon’s arrival. To be honest, Hunter and Jack did most of the heavy lifting, but I did help put some fresh linens on the bed.
“Do any of you still live here? With your mother, I mean?” I asked Hunter when we found ourselves alone in awkward silence while Jack went off and did something else.
Hunter put his hair behind his ears, reveling his handsome face, while his tight t-shirt showed off the nice body he had. “We all live away from home, but mother is rarely alone. Usually one of us crashes here one time or another, when things get a bit much in the outside world.”
“So you have a good relationship with her? Jack...” I didn’t want to finish that sentence. I didn’t want to open any old wounds.
“Yeah, Jack and mother don’t get along. This is actually the first time they’ve even seen each other in years. It’s sad that it took Brandon’s accident to get us all together under one roof again, but at least it’s something, right?” He was quiet for awhile so I thought that was it, but before I had a chance to come up with something else to say he continued. “I know what you’re probably thinking. How could we stay close to her after what she did to Jack?”
I nodded.
“Well, it’s a little more complicated than that. She was mostly a good mother to us, and she tried to make us successful people in this world. She just happened to push Jack harder than the rest of us, because he was the oldest I guess. But look at him now! He’s a famous actor with money to burn. Who wouldn’t want to live that kind of life? People would kill for less.” I saw a hint of jealously in his eyes, but it was gone as soon as I noticed it.
From the things he was saying, I realized that he had no idea what actually happened to Jack as a child. The way his mother just looked the other way just so he would get the best roles in that sick cesspool known as Hollywood. No wonder Jack hated her so much. I could see why he didn’t want his brothers to know what actually happened, though. If they didn’t believe him, or maybe if they did but still continued the relationship with the woman who was mostly good to them, it would absolutely crush him.
“Talking about me?” Jack startled me when he put his arms behind me and spoke the question. I nearly jumped out of his arms. “Relax, Sophie, it’s just me.”
I breathed hard, my heart beating who knows how fast, and tried to calm myself down. “You just surprised me that’s all,” I finally said after I’d calmed down a little. Jack massaged my shoulders with his big manly hands and I felt better for the contact.
“So you were talking about me,” he said matter of factly.
“Maybe a little bit,” Hunter allowed. “But the world doesn’t resolve around you, Jack. Well maybe most of it does, but not in this house.”
Hunter didn’t sound bitter saying those words. He just sounded like a brother teasing his older brother about something. They both laughed about it, and I sighed in relief. The last thing I wanted to cause was a fight.
We went back to the kitchen, all three of us, and made something to eat. I won’t go into too much detail, because I always find it boring when characters in novels talk about the food they’re eating. Who cares? Unless it’s a book about food addiction or something, it really doesn’t have much place in the narrative. But my life isn’t really a narrative, is it? I thought about Josie’s journals, and her life definitely didn’t have a narrative arc. She was there, and then she wasn’t. It was up to me to find out what had actually happened to her. And once I did, my whole world turned upside down. Literally.
I tried to brush those thoughts away as I drank my cup of tea, but just couldn’t. I observed Jack talking to his brother Hunter and I fell in love with him all over again. It was good he had family to rely on, though they didn’t know everything about him, except for his mother of course, who he hated for good reason. I put my hand on his thigh under the table to comfort him and he caressed it with his hand, as if saying “thank you” for being there. I lost myself in thought as they talked about what Hunter was up to. Playing shows, trying to get a record deal without his brother’s help. They talked about Aidan and how he never met the right guy. Then they talked about Brandon, and how he would never be able to drive professionally again. How it would crush him, and that he’d need his family’s support.
I listened in when the discussion turned to Hunter’s love life. He said that there was girl, but that he wasn’t bringing her anywhere near Jack, because of what happened last time. Suddenly, my interest perked up remarkably.
“What happened? I asked, interjecting myself in their conversation.
Hunter looked like he’d just made a huge mistake and wanted to take it back. “Oh, man, it’s better if Jack tells you I guess.”
I looked at Jack, suddenly feeling the urge to take my hand back, but his was still on mine and it would be a little awkward. “Let’s just say that I showed him that he could do better,” Jack said, but I could see something else behind that smile of his.
“Yeah, by fucking her right in this house when I brought her over. Real classy man, real classy,” Hunter said, suddenly the anger a little more pronounced in his voice. He smiled, he laughed, he tried to make light of it, but I could still see that it hurt him. Deeply, perhaps.
“You know I wasn’t myself back then,” he looked back at me. “I was a mess. Drugs, alcohol, pills, you name it, I was on it. And she came on to me!”
I shook my head in disbelief. “That’s really no excuse, Jack. To do that to your own brother?” I took my hand back in disgust. I didn’t care if anybody saw it.
Hunter was quiet. He obviously agreed with me.
“I think I’ll go out for a walk,” I said and headed for the door.
“Shit, see what you did Hunter? Why’d you have to bring all that shit back up, huh?” I heard Jack talking to his brother and I couldn’t help but turn around.
“Thank you, Hunter,” I said. “Jack is the only one who should be feeling ashamed in this situation.”
Hunter nodded, telling me he understood, but said nothing. I left them to argue. I needed some fresh air, and a lot of space to think about what I just found out. It seemed more and more clear that Lucy was more right about Jack than I wanted to admit.
I
put on my jacket and made my way out. While it wasn’t quite as bad as the island, at least not the chilly wind, it wasn’t exactly summer out here either. They had a nice wooded area behind the house, so I decided to walk back there. It felt good to be in nature again, away from the noise of the city. It was nice and private, and it reminded me of all the classic novels I read as a child. Where the heroine is stuck in a manor in the middle of nowhere, while the man of the house towers over her like a dark shadow. And then they fall into each other’s arms in the end and are happy forever. What a load of bollocks, as Lucy often said. Poor Lucy, Dead Lucy. I wasn’t here to think about Lucy, I was here to get away from Jack, to try to get the images of him banging his bother’s girlfriend out of my head. I wondered how Hunter had ever forgiven him. I guess blood is blood, and when the person in the wrong has more money, you just kind of accept their bad behavior. I bet he was sent into rehab after that and begged for forgiveness. I guess I could see myself giving him a chance after that as well. But now he was clean and sober, and that kind of behavior would not be excused. I don’t know why I thought about him sneaking behind my back and sleeping with someone else. Maybe because he was the one who brought Rory into our relationship? But I wasn’t all innocent in that either. I was the one who said yes, and in the end enjoyed the experience. I missed Rory right now. If he was here, he would walk right alongside me and understand why I was upset. He’d hold my hand, and maybe we’d even find solace in each other’s arms.
I tried to brush those thoughts away as well. We were as far away from paradise and Rory as we could get. Okay, maybe it could be worse. We could be back at Ravenswood island, which would truly be a terrible ordeal. I walked and walked, the house becoming smaller and smaller in the distance, until I could barely see it through the trees. I came upon a clear water creek and kneeled down by it, watching the water travel downstream. Pure, clean looking water. I rested for a bit, letting the sounds of nature take me away from my problems, as trivial as they seemed. After all, I didn’t know Jack back then, and he didn’t know me, so it seemed a bit silly to be upset about it now. But it did show me something about his character. If he was willing to do that to his own brother, what would he be willing to do to me?
I laid down against the cold ground and closed my eyes and tried to disappear forever, but the solidity of the ground beneath me kept me in the physical world.
“I’m not that person anymore,” I heard a voice above me. Jack. I opened my eyes and saw him standing right above my head. His jeans had a nice bulge that reminded me of some of the good times we had. I reached out for his legs and got hold of his calf muscles. I ran my hands up and down his legs, anchoring myself in something else, someone else, that wasn’t the land beneath us.
“I know,” I said quietly. “I overreacted.”
I watched as Jack looked upon the view in front of him. At the stream, and the trees, and the fields of green.
“I used to love this place as a kid. When anything got too much, or when one of my brothers made me mad, I’d just run out here and hide. Pretend that I was all alone, and that no one could find me.”
“Sounds kind of sad,” I said.
“No,” Jack said, letting out a little laugh. “It was actually quite nice. The thought of being alone out here was what made me stay sane when all the shit hit the fan, so to speak.”
I could see it now. Jack just a boy, of nondescript age, running out here and hiding in nature, letting the outside world disappear for awhile. This was his safe place, and now I knew why I liked it so much.
I closed my eyes and just lost myself in the feel of his jeans, his warmth that was radiating from them.
“We should probably go back,” he finally said. “There’s still some preparations to be made. Gotta make the place wheelchair friendly.”
“Do we have to? Can’t we just stay awhile more?”
Jack kneeled down beside me and caressed my face, and my hair, which was getting muddied in the grass. “You’re so beautiful,” he said and I almost flinched. “You’ll catch a cold if you lay like that. Come here,” he said and he sat down next to me, guiding my head to his lap. I immediately felt safer. His warmth, his smell, it made me realize that the only thing that mattered to me in this world was him, and I never wanted to lose him. That’s why I had overreacted when I heard Hunter’s story. I closed my eyes as Jack caressed my hair, taking bits of grass and leaves out of it.
Eventually, the spell had to break. We walked back to the house, hand in hand, slowly making our way through the trees.
“I love you, Jack,” I said before we entered the house. “Please don’t do anything to hurt me, okay?”
Jack pulled me in close and took my face in his hands. He gave me a deep kiss, the taste of him like cold water on a hot summer day. “I’d never hurt you, Sophie. Never.”
And for now, that was good enough.
I spent the rest of the day watching as Hunter and Jack worked hard to make the house as wheelchair friendly as possible. I asked Jack why they didn’t hire anybody to do it for them as they were sawing a piece of wood to create a makeshift ramp up into the house, and Hunter was the one to answer.
“Why pay someone else to do something we can do ourselves?” He said, as both he and Jack were soaked in sweat, down to their t-shirts despite the coldish weather. I helped when I could. Handing them tools and other such little things. This time I went into the house to get them both some cold beers from the fridge. It felt weird to walk through the house alone, knowing that there was nobody else inside. It was kind of spooky how quiet the house was. It was so quiet I could almost hear Jack and his brothers running around as kids. It gave me the spooks. I quickly made my way to the kitchen and to a piece of modernity: the fridge. Besides modern appliances and the flat screen TV in the living room, the house seemed like something from another era. The kind of house that was bound to have at least a few ghosts attached to it. I told myself to remember to ask Jack about the history of the house. Then I remembered Josie and her journals and the history of Jack’s other property, and thought that maybe I’d better leave it alone. I’d hate to stumble on yet another mystery that ends up in more dead bodies having to be buried. I left that life behind when I left Ravenswood island, and I’d never go back to that if I had any say in it.
I took the beers out to Hunter and Jack, and they were more than grateful. I took a water for myself, because beer was never really my thing. Or alcohol for that matter. I sat down on the front steps and lost myself again, the ghosts of the past trying to haunt me again.
“Are you okay?” Jack asked me. “You look like you’re somewhere far away.”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Thanks for bringing me back.”
I didn’t look forward to spending much time with Jack’s family. It just felt like I was intruding, even if he said he did want me there to keep him sane.
Jack offered to take me to the city again when they were going to get their brother out of the hospital, but I wasn’t feeling up to it so stayed back by myself. Hunter offered to stay with me but I told him he had more important things to worry about. I waved goodbye as they drove away in Hunter’s nice car. I couldn’t tell you the make and model, but I can tell you that it was aesthetically pleasing, for whatever that’s worth. I closed the heavy wooden door behind me and locked it. Pretty soon this house was going to be full of life. Jack, Hunter, Aidan, Brandon, and their mother, Margaret. And then there was me. Now I really wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing here. Maybe I should have stayed back on the island like Jack had suggested, though I knew he really wanted me to come here, and that’s why I did.
I wondered what I’d be doing now if I had stayed on the island. Would I frolic in the pool with Rory, the two of us not being able to take each other’s hands off each other’s bodies. I’d probably feel guilty for not being with Jack while at the same time enjoying Rory’s company. I cared for Rory, but I loved Jack. And that was all I needed to know that I had made the right decision coming here. I walked around the halls, and refrained from opening any doors that I wasn’t supposed to, but pretty soon I grew bored and took to looking out the window, at the place behind the house. The woods. The stream, which wasn’t visible right now. Suddenly, I heard a creak and my heart stopped. I stood frozen where I was and I slowly turned around but saw and heard nothing. Was I alone in this house after all?
Don’t be silly, Sophie
, I told myself,
of course you’re alone
. And then that sound again. This time I was certain it had come from the attic. I did not know what to do. Was all this happening because of all the people I had killed? Were they finally coming after me? Were they going to throw me down these stairs until I broke my neck? All these thoughts went through my head as I found myself walking up, step by step, to the apparent source of the sound. I found myself looking at a narrow flight of stairs; at the apex there was a single door. I breathed in hard. This door must be the one that led to the attic, and to the source of the noise. I tried to keep my breathing steady but failed miserably.