Panorama (42 page)

Josef asks whether Lutz would like to be able to wander off on his own. Sometimes he wants to, and Irwin should take him along now and then, but he never wants to and maybe has friends whom he meets up with. Lutz would sometime like to go into the city on his own, he knows of a big store there that sells natural-science supplies, there being stuffed birds on display, including the butterfly bird of Brazil, which is called the hummingbird, Lutz having a book in which he could show it to Josef, though much lovelier than any picture would be a preserved bird, with its soft colorful feathers and the long, pointed beak. Lutz also wants an aquarium with bright-colored fish that can be completely red or completely transparent, and which move through the water so gracefully, though the chance to own such treasures is denied him because it makes a mess in the house, which is not a museum and not a garden. If Josef happens to know the zoo, he’d love to visit it with him, it not being true that the animals suffer there, Irwin having lied about that. When Josef says he would be happy to go with him, Lutz wants to shout for joy, though Josef says it will have to be another day because of the late hour, while today they can look at a book together, and Lutz should get one that he likes. Lutz then hurries happily to get a book about butterflies and begins to initiate Josef into the mysteries of these insects, these being the larvae, these the cocoons, these the butterflies, Josef
also having to look at Lutz’s butterfly collection, it all taking an hour as they soon become friends.

Suddenly the door opens without anyone knocking, as a man walks in, the Director himself, Josef standing up, though the Director first greets his son and glances at the opened book and the many display boards where the butterflies are spread out, carefully pierced by thin needles, at which he then turns to Josef and says to him that he must be the new tutor. The two men appear to check each other out more than to actually greet each other, though the Director is affable and seems to be pleased, saying that Lutz can entertain himself for a while so that Josef and the Director can get to know each other. They head down to the conservatory, Josef told that he can sit down, which allows him to study the Director more closely, his face golden brown and his hands somewhat hairy, he having a broad fleshy nose, almost a snout, with some distance between the nostrils, a repulsive face, certainly. As they sit silently across from each other, Josef is ashamed of considering whether the Director looks more like an ape or a man, the two of them observing each other without a word, nothing occurring to either of them to say, the Director finally asking stiffly if Josef is pleased with the house, Josef saying that he thinks it is lovely and huge, though of course he didn’t yet know it that well, after which there is another pause that has to be painfully overcome with a question about how much longer Josef plans to study, he hearing himself answer as if from a distance that he thought two or three more years.

After some mildly awkward movements, the Director makes another attempt by asking if he can speak with Josef quite confidentially, since people say that the culmination of philosophy is silence. Such conversations always make Josef uneasy, nor does he have any idea what the Director is leading up to, but he presses the matter, and so Josef agrees to a vow of silence, at which the Director begins to praise his wife as a wonderful person, a pure soul, and certainly receptive to anyone wanting to teach her philosophy, though one doesn’t always learn everything from the best of men, for no one knows so much that he cannot be wrong, yet you would have to agree that this woman is a model of perfection, such that in her case one can hardly speak of any failing. The Director remarks that his sentences aren’t always clear in their meaning, noting that he deals with stocks, and he gets muddled,
then tries again and finally breaks off sheepishly, looking helpless as he beckons to the by now somewhat confused Josef, who can do nothing for the Director except wait patiently until he finally pulls himself together and with an energetic thrust states that he wishes to speak quite candidly. He wants, of course, for his boys to be well raised, and he will do anything to make that happen, though within reason, the Director above all a businessman, and though not as well educated and well read, he nonetheless has a good understanding of people, nor can anyone try to convince him of X when it’s Y, for he knows how to calculate, and Josef can be certain of his support, no, not with raising the boys, he doesn’t get mixed up in that, but when it comes to business Josef can have any tip he desires, free of charge, though it needs to be understood that his wife can’t know about it. Josef says that he doesn’t know what kind of business advice he could need. The Director meanwhile keeps talking, saying that Josef can tap his advice at any time, perhaps in how to save some money, or if he wants to invest or has inherited a few stocks, no matter, Josef can come to him and he will help him out, though the Director asks for a small favor in return, what one calls in business a usance, which has to do with the boys, but not directly so, for he can’t ignore the role of his wife in raising them, since she has such a good relationship with them, which he admits he envies, and as a result she enjoys the love and respect of the boys in a measure that one could only hope for, but unfortunately there is also a certain extravagance or high-strung quality that also accompanies it. She perhaps has too much going on inside her head and wants to raise the boys with completely new ideas, while the Director was himself raised quite simply, his mother a frank woman for whom everything went according to plan, or if not according to plan, then a smack would soon follow, which did the trick, and that was that, the father of the Director having always handled matters quite abruptly, his approach being to say to us children, you’ll have to figure out what to do on your own, and that was that. But his wife, for all her bottomless love, has no idea what to do with the boys, she’s always coming up with new ideas, then she reads some more books, which is fine, though too much of it is confusing when it comes to raising children, and then she runs to Dr. Brendel, who is the family doctor, though quite confidentially Josef should know that Dr. Brendel is not really a general practitioner, he is a neuropsychologist, certainly a capable
man in his field, having served for ten years as an assistant in a mental institution. Frau Director trusts him implicitly and continually consults him, but it certainly cannot be good to ask a psychiatrist about normal everyday issues, a neuropsychologist having no doubt already been infected by the insane and thus half a fool himself, though here Dr. Brendel is considered a saint.

Through the Director’s wife, Dr. Brendel practically wears the trousers in the family, which is a problem, though it was even worse when the last tutor was still with them. Josef should know about him, and must have heard something about him already, he being a poet, some even praising his poems, though others not, and those the Director agreed with, though Josef can form his own view, there are a number of his works tucked away on the bookshelves here, even though no one understands the stuff. That tutor was a fool, in fact incredibly ugly, for though the Director doesn’t mean to speak badly of him, you would have to see him to appreciate his little green eyes and a mouth like a beak, which he often left hanging open for a while when he said something, as if something were about to fly into it, but it was all just a mannerism that meant nothing. This poet upset everything at home, always trying to present his new poems to the Director each Sunday, who then tried to avoid him, but his wife had nagged for the poet to read until the Director surrendered and left the room. This created a bad mood, he having to indulge the poet for the sake of his wife in order to have some peace, but then something else happened, which was the trouble with Irwin, though it was all a pretext, it being hard to know what it was really all about, yet, luckily the poet was gone, it costing a bit, but at least a scandal was avoided. Indeed, Josef should know that psychoanalysis is a sham, though he doesn’t mean to insult Josef if indeed he believes in it, but here it only caused damage, and was bad for his marriage, even worse for the boys, while no matter what Josef thinks of such teaching, he asks him to refrain from it here in this house, and especially with the boys.

The Director thinks his boys are just fine, none of the three having any problem with nerves if you just leave them to themselves, and Irwin will make his own way, he has sharp elbows, and he’s a bit precocious, but that’s his nature and quite normal, and soon he’ll be wanting a girl, which doesn’t trouble the Director at all, nor can one stop it with new-fangled approaches,
nor does it hurt anyone wanting to become a real man to have a couple of harmless tales about chasing skirts, Irwin will be all right. When it comes to Lutz things are a little more fraught, for it would have been better if he were not a boy, he even half looking like a girl, the Director in fact having badly wanted a girl who would have taken after his mother, but Lutz looks like the Director’s grandfather, though Lutz is much softer, too soft, like butter, the grandfather having been hard, wiry, and tough, which Lutz will never be, though the main point is that he is already straying from the idea of studying medicine, which must be because of his disgust with blood and pus, thus leading to the decision that his mother will turn him into a neuropsychologist, while the boy in all his tenderness will turn out even crazier than Dr. Brendel, whom she holds up as an example when she talks about Lutz going into medicine.

The worried father speaks with frustration, and when he falls silent for a moment Josef begins to talk about Lutz, hoping to convince the father of that which he feared he had already not convinced the mother. Josef begins with a couple of comments about Irwin, whom, unfortunately, he did not have that much chance to speak with today, though he had a long conversation with Lutz and can agree with the father that medicine would not be the right choice, he having no real interest in the subject, but rather a real talent for zoology, as well as biology, he not only demonstrating his love of them but also an impressive knowledge for his age, all of which should be supported by getting him a microscope, so that what he plays with will feed what will inspire him to something serious. To this the Director shakes his head, saying that one shouldn’t just give in to the boys, even though he would do anything for them, but it has to be the right thing, for certainly Lutz had won over Josef, he persisting whenever he can, but it would be a mistake to support Lutz in this, his love of animals is so girlish, and all it can lead to is a career that pays nothing, though perhaps there is a different way to go about it, the Director having already thought of this interest of Lutz’s, which is why he also doesn’t agree with the mother that the boy should become a doctor, as well as the fact that he will never be cut out for a business career in either the narrow or the broader sense, what he should go into is agriculture. He could attend an agricultural school and immerse himself in his love of animals, but in a sensible manner, while once Lutz has completed
his training and seen a bit of the world, then the Director can buy him some property. Josef decides to take a bit of a risk and slyly says that he understands how Lutz’s current interests could lead to agriculture and other similar pursuits over the short or the long haul, and of course biology is essential for that, which is why the interest in the microscope would help to keep matters on track, it being a preparation for the future, where any discouragement could result in the opposite outcome, namely a resistance to any occupation suggested to him. The Director interrupts Josef’s wave of words, saying that he doesn’t need to be told that biology is a part of agricultural studies, but there is time for that in high school, a microscope only leading to trouble before then, Lutz’s playfulness too much already, for though he indulges the boys’ wishes as much as he can, he does so within certain limits. The Director asks only that Josef tutor the boys with the intentions of their father in mind, and not those of the mother, the boy needing to be steered away from a track that will only lead to his becoming another Professor Wentzel, who is Lutz’s natural-science teacher and idol, and whose zoology hardly even provides enough for him to carve a roast chicken at Sunday lunch.

Josef realizes that his efforts with the Director on Lutz’s behalf will get no further than they did with the wife. He feels embarrassed and bad about his clumsy attempts, and so collects himself in order to think of a better way to express how he wants to help the boy fulfill his highest hopes, wanting to at least do something for Lutz in order not to disappoint him so bitterly, and so he tries to get the Director to agree to letting Lutz go on a trip with him sometime soon, though the result of this attempt is somewhat meager, for indeed the Director has nothing against going on a trip if the boy wants it that badly and prefers to squeeze into the packed train and then to get blisters along some dusty trail, rather than to sit comfortably in the car and take in the view, all that is a matter of taste, but he never discusses such questions with his wife, he lets her worry about all the little stuff and only brings up the important things that will most affect the boys’ future. With this the conversation is over, the Director pleased, for his wife doesn’t care for such two-way conversations between men, but the Director knows that he can count on Josef to keep quiet about it all in order to continue to profit from his gratitude. The two then separate, Josef encountering Irwin while on his
way to the boys as he asks him, “What did you think of the film?” Irwin throws him an angry glance, wondering who betrayed him and said that he was at the movies, or whether Josef had told on him or had interrogated everyone else. Josef says with a smile that he’s no snitch, and not even nosy, it just having occurred to him that Irwin might have gone to the movies. Irwin doesn’t believe this, someone must have told Josef, and even though Lutz may not have snitched he still blabs too much. Josef says there’s nothing wrong with going to the movies, Irwin himself had said he wanted to go. Irwin agrees there is nothing wrong, it’s his business, nor had he asked what Josef had done for the afternoon. Josef wonders if he’s really interested and not just curious, though he doesn’t press the matter, even though he’s willing to talk about what he did for the afternoon. Irwin, however, doesn’t want to know, but he relaxes somewhat and indicates that he’s willing to talk about the movie and answer any questions Josef may have, admitting openly that he was at the movies, where he saw a cowboy film that was excellent, Tom Mix in the main role, and so exciting that right up to the last minute he was on the edge of his seat, Josef should go to see it if he hasn’t already.