Painted Memories (35 page)

It was nearly twelve when I left. Mom tried her best to get me to stay until the morning, but I knew she'd stall then too. She'd keep me there past lunch, and I'd waste half the day with her when I could be at school, sweet-talking my ex-boss or looking for another job elsewhere.

The long drive home was harder than I expected. Out of sheer spite, I forced myself down the stretch of road where the accident happened. If my dad could put himself through all the heartache he did a few hours ago, surely, I could drive down one lonely stretch of road. I might have only driven five miles per hour, fearing I'd take the curve too fast, or have an animal run out in front of me, but I made it. I didn't wreck, hit anything, or die... I call that a success.

I rolled the windows down in an effort to keep myself awake. The cold made me shiver and I knew I wouldn't fall asleep at the
wheel with my teeth chattering. I also blasted the music so loud, the bass vibrated though my rearview mirror, making everything in it blurry. Not that it mattered, since there was hardly any traffic on the road.

Finally back at my apartment, I parked my car and stumbled out of it, feeling like a cold, dead person. My hair was scattered every which-way. I patted it down to avoid looking like I stuck my finger in a light socket. Not that it mattered; no one was up this late anyway. Sane people were sleeping comfortably in their toasty beds. My eyes stung and felt puffy, no doubt from the buckets of tears I cried. My toes, hands and lips were ice cold and I felt stiff... I needed my bed.

Tossing my bags on the kitchen table, I stood in my empty apartment. It was so quiet, I could hear the
tick, tick, ticking
of the clock in kitchen. Glancing up, I saw it was nearly two in the morning and realized I was an idiot. Would it really have killed me to stay one more night at Mom's? No, but I was ready to be back home. Now that I was here though, it didn't feel like enough. I grabbed my keys, locked my door behind me, and walked back out onto the landing.

Lightly knocking on Drew's door, I tried not to disturb the surrounding apartments. I grinned, thinking how ironic it was. I didn't want to wake him with a phone call and let him know I was coming home early, yet I waited ‘til much later to knock on his door.

It opened slightly after a few more knocks and Drew peeped through the crack in the door as he tried to focus. When he opened the door wider, I smiled. Wearing sweat pants and a tee shirt, his hair was tousled, sticking up in every direction, which made my stomach flutter. Only he could look sexy half asleep.

“Hi,” I said.

Drew's eyes widened, realizing who I was, and he opened the door all the way. He looked me over, stepping closer and holding my face between his hands. “You're freezing and your lips are blue.” He rubbed his warm, smooth hands against my cheeks. “Your eyes... what happened?”

“Dad came over to the house. We had a moment, bonded, cried, and said our 'I still love
yous.' It was epic. Can I come in? I'm freezing.”

“Yes, yes of course.” He pulled me inside and shut the door.
“So what else? What did he say and why the heck did you drive home so late? What if something happened?”

I left him standing at the door and walked into his bedroom. His footsteps fell heavy on the floor as he followed. I pulled my shoes and socks off before crawling into his bed. He stood at the edge of it and gazed at me with confusion.

“I'm exhausted, my eyes burn, and I'm cold. Can we talk about Dad when we get up?”

His eyes softened instantly, “Whatever you want, baby,” he said, climbing into bed beside me. 

Pulling me closer, I curled up against him and intertwined my legs between his. Drew's warmth surrounded me and I felt instantly relaxed and safe in his arms.

His hand cupped my cheek as he lifted my face to peer into my eyes. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“This is why I came home early. I missed you like crazy. I just wanted you to hold me until I fell asleep. Is that okay?”

Heat warmed my lips when he kissed me. A faint moan escaped my mouth and I melted into him, parting my lips for more. His tongue lightly twisted with mine before he pulled away tenderly and smiled. “I missed you too.”

I laid my head against his chest and snuggled down beneath the covers. I felt so overwhelmed and my eyes pricked with tears, but I refused to cry. Finally...
finally
the universe was spinning my way. At that moment, aside from finding a job, I couldn't imagine life could get any better.

I glanced across the coffee table cluttered with paper. A red envelope stuck out. I smiled as I pulled it from the mess. Dad was sending me letters regularly since he went into rehab and they only grew longer with each new one he sent. We talked on the phone here and there, but not often, doing most of our communicating through handwritten letters. It was different, and I loved reading them, while looking forward to receiving something in my mailbox besides bills. Whenever I needed a little bit of encouragement or cheering up, I could pull out one of his letters and reread it. He'd been through so much already and these last two months were probably the hardest of his life since deciding to go to rehab. If he could get through this, surely I could get though the mess I was in and find a decent job. I pulled the letter from the envelope so I could read his most recent letter again.

Lilly,

I've come to realize that you never really appreciate the use of technology until it's taken away from you. We live in a world so wrapped up in electronic devices, as I am; it's hard to adjust when you can't turn to them any second of the day. We're only allowed an
hour and a half a day to use our personal devices. Talk about a wake-up call! It's been difficult to get used to the rules here, but I've been able to survive and keep an open mind about it. Others have had a rough go of it though. Frank, the therapist, told us we should free ourselves from our devices, because they only hold us back and keep us from having real conversations with people. His remedy was to write a letter. So, that's what I've been doing. I hope you're not tired of them, I've found that I have a lot to say lately.

It's not bad though, I like it much more than I thought I would and it's nice to get back to the basics and put pen to paper rather than finger to keyboard. I've realized that handwriting these letters to you—and your mother—has helped me “think” before I speak and realize the power of my words as I write them. It's been a journey I can surely testify to.

I still hate that I missed Thanksgiving with you and Drew, but I knew the importance of me being here would serve me better than having an over-stuffed belly. I know your mother cooked a feast, as usual, and I really hated missing it! I miss her cooking, amongst other things, but I won’t get into that. Moping about it doesn’t do anyone any good.

Two months, Lilly! Can you believe it? I've been here two months already and I never thought I'd make it this far. I have good news though! The last we spoke, they weren't sure what my “official” release date would be. I'm thrilled to announce that I'll be coming home the week of Christmas. I'll be able to continue with weekly therapy sessions there and it'll be easier for you to join me if you like.

You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with you, if that's what you want. It's been so long since we’ve shared a holiday together, and I promise I'll never be the monster I was before.  

I've made it this far because you believed we had a chance to rebuild what was lost and I thank you for giving me the second chance I never deserved.

I love you, see you soon.

-Dad

Dad would be home soon and I still hadn’t told him about losing my job. I think I was afraid he would relapse, and tell me how unstable and horrible teaching was, and if I hadn’t gone into the field, I wouldn't be in this mess to start with. Another part of me just didn't want to look like a failure in his eyes. He was so accomplished and continued the legacy of his family's firm. I didn't want to be known as, “the daughter who didn't make anything of herself.”

I got tired of looking for another teaching job after searching all day on the computer. There simply wasn't anything out there. And I knew why. It was the end of the year, so the school year was winding down. Until it started up again, there wouldn't be a need to hire any new teachers. But I couldn't wait ‘til then. It had been nearly two months since Mrs. LaNore terminated my job, and my savings wouldn't hold out much longer. There was no way in hell that I'd ask my parents for help, even though I knew they would. Drew kept telling me I would be all right, that we'd find something soon and not to give up, but what? I didn't exactly want to work in the fast food industry. Of course, I would if I had to; it wasn't beneath me. I'd do whatever was necessary to stay in my apartment and near Drew.

It was already eight days ‘til Christmas and I had only one gift for Drew, and nothing for anyone else. Drew would kill me over it. He made me promise I wouldn't buy him anything and I promised... with my fingers crossed behind my back. I might not have a job, but he would definitely get a present from me, whether he liked it or not. Besides, I was certain he'd love the new watch, once he saw it.

I checked the time and smiled, knowing that he would be off work and home soon. He'd been picking me up and taking me to the studio. It was about as spotless as a painter’s place could possibly be. I rearranged everything for him by color, decorated the walls with his beautiful art, and sat around, watching him work. Not having work elsewhere, being with him and watching him create new worlds on canvas was the next best thing. Spending a few hours with him flew by like the snap of a finger. I was never bored and even the piano in the corner got a workout. Like teamwork, I'd play and he'd paint. It was perfect. Many times, I'd sit and daydream about the studio being ours; a fun place to work together that we'd both love. He'd teach art or fill commissioned orders while I taught music and tutored children. What could be better than that? But that dream was just a fantasy and we both had bills to pay. Drew basically had two jobs now. He went from home, to school, to the studio and back home every day. It was his routine now, and I couldn't see anything changing for him in the near future. If I didn't get a job soon, I didn't know what I was going to do. After Christmas, I planned to start looking in the surrounding counties. If my commute was long, I'd just have to deal with it until something better showed up.

I heard a knock on my door before Drew yelled, “It's me,” and opened the door.

Snapping my laptop shut with a huff, I leaned back against the couch and crossed my arms over my chest. “Hey,” I moped. “How was your day?”

He walked over to me, carrying a bag over his shoulder and reached for my hand. Pulling me up, he said, “Screaming kids all day. Glue sticks and confetti are not fun combinations, especially when one gets the bright idea to confetti another kid’s arm.”

“Oh, it was one of
those
days.” I giggled.

He brushed his lips over mine briefly with a grin.  “Yeah, fun times. Come with me.”

Drew pulled me down the hallway to my bedroom and lay the bag across the bed. Now that I could see it fully, I recognized it wasn't just a bag, but a garment bag. “I know we were supposed to go down to the studio tonight, but I've decided we're going out instead. You've been down about your job and all those mixed feelings you have with your dad on top of it. I think you need a night out, just you and me, to forget about all your worries.”

I was grateful for what he was trying to do, I really was, but I didn't want him spending money on me when he was already working two jobs and I had none. “It's a school night, Drew. You shouldn't be out late on account of me.”

“Don't worry about me, Grandma, I'll have you back before we turn into pumpkins,” he teased.

I rolled my eyes. “You know that's not what I meant.” I glanced at the bed, “What's in the bag?”

Drew grinned. “Your attire for the evening.”

“My what?”

“I made it easy for you. I'm going to take you out. We will have a nice dinner and you will
not
worry about all your problems or stress about anything you've got going on in your life.”

“But—”

He pressed his lips onto my mouth, cutting my words off. His teeth lightly pulled at the bottom of my lip before he pulled away. “Curl your hair and wear it down. I'll be back to pick you up in two hours.”

Pecking me on the lips once more, Drew turned on his heels and walked out of my apartment. I was stunned by his quick departure before I had the chance to protest, which was probably his reason for leaving so quickly. I looked at the bag on the bed again, suddenly feeling giddy inside. A man shopped for me and picked out what I would be wearing. I was thrilled and terrified at the same time. Men were different; either they wanted you fully covered with no skin exposed, or half naked with all your jewels hanging out. My senses told me Drew liked a little of both. He would want some skin exposed, but only enough to make him want to see more.

The anticipation would kill me if I didn't look inside the bag, but I resisted the urge. I would take my shower, and fix my hair as he requested, before unveiling his gift. I only hoped I had the right accessories and shoes to match.