Painless (59 page)

“Yeah,” Romeo grinned, “she has an automatic with a silencer in her book bag and she’s going to use it later to assassinate some head of state after giving head to his state.”

“Romeo!” I chastised.

“What?” Romeo asked defensively. “No head of state would ever let you get close enough to assassinate him without seducing him first. Don’t you watch spy movies?”

I leaned toward Romeo and made a big show of staring into one of his ears.

“What are you doing, Sam?” he blurted, pulling away.

“I’m trying to see into that brain of yours so I can see all the crazy ideas floating around inside. It’s probably more fun than an amusement park in there,” I giggled. I leaned toward him again, peering intently.

Romeo swatted both hands at me repeatedly like a kitten at play. “Enough! They’re my ideas, and I charge admission!” He started laughing, still flailing with his hands.

I backed away before I got slapped, “I was wrong. It was just earwax.”

Justin crinkled his nose and laughed at us, looking super cute. “You guys are certifiably cray cray,” he laughed.

“Totally,” I said, smiling at Justin. I noticed his eyes twinkling at me. Yeah, he pretty much looked like he belonged on the cover of a teeny bopper magazine. But in a twenty year old sort of way that was swoony to all women under the age of forty.
 

Before I could look away, Justin turned to Romeo, his eyes still twinkling, and said, “Romeo, let me know what you charge for admission. I’d pay to see the crazy factory inside your head. Is there any way we can bottle it for The Wombat?”

“There is. I’ve been working with Willy Wonka, you know, the guy with the Chocolate Factory, to formulate a secret recipe. But we haven’t yet decided on whether to distill my genius into hard candies or chocolate bars.”

“I vote for hard candies,” Justin smiled, “they last longer and cost less.”

“Yes,” Romeo said seriously, “but, like an evil villain, my only goal is to fleece children of their allowances worldwide, so as to pad my own coffers.” He broke into a smile.

Justin was still smiling at him. “How do you do it?” he marveled. “You always have more ideas.” Justin leaned toward Romeo, sort of like I had earlier. But sort of not.

“What are you doing?” Romeo asked nervously, leaning away.

Justin beamed a smile at him. “I don’t believe Samantha when she said all she saw was earwax.”

“Uh, okay?” Romeo said uncertainly.

Justin grinned awkwardly and suddenly backed off, “It’s probably just earwax. Anyway, we should get to the Toasted Roast. It’s time for the staff meeting.”

Justin started walking toward the Student Center. Romeo and I followed.

We found Keith, Micah, Alyssa, and Tammy already sitting at two tables pushed together in the quad outside Toasted Roast.

“Hey, guys,” Justin said, sitting down.

Romeo and I found chairs.

“Believe it or not,” Justin said, “we got almost six thousand votes about the new Wombat mascot.”

“Wow,” Alyssa said.

“Shit,” Keith said, “and I didn’t think anybody read The Wombat anymore.”

“We’re fucking trend setters,” Micah said. “Of course they do.”

“What were the results already?” Tammy Lemons demanded.

Justin pulled a sheet of paper out of his book bag. It showed a screen grab printout of the poll results.
 

“It was a close race,” Justin said. “3,277 votes for Sam, 2,649 for Tammy. Congratulations, Sam! You won! We have our new mascot! Potty the Pot Smoking Wombat!”

“What?” I said. I must have heard him wrong.

“You won, Sam!” Romeo cheered. “You won!” He threw his arms around me and hugged me vigorously.

Justin, Keith, Micah, and Alyssa all clapped, big smiles on their faces.
 

“Congratulations, Sam!” Alyssa beamed.

“Potty for President” Micah said, pumping his fist.

“Now I just have to figure out where Potty buys his cheeba,” Keith grinned. “That blunt of his is humungous.”
 

Micah high fived him and they both snickered like total potheads.

At the end of the table, Tammy Lemons frowned.

“Sorry, Tammy,” Justin said.

I felt bad for Tammy. Sort of. But I didn’t want to shove it in her face. I’d won! Lightning had struck twice today!

Whoopee!

A smile spread across my face.

I glanced at Justin, expecting to see his twinkling smile.

But his eyes were all over Romeo.

What the what?

How had I not noticed before?

===

Romeo walked me to my car in the North Parking lot after The Wombat staff meeting. The sun floated high over the horizon, drenching the sky in warm yellows and oranges. It already felt like summer weather in San Diego even though it was still spring.

“Romeo, I think Justin likes you,” I said.

“Yeah, and he likes you too,” Romeo said. “So?”

“No, I mean,
like
likes.”

Romeo scoffed and shook his head, “No way, Justin isn’t gay. I would’ve noticed.”

“That’s what I thought. But, I don’t know, maybe it’s because we were both nervous getting to know everyone at the staff meetings. And you were always focused on trying to come up with funny ideas to impress everyone. I know how you are. You totally get carried away when you’re on a roll.”

Romeo nodded thoughtfully. “Well, don’t you think you would’ve noticed he was gay by now?”

“Maybe. But, Romeo, you exude so much gayness at all times that it scrambles everyone’s gaydar.”

Romeo raised an eyebrow, “You have a point there.”

“So maybe you should ask him out?”

Romeo chuckled, “Why would I do that?”

“Because, for all your enthusiasm for the male of the species, I’ve never seen you on a date with man nor beast.”

“I’ve been on some pretty hairy dates with some men who may have been beasts. Rawr!” Romeo quipped.

I stopped walking and narrowed my eyes at him. “When?”

“Whenever,” he dismissed and kept walking toward the parking lot. “When am I
not
out on a date?”

I jogged to catch up to him. “Slow down! I’m in heels!”
 

He slowed until I caught up.

“Come on, Romeo. Don’t you think you would’ve introduced me to one of your dates by now? I’ve known you for nine months!”

“I like to keep my personal life personal,” he said while walking. “Besides, I never date anyone for very long.”

I got the sense Romeo was trying to escape. I grabbed his arm and stopped him again. “How long?” I asked.

“What?”

“How long do you date them for?” I demanded.

Romeo rolled his eyes desperately and gave me a pleading look. I’d never seen him look so genuinely nervous before.

I leveled a gaze at him, but he was avoiding my eyes.

“You need to ask Justin out,” I said.

He suddenly goggled at me like I was insane. “I can’t ask Justin out!”

“Fine. I’ll ask him out for you.”

“This isn’t high school, Sam,” he said like he was parenting me. “I can ask him out myself. If I wanted to.”

“So, why don’t you? He’s totally cute. And he couldn’t stop staring at you during the staff meeting just now. And he loves your sense of humor. Seems like a good match to me.”

Romeo rolled his eyes. “So what? You know I’m totally gayballs for Christos. I’m saving myself for him.” His usual sarcasm was back.

“Romeo, you were also gayballs for Hunter Blakeley. And how did that turn out?”

“Perfectly! Christos saved me from him! I practically swooned on the spot when he tripped Hunter that day after sculpting class!”

I wasn’t buying it. It was all the exclamation points Romeo was using. I knew a thing or two about them myself.

I rolled my eyes. “I think you’re scared, Romeo. Justin is obviously into you. Unlike Hunter, who is straight. After today’s meeting, and that weird moment when he tried to look into your ear in front of the Main Library, he’s obviously gay.”

Romeo flinched when I mentioned the library moment.

“And,” I continued, “I get the sense Justin is available. I think it scares you.”

Romeo cringed.

“Romeo, are you consciously trying to avoid dating a nice guy like Justin? Or is it out of habit?”

Romeo smiled and shrugged his shoulders squeamishly.
 

I nodded and folded my arms across my chest, “That’s what I thought. You’re all gay talk without the rainbow walk.”

Romeo glanced around, making sure no one was listening to what he was about to say. A few random students walked here and there, but no one was closer than fifty feet away.

In a low, embarrassed voice, Romeo mumbled, “I may talk like I’m 50 Shades of Cray when it comes to living gay, Samantha, but it doesn’t mean I have any practical experience when it comes to the ways of love.”

I shook my head, “Wait, what? What are you talking about, Romeo? I thought you went to Hillcrest all the time to cruise for guys.”

Romeo waved his hand dismissively, “I was just going down to the Old Globe.”

“What’s the Old Globe? A gay bar?”

“No,” he smiled, “it’s the classic Shakespearean theater in Balboa Park. Theater in the round, outside under the stars. You should totally go some time if you want to see how Shakespeare was performed back in his day. Anyway, I help with the costumes and work as an usher when they have shows.”

“So you don’t go down to the Brass Rail to meet guys for vomit sex?”

He shook his head. “You have to be twenty-one to get into the Rail. It’s a regular bar that serves alcohol.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. “And you’re not hooking up with a new gay guy every weekend, or whatever?”

He shook his head again, “I haven’t even been out on a date before. Well, I took Kamiko to our Senior prom, but that wasn’t really a date.”

“You took Kamiko to prom?” I gasped.
 

“Yeah, we had a blast. But it was all for fun. We went as friends. No boning after,” he grinned.

“So you’ve never been on a real date?”

“Nope.”

“With neither man nor beast?”

“Not even yaks. I swear. I’ve never been on a date with anyone.”

His mention of yaks brought a smile to my face. Yak sodomites…that had been last year when he’d said it to bring me out of my emotional distress over Christos. Wow, my life had been as exciting as that amusement park inside Romeo’s head ever since I’d started at SDU.

“Wow, Romeo,” I sighed. “I’m totally surprised.”

“Me too. It’s pathetic actually. Don’t tell anyone. Even Kamiko doesn’t know. I tell her all those stories about cruising for men in Hillcrest so she won’t bug me about meeting someone.” He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“Point taken,” I said. “I’ll stop bugging you about Justin.”

“Thank you. When I’m ready to date, I will. For now, I think I just like hanging out with you and the gang.” He wrapped one arm around my neck and tried to give me a noogie on top of my head.

“Stop, Romeo!” I cackled, pulling away. “You’re going to mess up my hair!”

He was laughing, but he let go and smiled at me. “Come on, Sam. Let’s get you to your car. I think you have some good news to share with Christos, right?”

I smiled at him. “Totally.”

“And don’t tell anyone about my dirty little secret.”

I crossed my heart. “I won’t. To me, you’ll always be the gayest gay on the planet.”

“And you’ll be the faggiest hag of all time,” he grinned.

We laughed together as we walked to my VW.

Chapter 26

SAMANTHA

Finals week breezed by. I felt good going into my exams. Ever since Nikolos had hired me to help out in his studio, my life had balanced out better than I ever could’ve imagined.

When my third tuition payment for Spring Quarter had come due last month, Nikolos had insisted on loaning me the money. He said I could work full time during the summer. I wasn’t going to argue with him. I spent half the time at his studio watching him paint anyway. I’d learned a ton already.

I didn’t tell Nikolos that even if I worked full time all summer, I wouldn’t have any money left over to cover tuition payments in the fall, not after paying him back the money I owed him already.

I had no idea if my parents planned on signing my loan papers for next year or not. They were busy sweeping up the pieces of their broken marriage. I hadn’t heard much from them lately, but what was there for them to tell me? They were splitting up. So? Half the kids in America had already been through it. Whatever. I’d deal. And I’d figure out how to pay for next year’s tuition when the bills came due.

On Thursday of finals week, I walked into the lecture hall for American History 3. It was packed full of students anxious to start the test and get it over with.

I knew I had A’s in Plein Air Painting and Drawing the Costumed Figure from talking to my professors during office hours. And I suspected I would get an A or a B in Sociology 3 based on how well my final had gone. American History was the last hurdle before my first year in college was officially over!

When I flipped through the questions on the exam sheet, I felt a surge of confidence. I knew exactly what to write for my essay answers. My hours of cramming had paid off.

After only two hours, with an hour to spare, I closed my blue book with a smile. I knew I’d aced it. I strolled down to the bottom of the lecture hall and dropped my blue book on the small pile that had already formed on the table in front of the chalk board.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to do a happy dance. I squealed no louder than a mouse as I twirled around once before getting a hold of myself. I’m sure the students still writing wanted to concentrate.

The T.A. sitting behind the table smiled at me.

I smiled back before turning and walking up the stairs.

I grinned from ear to ear as I walked outside. The weather was absolutely perfect. The sun was high in the sky. It was probably seventy-five degrees. I wore shorts and a T shirt over my bikini top. Madison and I had been going to the beach every chance we got since the beginning of May.
 

I was tan from head to toe.

Welcome back to My Beach Life, set in San Diego, California, my favorite place on the planet! I was never going back to dreary Washington D.C.