Pain Lived, Love Found 2 (21 page)

Sarah buzzed me inside of her apartment building and I jogged up the stairs and to her door. I was so anxious to see her I could barely contain myself. As my heart pounded in my chest, I thought about how everything on my to-do list was finally taken care of. The problems that bugged me and kept me up at night were finally dealt with, the main one being Carter Williams and his entire organization. I get no enjoyment from killing, but he left me no choice. Carter was a problem that was never going to stay away had I shown him mercy a second time. In retrospect I should have taken Carter out immediately the first time he attempted to harm me and my family, but I didn’t. He most certainly had no plans of sparing my life or Sarah’s for that matter.

Sarah… the thought of Carter coming after her again always crossed my mind. It was a fear that nagged at me constantly. It kept me awake at night until it sat in the pit of my stomach like a heavy lump of coal, taking away my appetite in the process. Knowing that she’s safe renews my spirit and faith. It gives me hope that there can be an “us” and we can have a future.

I took a deep breath before I knocked on her door. My head was down as I looked at my shoes with my hands in my pockets when her door finally opened. I looked up and smiled instantly even though she stood there with one hand on the doorknob and the other on her hip giving me a disapproving look. I began to walk in, not bothering to wait for her invitation. She began to back away as I walked forward, but I pulled her into my arms and kissed her.

It felt like it had been a lifetime since I last tasted her soft, sweet lips. Sarah gasped softly as I slowly and sensually kissed her. I missed her and I needed her, and my feelings came pouring out in my kiss. My arms tightened around her waist as I pulled her closer, and Sarah got on her tippy toes and wrapped her arms around my neck, her hands tugging at my hair at the back of my head. We moaned at the same time as our kiss became hungry and urgent. I broke away from her lips and kissed her softly along her cheek and jaw and finally down her soft neck. She smelled like strawberries and cream and I just wanted to taste her from head to toe. I quickly found out that her neck is her sweet spot as she moaned and purred and whispered my name over and over.

“Roman...”

Sarah began to push against my chest to stop my sensual assault. She pushed harder and stumbled back a little as she panted and held her hand up letting me know to stay put.

I smiled wickedly at her as I too tried to catch my breath. My desire for her was evident as I saw her glance at the bulge in the front of my pants, just as I’m sure her panties are soaking wet.

“That’s some kind of hello.”

“I missed you.”

“I see.” Sarah smiled.

I cleared my throat and said, “Let’s sit down and talk.”

We both began to walk towards her couch. Before she sat down she asked, “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’ll take some water, thank you.”

My eyes never stopped watching her as she walked the short distance to her kitchen to retrieve two bottled of waters from her fridge. She had on some cut off blue jean shorts with white fringes hanging off of them, showing her beautifully rounded thighs, and a white off the shoulder top. Her hair was in a messy ponytail sitting on the top of her head. Her skin looked soft and supple from head to toe. She had a small scar on her right knee, but otherwise her skin was flawless from what I could see. She has beautiful feet and her toes were painted a hot pink color. I smiled on the inside because everything about Sarah screams feminine to me.

“Here you go.” Sarah handed me one of the bottled waters and sat down next to me. The enticing smell of her body wash wafted to my nose and I had to stop myself from reaching out and taking her into my arms again.

Sarah sat with one leg tucked underneath her and she was facing me, giving me her full attention. This was the first time I’ve seen her without makeup on, and she couldn’t have looked more beautiful to me. I began to feel nervous under her intense gaze because she was studying me, and I felt that if she kept looking she’d find out all of my hidden secrets; some secrets I will never tell her, some I’ll tell her at a later date.

I reached for my water bottle and twisted off the cap and took a long gulp. Sarah’s eyes never me.

“Carter is dead, isn’t he?”

I thought I’d ease into that topic, but Sarah clearly had no patience for beating around the bush.

My eyes met hers and we stared at each other for a moment. I didn’t want to admit to her that I killed someone…again.

Sarah spoke again, this time in a softer voice, “If you didn’t have a conscience you wouldn’t be so tense right now. It’s weighing on you, I can see it and I can feel it.”

“Really? How so?”

“The way you kissed me, the way you held me. You needed comfort, reassurance.”

“I needed you. I missed you,” I replied.

“And I missed you too, but that kiss was very different from any other kiss we’ve shared Roman. The way you held me, I knew something was troubling you.”

Looking down at my hands I said, “I had no other choice.”

“I know you didn’t,” Sarah responded as she reached out and caressed my hand.

“It’s not just him that’s dead, Sarah. I took out his entire organization.”

I looked at her and watched for her reaction.

“Oh,” was all she said in return.

“I had to ensure that everyone close to him, everyone that could possibly keep his ring going was gone. I should have dealt with Carter back then, but I didn’t. At that point in my life, I was tired of the bloodshed and turf wars. I wanted out of the business and life. I wanted to do something better with my life versus die in the streets. Not long after that I cut ties with my family’s business and went into business for myself. I’ve been able to leave that world behind until now, and it’s eating me up that I got sucked back in because of Carter.”

“I’m glad you got out. I’m glad you’re the successful, respectable businessman that you are now, but I’ll never judge you because of your past. You did what you had to do, what you thought was right at the time,” Sarah replied reassuringly.

“It doesn’t stop the guilt, though, Sarah. I’ve hurt a lot of people...and killed. I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

“I understand guilt more than you know. I’ve done things that I’ll never share with anyone Roman, not my family and not even you. That’s how ashamed I am. There are things that are best left between myself and God because, at the end of the day, He is the only one I will have to answer to. I can’t take your guilt away no more than you can take away mine, but what I can do is support you and be here for you. If you just need me to be a listening ear, I can do that too.”

I looked at Sarah in amazement. She doesn’t know what her words did for me just now. I came to her apartment carrying a heavy load of guilt that I had planned on keeping to myself, but the minute I saw Sarah I knew I had to tell her what I had done. She knew Carter and was as close to the situation as I was and, therefore, deserved to know. Within a matter of seconds, her lips uttered words that made me feel like I was ten feet tall. Nothing I told her phased her. I told her that I killed people, lots of people, and she didn’t blink. Most women would have been appalled, calling me everything but a child of God. Sarah didn’t bat an eye. I told her how eaten up with guilt I am about what I did, and she tells me she carries her own shame that she’ll never share with anyone. She offered me her support and listening ear, and to me that was worth more than all the money in the world. Where was this woman twenty years ago? I could do nothing but chuckle to myself.

“What’s so funny?”

“You. You’re an amazing woman, Sarah. I appreciate your support and kind words, I really do. This isn’t easy for me...opening up like this and sharing things with someone other than the people I trust. I trust you, and I think it’s because we have a lot in common.”

Sarah smiled at me and I smiled at her in return. I leaned in to kiss her when her doorbell rang. My eyes were still focused on her beautiful lips as I was just a breath away from claiming them before we were rudely interrupted.

“Are you expecting company?”

“No, not at all,” Sarah replied with a confused look on her face.

“I’m sorry, but I should go see who it is,” she whispered before she got up.

She walked over to the intercom next to her door and pressed the black button.

“Yes?” she said loudly.

“It’s Junior and Mikey. Let us up.” Came Junior’s loud voice.

“Shit. Ohhh shit! It’s my brothers.” Sarah said nervously.

“What’s the problem? I’d love to meet them.” I replied as I shrugged my shoulders.

“I want you to meet them too, but not like this!” Sarah shrieked. “I can’t believe this is happening,” she mumbled as she pushed another button to buzz them inside. She turned to me and quickly said, “I apologize for whatever offensive things that come out of their mouths and if they are rude to you. They are very protective of me.”

I simply sat back on the couch and smiled at how cute Sarah looked being all nervous because her brothers are about to see their grown big sister with a man in her place. I suppose if I had a sister I’d be very protective of her too.

Sarah opened her door to let her brothers in. They were some big dudes, I must admit. It was also easy to tell that they were all siblings. The resemblance was incredible. One had a big afro and his steely gaze saw me first when he stepped inside. He paused, causing his brother to bump into him. After burning a hole through me with a death stare he finally said in a disgusted voice: “I didn’t know you’d have company. Who is he?”

“Be nice Michael.” Sarah pinned her brother with a look that told him she meant business.  Her other brother pushed his way inside and said, “What’s goin’ on?”

Once his eyes landed on me he gave me the same death stare as his brother did just moments before. “Oh…what’s up man? I’m Johnny but everyone calls me Junior. This is my brother Michael.”

I stood up and walked up to Sarah’s brothers and shook both of their hands. Michael didn’t like me, and he did nothing to hide it. I didn’t expect him to shake my hand, but he did, and his grip was definitely stronger than necessary.

“It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Roman Mancini and I’m your sister’s boyfriend.” I watched as shock came over Junior’s face and a snarl came over Michael’s.

“Roman!” Sarah screeched.

When I turned to look at her my eyes were dark and unwavering. I dared her to argue what we both knew we were. She stared at me in return but said nothing.

“So you got a new man huh? Where did you find this one Sarah? What is he a mobster? A step up from Carter?”

“Watch your mouth, Michael!” Sarah got in her brother’s face even though he towered over her.

His height and muscles meant nothing to Sarah as she stood in his personal space ready to punch him. Her spunk made me smile inwardly. She was the oldest of the siblings and she was quick to remind her brother of who he was speaking to.

“You will not disrespect me or my man in my house. Are we clear? That goes for you too, Junior,” she said as she pointed at him. Junior held his hands in the air as though he was an innocent bystander in all of this.

Did she just say “My man?” I think I just got a hard on. Damn, she’s sexy! I love a woman who claims what’s hers!

Michael stared angrily at his big sister for a moment before mumbling “Yeah, we clear.” He then walked up to me and got in my face. I had about three inches on Michael, but I knew he would be a formidable opponent if we ever got into a tussle.

“As long as you understand that you ain’t messin’ with just any chick off the street. This is my sister, our sister, and she’s been through enough shit in her life to last a lifetime, and I’ll be damned if some random dude comes along and fucks up her world all over again. I’ll kill for her and for all of my family, but especially my sisters. You feel me?”

While I understood and admired his protectiveness and love of Sarah, I don’t take well to threats. I glared at Michael in return and squared my shoulders.

“I’m no two-bit hustler off the street, I’m a businessman and I own my own developing company. I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs, and I’m not trying to scratch some itch with your sister. I care about her, she’s an amazing woman, and she’s told me about her past struggles. The last thing I’ll ever do is treat her like she’s been treated in the past. In my eyes, she’s a queen and I will always treat her as such.”

I then took a step closer to Michael. “And I guarantee you that I’m no punk like Carter Williams or any of the other low life’s she’s dealt with in the past.”

We stood face to face, almost nose to nose, staring at each other and sizing each other up before Sarah got in the middle and pushed us apart.

“Are y’all done with all this macho crap because I’m sick of it.”

“We cool. As long as Roman understands where I’m coming from sis.” Michael had a smirk on his lips that didn’t reach his eyes.

“I understand you, and I hope you both understand me as well. You don’t trust me – I get it. In time you will,” I said matter-of-factly with a smirk of my own on my lips.