Pace Laps (Racing on the Edge Book 10) (4 page)

“Why do I have to go? I mean, can’t we just cancel it?”

“Jameson, it’s
your
company’s fucking Christmas party. JAR Racing is literally your name. Stop being such an asshole and just deal with it.”

“It’s bullshit,” I grumbled with sarcasm. “I don’t know why we keep having these damn parties. It’s the same stupid shit every year. Tommy, Willie, and Dave get wasted and do something incredibly fucking stupid that they think is hilarious or brilliant. Most of the night is spent with me talking the cops out of arresting their asses.”

Annoyance hovered in her stare, and I knew she was about to lay into me. “Yeah, well, I can remember quite a few years where I spent most of my night talking the cops out of dragging your ass to jail so don’t be a hypocrite.”

Shit. She’s right.

“Whatever.” My gaze moved out the window to our backyard. “All I’m saying is I don’t think it’s necessary for
me
to go to this party. I could stay home. No one is even going to notice if I’m there or not.”

Her lips puckered, looking at me in disbelief. “
Everyone
is going to notice if you’re there so quit your bitching. Stop sulking. You’re going.”

I scoffed at her accusation “Sulking? I’m not sulking. I’m contemplating.”

Contemplating how to fake a sickness.

Reaching out, she patted my head like I was some fucking dog.

“Sure you are, honey.”

I was done talking about it. All it did was raise my blood pressure and piss me off. I just didn’t like Christmas parties and everything that went with them. I’d much rather stay at home and be with my wife alone. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently so if you asked my family.

Stirring my coffee, I watched Sway pouring coconut creamer in hers. “Do you want some coffee with your cream?”

“Shut up.” Placing the creamer back in the fridge, she eyed me, her lips thinned with irritation. “Why are you being mean this morning?”

“I’m not being mean just making an observation. You use way too much creamer. Do you even like the taste of coffee?”

“No, as a matter of fact, I don’t, but I also don’t see what that has to do with anything. Nobody likes the taste of coffee. It’s a necessary evil in my life and I may as well enjoy it.”

I raised my eyebrows at this statement because seriously? “
I
like the taste of coffee.”

She sat down on my lap, refusing to sit in her own chair at the table. “Yeah well, good for you.”

“Now who’s being mean?”

Sway turned to give me her full attention. “Look, Jameson, I’m about to go to a doctor’s appointment where I have to basically get naked and be felt up. Not to mention he is going to stick a giant Q-tip in my vagina and a finger up my ass.”

The fuck?
“What do you mean a finger up your ass?”

Apparently, it was a stupid question because Sway rolled her eyes and turned back to her coffee before we had to leave. “Seriously, what do you think goes on at these appointments?” she finally asked.

“Not that. I’m actually a little upset they stick something in your ass. How invasive.”

I wasn’t sure what I thought happened when Sway went to the lady doctor, but I could tell you it would have never included a finger entering anyone’s asshole. Just the thought made me shudder.

“Oh yeah? What exactly goes on at your appointments?”

I stood, pushing her off my lap. “We’re most certainly
not
talking about those appointments.”

As far as I was concerned, those appointments weren’t going to happen for me. I was too young for that still, and if I didn’t talk about it, it wouldn’t happen.

I DIDN’T THINK much of it that morning. Routine doctor’s visit, right? She had them every year. The only difference is, this time, I went with her because I had a meeting in Charlotte anyway.

The thing with routine was that everyone’s routine was different. Because of Sway’s family history with cancer her routine exam usually meant that they would perform a breast exam, have a mammogram and then if they saw anything suspicious, they would biopsy it just to make sure it was nothing serious. This was a cycle we had gotten used to. I figured today wouldn’t be any different. Just another day in our routine.

Wrong.

Very wrong.

During Sway’s exam, Dr. Keegan found a lump he wanted to follow up with quickly.

Sway was given an appointment for a mammogram that same day. Still, we didn’t think anything of it.

The day after, Friday morning, and I remember the date specifically, December fourteenth. The mammogram office called and scheduled Sway for a biopsy Monday morning in Charlotte. While I wasn’t happy about her having to go through another biopsy, I wasn’t worried either. Like I said, everyone’s routine was different, and we had been through this before. Everything would be fine.

Monday morning came and we were out of there in less than an hour. When Dr. Keegan’s office called back that same afternoon and asked us to come in to go over Sway’s biopsy results, I knew something wasn’t right. Sway knew it too. I could see it in her eyes. It was like she expected this call would come someday.

Hell, in some ways, I was sure she’d prepared herself for it to come.

Sitting in the doctor’s office, hearing him go over the results and explain what they meant, it was as if my whole world tilted. I fucking knew how true the statement that your life could change on you in an instant was. You could be running the high line flying past everyone and catch the brim, and you were done. Tire shredded, car all smashed to shit and out of the race. There went your perfect season.

That was exactly my thought hearing the word cancer.

Fucking cancer.
I repeated it in my head a few times, trying to process it.

It was like a bad slow-motion wreck. You could see what was going to happen, saw the wall coming full speed, but you couldn’t do anything to stop it. You just had to wait and hope there would be something left after the impact.

Dr. Keegan’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “I know this is scary, but we have a lot of options right now,” he went on to say. “You’re Stage two, which means while the cancer is slightly more advanced than Stage one it has stayed contained within the breast.”

I looked at Sway, who sat stick straight like a statue without the slightest twitch. “What do we do now?” she asked, reaching for my hand.

It seemed like a simple question, but we both knew the answer was going to be anything but simple.

The doctor drew in a deep breath and walked around to the front of his desk placing himself directly in front of Sway. “Well, right now we wait.”

Wait? He can’t be serious.

She stared up at him, and that was when I freaked out. Naturally. Waiting wasn’t something I was okay with. I mean, fuck, she had cancer.
Get it out. Do something. Don’t wait for it to kill her.

“Wait? What the fuck do you mean wait?” I leaned forward, my hands shaking as I let go of Sway’s hand. “You just told us that my wife has cancer and now you’re telling us to wait.” With my heart pounding, my chest aching as the adrenaline coursed through me, I was losing control.

“Well, like I said, with Sway being stage two we have more options because the cancer hasn’t spread to other parts of her body. I’m going to give you recommendations for Oncologists. Doctors I would trust with my own family and once you choose who you want to meet with, they can give a more in depth explanation of your choices.”

That’s it. Just wait and see what happens?

I wanted to rush her to the hospital and make them take it out like it was an abscessed tooth or something. I was sure if we acted straightaway, like that very second, it would be over.

The truth was, I knew what this meant. Despite everything from plane crashes to parents dying, we hadn’t been tested like this. Not yet at least. We were about to find out just how far we could be tested before we broke.

Right then, staring at my wife as a tear slipped down her cheek, her eyes already taking on a sense of regret, I knew then I’d do anything, fight harder than she ever thought possible to save her.

I had to.

Jumping out of my chair, I paced the small room, running my hands through my hair in total frustration.

“No.” I shook my head violently back and forth. “That’s not good enough. We need to do something now. Right now. Call someone.” The unevenness in my voice echoed through the room, settled in my head, a reminder of the fragile edge I was hanging onto.

I faced the doctor, my fists clenching, rage boiling below the surface. “I mean what fucking good are you if you can’t help us? What kind of goddamn doctor are you to sit here and tell us to wait? She has cancer, not some goddamn hangnail!” Sway looked at me in horror, her hand covering her mouth, but I was too far gone. There was no turning back for me.

With what resembled an entire body shake, my rage was almost overwhelming. Turning toward the chair I had been sitting in just moments ago, I kicked it across the room before I turned and punched the wall holding all of his useless fucking diplomas. Pieces of paper that didn’t mean shit when it came down to it because all he could tell us to do was wait.

“FUCK!” I screamed as I rushed out of the office and down the hallway toward the exit. I didn’t even know where I was going, just that I couldn’t breathe, and I had to get out.

“Jameson!” The desperation in Sway’s voice stopped me in my tracks. When I glanced at her, because I couldn’t ignore the tone of her voice, I gasped. Shit.
How much of a selfish bastard can I be?
I was losing my mind, yelling and kicking chairs, when it was
her
that should be falling apart.

I took a minute to catch my breath, and when I turned around seeing the look of devastation in her eyes, it hit me right in the chest like a hammer. Tears steadily streamed down her cheeks. It was all I could do to get to her fast enough to wrap her in my arms and hold her tight. “I’m so sorry, honey.” I couldn’t hold her tight enough as I kissed her forehead.

“It’s okay. I get it. It’s a lot to take in.” She drew back, examining my face. Raising my hand, I went to brush my palm over her cheek. Only it was bleeding so I dropped to my side. “I actually would have been worried if you didn’t punch something.” A sad smile took over, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. “Let’s just go home and we can talk about things then.”

ONCE WE WERE back in the truck, the ride home was long. Neither of us said a word. I was looking ahead holding onto the steering wheel so hard I could have sworn it started to bend, and Sway sat with her hands in her lap staring out the window. I would turn to look at her every few minutes, and it was obvious she wasn’t actually looking at anything. She was lost in her own thoughts.

I couldn’t imagine what must have been going through her mind. I knew being diagnosed with the same disease that robbed her of her mother at such a young age was one of her greatest fears.

Pulling into our driveway, I noticed everyone seemed to be enjoying our house when we weren’t even fucking around. Parked in the driveway were Tommy’s Firebird and Willie’s truck, which was the last fucking thing I needed.