Overheard in a Dream (44 page)

“‘Then
channel
her. Bring her here now. Prove she is what you say she is. Bring her to me.’

“‘I
can’t
. Because I was
faking
it! I’ve told you that a hundred million times now. I’ve
told
you. I was
never
channelling anything. Torgon is just something I made up, nothing more than an imaginary companion from my childhood.
Please
, you’ve got to understand that.’ I was growing tearful.

“He grabbed me. ‘You just want to fuck. That’s all you ever wanted from me. Base lust.’

“‘Fergus, no! Don’t!’

“Grasping the front of my blouse so hard the buttons popped, he pulled me down on the bed. ‘I tried to raise you up,’ he said. ‘I tried to bring you to the Light.’

“‘Stop!’ I cried, so frightened now.

“But he wouldn’t. With ferocity, he wrestled me under him and forced me hard against the bed. I struggled. I pushed and pushed. He thrust his penis into me with such force that it could have been a stake through the heart.

“‘You are the Queen of Darkness! You refuse to be lifted to the Light.’

“I was sobbing. ‘Please, please stop, Fergus. You’re hurting me. Please.
Please.
’

“When he came, he pulled his penis out to let the semen spew across my face. ‘Here. Eat it, you dirty, filthy cunt.’”

“I sat on the side of the bath. It had a hand-held shower attachment and I kept washing and washing. He’d left hours earlier and it was about 3:30 in the morning by then, but I couldn’t stop. There was nothing cut, nothing bleeding, nothing to show what had happened but I felt like I had worms crawling out of me.

“Just then the front door rattled abruptly. Sheer terror shot through me.

“The key turned in the lock. The handle turned. The front door went open, then hit the extent of the chain lock, clanging loudly.

“‘Laura?’ came Fergus’s voice. It was no longer fierce but querulous at the unexpected chain.

“I opened the door to the bathroom slightly but remained in the shadows, too scared even to breathe.

“‘Laura? Where are you? Let me in.’

“‘Go away,’ I said softly.

“‘I’m sorry, Laura. I’m so sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I’ve come back to tell you that. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to do that.’

“‘I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to see you again. Just go away.’

“‘Oh Laura,
no
,” he said plaintively. ‘Please forgive me. I didn’t mean it. Please forgive me. It won’t ever happen again. Please let me in.’

“I remained standing in the darkness of the hallway, the towel clutched to my bare skin. ‘No. Go away.’

“‘Laura, please? Say you forgive me.’ I could hear tears in his voice.

“He had his hand through the small opening afforded by the chain and was grasping up and down at empty air. From the height of his hand, I realized he was on his knees. ‘Please, please forgive me,’ he was pleading. He started to sob.

“I began to cry myself.

“‘My queen,
please
don’t do this to me.’

“Then things changed. When I wouldn’t answer and wouldn’t let him in, his tears began to turn to rage. He rattled the door loudly and yelled. ‘Let me in!’

“Frightened, I went back to the bathroom and locked that door.

“‘You bitch!’ he shouted. ‘Let me in!’

“Understandably, this woke my neighbours. I heard doors to other apartments opening and someone telling him to shut up. They threatened to call the police. I prayed they would.

“He shouted, wept and pleaded for an hour or so longer. Then, at long last, came silence.

“Still locked in the bathroom, I listened. Listened so hard my ears hurt. I didn’t have a watch on. I had no idea what time it was. I just kept listening. Was he still outside my door? Had he left? Was he down by my car, waiting there? I grew nauseated with fear. I vomited and still did not feel any relief.

“When I finally dared to let myself out of the bathroom, it was seven thirty in the morning. Around me were all the familiar sounds of the apartment building coming to life. I went into the bedroom, past the rumpled bedding, past my torn blouse lying on the floor, and got out a pair of clean jeans and a sweatshirt. I went then to the kitchen and opened the window because it looked out on the car park where my car was. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary down there. Gathering my courage, I went to the door of my apartment and opened it to the full extent of the chain. Seeing nothing, I took it off the chain and put my head out. Vanessa, the girl who lived down the hall, was coming out.

“‘You okay?’ she asked. ‘I mean, your boyfriend was pretty out of it last night, wasn’t he? Was he drunk?’

“I nodded. She locked her door and left. I went back inside. Getting my car keys and my purse, I closed the door to the apartment, went down the hall, down the back stairs and let myself out into the car park. I peered carefully into the back seat of the car before unlocking it. Once in, I locked it back up, started the ignition and pulled out of my parking space. A November dawn, pale and heavily overcast, made headlights a necessity. Pulling out of the car park and onto the road that led to the freeway, I headed west. And so it was that I left Boston and Fergus and my medical career behind and I never returned.”

W
hen Laura had gone, James pulled the pages of the final story from the folder and began to read.

“
I wish to go now to the high holy place and make communion with all-seeing Dwr. You will need to carry these things,” Torgon said, giving the food bags to Loki, “for what I carry is heavy enough for me.
”

Loki lifted up the bundles and secured them over her shoulders.

The winter’s afternoon was waning by the time they reached the small hut.

“Look at the straw!” Loki cried in surprise, as she entered. “There’s piles and piles of it! Are animals allowed to stay here when it’s not in use for cleansing rites?”

“No.”

“I didn’t imagine this would be such a pleasant place by day, for ‘isolation hut’ sounds so cold and dark to me. But there’s dry wood here and the fireplace is clean. Shall I start the fire and make us food? Or do you wish to undertake your journey to the high holy place tonight
?”

Torgon had begun removing her heavy outer garments when the first hard contraction came. Clenching her teeth, she arched her back against it.

Loki froze, her eyes going wide and dark. Laying down her things, she came quickly over. “My mother says one shouldn’t stiffen against the pain, for it will then go worse with you.” She reached out to pull off the last of Torgon’s outer clothes.

Torgon sank down into the straw as the contraction passed.

All the girl’s carefree cheerfulness had vanished. “Oh anaka benna, what shall we do?” she asked, her voice dismayed. “I wish now we’d never embarked on such a journey, for it’s brought the baby on.”

“No. The journey didn’t bring the baby on. It was already coming when I left. The straw you see here is what my sister brought when she prepared the hut for me. And you are here to give me aid. I trust with all your brothers, you’ve had generous experience of your mother’s birthings.”

“Me?”
Loki cried and pressed her hands against her cheeks. “Oh great Dwr, me? To birth a holy child? You and me alone? Here in the forest
?”

“Birthing’s easy among worker women, Loki. It’s common to make them stay in the fields until the birth and then be back again at work before the day is done. I’m sure you’ve heard your parents say how workers do it no differently than cows.”

“Anaka benna, it is not the time to chide me for my caste.”

A pause.

Torgon lowered her head. “Aye. Well said.”

A long silence fell across the hut.

“I should have told you what I intended here and let the choice be yours.” Torgon looked at the girl. “If you do not now wish to stay, so be it. I understand. I will not command it of you and I will not hold the decision ill against you.”

“I wasn’t meaning I would leave you,” Loki said. “Of course, I wouldn’t leave you, holy benna. It’s just that I fear my aid will be a paltry gift. It would be much wiser to have the aid of those more accomplished than myself.”

“You will do for me. If I or the babe dies tonight, it will only hasten what will happen anyway.”

The child was born in the darkest hour of the night. It came easily, sliding wet and steaming into the cold, candlelit darkness of the hut. Loki lifted the baby up to show Torgon. “A boy,” she said and smiled. “A big, strong boy, anaka benna. And
look
at all his hair! He is shaggy as a calf.”

The cord was cut and Torgon had him in her arms. She fingered over him, touching his cheeks, his tiny hands, his plump genitals. He whimpered and squirmed against her warm skin, searching for her nipple.

“Here, holy benna, put this cloak around you. The labour’s over now and you will soon grow chilly, for the room is very cold.”

Torgon didn’t hear what else Loki said. For the moment there was nothing in the universe other than the babe.

Loki knelt down beside her. “What would you have me do now? Go with a secret message to the holy Seer that you have been delivered of a son
?”

“No.”

The girl’s brow furrowed.”

“No. I will stay here with the child until he’s had his three-day feeding. During that time it will be between you and me alone that he is come.”

“Anaka benna! Anaka benna! Awaken, please!” Loki cried.

Deep in exhausted sleep, Torgon roused only slowly.

“Wake up!” Loki jostled Torgon roughly.

The sudden motion startled the baby and he gave out a cry. Torgon raised her head. Day had come. The hut was filled with sunlight made brighter by the snow.

“I see warriors. They are far off, but they are coming in this direction,” Loki cried.

Torgon drew the baby close. “Did you recognize them? Were they of your father’s band? Or
cariuna
warriors? Or anakas? Could you tell
?”

“They are warriors of our people, but they were not of my father’s band. From a distance it was hard to make out the colour of their cloaks.”

Torgon drew in a sharp breath. “If they find me unprotected, they will kill me now and take the babe.” She glanced around the room. “You must hide me.”

“Hide
you, anaka benna?” Loki cried in alarm. “Could not you get to the high holy place in time
?”

“I bleed heavily with the birthing. Their dogs would scent me easily and move faster than I could do. No, you must hide me. Quickly. And then keep them and their dogs outside.”

Torgon rose up with the baby and crossed the small room. “Here. I will lie over here and keep him at my breast so he won’t cry. You must pile the straw over us. The soiled straw first, so it is not obvious there is blood. Then the clean straw. Quickly, Loki. Do as I say.”

There were seven or eight of them, with two of the holy brothers – Maglan and Galen – among them. Opening the door of the hut, Loki came out into the dappled sunshine that filtered through the leafless trees.

“Ah, Marek’s daughter,” Maglan said. The other warriors came up to stand in a semi-circle around Loki. Their dogs shifted restlessly about them.

“What finds you here?” Galen asked.

“I have accompanied the anaka benna. She wished to go to the high holy place to commune with Dwr in preparation for the holy birth, but the Seer felt it unwise she go alone so deep in winter. So, the Seer has bid me come here to the hut to keep a fire and provide food, should the divine benna need it.”

“I hear you are of unusual piety,” Galen replied. “Do you find this then a joyful task
?”

“Oh no,” Loki replied quickly. “It is only that I am eldest now among the acolytes, and so the chore falls to me. Fact is, it’s cold and lonely here, for the anaka benna seldom comes, and when she does, she keeps a vow of silence. She is preoccupied with thoughts of Dwr and of the coming birth.”

“I see,” Galen said.

“She is close then to the birth?” Maglan asked.

“Aye. Another week or two, the Seer said.”

The dogs kept moving. In and out among the men, around Loki, around the foundations of the hut. The warriors made no effort to control them.

Loki endeavoured not to watch the dogs, but it was hard to ignore them since they were so active. In turn, she was aware of Galen watching her. He scrutinized her face closely.

“It is in my mind that you feel fear,” he said. “Your skin gives away your nervousness with blotches.”

“It is the cold,” Loki replied.

“I think not. I saw you at the door. You did not wait to greet us, as a warrior’s daughter should.”