Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) (31 page)

As she stood waiting, looking in rapt
interest at a stand of thread, she tried to get herself under
control. And she would have, too, but the stupid room was
pint-sized and Sean’s stupid smell was so damn strong that it
permeated all available space, crushing her resolve to stay
unaffected; filling her up with a pain she couldn’t believe wasn’t
killing her.

Krista had no choice but to make a hasty
exit.

“Ready?” Sean asked quietly as he stepped
out beside her.

Krista gave him an affirmative head bob,
blinking furiously to try and clear her glassy eyes. One tear,
uncaught, wobbled out from under lashes, and streaked down her
cheek.

Sean’s eyes caught it, and followed its
progress, his eyes clouding with pain.

“So you go there often, then?” she said as
she swiped her hand across her face quickly. Her voice was upbeat,
which hopefully hid the tremor.

“Every time I need a new power suit, yeah.
Otherwise I buy designer off the rack and get it tailored at
whatever store I buy from. Gotta look the part, you know?”

“All the world’s a stage.”

“Precisely. And I encourage you to remember
that on Friday. You are playing a part to our clients. You are the
Lead Researcher, which means you need to have decorum and
professionalism when you answer questions.”

“Is that why the sudden title? So John can
convince me to grow up?”

Sean laughed, “Exactly so.”

“Right. Well…I guess I’ll you see you in
there.” Krista stepped away. Sean nodded with a solemn expression,
but he let her escape.

~*~*~*~

In the small conference room after the
meeting with John, Sean watched Krista hurry away with Marcus, all
her materials clutched within her arms. Suddenly deflated, he
leaned against the wall. It felt like he had a gaping hole in his
chest. He wished it was manly to admit it.

That thought reminded him of Krista’s take
on manly rules, and he laughed.

“What is it?” Ray asked, staying behind as
everyone else left the room, John included.

Sean shook his head. He hadn’t told Ray
about the split. He didn’t want to admit it out loud yet.

“I didn’t see Ben’s art in there,” Ray said,
looking through the art packets littering the conference room
table.

“Judy didn’t think they
were
pro-quality
.
Her word choice.”

“And you are okay with that?” Ray sounded
disapproving.

Sean looked out the window. He was having a
hard time focusing. He kept replaying that tear that dripped down
Krista’s cheek an hour ago.

He couldn’t help but notice the aura of
sadness emanating from her. She often tried for a smile, and tried
to stand up straight, but her shoulders hunched anyway. She looked
tired, worn down. And it was all because of him. A few days ago a
guy had to put on sunglasses when he looked at her because she was
so radiantly happy. He’d done that, too. Before he’d slipped.
Before he’d messed everything up and hurt her. He should have never
gotten involved. It would’ve hurt less, certainly. It would hurt
them both less, because right now, he was aching big time. He loved
her to the point of distraction, and it was eating him alive.

“I have a meeting scheduled with John in an
hour to go over it,” Sean answered automatically. “I want to use
Ben’s material, but Ben is not invited to the meeting. I’m not sure
how well Judy will do explaining it.”

“Then you’d best invite Ben to the meeting.
This isn’t about coddling employees; this is about landing a large
account.”

“I realize that, Ray. Which is why I am
going to discuss the matter with my direct supervisor and get
confirmation on the best way to play it.”

Ray sighed and met Sean at
the window, looking out over the city. “I was wrong in the
beginning. It looks like it isn’t
her
who has decided to give up on
the account because of heart break.”

Sean hung his head. “How did you know?”

“I saw you two on Friday. I see you now. It
is quite a difference.”

“I slipped. I…”

“You’re running.”

“I’m protecting her.”

“From who, you?”

Sean nodded.

“Are you sure she needs it?” Ray pushed with
a soft, though firm, voice.

“She would say no.”

“Then maybe you should trust her.”

Sean turned toward the door. “I don’t want
to talk about this, Ray. I don’t want to talk about her.”

Ray watched him go, for the first time
fearing for his friend.

Chapter Twenty-One

Sean sat in his living room with a glass of
whiskey in hand. He’d put the painting up. He’d moved everything
around, picked the perfect spot for it, and made sure it was
showcased for anyone who came in his house. It was the memorial for
the one who got away.

Got away
being synonymous for
chased away
, of course.

Sean sighed and sat back, not even paying
attention to whatever was blaring on the TV.

He should be focusing on the presentation
for tomorrow. It was the biggest account of his career so far. If
he landed it, he’d be in the red zone. His career would take off,
which John reminded him about all the time. His promotion was
guaranteed if Tory said yes.

So why couldn’t he focus on anything besides
Krista?

Sean ignored the hum of his phone as he
finished off what was in his glass and poured himself another.

Bottom line, he wanted her support. He
wanted to be with her, right then, hanging out like they used to.
Chatting the stress away. Maybe even spit-balling how they could do
even better in the presentation than they were already geared
to.

Although, who was he kidding? She’d been
working on the presentation all week. She’d done it in front of her
people, asking for advice. She’d done it in front of the art
department, getting catcalls and jeers to help her lighten up, and
she’d been practicing alone in her office all week. She was easily
the most prepared of anyone.

The pointed finger was at him. Solely at him
for this. But it always was, wasn’t it? Ray had been right. He
jumped in, got tangled, and ran. He hurt her, like he thought he
would.

He just hadn’t realized the backlash would
be so intense. Intense to the point that he couldn’t focus on
anything else. Didn’t want to, even. He had gotten the chance to
see that look in her eyes; the one he saw between Mary and Ray,
random other couples, or occasionally his sister and her boyfriend
at the time. He’d gotten the look, but he hadn’t given her a chance
to verbalize the feeling. To verbalize the true, genuine feeling
that wasn’t based on his looks, his job, or his money, and he’d
chased her away.

His phone rang again.

“Yeah, Cass, what’s up?” he answered curtly,
interrupting his pity party. He sounded like a lovesick teenager
these days.

“What’s up your butt? I just called to wish
you and Krista good luck tomorrow.”

“Great. Thanks.”

“Is everything okay? Are you drinking?”

“No. And yes.” Sean looked at his glass,
half-empty. It was really easy to fix that problem. Unlike his
outlook on his life.

“What happened?”

Sean laughed sardonically, “I lost my shit,
went crazy on Krista, scared her, then chased her away. Same old
shit, different girl. Story of my life. Don’t even know why I’m
surprised anymore.”

There was silence on the other end. Sean
checked to make sure he didn’t inadvertently hang up with his face.
After he’d verified, he thought about hanging up anyway.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cassie asked
quietly.

“Because I don’t like sharing embarrassing
stories of my inadequacies with my sister, okay? Because I don’t
need you realizing how fucked up your older brother is.”

“Sean…you aren’t that way. You’re having a
rough patch. Maybe just let her ride it with you?”

“Why, so I can abuse her like her
ex-boyfriend? So I can add my scares to the ones she already
has?”

“I don’t think whatever you did was solely
the reason for this, Sean. I think you need to take a step back and
look at the bigger picture.”

“The bigger picture,
Cassie? What bigger picture? I
freaked
out
on her. I nearly forced her. She
doesn’t need that in her life. She’s dealt with that enough,
already.”

“I think you’re being a little
overdramatic,” Cassie replied in the same soothing voice.

Sean gripped his phone, then let a slow
breath out of his mouth. There was no reason to get angry at
Cassie.

“I’ve talked to her a few times,” she went
on, stopping Sean’s heart. “She called, asking what to do. You did
scare her, but not because it was you. Because she recognized
something was going on with you, and had a panic attack. She said
that she’s partially to blame for how it went down. You could’ve
just as easily brought her out of it if you hadn’t been…doing your
thing.”

“I’m sure she’s just making light of it,”
Sean said in a hopeful whisper.

“Sean, from what I understand, you’ve heard
her issues firsthand. And you’ve been chasing her forever. She
knows what she’s getting. She wants what you’re giving. You’re the
only one who isn’t realizing that.”

“I don’t want to hurt her. I can’t think of
any other outcome.”

“Damn it!” Cassie had just lost her temper.
“Get your head out of your ass and realize that she is the best
thing that you’ve ever found. She won’t put up with your ego. She
makes you better. Keep her!”

“Are we done here?” Sean said in a dry
voice. He was pushing Cassie’s buttons and he knew it, but he
wanted this conversation over.

“You are being such an egotistical
bitch!”

Air.

She’d hung up on him. Sean threw his phone
on the couch and took another swig. Krista was tough, she was a
trooper, and bottom line, she deserved better than him. Bottom
line.

~*~*~*~

When Friday morning rolled around, crisp and
fall-like, Krista was tightly wound. Ben called it jumpy, but she
didn’t ask. Which she told him. Right before he threw some weird
Styrofoam sculpture at her.

Despite his beliefs, Krista really was
trying for calm. She went to bed early the night before and hadn’t
had so much as a sip of an alcoholic beverage. She didn’t hustle
getting ready, since she’d gotten up a half hour early, and had a
chamomile tea to further attempt a Zen trance.

Needless to say, none of it worked—hence the
thrown sculpture. When it was time to leave, she had to clench her
legs together to keep from peeing herself she was so nervous!

As she stepped out the door, laptop in hand,
her phone rang. It was Sean.

A swarm of butterflies overtook her stomach
and started fighting the already established bunch of nerves. The
turf war had her body trying to shoot liquid out of both ends.

“Hello?”

“Hi Krista, it’s Sean.”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“I was thinking I would give you a lift this
morning, since you’re in the suit and everything.”

“Uh,” she tried to better balance her
laptop, which was trying to slide out of her grasp, with just one
hand.

“Krista, shut the door, its cold!” Ben
shouted from somewhere inside. He was a ball of nerves, too. He
would be in the meeting, per John, which made Judy extremely
unhappy and confrontational. Ben wasn’t worried about presenting,
but he abhorred confrontation.

“I can’t right now, Ben, hold your
horses!”

“I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!” Abbey roared down
the hall.

Krista put everything down and slammed the
door.

It was a stressful morning.

When she picked up the phone, Sean was
saying her name.

“Yeah, I’m here. The stupid roommates are
annoying me.”

“Right. I thought—“

“Yeah, I heard you. I’m not in the suit,
actually. Marco had to make some last minute alterations because it
wasn’t perfect, or something, so I’ll pick it up in about an
hour.”

“Oh?” Sean did not sound happy. “Are you
wearing a backup just in case?”

“Uh, no. Should I?”

“Yes. Just in case. I’ll be over in 2
minutes.”

“But--” The line went dead.

The last thing she needed
that morning was him messing with her head. She was really looking
forward to the weekend and two days
sans
Sean. Her emotions couldn’t
take much more.

She was in her room grabbing the only two
suits she owned when he knocked. He was in the most impressive suit
to date. It must have been hand-tailored as well, and fit him to
perfection. A hint of pec, the idea of bicep, the perfect and broad
“v” of his upper body, and even the perfectly sculpted butt. Krista
was hot and cold and miserable and turned on all at the same
time.

She didn’t bother to smile—she felt too ill
from the two types of nerves fighting each other. Sean surveyed
everything but what he’d come to see. Krista was a fairly tidy
person, but she wasn’t OCD, and his eyes caught her silk nightie,
lingered on some undies on the lid of the hamper, dusted her
clothes, then her brush, looked at her collection of makeup, looked
at each of her perfumes.

She cleared her throat and pointed to the
suits, painfully aware that he gazed at her for longer than was
necessary.

“These are nice. Hate to say it, but the
black one is nicer. You and your black suits. Do you have a soft
shirt to go with it?”

“The pink one Marco picked is ready. It’s at
the office. So are all the accessories and shoes. I got ‘em last
night.”

“Great. Are you going to wear this in or
would you rather just bring it? I can drive. I’m giving Ben a ride
as well.”