Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2) (24 page)

She started soft, like he’d done with her.
She was building a false sense of safety for him; he was always too
calm. He was always too level-headed. A slow buildup was probably a
safety net for him. She would play to that at first, get him fully
hard, get him comfortably excited, then flip the switch.

She slowly lowered her body onto him,
bringing her legs to either side. She kissed his lips, not letting
him deepen the kiss. She nibbled his ear and licked down his neck.
Ever so softly she spun her hips, barely grazing his cock, making
everything relaxed and unhurried. She felt it stiffen in response,
poking up at her through his boxers. Not able to resist, she
positioned her body so his blunt tip prodded at her cavern, the
fabric acting like a stopper. It felt so good Krista whimpered,
barely hanging on to the control she was supposed to have. If she
didn’t get her plan into action soon, Sean would have to take over
again. Slow might be safe and comfortable for him, but it drove her
mad.

Needing to shift gears and get down to
business, Krista pushed down a little harder, his tip pushing at
her opening, her hands shaking, wanting to clear the way, Sean’s
hands squeezing her thighs for the same reason. Krista put her face
to Sean’s, lightly kissed him, then slid her teeth along his
neck.

Sean sucked in a deep breath and gripped her
legs harder.

Keeping the pace, Krista backed off in a
rush, tearing his hands away, grabbing for his opened pants and
yanking them down. She was rough with it, rubbing the fabric
against his now-prominent erection. She gave small but forceful
tugs, scraping jean against soft skin.

His control visibly vanished. One second St.
Sean. The next, Dirty Guy.

Sean reached around her and slipped his hand
down the backside of her panties, letting his middle finger feel
along her slit. If he’d had any control leftover from her
admissions, feeling how wet she was would’ve eaten through it like
acid.

Krista moaned loudly, backing up into those
glorious fingers. They got deeper, more insistent, but not quite
there. He couldn’t reach.

She moved up his body, allowing more slack
in his arm, allowing more license for those tricky fingers. She got
to his waist and kneeled, his two fingers sliding deeply into her,
banging her with his hand. His other hand was reaching for a
breast

Sean’s hand went from
breast to shoulder, gently pushing her down his body, into position
for his penis to take over for his fingers. She let him, sliding
her wetness along his shaft, angling down, ready to accept him
inside—then swearing to herself. She’d done it y
et again.

Near frustrated tears, Krista dragged
herself out of a glorious fog of pleasure, and regretfully pulled
his hand out of her under-roos.

“Behave,” she said into his mouth as she
climbed off.

As the air flash froze her nipples, she
returned to yanking his jeans off. Sean was wild. He was beyond
panting and blustering. He was reaching for her, wanting her,
wanting to have all of her. He was consumed and lost, needing
completion like a drowning man needed a log.

Krista wanted to give in, but she was
supposed to be in control here. She was supposed to be a virgin.
She gave him her word.

Hindsight was a bitch.

Trying not to regret her sudden decision to
be a responsible grownup, Krista laid her body on top of his once
again. Taking his hands out of illegal places, she backed off the
pace, slowly put one silky thigh between his tense legs. lightly
pulsing with her abdomen. She gave him just enough pressure to
please, but not so much that he would fly off the handle again. She
also made sure his flexed leg stayed against her apex.

Sean kissed her soundly, his tongue taking
over her mouth, thrusting in and out in a measured representation
of sex. He pushed his raging hard-on against her as his hands
roamed over her breasts; kneading, teasing.

Oh holy
lord
, Krista was in ecstasy. This was
everything she thought it could be. Her body was burning up, dying
for him to take her. She wanted those powerful legs to spread her
open and show her what he was made of.

If Krista wasn’t absolutely crazy about him,
and worried what would happen if they broke the sex rule, she would
ignore the warning siren and go full steam ahead. But she didn’t
want a lifetime of the last couple of weeks. One ten-minute period
of lady-blue-balls was worth it if he would hang around.

She cursed under her
breath, then said, “Slowly.”
But
you
will pay for this!

He slowed with a muttered “okay.” She put as
much of her chest on him as possible, which was only one boob, and
thought about giving him a handjob. After all, virgins were more
willing to give than to receive, which meant girls were dumb. But
then, it turned out twenty-year-olds were dumb, too, because look
at her now.

Clearing her head, Krista put her hand on
his erection and slowly, but firmly, stroked through the fabric.
She moved her body with the same rhythm, then got her tongue
working in his mouth in unison. His response was as immediate as it
was resplendent. At least to her ego, anyway. He sucked in a
breath, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he let out a moan of
glory. His arm convulsed to bring her in closer as he kneaded her
breast, all his focus on her hand.

Apparently she had the snake stroke
down.

Krista, unselfishly, focused all her
thoughts away from her wet groin and onto Sean’s pleasure. She
moved her body freely up to a point. She didn’t go overboard. She
didn’t go mindless. She kept logic around to look over the
proceedings, which was never as good for her or the people she was
with, but in this situation, she didn’t have much choice.

It didn’t seem to
matter—Sean was
gone-zo
.

“Is this okay?” she asked quietly. She
almost didn’t recognize the husky voice as her own.

“I love you, Krista,” he answered.

Krista froze. If it was too
soon for sex, which she didn’t agree with, it was
certainly
too soon for
an emotion even
half as serious, which she
did. Something wasn’t right with Sean. Not right at all!

Problem was she didn’t know what to do.
Physical warfare she was used to, unfortunately, but emotional
warfare was beyond her. Jim was lacking in anything that had to do
with empathy. His only emotions were possession, desire and anger,
all revolving around sadism. None of those were any good here.

Thank God.

Still, whatever was happening was not good
for Sean. With uncertainty leading to fear bleeding through her and
jamming up her logical brain, she limply let him roll over on top
of her. He settled between her legs and took himself out of his
boxer-briefs.

Oh lord he was big.
And
hard
.
So,
so
ready.

Krista bit her lip. She
wanted this so bad. For
months
she’d wanted this. Months and months. She’d
fantasized about it for over a year! And now she had to say no. Why
was her life in San Francisco so totally messed up?

“No, Sean,” she said as she regretfully
pushed him back.

He didn’t move. Nor did he notice her trying
to stop him. Instead, he slipped a finger into her, preparing her
for insertion. With horror, she realized he was already wearing a
condom. While she was getting her thoughts together, he was getting
ready. He was quicker. Time had run out.

As he bumped against her
opening, she moaned despite herself, guiltily letting his finger
work for a second longer, feeling the sensation unfold in her body,
expanding to fill every inch. Dangerously close to regret, she
yelled, “Sean,
no
!”

He stopped his movement and looked at her
with slightly unfocused eyes. Krista could see the hunger raging.
Also a weird, maniacal light. It was passion so intense it was
bordering on desperation. Unbalanced passion, though. Despairing
passion that bubbled up from his soul, begging for unconditional
love and forcing the need onto her.

Thank you, Dr. Phil!
She pushed at him harder, trying to get him to
sit up.

Speaking of Dr. Phil, for a wonder, she
wasn’t scared. Or worried. Or going through memory paralysis of any
kind. It was a blessing that she didn’t have time to explore.

She needed to get Sean to
snap out of it, but she didn’t know how. The only thing she could
think of was chasing away all passion. Getting back to
sanity
ville
.
Because if she didn’t, she had no doubt she would lose him. She
didn’t know why, or how she knew, but she was certain of that fact.
This was his deal-breaker. The Out To Lunch sign hanging around his
neck was the situation he wanted to avoid. It was the doorway to
the end, as Sean had said earlier.

Feeling that blunt tip barely part flesh,
moaning at the same time as realizing all he had to do was thrust
to fulfill her fantasies while crushing her dream, Krista summoned
all her strength and gave another shove, rocking him up and
back.

The jolt did it, causing his eyes to swing
down and connect with her. Unfortunately, before Krista could talk
him down rationally, he saw the fear on her face, and
misinterpreted. He was off her in a flash, pulling her up to a
sitting position and hugging her close.

“I’m so sorry,
Pet
. Did I scare you?
Did I go too far? Did I hurt you?”

His worry made her chest constrict. The fact
that that worry, for her, overrode a deeply engrained imbalance
made his feelings that much clearer. And like a dumb girl that just
wanted a guy to be nice to her, her eyes teared up, which
definitely wouldn’t help this situation. She didn’t need to join
him on the crazy train.

Taking a deep breath, Krista analyzed the
situation. What she had to do was talk him down. She had to get his
mind off of whatever was happening to him, and back him down into
reality. Somehow.

Okay,
she thought, thinking quick.
He’s
a
smart dude
who
treats life like a chess board, so logic would work. But he likes
to laugh off problems, and this is a giant problem. So then, maybe
humor is better?

Krista spun a mental wheel--logic or humor,
logic or humor…

She chose humor.

“Calm down, dummy!” she said with a playful
punch to his chest. “I’m not hurt. And certainly not scared by a
Nancy like you. I’m crazy turned on, which I can prove, but we set
rules, and you are about to step over the line.”

For a few moments Sean was
lost, desire flooding his eyes. Then slowly reality sank in. After
one full minute, he let out a breath in a
whoosh
as his body relaxed back to
fluid grace. Krista laid back with an unladylike
flop
, encouraging him to
follow her lead.

“You kind of jumped the gun there for a
minute,” Krista said with a chuckle she didn’t feel.

She was talking about the “L” word, and it
seemed like he caught her meaning because he hesitantly matched her
chuckle before he laid down on his back, looking at the
ceiling.

“I got a bit too into it I guess.”

“Well, I know I’m good, but
I didn’t know I was
that
good,” she laughed.

“You are better than good,”
Sean said quietly. “Much,
much
better.”

It was a short-lived ego boost because fear
was lingering on the edges of the conversation. They were in too
deep. Krista was having a hard time steering them out of troubled
waters.

“Did I kill the mood, or do you want to try
and make-out a little more?” Krista asked lightly.

“I want to make love to you so badly it
literally hurts, Krista,” Sean said sadly as he pulled his boxers
back up.

He was killing the fun with this. And while
Krista could absolutely sympathize—how many times had she made
things awkward, after all—she would not accept it. He had parental
problems, yeah. So what? So did most of America! People got over
it. They turned into adults and they worked to get better. With a
divorce rate of one-and-three, he wasn’t alone, no matter how much
they hated each other.

She got up, closed the curtains, blew out
the candles, and turned on the light. He sat up and blinked. Then
eyed her near naked body. Hunger crept back into his eyes.

“We’re friends, Sean. Only friends. Remember
on the beach when we were doused in water?”

He blinked a couple times at the change of
topic. “You mean, when you tried the energizing method of
drowning?”

“Exactly. Remember when we got back here and
had to change?”

“And you peeked?”

“I didn’t mean to! I thought you were done!”
She exclaimed, throwing herself on the bed, but not near him.
“Besides, you got even and saw me butt naked.”

“That’s because you stripped right in front
of me.”

“Well, you were distracting me!”

He was smiling, his erection still going
strong, while lying back with his hands behind his head. The light
in his eyes was normal now; thankfully less manic.

“You’re hot,” he said easily, shrugging his
big shoulders.

“You are,” she with a smile as she moved
closer and fastened a mouth-shaped suction cup to his nipple.

He moaned pleasantly, but calmly. That was
good. They needed the finish of this night to be light and
carefree. And she wanted the grand finale to be a dual climax. All
easier said than done. With fear clawing at her, she didn’t know if
she could get to the finish line. She wondered if that would that
make him feel guilty.